Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Kate struggled to focus on her embroidery project sitting in her lap. She did not have the same passion for it as she normally did. She enjoyed it, of course, and every so often, when she could work up the effort to pull the needle through, each and every stitch was perfect, but she could not deny her mind was elsewhere: the same place it had been for the last three days. Ever since the incident outside of Gunter's, the only person she had on her mind was him. William. The Earl of Embleton. The rogue.

She had not entirely worked out which one of these titles fit William best, but she was having fun figuring it out. It helped that he was so handsome, so intriguing, so very easy to think about. Every single time she let her mind wander, there he was at the forefront of her thoughts all over again. If Jonathan was not so set against William, she might have tried to arrange another opportunity to see him. But Jonathan had been walking around the house under a dark cloud ever since that interaction at Gunter's, and Kate did not want to do anything to upset him further. She had mostly kept to herself, which she had become used to recently.

Perhaps it was for the best. The last time she allowed herself to get carried away with love and ‘silly, romantic notions', she had ended up well and truly shattered. Handsome men belonged only in her mind where they could not wreck her heart. Particularly roguish men, if that was what William truly was, men who did not commit to marriage.

"How lovely your embroidery is." Kate did not notice her mother entering the room until she started speaking in a sweet, loving tone. "You have really mastered the needle. You should truly be very proud of yourself."

"Thank you." Kate stared at her mother curiously. She knew her well enough to be sure that her mother had not come to discuss embroidery skills. She watched and waited as Lavinia took a seat in front of her. "Is everything all right?"

"Yes, of course. I wanted to check in on you. It is lovely to see some color back in your cheeks. It has been a long time."

Kate automatically reached up to touch her face as if she could feel the color there. She smiled, wondering what she could put the new change in herself down to. It had to be her trip out into the city with Jonathan that had done it. Just getting back out into society and surviving it...she had not thought herself able to do it, but she'd proved herself wrong.

"I am feeling much better," she admitted with a giggle. "I am glad that is showing on my cheeks, of all places."

Her mother laughed lightly. Again, Kate waited, knowing that they had not yet gotten to the point of her mother coming to see her. The anticipation was almost overwhelming. She felt a little jittery and impatient. She almost wanted to ask outright.

"So, we have just become the recipient of an invitation from the Earl of Embleton to his thirtieth birthday party."

Kate's heart stopped beating as she blinked a few times, trying to digest what her mother had just told her. Was she dreaming? She had been wishing for a way to see William again so she could perhaps get to know him better, and here it was, presented to her in the form of an invitation. She could hardly believe that this was happening. It was so exciting.

"I would like you and your brother to attend this party," Lavinia continued, barely noticing her daughter's surprising reaction. "However, I understand if it is too much for you. You have made so much progress, but I would not like to push you further."

"Oh no, I would love to go." Lavinia's eyes popped wide. "It does sound very exciting. I have not attended a ball for a while..."

All of a sudden, it hit Kate that the last ball she'd attended was the one which ended in the accident. That did make her blood run cold for a second, but then memories of William's handsome face flooded her mind once more, which encouraged her. Riding in a carriage might not have been her favorite thing anymore, particularly for an event such as this one, but she also did not want to miss out. This was the first time in a very long time that she had wanted to be involved in society.

"That is wonderful news," her mother gasped. "Jonathan coming home for a visit truly has made you happy."

That much was true, but Jonathan chaperoning her to William's party could potentially be problematic. But if he was the host of the party then Jonathan would have to be polite and keep his opinions to himself. Another bonus.

"Although I do feel very responsible for your tumble at Gunter's," Lavinia said with a sad pout. "I believe I allowed your brother to get carried away and take you on an outing that involved far too much walking. I should have stepped in."

Kate tucked her right leg away, continuing on her mission to hide the pain she was in. She did not wish her agony to show so as to avoid the walking cane as much as she could. Truth be told, the trip to the museum and the tumble had made her pain worse. But now she had even more reason to keep it hidden away, for there was a ball she wanted to attend. She would simply make an effort to be more careful with herself and try to spend less time standing up and walking around. She did not even have to dance if she decided not to. Just being there, knowing that she was in the same room as William again, would be enough.

"It could never be blamed on you, Mother," Kate said with a reassuring smile. "I was the one who pushed myself. But I have learned my lesson now. I know how much I can do before my leg cannot take it anymore."

"Do I need to worry about your leg?" Lavinia's lips turned down into a concerned frown. "You do not talk about it much. Although you have been looking better recently, I am still rather concerned about you. I would love for you to talk to me."

Kate forced herself to smile. Now, more than ever, she wanted to keep her true feelings inside. "I am much better. I do not talk about it much because there is no longer anything to say. I am improving day by day. I shall be completely healed soon."

"I see. Well, that is wonderful news." Her mother nodded and smiled. "I have been praying for your speedy recovery."

Lavinia had the look of a woman who was about to ask about Kate's emotional state as well, which was the last thing Kate needed. She would probably always be a little fragile because of what Douglas had done to her because she had allowed herself to believe that what she shared with the Marquess of Fairbridge was a true love fairy tale, when really that could not have been further from the truth. Talking about it would surely only drag those unpleasant feelings to the surface.

Her pulse raced with nerves, and her breaths became sharper and more ragged as Kate panicked at the idea of speaking about it all. She preferred the idea of pushing everything about Douglas to one side and focusing on the upcoming ball.

