Chapter 18

Eighteen

After a long day of seeing the Salem sights, Joaquin returned with Esau and Gideon to the apartment, ready to call it a day. Gideon had asked them to stop in Bewitched Bites to grab dinner on the way up, which Joaquin was more than happy to do. The smell was incredibly tempting, as was the company. He lowered two bags of new purchases they'd made while in town, most of it stupid, touristy shit, but they had been tourists, of a sort. Salem wasn't home.

Not yet.

But Joaquin sensed it soon would be. There was a peacefulness to the city, a welcoming acceptance to him and his kind. He'd assumed the worst, thinking the supernatural didn't exist there, only to be proven wrong time and time again as they'd explored. They'd encountered supernatural folks all over the city, from hawking merchandise along Essex Street, performing in some of the Witch Trial recreations, to serving up burgers and fries in one of the local restaurants. Some of the tourists hadn't been human, either.

Gideon said it was an even larger crowd during the fall, closer to Halloween. For some reason, his dumb ass was looking forward to that.

"Joaquin?"

He turned to Gideon at the call of his name. When he focused, he noticed a small black velvet box on Gideon's palm.

"This was left for you, it seems," Gideon murmured.

Joaquin eyed the box, rooted to the spot where he stood. He sensed what was inside. Anxiety warred with excitement. What if the price was too high? Would he get his hopes up, only to have them dashed to the rocks? A tiny flicker of doubt filled him as he stared, unmoving.

"You don't have to take it," Esau murmured.

He lifted his gaze to Esau, seeing nothing but love in his mate's eyes.

It was then that he knew the answer. "I have to know what it feels like, if only for a little while. Even if the cost is too high. I have to know."

He crossed the gap between him and Gideon. Before he could grasp the box, Gideon's fingers closed around it. "And if the price is too high?"

"We don't know the price unless I try it on." Joaquin met Gideon's stare. "It's a test, right? Nothing permanent."

Gideon searched his face a moment before unfurling his fingers. "Tread carefully and limit expectation. Magic has a mind, and a will, of its own sometimes."

Joaquin lifted the box from Gideon's hand. He stared at the fuzzy, black box a few seconds before flipping it open. A scroll popped out, much too large to have fit in it, but there it was. He eyed the old ring he'd worn for years, sensing newfound power swelling from it, and then set it down on the kitchen counter to uncoil the parchment.

"What's it say?" Esau asked before he'd had time to read more than a few words.

"Ensure you're in a safe space with Gideon the first time you try on the ring. Clearly imagine the you that you see in your mind when you slide it on. If there's an issue, you or Gideon can pull it off and end the spell. This spell is available for a limited time. The magic in the ring will eventually fade, so use the time wisely. I can't say how long that will be. If you need me, I'll be around. Nix," he read aloud. He recoiled the parchment, and it disappeared into thin air. "This is… a lot." He stared at the ring, calming the roaring beast within. A wave of emotions hit hard. "I didn't expect to feel so… torn."

"There's no rules that say you have to put it on right away. You can take your time," Esau said. "It's been a long day, and we're all tired. Wait until the morning, if you want."

Joaquin shook his head. "Time isn't the issue."

"What is?" Gideon asked.

"This just seems… too easy." Joaquin pulled the ring from the box and twisted it in the dying sunlight streaming in through the nearest window, the glint of the jewels encrusted on the surface shooting shards of light against the wall. "Most of my life, I've wished I could simply snap my fingers and change my body. Now, I have the opportunity, and it doesn't feel real." He inhaled, his chest tight. Clenching his jaw, he fought back another wave of emotion. "It almost feels disrespectful to the other trans folks I've met along my journey, wishing they could have something like this dropped in their palm." He chuckled to mask the sob rising in his throat. "Why me? What the fuck did I do to deserve this?"

Gideon closed the gap, running a soothing hand over his back and cuddling close. Joaquin drew in another breath, his mate's scent centering him a bit.

