Chapter 18

Colette slid off the edge of the bed onto her knees. Her heart was racing, but her mind was quiet. At peace. The reasons not to do this far outweighed any justifications she could make to herself about it being a good idea, but she didn't care.

She was horny and emotionally exhausted. Never a good combination.

Landon was offering what she needed, and she was going to take it, and damn the consequences. Maybe if she'd let herself really cry a moment ago when she had been in his arms she wouldn't need this. The tears could have been the emotional outlet she needed.

But she hadn't let herself cry.

It was embarrassing enough that she'd literally thrown herself into his arms in a weak moment. His big body was the physical embodiment of the safety she'd been looking for when she'd walked into Interpol.

In a fucked up way, subbing for him was safer than crying in his arms. It put the structure and rules of BDSM between them. A different kind of safety.

Landon ran a hand through her hair, and she tipped her head to the side. He obligingly cupped her cheek, holding the weight of her head.

Then his thumb touched her lower lip, applying a small amount of pressure.

Colette parted her lips, loving the silent command. She didn't want to think or decide.

She wanted to obey.

She needed to be used.

Landon stepped closer, and she ran her hands up his thighs, fingers hovering on either side of his crotch, waiting for the command to undo his pants, free his cock, and then take him in her mouth.

Landon caught her wrists, manacling her with his strong fingers.

"We never finished our inspection." His voice was lower, tone soft but firm, like velvet over steel.

Landon switched his hold so he gripped her hands and when he tugged she rose to her feet, pulling against him. Her palms felt cold when he let go and stepped back.

"As cute as the panda is…" Landon smiled.

Colette tugged the hem of her shirt away from her stomach and looked down at the graphic. "Not sexy, Master Landon?"

"Everything you do is fucking sexy," he grumbled. "But now it's time to show me my sub."

Colette's stomach clenched in delicious anticipation, the collar heavy at her throat.

"Take off your clothes, Colette."

The command was sexy, the way he said her name sexier.

Colette crossed her arms over her stomach and drew her tank top up and off. Her nipples, already erect, tightened at contact with the cool air.

She hooked her thumbs in the waistband of the sleep shorts, this time hesitating. He'd already seen her bare breasts, but once she took off the bottoms, she'd be completely bare for him.

"Hesitating for a spanking?" he asked.

"No, Master Landon. Just nervous."

"Remind me of your safe word."

"Rembrandt."

"Do you want a slow-down word? Yellow? Pause?"

"No." She smiled. "I trust you."

Colette slid the shorts down to her ankles, stepping out of them. She gave herself a brief buffer to adjust to being naked by carefully folding the shorts and tank top, setting them on the foot of the bed.

"Inspection position," he commanded.

Her muscles fluttered in anticipation, not fear, as she spread her legs and once more stacked her wrists on top of her head.

"Elbows back."

She spread her arms so her elbows were in line with her body. The position raised her breasts, offering them to him. For his inspection. For him to touch, tease, and abuse.

"Take two steps forward, then resume the position."

Two steps brought her within arms' reach of Landon. But he didn't touch her. Now that she wasn't up against the bed, he circled her. She felt his gaze, his focus, like a physical caress.

She was so on edge that when his hand skimmed down her back, she gasped and briefly rose up on her toes.

"Did that… hurt?"

"No. I'm just hypersensitive."

"I like that."

His big, hard hands pressed against her shoulder blades before sliding in tandem down her back. He didn't stop at her waist, but kept going, stroking over her ass and down the backs of her thighs before reversing course.

When his palms reached her butt, he stopped, kneading her ass. She leaned back into him.

"Tell me what you like."

"I like being a submissive. I like not making the choice about what will happen. I like not being in control."

"We've established that, but at one point you told me it wasn't about the submission, but about the kink. I think that was a lie…and the truth."

"What do you mean?"

His hands slid from her ass around the curve of her hips until they spanned her lower belly, pinkies resting at the top of her mons.

"I think you have a few kinks beyond submission. Assuming you classify that as a kink." His index fingers drew little circles on her skin. "So tell me, Colette, what are your kinks?"

Before she could answer, one hand slid down between her legs, palm and fingers covering and cupping her pussy. Colette sucked in a breath, releasing the air as a moan.

Landon pulled up, forcing her onto the balls of her feet, her body weight grinding her sex against his hand. He'd feel the slick lubricant her body had produced in anticipation of his touch. Her pussy felt sloppy wet and hot, the pressure of his hand wonderful, but not nearly enough.

His lips brushed her temple, his forehead nudging her raised arm forward a little so he could get closer. "When you lie in bed at night, fingering this sweet pussy, what do you picture?" He worked his hand in a rolling motion.

"Being teased," she gasped. "My master flicking the clamps he put on my nipples and bending me over so he can check the butt plug he makes me wear. My legs spread and tied open so he can touch every inch of my pussy. Being constantly aroused, always ready to come. Aching for his cock."

"Your master," he repeated slowly. "These are things the man who trained you did?"

Colette shook her head, bumping his jaw. She could feel the soft silk of his hair against her forearm. "No. Sometimes." God if he would only move his hand just a little, his fingers would slide between her pussy lips, maybe touch her clit.

"Explain."

She had to take a minute to think of the words in English, her thoughts now mostly in French.

"He was more formal. Harsher. He liked beating me."

"He didn't fuck you?"

"He did. But I wasn't attracted to him like that."

"And he still fucked you?"

"When I was deep in the scene, or gagged in bondage."

"Fuck, Colette." There was horror in his voice.

"It's fine."

"It's fucking not." Landon blew out a breath, making the hair on her temple flutter. "But we're not going to get derailed."

