Chapter 15

Noel

The door to my bedroom had been replaced by the time I woke up the next morning and by the time my brother called to let me know that Carl was dead, I was ready to give my condolences without letting any disgust bleed into my voice.

I knew he hadn't died in a car accident, at least not one of his own making. I just chose not to think about it because I'd seen his eyes as he'd hit me and ordered me to pack my things and as long as Carl was in the world, we would've had to live in fear. I didn't want that for my girls. So, however Carl's death had come about wasn't any of my concern. I was just glad he was gone.

My feet hurt and my eye was black, but it was nothing in comparison to the contentment that filled me as I'd followed Titus and the girls outside later that day.

It took a week for me to heal. It took Ariel a little longer. She barely spoke for the first few days and she'd been unwilling to leave my side, but as time went on, she grew more and more like her old self. Sometimes, she'd mention what happened in passing, like she was reminding me or maybe herself, that it had in fact happened. I never knew what triggered the reminders, but decided when it came up to acknowledge them and move on. Yes, I remembered when Grandpa hit me. Yes, I remembered when she and Flora hid in the cupboard. Yes, I remembered when I'd shoved them in the car without even putting them in car seats. Yes, I remembered it all. Now, do you want to play magnet tiles while we watch a movie?

I was thirty-five weeks pregnant, we had a shiny new alarm system that some man Titus called Woody had set up, my love had finally stopped working from home and had actually gone into the garage for the day, and Diana was currently ordering her sister to play ball with her.

Titus and I had managed a few more kisses, each one better than the last—but things hadn't progressed further. It was impossible for anything racier than that to happen when Ariel was following me around like a little duckling.

Things were calm. Things were good. I was happier than I'd ever been in my life.

Then someone knocked on the door and both of my children froze, their heads twisting in unison to look at me. I stared at the front door, my palms clammy.

"Noel, it's me," Heather called cheerfully. "I come bearing gifts!"

"It's Gran," Ariel breathed, the tension going out of her.

"Gran!" Diana yelled, dashing toward the door.

I reached it just as she did, and we swung it open together.

"Got some baby stuff," Heather announced, lifting up a bag. "And some big girl stuff," she added, lifting the bag in her other hand.

"You didn't have to do that," I admonished, backing up so she could come inside.

I locked the door behind her. I didn't ever leave it unlocked, not even when the guys were home. I knew it was a pain in the neck for them, especially when they were working outside, but they never complained. Not once.

"I couldn't help myself," she said breezily as she sauntered over to the couch. "Ariel, I think you've grown about two feet since I saw you three days ago."

"I did not," Ariel argued, grinning.

I put a hand on my chest as my heart gave a heavy thump. I didn't think I'd ever take one of Ariel's smiles for granted again, not after the days we'd spent without them.

"Well, I hope that what I got you still fits because, I dunno." She squinted at Ariel. "You look bigger."

She pulled out two nightgowns, passing them to each of the girls. Then little pairs of overalls. Then T-shirts. Sweatshirts. And finally, two miniature pairs of leggings. She grinned over at me.

"I figured they might want to be in on some legging action, too," she joked, gesturing at my legs.

I had three pairs. Two black and one dark red. I'd had to buy maternity leggings, because no way was my belly going to fit into the regular sizing, but I loved them. They were soft and stretchy and felt like freedom. Titus loved them, too. Whenever I wore them, he'd come up behind me and flip up whatever long shirt I was wearing and groan as he squeezed one, or both, of my butt cheeks in his hands. At first I'd laughed, but the longer we went with little physical contact beyond normal affection… well, I'd begun to groan a little, too.

"And for baby," Heather announced, pulling out a little gray sleeper with a matching blanket and hat. "I saw this and thought it's good for a girl or a boy."

"It's so cute," Ariel said as I reached for the tiny outfit.

"I got a white set, too," Heather said, smiling.

"I love them." I smiled back. "Thank you."

