4. Jude

The second I hear that moan of pain from her lips I burst through the door. Against every logical thought, I'm led to her and I can't stop myself. It fucking killed me to leave, but it hurt even more watching her dejected and uncomfortable in my presence. It's as if merely being in the same room as me was painful for her.

With my heart racing, assuming the worst from her groan of pain, I don't hesitate to open the shower door. The steam blinds me for a moment and then I see she's hunched over and pushing her hands against her thighs. She looks as if she's dying. She's not fucking okay.

"Where's the healer?" I shout in my head at Devin as my heart pounds even harder.

"I won't let her die. I can't allow this. She needs help and she needs it now." This can't be normal. Fuck! I just found my mate and here she is doubled over in pain. Even through her small moans of protest, I pick her up easily, careful not to jostle her too much, and bring her to the bed. She may be on death's door, but she has enough fight in her to scramble away from my hold.

"I'm just bringing you to the bed," I reassure her as she bears down with pain again.

"She's coming." Devin answers in my head and I just shake my head at his response, watching Lena get on her knees in the middle of the bed and moan into the sheets.

"What the fuck do I do?" My voice is weak as shit, but I'm so far out of my element I don't care. This pain in my chest is unbearable. Even my wolf howls in agony.

"Hold on." Devin doesn't seem bothered, and I don't fucking like it.

"I'm watching my mate die, Devin." I barely get out the words. The fear and helplessness are numbing.

"Lena," I murmur her name as I approach, but she doesn't respond more than a groan that rocks with her body.

"You want me to come in there and see your mate like that, Jude?" I snarl at Devin's question and it makes Lena whimper. My hands run down my face.

"Give it a minute. Grace knew a doula."

"What the fuck is a doula?"

Not more than a minute later the door opens, and I watch Lizzie and Grace quietly enter my bedroom, each with a MacBook in hand. Grace is more skittish than Lizzie, who approaches Lena without showing an ounce of anything other than compassion.

Grace, dressed like Lizzie in pajamas, glances at me and then whispers that Lena's okay. "This is just childbirth."

Blood drains from my face at her statement. There is no fucking way this is normal.

"Lena sweetie, how would you rate your pain on a scale from one to ten?" Lizzie asks as she sets the computer down on the bed and walks quickly to Lena's side. Grace grabs a chair from the corner of the room and drags it over to the bed. All I can do is watch.

Lena lifts her head up to look at the two of them. "A seven. I'd say it's a seven." Her answer shocks me. Just a seven?

"What medicine can she have to take the pain away?" I ask them. "What do we have?" I try to think of what kind of pills we have in the house, but I'm coming up blank. That and she's pregnant. I have no fucking clue what pregnant women can take. I have never felt so useless in my life.

Lena moans into the sheets and the women completely ignore my question. Grace tilts the screen and holds the computer in front of me so I can see it. "Do this, Jude. Watch how he pushes on her hips. That might help her a bit with the pain." My little Alpha mate shows me a video of a man pushing against a woman's hips. I nod my head. I can do that. I can do this for my mate. I climb on the bed that groans with my weight and put my palms against her hips and push in, just like that guy was doing.

"Harder!" Lena moans into the pillow. She shocks me with her demand, but I instantly push her hips harder together. "Harder, please!" She whimpers. Shit. If I push into her hips any harder, they'll fucking break. I don't want to hurt her, but how can I ignore her? Before I have a chance to gauge the situation her body visibly relaxes.

"Okay, it's done." Lena's breathy voice cuts through me. This is really happening. Holy shit. I'm not fucking ready for this.

"Did your water break?"

Lena shakes her head, her damp hair clinging to her face as she does. I can barely believe this is happening as Grace asks her a series of questions in a calm and gentle voice. I barely register them speaking as I stare at my mate in a mix of terror and awe. She's going to have a baby. She's going to give birth to a baby. Lena's hand starts waving frantically before she buries her head into the pillow.

"Jude!" Grace smacks me on my shoulder and I stare at her. I have no fucking clue what to do. "Her hips!"

"Oh, oh. I got it. I got it." I put pressure on her hips again, good and hard. "That feel good?"