"You don't have to use it. You're perfect… exactly as you are," Gideon murmured.

Joaquin scoffed. "Perfect? Hardly."

"Perfect to me," Gideon whispered before pressing a gentle kiss on his bicep. "The choice is yours. Use it. Don't. Either way, you're still the same person on the inside." Gideon trembled a bit. He pressed his pointer finger against Joaquin's chest. "A person I can already feel myself falling very hard for."

Joaquin's head swiveled. He captured Gideon's gaze and held it. Glancing at Esau and seeing his soft smile and love burning in those hazel eyes, Joaquin calmed. Anchored by the emotion in his mates' eyes, his world seemed to fall into place. He had his people. His mates. All would be better in his world from that point forward. He knew it.

Joaquin caressed the side of Gideon's beautiful face. "I think I'm right there with you, baby."

Gideon smiled, his full, glossy lips alluring. He swept down, angling his head, and captured them in a rough kiss. Wrapping his hands around Gideon's waist, he pulled the man snug against him. Their little witch was hard and hot and ready for them. His cock brushed Joaquin's thigh, bringing his focus back to his own body and what it lacked.

The body that didn't fit the image in his mind. Glancing at the ring one more time, he wondered if he'd be that man when he wore it—or something else entirely? "All magic has a price, they say." Circling the inside of the smooth band of gold, he hedged. "What price will I pay?"

I've wanted this for nearly twenty years. I have to know what it feels like.

Slipping the spell onto his ring finger, pain slammed into his chest. A scream tore from his lips, his body stretched painfully. He fell to his knees, a roar coming from his lips. It felt as if his skin were being ripped away, his bones stretched to the point of breaking. Joaquin struggled for air, his chest tight, lungs burning. Every muscle strained, sinew pulling. It felt as if he was being pulled apart at the seams, tearing sounds causing him to fear the worst.

And then, as fast as it started, it was over. It was still enough to leave him on his knees, panting, and covered in sweat.

"Keeno?Keeno!" Gideon cried at his side. He clutched Joaquin's chin and lifted it.

Joaquin met Gideon's gaze, unable to form words. His body was rubber, his mind fuzzy. But the pain ebbed, leaving behind an odd sensation, whispers of the agony still lingering within the cells, stored there like a physical memory in his skin.

One pain didn't fade. He'd neglected to remove his packer—and it dug into a new, sensitive part of him in too-tight briefs. He reached down, noticing his shirt laying in tatters across his arms and chest, and shoved a hand under the waistband of his jeans, which were torn along one side. After he dragged the packer out, he sighed with relief and tossed it to the side.

Esau was kneeling close, concern written in the deep furrows of his brow. "Keeno?" Esau whispered, squeezing a hand. "Are you okay?"

Joaquin chuckled humorlessly. "Fuck that hurt. Phoenix could've warned me." He paused, noticing his voice was much deeper, and smiled to himself. Lifting his gaze, he searched their faces, unable to read the emotions he saw there. "What? Is it bad? Am I an ugly dude?"

"Nope," Gideon murmured, a hint of a smile on his lips. "You look pretty much the same to me."

Esau helped him from the floor, his pants sliding right off and puddling around his ankles. Joaquin kicked his too-tight shoes off before stepping out of the jeans.

Esau's gaze roamed over his face as if seeing it for the first time.

"So…? How do I look?"

He held his breath as Esau searched him again, silent.

"Gideon's right. A bit sharper and bigger, but the same."

Joaquin smiled, dragging more shredded bits of t-shirt away. "I hulked out there. I should've undressed first."

"I've got something with me that might fit," Esau murmured.

Joaquin chuckled, glancing down at his nearly bare body. He scanned the room and saw a mirror on the far wall.

He had to know. Had to see for himself. Everything was sore as he took those first baby steps, as if he'd been through a month's worth of hardcore exercise in a matter of minutes. His knees wobbled, but he was able to cross the room, eager for his first look.