"You're very welcome." She nodded. "I also left a big box of newborn diapers on the front porch."

"Two in diapers is going to be so fun," I joked, glancing at Diana. She had one of her new shirts halfway on, but she hadn't bothered taking off the shirt she'd been wearing originally.

"I bet this one potty trains soon," Heather replied, pulling Diana over so she could help her take both shirts off and put the new one back on. "So, I was thinking—how would you two like to come over to Gran's for a while this afternoon?"

Ariel's gaze shot to me. She may have stopped following me to the toilet, but she hadn't been farther than a room away.

"Asa and Eloise are coming over in a little bit to play outside," Heather added nonchalantly. "So, I thought you guys might like to come, too."

"I go," Diana said brightly. "Mama, I go?"

"Sure, baby," I replied, my eyes still on Ariel.

Me and Heather had talked about this before. I'd told her that the next time she had the kids over, she could come ask Ariel and Diana. We weren't pushing Ariel to gain back a little independence, but I wanted to give her the opportunity.

"Okay," Ariel said, glancing between us.

"Awesome," Heather said excitedly, slapping her hands down on her thighs. "Want to bring anything with you?"

"Binkie," Diana crowed. We'd finally started keeping her pacifier in her bed, only to be used when she was napping, going to bed… or riding in the car. Even if the ride to Heather's was only about five minutes long, she wasn't going to miss that opportunity. I snickered.

"Blankie," Ariel said, a little quieter. She picked her blankie up from the couch. That was new. She'd always had a blankie, and she wanted it when she was sleeping—but after the situation with Caleb's father, she carried it everywhere. Titus thought it was because it smelled like me. Like home. She'd also started sucking her thumb again.

We rounded up the girls' things and I helped Heather bring them out to the car. She kept up a running commentary about all the things they were going to do and what she planned for lunch and snacks, keeping them occupied and engaged while we loaded them into the car. I was pretty sure it was the only reason Ariel hadn't changed her mind before they left.

"Call if you need me to come get them," I called out as Heather climbed into the driver's seat. "Or anything else." We both knew that anything else meant Ariel having a major freak out because I wasn't there.

"They'll be great," Heather assured me. "But, I will."

I waved as they backed out of the driveway and then hurried back into the house, but once I was there, I wasn't sure why I'd hurried. I had nothing to do. I'd never realized how quiet it was when no one else was home. I ambled into the kitchen, but I'd already cleaned up from breakfast and the place was sparkling clean.

It was the first time that I didn't have the girls with me since… Ariel was born. I'd gone to the store without them when we'd lived with Esther, but I'd never been home without them.

I didn't like it. At all.

"Shit," I muttered. I looked around the room and snorted. "Shit. Fuck. Bullshit. Dammit. Asshole." I laughed at myself. I understood why Esther had started swearing. It felt kind of good. I wasn't planning on doing it around anyone else, but I had the house to myself.

"Motherfucker," I breathed, unable to hold back a smile.

I headed toward the stairs, still grinning. "Motherfucker. Piece of shit."

Since I didn't have the girls with me, I pulled one of our bags out of the closet and started packing my hospital bag. The girls had gone full term, but each baby was different and we were getting close to the finish line. I could only imagine how Ariel would panic if I started packing an overnight bag in front of her, implying that I'd be going somewhere overnight without her, so I hadn't even attempted it. I was still muttering swear words under my breath when a door slammed downstairs, followed by Titus calling my name.

"I'm upstairs," I yelled back.

When he found me, I was staring at the items I'd laid out on the bed. A nightgown, a change of clothes, a package of pads, yarn, and a crochet hook. That was it. That was all I could think of. What did you need when you went to a hospital to give birth? I'd always been home with all of my things available if I needed them.

"Hey, sugar," Titus said, coming to a stop in the doorway.

"What are you doing home?" I asked in exasperation, smiling at him over my shoulder. "You said you needed to be there today."

"I was there for the meetin'," he conceded, reaching up to grab the top of the doorway. "All done now."