"No!" I let go thinking I hurt her, but she screams louder. "Don't stop, please!" I put counter pressure on her hips again and wait for more instructions.

"What do I do?"

"You keep doing that. Everything's going to be fine." The young human then turns her attention back to Lena, "You're doing great Lena. You're really doing wonderful." I look at Lizzie like she's lost her damn mind. Nothing about this is wonderful.

"Done." Lena barely breathes the word, but I let up as soon as she does. I gently pat her back.

"What do you need?" She shakes her head at my question and swallows.

"Water."

"How about some ice? You don't want to get sick." Grace's voice comes out full of certainty. How the fuck could water make her sick? Lena nods in agreement and my Alpha mate is quick to leave.

Thank fuck for Grace and Lizzie, at least with them running this show I can concentrate on my mate. I only feel slight relief though. I take a look around the room and realize I'm the only one who's freaking out. Even Lena seems to be fine in between her contractions. All right. I concentrate on my breathing and the second Lena leans forward and pushes on her thighs I place my palms against her hips and push inward. Her head arches back and I feel her low moan vibrate down her spine.

I do not fucking like this. I should just leave. If I wasn't concerned that she's going to die any minute, I'd be out of that door in a heartbeat.

"You're doing great Lena. They're coming on close and you're taking them on perfectly. You'll be holding your little one soon." Lizzie's words calm Lena, but they do nothing to calm me. I'm not ready for this shit. I'm not even close to being prepared.

Grace comes into the room and stands by the bed as the contraction passes through Lena. "Here you go." Lena tries to grab the cup of ice, but her body sways and her hand goes back down to the mattress. I quickly grab her hips to steady her and gently rub her back.

The silver lining is that she isn't pushing me away. I hope I'm doing right by my mate. I hope I'm worthy in this moment.

Lizzie wipes the sweat from Lena's forehead while whispering calming words to her. "That's right. Just keep thinking that." My forehead pinches and my brows furrow in confusion. Lizzie can hear her? My heart skitters and I don't think I can breathe.

"You're doing so good Lena. That's right, you'll be holding your baby soon." I listen internally, but I can't hear a damn thing from either Lizzie or Lena. Lena hasn't bonded with the pack yet, or with me, so it makes sense that I'm not able to hear her. But how the hell can Lizzie hear her? And why can't I hear Lizzie? Caleb and Dom keep talking about how her wolf is hiding, but none of this makes sense.

"What's happening?" I ask Lizzie, but she only peers up at me and tells me that everything is all right. "Don't be scared," she tells me, as if it's that easy. My mate… I can't help my mate and I don't have control.

Grace tilts the cup to Lena's lips and lets her take a few crushed cubes into her mouth. She hesitantly pulls the cup back and asks, "More?" Lena shakes her head and whispers a thank you as the door to my bedroom opens again.

"Oh good. It looks like I got here just in time." A little, red-headed witch walks into the room interrupting my thoughts. Her thin lips smile, making even more lines appear around her green eyes that are emphasized by a small pair of glasses. She radiates a calmness that puts me slightly at ease.

"Thank fuck you're here." As I sit back on my heels only now realizing the trembling of my hands, Lena yells into the mattress and I instantly pop back up to put pressure on her hips again. How long does this go on for?

"I'm here to help you, Lena," the witch says and brushes by me with a hint of a smile.

"Should we go?" Grace quietly asks Lizzie, but before Lizzie responds, Lena reaches out with a death grip and squeezes Lizzie's arm.

"Please don't leave me." Her strangled words might as well have been screamed.

"Okay Lena. We won't. I promise we won't." Lizzie gently pats Lena's hand through her contraction and Grace settles in her seat.

"A heating pad and labor oil will help." The little witch opens a huge black bag on the foot of the bed and digs through it for a box of gloves. "I'm going to have a look-see little wolf. Just stay right where you are." She pulls the gloves down her hands and releases them with a snap. The sound makes me flinch. I scoot to the side as the witch comes up from behind. "This may sting a bit." She drawls out the statement while moving her hands in between Lena's thighs.

I'm not fucking looking. Instead I stare at the ceiling and hold my breath.