The man in the mirror looking back at him was a stranger… yet so very familiar. His gaze traced every inch of visible flesh, seeking to learn his new body. In that reflection, he saw hints of the old him blended with the visions he'd seen in his head all along.

"Fuck, you're right. I don't look all that much different, do I?" He lowered his gaze and noticed his top scars were still there, but much less noticeable. He took a tally as his gaze drifted over his reflection again. Shoulders are wider. Hips less hippy. Waist thicker.A little more chest hair. He smiled at the image in the mirror. "But there's definitely something different." He lowered his hand. Tears burned the backs of his eyes as he peeked under the waistband of his briefs. Lifting his gaze back to the mirror, he smiled. For the first time in his life, he felt… like himself.

Gideon ambled closer, leaning against one side. Esau leaned against his other side.

"You're taller than me now," Esau said, lifting one brow. "No fair."

Joaquin grinned, loving the few extra inches. "Feels right, though."

"I'm glad," Esau said. "No… disappointment?"

Joaquin frowned. "Why would I feel disappointed?"

Esau shrugged. "Sometimes we get what we think we've always wanted only to learn… it's not what we wanted after all."

"Are you trying to talk me out of this?" Joaquin asked.

"No…" Esau said. "I just worry about the magic. And what it might take from you. I won't lose you to this, Keeno."

Joaquin took stock, sensing every inch of him. He wiggled his fingers and toes. "Nothing feels wrong. I'm fine."

"It's not always readily apparent," Gideon said. "The cost… it sometimes shows its face at the worst possible moment. It could be today… tomorrow… or twenty years from now, sadly."

"Well, thanks for scaring the shit out of me," Joaquin muttered. He'd neglected telling them of Annie's suspicions about Lenny's cancer being caused by magic. No point in getting all worked up for nothing, not when a suspicion wasn't a fact.

Gideon ran a loving hand over Joaquin's chest. "I wasn't trying to scare you. Only… a warning. Be prepared, as much as you can be."

Joaquin caressed the side of Gideon's face. "Consider me warned."

Gideon smiled softly, his lips pursing. He ran a hand down Joaquin's chest again. "So, now you have what you wanted most in the world. How do you feel?"

Joaquin searched Gideon's face and then Esau's. "No… what I wanted most in this world was you two." He leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to Gideon's soft lips. He turned to eye Esau. "I'm a very lucky man to get this and both of you."

Esau moaned against his lips when he stole another kiss.

"Can I?" Esau asked lifting a brow. He glanced down and back up.

Joaquin frowned. "Can you?"

"See the new you?" Esau whispered.

Joaquin laughed, realizing what Esau wanted. He lowered his hands and pushed his briefs down an inch. His cock peeked from under the band.

"Can I… touch you?" Esau asked, hesitant.

Joaquin met his mate's stare, the memory of all the times he'd denied the man due to his own struggles with dysmorphia. How many times had he hurt Esau because of his own stupid bullshit? "I'm sorry…"

Esau frowned and took a step back.

"No… no," Joaquin said, tugging him back. "I'm sorry I denied you so many times before. I know I disappointed you with those denials, but it was never you. It was all me."

Esau's face softened. "I know it wasn't me… but it was hard to not feel like I wasn't enough sometimes, even when I knew I was."

Joaquin pressed his forehead to Esau's. "I have loved you for my entire life. It wasn't you. It was all me, and I'm sorry I couldn't get past it… and allow you to love me like you wanted. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Of course," Esau whispered hotly. "There's nothing to forgive, mi amor."

Joaquin captured his lips, hunger growing. Dipping the band of his briefs, he released his thickening cock from the fabric. "Touch me," he whispered against Esau's lips.

The barest of caresses had him growing harder, swelling against the soft glide of Esau's firm hand. He closed his eyes, the new sensation powerful. He trembled against Esau, his new nerve endings on fire. He captured Esau's lips again, hungry for more.

It was then that he realized Gideon wasn't at their side. He glanced around the apartment but saw no sign. "Gideon?"