A little sliver of skin between his jeans and the bottom of his sweatshirt and cut came into view. I swallowed.

"The girls went with your mom today," I murmured, my gaze darting back to his face.

"I know." He grinned, dropping his arms as he stepped into the room. "She texted me."

"Ah," I murmured in understanding as he got closer. I dropped the socks I was holding onto the bed.

"Baby," he rasped. "We can just hang out. You know that."

"Uh-huh."

His eyes were dark on me, his jaw tense.

"But I'd really like if we could do that naked," he added.

I let out a huff of surprised laughter and then he was there, his hands on my face, and my laughter was silenced with his mouth.

Titus could kiss. I had very little experience, and I still knew he was a master. He tilted my head so he could press deeper into my mouth and I whimpered, my hands shooting out to grip the leather of his vest.

We'd been waiting so long. Over six years since the last time, when we'd been so young that it had been all fumbling hands and whispers in the dark backseat of his car. This was different. So different, that there was no comparison between the two.

Back then, sex between us had been the glimpse of the life I wanted. A silent rebellion.

Now it was sensation. Light. A promise.

My cheeks blushed beet red when Titus pulled my shirt over my head.

"Fuck," he breathed, staring at me. He reached out to run a finger along the edge of my bra and my nipples tightened as I swayed toward him. There had been times since I told him I loved him that he would walk up behind me in the kitchen, surreptitiously sliding his hand into my shirt to slide it along my belly and breasts, but that was affection.

This was purposeful. Intent.

The baby stretched, some part of him or her pressing hard enough that you could see it above my belly button and Titus laughed roughly, leaning down.

"Shh, go to sleep. Mama's busy."

I snickered.

"We're not doin' this in here," Titus announced. He grabbed my hand and pulled me, leading me briskly to his room.

"My bed is better than yours," I teased. I wasn't wrong. We both had king-size beds, but mine was newer and far more comfortable.

I hadn't slept there for weeks.

"This is our bed," Titus announced when we reached his room. "I'll have Bas help me switch out the mattresses if you like the other one better."

"I like yours," I murmured breathlessly as he pulled me in.

The kiss was deep and hot and made everything inside me tighten like someone had pulled a cord that ran between my nipples and clit. I mewed into his mouth, sliding my hands under his sweatshirt to find the skin there. The trail of hair the led into his jeans tickled my fingertips and my breath hitched.

With a few flicks of his fingers, my bra loosened, and he ripped his mouth away from mine so he could pull it away.

"Gorgeous," he breathed, his hands cupping my breasts, thumbs gliding over the tips.

I gasped quietly as he bent his head, pulling one of my nipples into his mouth, his tongue brushing against it so lightly that I wanted to scream. The sensation was incredible. Mind blowing. I gripped his short hair in my fists, holding him there.

He moved to the other breast and reached for my leggings, pulling them along with my panties down my hips. I was so focused on his lips and teeth and tongue on my nipple that I barely paid attention as I kicked them off my ankles.

I was highly aware when his hand slipped between my thighs, though, his finger sliding and pressing. I shuddered.

"Look how wet you are," he murmured against my breath. "God."

His fingers pressed harder and my hips jolted.

"That's it," he said, lifting his head to meet my gaze. "Ride it."

The words should have embarrassed me.

They didn't.

I jerked my hips forward again, my eyelids fluttering as his fingers rubbed against me. I was so slippery that I could feel the wetness on my thighs, but the calluses on his fingers caused a friction that I felt everywhere. Even my scalp tingled as I rode his hand, rolling and pushing forward until I found the rhythm I needed.

"On the bed," he ordered. I jolted forward, a small noise of protest bursting from my mouth as he pulled his hand away.

"Titus," I groaned hoarsely, reaching for him as his hands guided me onto the bed.

I watched in fascination as he dropped his cut onto the floor and ripped the sweatshirt and t-shirt he was wearing over his head. His eyes never left mine as he unbuckled his belt and shoved his pants and boxers down his legs.