Before her mother could ask anything, Kate jumped in with another suggestion to distract them both. "Perhaps we should take a shopping trip. It has been a very long time since I have been to see what is on offer at Bond Street."

Lavinia jumped at the chance. Her eyes shone with excitement. Kate sensed any thoughts of Douglas and what happened in the past had vanished from her mind completely. "You would like a new dress for the ball?"

Kate nodded emphatically. "Yes, I think that would be just lovely. It is a celebration, a thirtieth birthday party. The sort of event that requires a new dress. Plus, I would like another excuse to be out of the manor."

"Then we shall visit the perfumers and boutiques of Bond Street right away." Her mother stood back up, looking thrilled. "It is so lovely to have you back to your normal self. I have struggled to see you hiding away from the world."

Kate was not sure if she had the strength for the shopping trip right away, but her mother was too excited for her to put a dampener on it now. She would grit her teeth and enjoy the trip with her mother as best she could, without using her walking cane and without showing how much she was struggling. Kate hoped that the promise of a new gown would keep her going. The daydream of the upcoming ball and the sight of William would help her also, she was sure of it.

"We should get dressed for an afternoon at Bond Street," Lavinia declared excitedly. "And I will order a carriage. You are all right with traveling in a carriage now?" Kate nodded. "Of course. You must be. You did so with Jonathan."

"Yes, I did," she whispered back. "I have been on carriage rides since that day."

"And you have not struggled too much?" Her mother lightly touched her arm to comfort her.

"I have been fine. It does not worry me, Mother."

But the memory of it still remained in the back of Kate's mind. The carriage collision had been terribly traumatic for her; she would not forget it easily: the crashing and lurching, the frightened yells of the footman and driver, the shrill neighs of the horses. The blinding pain in her own body. However, just like her heartbreak, Kate was finding a way to live with it. She had surprised herself, actually, with how much she could cope with. For a woman who had spent a long time locked away in her bedchamber, she was shockingly strong. Other people who had crashed and been harmed like she had might never get in a carriage again.

That was the same confidence she needed to assist her with the recovery of her leg, to help her face London society at the ball, and to perhaps one day consider falling in love again...it seemed impossible at the moment to open her heart up so fully to another man, knowing how fragile love could be, but if she could get in a carriage again then she could do anything.

William came to mind again, as he always did. Now, Kate was not assuming that she would fall in love with the handsome rogue, even if her brother would allow it, but he had certainly brought the possibility to mind once more. He had made her smile when she was sure that she could never find happiness again.

She rose from her seat, too, abandoning her embroidery project with alacrity. The idea of finding the perfect dress for William's birthday celebration immediately took precedence. Kate was not quite sure yet how she wanted to look, but with some inspiration from the boutiques on Bond Street she knew she would decide.

"I shall get myself ready to go now," Kate declared eagerly. "It should not take me long."

"A mother and daughter afternoon is just what I need. I have missed them greatly."

As she looked at her mother, it hit her hard how much her heartbreak had affected everyone else in her family as well. While she had been wallowing in misery, her moods had upset everyone. That gave her even more reason to hide her pain and to keep working on her recovery for the sake of everyone else. They had been through enough. Douglas did not deserve to cause this much pain with his cruel actions. He had caused too much trouble as it was.

She decided then and there to never let Douglas affect her and her family again. She would not shed even one more tear for that man, nor would she worry about getting an explanation from him. It did not matter. There was no world in which she would want him back in her life, so why on earth would it matter what he had to say?

He was done; they were over. In her mind, he did not even exist anymore. Kate instead wished to focus on the smaller things that made her happy. The future instead of the past.

Kate allowed that positivity to continue surging through her as Nancy took her to the bedchambers to get dressed.

"You look very happy," Nancy commented with a smile. "You must be looking forward to shopping for a new gown with your mother. It is rather a lovely day for it as well. The sun is shining greatly."

"It is a nice feeling to have something to look forward to."

Nancy stared at Kate then with a little bit of confusion on her face. "It has been a long time for you, I can see that."

Kate nodded. "I am hoping that everything shall be better now."

"I would think so." Nancy nodded determinedly. "You deserve a lot of good things to come your way."

She almost wanted to tell her lady's maid that she no longer needed to worry about her sadness bringing the mood of the house down because she would not allow Douglas to affect her anymore. Yet she did not say it. Kate wished to prove to herself that she could forget about him first before she bragged about it to other people.

But she was confident that she could do it. Now that she had set her mind to it, she did not think anything would hold her back. Perhaps she did not have the same things to look forward to that she used to have; she still did not believe that anything like a fairy tale was in the cards for her future, but if she could make the best out of the little things, then she would.

Even if those things were a shopping trip with her mother, a nice ball gown, and William's thirtieth birthday ball.

William was the one who really brought the smile to her face. She could not wait to see him once more, to experience his party, to perhaps even dance with him...

She was even finding a way to manage to overcome her fear of the haute ton just for him. That spoke volumes.

Of course, she was not going to take the walking cane with her; she would not add fuel to the already burning fire, which meant she was going to have to work hard on strengthening her leg so she could survive the evening.

It was nerve-wracking but thrilling all at once. Kate did not know how it would end, but she had to do her best to improve her circumstances.