Colette nodded in agreement, and she felt him smile against her head.

"So who's the master in your fantasy?"

"Just…my master." Someone who belonged to her as she belonged to him in turn. Someone who knew every part of her. Accepted every part of her. A fantasy.

"A faceless fantasy Master?"

"Yes, Master Landon."

"To be clear, you crave sex with your submission. Not just sex, but for the scene to be both sexual, and sexy."

The sentence end was flat, not raised in a question.

"Is that…bad?" Her stomach knotted with worry.

"No. For some people BDSM isn't sexual. For some, sex, or intimacy, is just a tool used in pursuit of submission or masochism. Not a goal on its own."

"I need the submission, too."

"But submission without the sex, or the kink, just wouldn't be as good, would it?"

"No, Master Landon."

Finally, his ring and middle finger slid between her labia, into the warm valley of her sex. She was almost embarrassingly wet, and as his fingers gently explored the inner folds and valleys of her sex, there was a squelchy, sloppy sound.

The pads of his fingers slid until they bracketed her clit.

"Work yourself on my fingers."

Colette eagerly obeyed, rocking her hips in little motions. Landon clearly knew what he was doing because he was making sure to touch the sides of her clit, not awkwardly trying to rub the very tip the way some men did.

She'd been horny for days, actively aroused since the moment she put on her club sub uniform earlier. Like a shaken bottle, she was full to bursting with pressure. Ready to explode.

In less than a minute, she could feel the orgasm building—a tightness in the muscles low in her belly. She closed her eyes to better focus on the physical sensations.

"Stop."

Colette's eyes snapped open, even as her hips stilled in almost involuntary obedience.

She was facing the glass wall, and for the first time realized she could see their reflections, though they were semi-opaque, as if they were ghosts. The dark curtain in his room acted like the backing on a mirror, and she was able to not just feel, but see, him touching her.

Her raised arm obscured his face, but she could see his lips. His smile.

Batard.

"I'm not done looking at what's mine." The hand not cupping her pussy rose to finger the collar, bringing her attention back to the weight of it around her throat.

Her irritation at having been stopped vanished, though the frustration remained. Now the frustration, the sense of hovering on the edge, was just another sign of his control. There was no point in being angry or upset that she hadn't come, because it wasn't her decision to make. She'd given control to the man she trusted most in the world.

That thought had her blinking. Was Landon the one person she trusted most?

Yes. He was. She trusted him the way she trusted no one else.

And yet she didn't trust him enough to tell him everything.

It was tempting. Especially now, like this. Not for the first time she let herself fantasize not about sex, but about opening up. Giving him every fact, the truth as she knew it. Letting him help her, maybe even save her.

Landon's fingers slid from her pussy, rising to rub her body's slick lubricant onto her nipples. She gasped in pleasure as he caressed the tip of each breast with those two wet fingers.

Then his hand was in her hair, gathering it up near the crown of her head. The cool air against her neck felt good.

But not as good as his lips, which traced a path from ear to ear around the back of her neck, just above the collar.

"Why did you fight this?" He pressed an open-mouthed kiss just under one ear, flicking her with the tip of his tongue. "You said you'd never be my sub."

"Because…" Her voice trailed off, shivers working down her as his tongue traced patterns on her neck.

"Not good enough, Colette." He nipped her in punishment.

"Because it would mean something."

He paused, lips lifting from her skin. "In total, we've known each other for about five days."

"Does that mean I'm wrong?" She closed her eyes so she wouldn't catch his expression in their reflections. She was worried what she'd see.

"Wrong about what?" he demanded.

"That this would mean something." She forced her eyes opened. "Maybe it wouldn't for you, but I'm not ashamed to admit it would for me."

"You're not ashamed now, but clearly you were when we talked about it."

He still didn't get it. "That wasn't shame. I was protecting myself."

"Protecting yourself from me?" He released her hair. "Drop your hands."

She did, pressing her hands against her thighs.

Landon's arm came around her from behind, forearm braced on the front of one shoulder as his hand curled around her neck. He nudged her jaw, forcing her head up.

Their gazes met in the glass.

"You lied to protect yourself." His thumb toyed with her earlobe.

"It wasn't really a lie. I planned to avoid you. This."

"To protect yourself," he said again.

"Yes."

"You're worried I would hurt you."

"Not physically." A smile curved her lips as she leaned into his hand, enjoying the pressure that made it just a little hard to breathe.

His fingers tightened on the sides of her neck, creating space at the front, but adding that sweet constraint that had her aware of her blood pumping through her veins.

"You were worried I'd hurt you…emotionally."

"Yes."

"You think I'd be deliberately cruel?"

"No." She swayed back, and he stepped closer, letting her rest against his chest. "But what we have isn't casual. I knew subbing for you wouldn't be simple, like finding a play partner for the night."

"And what do we have, Colette? You've lied to and manipulated me."

Colette went still, swallowing hard. He didn't sound angry, but the words were hard and harsh, even with the mild tone.

"I'm not lying about this," she whispered.

Landon spun her around, holding her by the shoulders. Colette looked up into his dark eyes, but she couldn't read his expression.

"I know you're manipulating me," he said.

She opened her mouth to protest. To tell him that this moment right here was the most vulnerable and honest she'd been with anyone in years. Maybe she'd tell him that he was the person she trusted most in the world, as pathetic as that admission was, given that she knew he didn't trust her in turn.

Before she could speak, his hand closed over her mouth, muzzling her. She had a jolt of fear, memories threatening to resurface, but the desire she now saw in his gaze eased the panic, pushing it to the recesses of her mind from whence it came.

He leaned in, lips against her ear. "Colette, you're a very bad girl."