When he looked down to push the clothes off his ankles, I stared.

He was beautiful. Like a statue that belonged in a museum. There was no bulk to Titus, he was lean, but as he moved and I watched so many muscles bunch and flex, I shivered.

I hadn't seen him before. When we'd had sex in the car, we'd barely undressed. It had been almost frantic, the way we'd secretly pulled clothing out of the way so that we could touch each other.

My gaze dropped lower.

I panted.

"You want my cock?" he teased, making me jump in surprise. He laughed. "What? You forget there was another person here?"

"No," I rasped, glaring.

Titus's smile was slow as it spread across his cheeks.

"On your knees. Hands against the headboard."

I squinted at him, wondering what the heck he was doing, but followed his directions. I rolled onto my knees and scooted toward the head of the bed, throwing the pillows off as I went. Then I wrapped my hands around the edge of the headboard and looked at him over my shoulder.

His eyes were glazed as he stared.

Then he was moving onto the bed and only seconds later his hands were roaming down my back, along the crack of my butt, up my sides and around to the front so he could pinch my nipples between his fingers. His mouth was just as busy, kissing my back, my shoulders, my neck. He ran his hand into my hair and pulled out the ponytail so it would fall down my back. My skin was so sensitive by that point that every strand felt like another kiss. His hand tightened and my insides clenched.

My hips were just barely rolling, my mind a fog, when I felt him move. His hands lifted me at my thighs, bringing me higher on my knees, and then he was beneath me.

At the first swipe of his tongue between my legs I nearly lost my grip on the headboard. I knew what it was, but I'd never had it before, and I stared blankly at the wall as his tongue circled and tapped and rubbed against me, the sensation so acute that everything was centered on that tiny bundle of nerves where he played. I moved my hips, chasing his tongue as he shifted a little, and his hand clamped down on my butt, his fingers digging in.

Then two of his fingers were sliding inside me, thrusting and twisting and I screamed as all of the pressure that had been building since he'd first pulled off my shirt coalesced into a feeling so acute that my eyesight went completely blank for a moment. After that first blast of feeling, it came again, in waves, and I sobbed as I chased it, rolling and jerking my hips against his tongue and fingers, desperate to hold on to it.

When it finally ended, I slumped forward, my thighs shaking with exhaustion as I tried not to fall down and suffocate him.

He moved out from under me as I panted, trying to get a grip on this new world that had just unfolded before me. Sex had felt good with Titus before, but nothing had prepared me for that—nothing compared. Not even when I touched myself.

"Good?" he asked, kissing my shoulder as he fitted himself behind me.

"Uhm," I mumbled, making his chest shake as he chuckled.

"More?" He kissed the base of my neck.

"More," I confirmed.

His knees bracketed mine as he pushed in behind me and his cock slid along the sensitive skin between my thighs. I shuddered.

"Can you lean forward, baby," he whispered, his hand pushing gently on my back.

I nodded and did what he asked. Moments later, he was sliding inside me.

I was swollen and sensitive and it was a tight fit. When my butt was nestled into the crook of his hips and he was thick and hard inside me, I let out a low moan. His hands slid up the inside of my thighs and my hips jerked. Then he moaned.

"Aw, fuck, sugar," he breathed into my ear as he started to move. His hands found my breasts and gripped them, pinching my nipples between his fingers as he thrust.

My head fell back against his shoulder, too heavy to hold up as every nerve in my body came alive, prickling with heat. His cock pressed against some point inside me over and over again, making small noises of pleasure burst from my throat. I arched my back, and the sensation magnified.

"That's it," he growled against my throat. "That's it, baby."

One of his hands moved between my legs and I let go over the headboard to put my hand on top of his, our fingers sliding smoothly together around the skin there. I was stretched wide around him and I groaned at the dual feeling of him inside me and slipping through my fingers.

Titus's hand slid from under mine, moving forward to play with the bundle of nerves there as I clenched around him. A gush of wetness covered my hand.

