Chapter 12

Titus

The entire way home, I debated whether or not to tell Noel that my uncle had been keeping tabs and her father-in-law was in town. On one hand, I didn't want to worry her. There was no way that he knew where she lived anymore. On the other hand, now that she had a car, she and the girls were venturing out pretty often and I didn't want her to run into him somewhere and have the rug jerked out from under her. It was a double edged sword, wanting her to be able to live without the constant cloud of them hanging over her and the fear that if I didn't prepare she'd be caught unaware.

I pulled up the driveway slowly in case the girls were playing outside, but I didn't see them anywhere just as I realized that Myla's little SUV was pulled in haphazardly next to Noel's car. I cursed under my breath as I pulled into the open garage.

Myla and the girls had agreed to wait and give Noel and the girls a little time to settle in before descending on the house, but it looked like the reprieve was over. I could only imagine what they were talking about as I parked and hurried toward the back door.

They were in the kitchen, music playing on the speakers, Frankie laughing loudly when I made my way inside.

"You're home," Noel greeted, her smile wide. "Myla came to visit."

"I see that," I murmured, toeing off my boots as I glared at my sister.

"I gave them over a week to get used to you," Myla said, laughing. "I thought Noel might appreciate some company after having to deal with you guys."

"I made tacos," Noel said, glancing between me and Myla.

"She even made homemade tortillas," Myla added gleefully.

"Oh, great," I replied, kicking my boots against the wall. "You're stayin' for dinner."

"Don't be rude," Noel scolded.

I wasn't sure which of us were more surprised as our eyes met. Her cheeks turned pink.

"Yes, ma'am," I murmured, making her blush even deeper.

"I made a bird," Diana called, running toward me as she flapped a piece of paper in front of her. "I made a bird!"

"You did!" I said, looking at the picture she held out proudly. It looked like a circle with three legs. "Nice job!" I lifted her up as she beamed, shoving the paper in my face.

"What time are the boys coming home?" Frankie asked as I carried Diana toward the dining room table. It was covered with crayons and about fifty sheets of copy paper, more than half of them already drawn on. Lou was at the opposite side, quietly drawing something with a crayon.

"Not sure," I replied. "Hey mermaid," I greeted Ariel, scrubbing my hand over her fine blond hair.

"Hi," she replied, tilting her head back to look at me upside down.

"Her not a mermaid," Diana said knowingly as I sat her in her little seat. "Her Ari."

"My mistake," I murmured.

"A mermaid like Ariel," her older sister explained for the tenth time since me and the boys had started using the nickname. "From the movie."

"I Diana," Diana replied. "You Ari."

"I know that," Ariel said in exasperation.

I knew that tone, and exactly what it foretold. If someone didn't change the subject, there was going to be an all out yelling match between the two. It was as if when Diana started talking more Ariel had stopped thinking of her as a baby and started thinking of her as a contemporary. The arguments were funny, but loud.

"Ariel," Noel called, knowingly. "Could you start gathering up the paper, please? It's almost time to set the table."

The girls grumbled, but started cleaning up as soon as Lou reached for some of the papers.

"I don't think Cian will be here for dinner," Noel said as she started pulling plates down from the cupboard. "He mentioned that he might not be home."

"Oh," Myla replied. By the look on her face, she wasn't sure if she liked that Noel had known that when she hadn't.

Lou was quiet as she helped the girls clean up, but Frankie made a humming noise from her seat on the island.

"I got time to shower?" I asked Noel, stopping her with a hand at the base of her spine when she nearly backed into me. "I'll take a quick one."

"Sure," she breathed.

For a moment, we were frozen like that. Then I dropped my hand and headed out of the kitchen before my sister could send me any knowing looks.

Living with Noel had turned out to be one of the best and most frustrating decisions I'd ever made. Best, because I could see her all the time. Frustrating, because every time we brushed against each other, which happened often because she was a fucking magnet, her voice got all breathy and my skin felt too tight for my body. It was the best kind of torture, but there was no end in sight.

After I'd admitted that I loved her that first day in the kitchen, we hadn't discussed it again. I would never want to make Noel feel uncomfortable, and I knew that she and the girls were still trying to figure out their new normal. That said, I was pretty sure that she felt the same way about me, even if she didn't realize it yet. I wasn't going to push it.