Esau lifted his gaze. "Where did he go?"

"I don't know." Joaquin scanned the apartment again. He crossed the room and knocked on the closed bathroom door. "Gideon?"

Esau walked to the front door. He opened it and sighed. "What are you doing out here?"

Joaquin tucked his growing cock inside his briefs and glanced out behind Esau. Gideon sat on a couch pillow on the hallway floor, legs tucked up under him while he read a book on magic.

"I… I didn't want to…" Gideon smiled, his face turning red. "You two spent a lot of years together before me… and Esau, well, you deserve this moment without me in the way."

Joaquin closed his eyes, smiling at Gideon's generosity. He had a point. After all the years Esau had endured only getting parts of Joaquin, he deserved a moment all his own. Gideon having the presence of mind to understand that meant the world. His chest tightened, his heart full.

While he wanted both his mates there to enjoy his new self, it was ultimately Esau's call.

"You're not in the way," Esau said, kneeling down to eye Gideon.

Gideon scoffed. "We have a whole future together. Tonight is yours, Esau. I'm okay, I promise."

"I understand what you're trying to do for me, and while I appreciate it, it's unnecessary." Esau glanced over his shoulder at Joaquin. "Agreed?"

"It's your decision," Joaquin said. "Because in one way, he's right. I can never make up for all the times I pulled away from you in shame. I owe you so much."

"You owe me? I've had years with you, being loved by you. Being protected by you," Esau said. He scoffed and lifted his hand. "Loving someone means accepting them as they are, and I accept you now, just as I did then."

Joaquin's heart warmed even more, the generosity of both his mates overwhelming.

Esau took a few steps closer and offered Gideon his hand. "You've missed out on all the years I had with him. Don't miss out on another moment."

Gideon searched both their faces before smiling softly and taking Esau's hand. Esau scooped Gideon into his arms and marched them back inside, leaving Joaquin to close the door. When he turned to the pair, he watched Gideon slide down Esau's front and stand on his tiptoes, hunger in his eyes.

The kiss they shared sent a tremor down Joaquin's spine, and his cock grew thick again. He stroked himself as they drank from one another, as if they were starving. When they broke, gasping for air, they both turned their attention to him, that hunger brighter than he'd first noticed.

Taking hesitant steps, Gideon closed the small gap between them and lifted his hand to where Joaquin stroked himself. His hand froze inches away, his gaze flipping up. "Can I?"

"Please,"Joaquin all but purred.

One stroke of Gideon's soft hand and he hissed in pain. He winced, the powerful sensation of blood rushing to his cock foreign. It was almost painful, riding the thin edge of pleasure. He watched Gideon stroke him again, an odd sensation coming over him. It was as if he watched from a distance, his new body so changed that it didn't feel quite real.

Yet it was all too real, the sensations so new and extreme.

He took a moment, noting his shaft was a bit longer than his previous cock, and just as thick. Definitely harder. It looked hot as hell in Gideon's small, soft hand.

Gideon knelt at Joaquin's feet and brought the head to his lips, circling the sensitive glans. Joaquin hissed, the edge of pain once again sharp. Joaquin slid a hand behind Gideon's head and urged him to take it into his mouth. As he watched a few inches disappear between Gideon's shining, berry-colored lips, he experienced a full-body tremble. It rocked through him, stealing the air from his lungs. Esau was suddenly beside him, offering strength and heat… as well as a breathtaking kiss.

His little witch took more and slid back, exposing his glistening cock coated in saliva. The sight alone was enough to send him over the edge. The sensation nearly did.

Esau pinched the base of Joaquin's cock, as if realizing how close his eruption had come. "Not yet, mi amor."

"Spoil sport," Gideon teased, eyeing Esau.

"He's got his first erection. I remember mine," Esau said. "Shot off at barely a touch." Esau grinned at him. "You're doing better than I expected for your first time, but let's make sure it's not over before we even get started."