Then his hand was sliding up to my breast to pinch my nipple, almost to the point of pain. I arched against it, not sure if I liked it but also reaching for more.

Titus let out a huff of breath, and still, he thrust, the sound of us loud and wet and primal.

His hand gripped my jaw and two salty fingers slid inside my mouth.

"Suck," he ordered.

His other hand moved down.

I was sucking on his fingers, arching and grunting against him when it washed over me a second time.

"I love you," Titus murmured roughly against my shoulder as his thrusts became less precise. "Fuck, I love you."

He paused and shuddered.

My muscles were trembling and as he pulled out, I moaned. Carefully, he helped me down onto the bed on my side, his hands soothing and gentle as they swept down my arms, my belly, my thighs.

"I'll be right back," he murmured.

I lay there, completely boneless as he padded to the bathroom.

I'd had sex. Plenty of sex. I'd thought I knew how it all went down, but I hadn't in a million years imagined what Titus and I had just done.

"Okay?" Titus murmured, pressing a wet washcloth between my legs.

"Yeah," I whispered back.

He dropped the washcloth on the nightstand and reached out to pull the comforter and sheet down so I could get inside, then he followed me in.

"You are so gorgeous," he said quietly, licking the tip of my breast delicately.

I ran my fingers drowsily through his hair. "That was… not what I was expecting."

Titus paused then sucked my nipple into his mouth before letting go with a little pop. "What do you mean?" He went back to it.

"I—it just wasn't what I'm used to," I replied, shuddering as his hand slid up my thigh and his fingers cupped me.

"How so?" he asked, not bothering to stop what he was doing.

"I've only done it, you know, in the car with you—"

"Not my finest moment," he muttered dryly.

"And then with Caleb—" I expected him to pause again, but he didn't. "We did it in bed."

"We're in bed," he pointed out.

"No, I mean, under the covers. You know, the normal way. With me on my back and him on top."

Titus huffed out a breath against my nipple that I felt all the way to my toes.

"There's no normal way to have sex, sugar," he informed me. "Lots of ways to do it."

"It was just different than I thought," I said with a sigh.

"Better?" he asked softly.

I looked at him like he'd lost his mind. "Are you kidding?"

Titus laughed.

"We're gonna need to get the girls sleepin' in their own beds again," he muttered. He scooted down so he was level with my belly. "At least for the few weeks we have before this one arrives."

"It doesn't bother you?" I asked curiously, watching as he smoothed his lips over the rounded curve.

"Why the hell would it bother me?" he asked, his lips still pressed against my skin.

"Just, you know, I'm pregnant."

"Noticed that. And?"

"I'm not sexy," I mumbled.

Titus's laugh shook the bed.

I shushed him.

"Not sexy?" He hooted, and I shoved at his shoulder, which he ignored.

He leaned up on an elbow. "Maybe if it wasn't you," he said, grinning, tipping his head from side to side. "Can't think of a single scenario that I wouldn't find you sexy."

"Oh," I huffed.

"So, sex with the dead husband," he said with clearly faked casualness. "Not great, then?"

"No," I replied calmly. I didn't want to think about sex with Caleb, not then, but Titus was quiet and I was afraid that all sorts of terrible scenarios were playing in his head. "It wasn't horrible," I murmured, running the tips of my fingers over his ear and down the back of his neck. "He used lubricant, and it was all very…chore-like. Go to bed, take off my underwear, slide up my nightgown, think about what I had to do the next day, and then it was over. Clean up and go to sleep."

Titus made a sound deep in his throat. "I hate that for you," he whispered. "I'm glad that it wasn't horrible, but it sounds horrible."

"It's over," I reminded him.

Titus was quiet for a few moments.

"You know, I almost went after you," he finally said, raising his eyes to meet mine. "When I saw which school they enrolled you in, I almost went up there, waited for you to get out so we could take off."

Blood rushed to my head, but I knew Titus, and I didn't let anything but a small smile show in my expression.