She'd started opening the garage before I got home, so I could pull right inside without stopping. The day Otto delivered her car, she'd asked my mom what my favorite food was and I'd come home that night to tater tot casserole for dinner. She'd made a special trip to the grocery store. When I'd had a couple of seriously exhausting days a work because the computers were fucking up and I couldn't figure out what the issue was, she'd taken the kids out to play after dinner so I could have some quiet. I hadn't had the heart to tell her that I would've rather hung out with them, because I knew she thought she was doing something nice for me. When I was up late one night, she'd brought me a glass of water and a small bag of chips, knocking tentatively on my bedroom door long after the kids had gone to sleep. I still didn't know how she'd realized I was still awake and working on a side job for a friend of the club.

Her breath caught when I touched her, no matter how innocent or brief it was. Her eyes always found mine when something was funny or one of the girls said something wild. She watched me. A lot. For the most part, I didn't let her know that I noticed. Sometimes, I'd look up and find her eyes on me and there would be a long tense moment before she looked away again.

It was the most innocent foreplay I'd ever heard of. I was dying.

I took a quick shower and headed back downstairs just as Cian and Bas walked in.

"I thought you weren't going to be here for dinner," Noel said happily.

Cian, after losing his shit when he found out Noel was moving in, had completely embraced our new roommates. I had a feeling my little sister had a lot to do with his change of heart. Meeting Noel hadn't hurt either.

"Sorry, doll," Cian replied, lifting his hand in greeting to the rest of the girls. "Will there be enough?"

"Of course," Noel replied. "I was going to put some away for you anyway."

"You're too good to me," he said charmingly.

I tripped him as he strode through the kitchen.

"Play nice," Lou ordered with a laugh.

Dinner was loud as fuck but surprisingly tame. It had become the new normal for the boys and I to eat with Noel's little family, but I think it was a bit of a trip for Myla, Frankie, and Lou. They watched the interactions with amused little smiles on their faces and surprisingly Frankie tamped her crazy down long enough not to completely corrupt Ariel and Diana. Not that the little girls didn't hear enough from us. Thankfully, Diana had stopped saying bullshit, but Ariel's little finger tapped her cheek at least ten times a night to point out that one of us had cursed in her presence.

Since we had company, Noel let the rest of us clean up for once while she took the girls upstairs to get ready for bed. The moment she was out of the room, all eyes were on me.

"Knock it off," I muttered, ignoring them as I cleared the table.

"Holy fuck, Titus," Frankie whisper squealed. "She's fucking perfect for you."

"Seriously," I barked, looking toward the stairs. "Shut the fuck up."

"You plated her food," Lou sang, carrying dirty dishes past me.

"That one even surprised me," Myla added.

"He always does it," Cian informed them.

"That is so sweet," Lou sighed.

"She looks at you like you invented the earth," Frankie said, shaking her head. "Holy crap."

"She's always looked at him like that," Myla said softly, meeting my eyes from across the kitchen.

"It's not that," I argued. "She's figurin' shit out right now."

"Think she's got it figured out already," Bas said quietly. "Just sayin'."

"Ariel asked you to get her more juice," Lou said, grabbing a rag to wipe down the table.

"So?"

"Her mom was sitting right there and she asked you."

"I always get the drinks."

"Are you being deliberately blind, or do you really not see it?" Frankie asked bluntly. "Because seriously, everyone else sees it."

"I'm givin' her fuckin' space, alright?" I blurted out. "That okay with you? She's got nowhere else to go, her husband just died—"

Myla snorted in derision. I ignored it.

"She's gonna have a baby in a couple months, and she's got her hands full with makin' a whole new life for her and the girls," I continued. "She's got a lot on her plate. Plus her—" My mouth snapped shut as I realized I hadn't told her about her father-in-law being in town.

"What?" Bas asked, looking at me curiously.

"I'll be right back," I replied, setting the pan I was holding on the counter.

I hurried up the stairs. I could hear Noel talking to the girls in their bedroom and paused outside the door.

"Auntie Myla has a lot of stuff on her eyes." Ariel sounded fascinated.

"Makeup?" Noel asked.

"I like it," her daughter replied. "I'm gonna put that on when I'm big."

It was quiet for a moment.

"Well, maybe Auntie Myla can show you how," Noel murmured.

"I want you to show me," Ariel replied.

Noel chuckled quietly. "Then I better figure out how to do it."

"Why don't you wear makeup?" Ariel asked.

"I wear makeup," Diana announced.

I started feeling like a creeper, so I finally knocked on the door.

"Hey?" Noel said, swinging it open.