Joaquin chuckled, thanks once again for Esau's loving instruction. Just as his mate had taught Joaquin to shave, Esau would teach him how to handle having a cock. "I don't know how long I'll last, so you're not wrong. This is… overwhelming. To say the least."

"I bet," Gideon agreed. He reached over and unzipped Esau's jeans, quickly pulling another hard cock out to suck on. "I need to spread my attention around, don't you think? Give Joaquin a little break, hmm?"

Joaquin growled as Gideon drew as much of Esau's monster down his throat as he seemed capable before gagging. A single tear slid down his cheek, but that didn't stop him. He swallowed more and more with each thrust of his head, taking more of Esau than Joaquin could.

Just watching Esau being pleasured nearly sent him over the edge. Following Esau's lead, he pinched the base of his own cock, willing his orgasm back. He wasn't ready for his first time to be over so quickly.

"Damn, your mouth, witch," Esau muttered with a grin. "You're too good at that."

"I try my best," Gideon hummed, his lips grazing the head with every syllable. His smile said he was clearly pleased with himself, as he should be. He had two grown men nearly coming in the span of minutes. He leaned over and captured the base of Joaquin's cock again and took it even farther down his throat.

Joaquin reached over and held onto the fireplace mantel, his knees wobbling as pleasure fired in his veins. A few strokes and rasps of Gideon's tongue had him grasping the base again, forcing the orgasm back—only it refused to be contained. Fire blasted through him, starting at his spine and radiating out. A scream tore from his lips, and he erupted onto Gideon's outstretched tongue.

White ribbons of cum coated the little pink tongue and berry lips, with some landing on Gideon's chin and cheek. Seeing their mate marked with his cum had to be the sexiest thing he'd ever witnessed in his life. When he was able to pull his gaze away, he lifted it to Esau who watched him closely, a hint of a smile on the lips he soon kissed.

Esau gasped, breaking their kiss, and they both looked down. Gideon had returned to work, shoving Esau's monster down his throat as far as he could. He'd gotten a good three-quarters, if not more, which was impressive in itself.

"Fuck,"Esau muttered, closing his eyes.

Joaquin grinned, needing to see Esau shatter as well. He moved in close, the new couple of inches changing his perspective. His smile widened and he lowered one hand under Esau's cock, cradling the man's heavy balls. A few more strokes and caresses and Esau shattered, coming hard onto Gideon's tongue and lips.

Once Esau seemed to catch his breath, Joaquin captured their human's lips, reveling in the shared pleasure and the taste of their comingled seed. Esau lifted a hand, caressing Joaquin's still hard cock. He broke the kiss to watch Esau's hand stroking him, enjoying the sight.

"Seems you're still ready to play," Esau murmured.

Their eyes met, and Esau's darkened.

"I need you inside me," Esau whispered.

Joaquin tossed Esau over one shoulder in a fireman's hold.

"Fuck, Keeno!" Esau yelled, gripping Joaquin's hips with both hands. "Some warning would've been nice."

Joaquin roared with laughter and turned to offer a hand to their witch. Gideon grinned up at him, a wicked delight shining in his eyes. He crossed the small apartment and tossed Esau on top of the mattress, then urged Gideon up, too. As soon as Gideon was there, Joaquin dragged Esau's jeans all the way down. He yanked both shoes off and tore the pants off in a hurry.

"I could've helped, you know," Esau said, smirking, as he rested back on both elbows.

"I'm good," Joaquin said. He leaned in and pulled Esau's sweater off. "One down, one to go."

Gideon peeled his flowy dress over his head and tossed it to the floor. Under, he had no underwear on. He did have white thigh high stockings and a cluster of beaded necklaces on, his hair flowing about his shoulders like some wet dream made real.

"You are so fucking hot," Joaquin whispered before grabbing the back of Gideon's head and stealing a fiery kiss. "But I have a human I need to fuck first, if that's okay with you?"

Gideon grinned widely, amused. "Oh, no worries. He's got a big dick I can ride on while you're otherwise occupied."