For a moment, I consider leaving now that the healer's here, but I feel rooted to the bed. Lena moans in discomfort and I sit there helplessly although I try to ease her pain. I awkwardly push my palms against her hips as the doctor slowly moves away. I glance down and see blood on the healer's glove. Fuck, no. I can't fucking do this. As a lightheadedness washes over me, I hear a pop and a gush of liquid splashes across my thighs soaking my jeans. My brows shoot up and I simply stare down at my pants and then at Lena.

"Oh fuck." I groan without thinking. I hold my breath and say a silent prayer that this is over soon as another contraction distracts my mate.

"You're doing so good Lena." My mate shakes her head at Grace's words.

After a moment, she spits out "I can't" before moaning into the sheets. I take my cue and push against her hips, praying like fuck that I'm not making things worse.

"You can, dear, and you will soon. You're in transition." The witch's voice seems to calm my mate as her shoulders relax. "You'll get to hold your baby soon."

"Soon…like how soon?" I can't help but to ask. I really want this to be over with.

"However long it takes." The healer's answer is real fucking helpful.

IT FEELSLIKE HOURS GO BY, but every time I look at the clock it's only been about fifteen minutes. My poor mate is in so much pain. She's sweating, and after every contraction her head collapses back onto the mattress in exhaustion. Every contraction, every push, seems to be worse than the last. I feel like a little bitch because my hands and arms are fucking killing me from putting counter pressure on her hips, but she keeps begging me to push harder.

All the while, all I can think is that had I been sent any other day, what would have happened to her? All the ifs and worries race through my mind. Not a damn one is helping.

"One more push." The healer's words barely register with me as I watch Lena scrunch her face up as her body bears down. Lena falls against the mattress, and I see the healer lift her hands up from the corner of my eye. I turn to see Lena's baby in the healer's hands.

He's blue.

He can't be okay. Fuck, no. My body chills at the sight of him. My heart stops in my chest as I look at the tiny creature. His little body jiggles in an inhuman way as the healer unwraps the cord from his neck. Fuck. Fuck. My body goes numb. He's so blue. The healer reaches into his little mouth and then pats the baby on his butt.

He's wrinkly and blue and screaming.

He's screaming.

Blinking away the sadness, I listen to his squeal and Lena's cry of relief. That must mean he's okay. I wish the healer would fucking say something, instead she gently places the tiny baby on Lena's chest while his little fists ball and he continues to squeal. Lena wipes tears away from the corner of her eyes.

I'm paralyzed, merely watching and unsure what to do. My throat is dry and my wolf howls, pressing against my chest to go to them.

I stare at the women in the room, and they all have dreamy looks on their faces like this is normal. Tears well in my eyes and I just sit there waiting for someone to tell me he's okay. That Lena's okay. That whatever the fuck that was is over.

I look at the screaming little thing and stare in awe as his color changes with every breath. My lungs fill and it's only then that I realize I'd been holding my breath. The little pup calms down as Lena gently shushes him and cradles him close to her chest. Her eyes are glassy with tears, and she looks hysterical as her shoulders rock with a mixture of crying and laughter coming from her. She's fucking beautiful.

I'll remember this moment forever.

I don't know what the hell to do, but I know I want to hold her. Even if she can't feel our bond and my pull to her, maybe it will calm her a little if I hold her. Shit, maybe it will calm me down just to be close to her.

I crawl across the bed and slowly put my left arm above her head as I lay my body next to hers. She's staring at the baby in her arms and doesn't even seem to notice me. That's all right though because she's obviously at ease. That's all I want. I let my warmth settle around us and tell her that he's beautiful and that she did a great job. I'm only repeating what the women told her but still, it makes her smile and whether she knows it or not, she leans into me slightly.

I look down at the baby in her arms, he's calm and nuzzling into the crook of her arm. He's so small. So fragile. I'm surprised he's moving so much. Strong little thing. I look at his face and search for details of Lena, or…Shadow. The reminder shoots a cold wave through my blood. I look back at the baby expecting to feel resentment, but I feel nothing but relief and happiness. He's my mate's child. Therefore, he's my child.

My heart swells at the realization. I've barely wrapped my head around the fact that I've found my mate and now I have a son.

I can't help but wonder as I watch the two of them…if she now can feel our bond…or if she never will.