"You got a sec?" I jerked my head toward the hallway.

Noel looked back at the girls. "Get undressed," she ordered cheerfully. "And then I'll help you put your jammies on when I come back in."

She followed me into the hallway and pulled the door mostly shut. "What's up?"

"Don't want you to worry—"

"That pretty much guarantees I will."

I huffed out a laugh. "Listen, we've been keepin' tabs on your in-laws."

"You have?"

I nodded. "And it looks like your father-in-law is in Eugene. Can you think of any reason other than you and the girls that he'd be here?"

"No," she replied slowly, her hands twisting together.

"His job wouldn't bring him down here or anything like that?"

"He's retired," she replied. "But maybe the church?"

"That could be it," I said, reaching out to stop her from wringing her hands into a damn knot. "That might be all it is."

She looked at me doubtfully.

"He doesn't know where I live," I reminded her. "But I didn't want you runnin' errands or somethin' and gettin' blindsided."

"Should I keep the girls home?" she asked nervously.

It was a serious blow, and not a bad one, not only that my place was home to her now, but also that was where she thought they would be safest.

"I don't think you need to," I told her softly, running my thumbs over the backs of her hands. "Just stay vigilant, yeah? Maybe keep to our house, Esther's or my mom's until we know he's back home."

"We can do that." She nodded. "Flora's coming over tomorrow to hang out while Esther has an appointment anyway."

"Good."

"Mama!" Diana called, throwing open the bedroom door. She stood there completely bare assed. "Took my diaper off!"

"Oh, dear," Noel said, pulling away while I laughed. "You wanna go potty on the toilet?"

"No," Diana said firmly, running away as Noel reached for her.

"I better get her dressed," Noel said to me over her shoulder.

"Come down after they're asleep?" I asked. She usually stayed in her room after the girls had gone to bed, but maybe since we had company…

"Okay," she said, smiling.

An hour later the entire group of adults—including Noel—were lounging around the living room.

"What happened to your spot?" Lou teased Cian.

He leaned over and pulled Noel's feet off the floor, making her yelp as he set them on the coffee table. "She needs to put her feet up more than I do," he joked, making Noel scoff. She left her feet up, though.

"How much longer do you have?" Lou asked.

"Eight weeks," Noel replied. "Give or take. It might be a little longer."

"You're tiny," Frankie blurted. She looked around the room. "Was that rude?"

"A little," Lou murmured.

"Not at all," Noel said at the same time. "But wait until the last two weeks. My belly will look fake, it's so huge."

"Are you getting excited?" Myla asked.

I leaned my elbow against the back of the couch and watched Noel. I'd seen her around Esther, of course, and the other women in my family at various times, but watching her with Myla, Lou and Frankie was different. It took me a minute to realize why. They were obviously in completely different places in their lives, but they were all the same age. Noel was making friends. I wasn't sure she'd ever really had friends outside of her church, and I had a feeling those were a very different kind of friend.

"I'm excited," Noel replied to Myla. "And nervous."

"You're a pro by this point," Lou teased. "You're like, super mom."

"Not quite," Noel scoffed. "I'm not as nervous about once the baby's here… it's just getting them here."

"Yeesh." Frankie shuddered. "I don't blame you. Childbirth was obviously designed by a man. When I do it, give me all the drugs. Seriously, just knock me out."

Noel laughed. "I've never given birth in a hospital, I'm a little nervous about how that's going to go."

My entire body locked and I struggled not to let any horror bleed into my expression. Noel was talking, she was relaxed and having a good time, and I refused to be the one who asked what the fuck she meant when she said she'd never given birth in a hospital.

"Did you go to a birth center?" Lou asked. "Isn't that where Esther went?"

"Oh, yeah. That's what it's called. That's where I'll be this time," Noel replied easily. "But I had Ariel and Diana at home."

The entire room went silent. I wasn't even sure any of us were breathing.

"You had the girls at home?" Myla finally asked, her voice so low I barely heard her.

My eyes were on Noel, who was looking around the room like she didn't what she'd said to make everyone act so strange.

"Yeah," Noel replied, looking over to me. "I had a midwife. It wasn't like I just did it alone."

I gave her a small smile, even though my insides were twisting at the thought of her going through labor and having a baby in that garbage heap she'd called a home. I wanted to hit something, but more than that, I wanted to fucking weep.

"That's—" Myla snapped her mouth shut.