Joaquin returned the grin. "Have at it, baby."

Gideon sucked his bottom lip between his teeth. "Actually, I think I requested a show last time. I might sit back and watch you pound his ass for a few minutes before I join in and play."

"Get ready for a show," Joaquin murmured, dragging Esau closer. He kissed their human into submission, waiting for the moment Esau softened and surrendered. When he yielded, Joaquin spun him over onto his hands and knees, moving into position behind. He spread Esau's cheeks wide, the puckered hole pulsing open and closed.

"Here!" Gideon called.

Joaquin turned two seconds before a bottle of lube was tossed his way. He grinned, snatching it from the air. "Perfect timing."

"Indeed," Gideon replied. He rose from the mattress and crossed to the armchair facing the bed. He curled up in it, stroking his cock while watching as Joaquin prepared Esau's ass for a claiming like none before it.

His cock leaked cum as he lubed Esau's ass with two thick fingers. He fingerfucked his mate, this man he'd loved since they were teenagers, knowing they were given a new opportunity for a first time. He was a virgin all over again, about to get his dick wet for the first time. His cock strained, seeking solace inside their human. Esau writhed under his touch, moaning and begging to be fucked.

Joaquin closed his eyes, bewitched by the sound of Esau whimpering. He rose higher on his knees and pressed the head of his cock against the slick spot where he'd just dragged his fingers out, and slid inside a fraction of an inch.

Esau mewled, pressing back against him. Slowly, inch by glorious inch, he sank inside his mate. He watched every second of it, his cock disappearing inside that beautiful man. When he was fully seated, he lifted his gaze to Gideon, who stroked his cock while watching them, lifting his head to see where they met.

"Can you see my cock sliding inside him?" Joaquin asked Gideon.

"Move a little to the left. No… more right. Wait." Gideon sighed. "Fuck this, I have a better idea." He waved his hand and lifted his gaze to the ceiling, before stroking his cock again.

Joaquin followed his stare up and noticed the ceiling was now a mirror of sorts, but not in a bad seventies' porn kind of way. It was a night sky, with full moon and twinkling stars, their reflection cast upon it like it was the surface of a serene mountain lake.

Gideon smiled at him in that reflection, their gazes meeting.

"Now I can see all I want," Gideon murmured. "You better give me something hot."

"I plan to," Joaquin replied. He looked down and saw Esau watching over one shoulder. He gripped their human's hips and withdrew, the sound of Esau's moan sliding with it. Joaquin drove back in, the sensation stealing the oxygen from his lungs. He'd had no idea how good it would feel to claim Esau's body as his own. He clutched hold of their human tighter, nearly coming from one good stroke. Pausing, he got control of himself before thrusting again. He closed his eyes, praying he didn't come too fast.

Stars above.

Stars behind his eyelids.

Stars danced around him as his world tilted and swayed with the newfound sensations running through him. Every caress, every squeeze, every thrust… it was all more than he'd expected. The pleasure was too much. He thrust away, lost to that pleasure.

At some point, Gideon joined them, sliding under Esau and sliding down his dick. Gideon's moans and whimpers added to Esau's. Joaquin thrust into Esau, pushing their human's cock deeper into Gideon's sweet ass. After a few awkward strokes, they found the perfect rhythm, hitting just the right notes.

Esau was the first to come, screaming as he filled Gideon with a thick load of cream. One more stroke and Joaquin followed him into the abyss, the orgasm breaking him into a million tiny pieces and then some. Gideon's cries mixed with his.

He collapsed on top of Esau with a "umpf", fully spent.

"Mierde,"Joaquin muttered. "I had no idea."

He was jostled from the rumbling laughter under him. Esau looked over his shoulder. "Yeah, but you need to give me some room. I'm crushing poor Gideon."

"Don't mind!" Gideon mumbled from the bottom of the pile.