"Oh yeah?" I asked quietly.

"Came really fuckin' close," he said, nodding as he rested his head against my belly. "But there was nowhere for us to go. If I brought you back here, sure as fuck Ephraim would come for you. And I was seventeen, without a high school diploma, there was no way I could support us anywhere else."

"It's good you didn't," I replied gently, pressing my finger against his bottom lip. "If you had, we wouldn't have Ariel or Diana or this one."

"Maybe we would've anyway," he whispered roughly. "Maybe they just woulda been mine."

I thought about the way Diana ran screaming with glee toward Titus when he walked in the door, even if he'd only been outside for fifteen minutes. The way Ariel curled up against his chest with her blankie while they watched movies. How both girls preferred it when he brushed their teeth at night because he sang some weird teeth-brushing song. How he'd brought home a baby bathtub because he'd seen it at the store and realized we didn't have one—I'd never had one, I'd just washed the girls in the kitchen sink. I pictured him pulling on the girls' socks and shoes so they could go outside with him to play and blowing on Diana's dinner plate so it wouldn't be too hot when he handed it to her, and carrying them upside down around the house while they howled with laughter.

I watched as he ran his fingers over my round belly, his head resting against it like it was the most normal thing in the world for him to be there.

"Aren't they?" I asked carefully.

Titus's eyes closed, and he swallowed hard.

Then he nodded.

I gave him a moment.

"You can't get rid of us now," I teased.

"Thank fuck," he breathed, his eyes popping back open.

"I've heard you say that before," I mused. "Who exactly is fuck and why are you thanking them?"

"Oh, she's got jokes." He laughed, his eyes lighting up. His hand went straight for my armpit and I screeched, squirming as I tried to get away from the tickling fingers. The bottom half of me was trapped beneath the blankets and we were both laughing so hard that we barely made any sound before he finally stopped with a sigh.

"The girls are going to be very annoyed that they missed a tickle fight," I announced breathlessly. My eyes opened wide. "Shit!"

Titus whooped in surprise, pointing at me.

I smacked his finger away. "I forgot my phone on the other bed and your mom said she would call if the girls needed to be picked up, because Ariel—"

The words weren't even out of my mouth before he was up off the bed and jogging toward the door.

"You're naked," I reminded him as he went through it.

I sat up just as he strode back into the room.

"She texted about ten minutes ago," he said, tossing the phone onto the bed next to me. "Ariel's fine but they're getting tired and Mom doesn't want to overdo it this first time."

"Okay," I replied, getting to my feet as he reached for his clothes.

He stopped me as I stepped away from the bed.

"I love you," he said, grinning softly.

"Love you, too." I tilted my head back so he could kiss me.

"Get dressed," he ordered, tapping my butt lightly. "Let's go get our girls."

Less than ten minutes later, we were pulling up to his mom's house in my car.

"You're gonna need somethin' bigger than this," he said as he climbed out, hurrying around the hood to open my door.

"Why? We all fit."

"For now," he said with a shrug.

I froze. "What do you mean, for now?"

Heather opened the front door.

"Have another baby and there won't be enough seats, sugar," he said easily, leaning in until our noses were just inches apart as he pushed the door shut behind me.

My eyes bulged. "Can we get through having this one first before we start talking about more?" I asked in disbelief.

"Of course," he murmured; his lips twitched. "Gotta marry you before I start knockin' ya up."

He turned toward the house as the girls came running out the front door.

"That wasn't a proposal," I muttered under my breath.

I couldn't even be irritated with him. Not when he dropped into a crouch and opened his arms.

The girls screamed his name as they came galloping forward and as they reached him, he lifted them into the air and spun them around in a circle, making them squeal with delight.

It didn't matter how long we'd been apart or what we'd gone through during those years. It mattered even less that Ariel, Diana, and the new baby didn't share his blood.

Because we were here now. Finally. And we were his.

That was the only thing that mattered.