Joaquin laughed, using the last bit of energy left in him to slide out and off Esau and onto his back. He stared up at the ceiling, still filled with stars and visions of them. Esau kissed Gideon's shoulder as he withdrew, his cum dribbling from their witch's ass. Joaquin smiled at the sight and how hot it was watching the two of them together.

No jealousy. Not in the least.

Gideon was theirs. There was nothing to feel jealous of.

Would he have felt the same had it not been for the ring? He lifted his hand and eyed it, worry about the price coming in like a dark storm cloud. Gideon slid beside him, nuzzling close. He wrapped one arm around their witch while Esau cuddled on the opposite side.

"So?" Esau asked. "All you imagined it would be?"

"More," Joaquin replied. "It was incredible." He eyed the ring again. "Should I leave it on?"

"I would," Gideon answered. "You want to experience more than just us in the bedroom. Live with it a day or so, really get a feeling for it—the good and the not so good."

"Not so good?" Joaquin lifted a brow.

"Sleeping wrong on your dick," Gideon said. "Squeezing your balls under the weight of your own thighs."

"Inconvenient boners at the worst possible time," Esau added. "Trying to piss with morning wood."

"Ugh," Gideon said. "Not fun."

"Nowyou tell me all this?" Joaquin asked with a wide grin. He wasn't worried about any of that… those were nothing in the grand scheme of things. "You could've told me before I slipped on the ring."

Esau chuckled. "And ruin the surprise?"

"The bedroom's the best part, though," Joaquin said, grinning. "We can just stay here for the rest of the night, right?"

"Yep," Gideon said. "Although there is food on the counter left uneaten. I'm starving."

"You or Marvin?" Esau asked.

"Both!" Gideon jumped from the bed and disappeared around the corner, only to re-emerge with the bag and three forks in hand. Once he was seated back in bed, he drew out the containers and handed them around. "We just worked off a million calories. I think we need to refuel."

Joaquin and Esau sat up and dove into their food, too. They laughed, naked and unashamed, the latter more his issue than theirs. Not needing to cover himself or hide… it was an unusual sensation. A pleasant one.

It's what he wanted. To be at peace in his own skin.

It was then he realized he wanted it to be permanent.

As long as the price wasn't too high.

After they'd cleaned up dinner, Esau eyed him with a curious look.

"What?" Joaquin asked.

"I wonder if your jaguar will be a male, too."

"But would the ring stay on?" Gideon asked. "It might slide off."

"Only one way to know," Joaquin muttered, rising from the bed. He shifted.

Or at least, tried to shift.

Nothing happened.

He shook his arms and legs out, getting out the bugs, and willed his body to change.

Nothing.

He eyed the ring. Sliding it off, he winced as the pain took over again, his body reforming. Returning wasn't quite as difficult as the first change, but it was still hell on the body. When he could breathe again, he shifted, and immediately turned into his jaguar.

Was that the price magic would demand? His animal self?

Either he gave up that precious part of him…

Or denied his new body.

When he returned to human form, he avoided their gazes, unwilling to discuss what had just happened. He slipped the ring on again, the transformation taking over. It was easier the second time, the pain anticipated and weathered more easily.

Again, he attempted to shift into his jaguar, only to be denied.

He finally eyed his mates. They both sat in bed, staring in wide-eyed horror, with mouths open.

Silently appraising him.

Tears burned the backs of his eyes as he plopped on the corner of the bed. The jaguar wasn't gone. With the ring on, he sensed the beast's presence within, yet it was caged, pacing within just as it did day in and day out, when he was in human form.

Either he caged it forever or lost the body he'd always longed for.

How could he ever choose?

Esau crawled closer, wrapping his arms around Joaquin's shoulders. "I'm so sorry, Keeno."

Gideon pressed gentle kisses to his shoulder before resting his head there.

Joaquin didn't know what to say. Numbness settled over him, the price magic demanded too high.

Or was it?

They held him for long minutes, silently allowing him to sit with his new predicament without judgement, opinion, or pressure. While his heart broke, their steady, loving support saved him from shattering completely.