"Wait," Frankie said, holding her hand up. "Weren't you like seventeen when you had Ariel?"

"Yes," Noel replied.

"You had a baby, at home, when you were seventeen years old," Frankie repeated, like she needed clarification.

Noel's gaze was racing around the room again, like she couldn't figure out how the conversation had gotten so heavy. Cian stood up and walked out without a word.

"I—" She finally looked at me in confusion. "What did I say?"

"Sugar," I murmured, unsure what to say. Her eyes went soft at the endearment.

"I would rather have the baby at home," she said, leaning toward me a little, trying to make me understand. "I'd rather be surrounded by my own things and sleep in my own bed and have the girls with me."

"Yeah, that makes sense," Bas said softly. "I get you."

"My births are pretty easy," she said, shrugging. "I mean, not easy, but nothing has ever gone wrong or anything. If I had trouble, then that would be different, but—"

"Okay," I replied quietly, stretching my arm out across the back of the couch to brush my fingers over the side of her throat.

She swallowed hard. "I didn't mean I want to have the baby here of course," she rushed on. "I'm just nervous about the, uh, birth center."

"Well, shit," Frankie interrupted. "You might be the bravest and craziest woman I've ever met."

"Hear, hear," Lou cheered, lifting her beer in a salute.

"I was born at home," Myla added, smiling reassuringly at Noel. "So, I mean, I can't really knock it."

"I heard that story," Noel replied, turning toward my sister. She leaned, just barely, against my hand so I left it where it was, running my fingers lightly over the back of her neck. "Didn't your dad deliver you?"

"He said it was the worst thing he's ever done," Myla joked. "That's why I'm the last kid. I came so fast that the midwife didn't even make it in time. They weren't willing to chance that happening again."

"Dad wasn't willin' to chance it," I clarified. "Mom woulda had more."

"Yeah, you're right," Myla replied, grinning.

"And I just slept through all of it." I smiled back at her.

"You should go tour the birth center," Lou told Noel. "So, it's not so nerve-racking when the time comes."

Noel nodded. "I've seen it. That's where my appointments are. I'm sure it will be fine."

"What makes you so nervous about it?" Bas asked gently. "I've found that if you can name the shit that's freakin' you out, it's easier to get past it."

Noel shrugged sheepishly. "I've only had to go to the hospital once." She shot a brief glance at me. "Being there or the birth center just makes me feel like something is wrong. It's a lot of medical equipment and doctors and fluorescent lighting. They're always coming in your room and poking at you." She shook her head and made a dismissive gesture. "But, it's fine. I'll get over it."

I remembered when she'd had to go to the hospital. When we were kids, a couple of goons from her church had beaten the shit out of us. My aunt was a nurse and had checked us over, deciding that we didn't need medical treatment, but after Noel had gone back to her mom and brother, they'd taken her to the hospital anyway. I wish I could've been a fly on the wall when the nurses had seen her—they'd thought that Ephraim had beaten her and while he'd assured him that he wasn't responsible, Noel hadn't been willing to say anything to anyone. I hoped it was seriously uncomfortable for the douche.

My hand tightened on the back of her neck at the memory. When the guy twice my size had backhanded her, I'd lost my fucking mind.

Noel set her hand carefully on my thigh, patting it a few times as if to remind me she was okay. She left it there as the conversation moved on.

"I'm going to find Cian," Myla murmured to me as she left the room a few minutes later.

"I bet it's a lot cheaper to have your baby at home," Frankie mused, pulling a pillow off the couch so she could stretch out on the floor. "No hospital bills."

"My insurance covers it," Noel replied.

"It is a lot cheaper," Lou added. "But it's riskier, too. If something goes wrong, I mean."

"Women have been havin' babies at home for thousands of years," Bas countered. "Just 'cause somethin' could go wrong doesn't mean it will."

"Just because I could get into a car accident doesn't mean I will," Lou shot back. "But I still wear my seat belt."

"Apples and oranges," he argued.

"She's got a point, Bas," Frankie cut in. "Women have also been dying in childbirth for thousands of years."

"They die in hospitals too," Bas replied.

My entire body locked up.

He looked at me, like he'd just realized what he'd fucking said. Out loud. In front of a woman who had to give birth soon. "Rarely," he snapped. "In places they don't have the resources."

Noel's hand rubbed my thigh soothingly but I couldn't sit there any longer. I got to my feet and strode into the kitchen, my chest so fucking tight I was having trouble breathing. Jesus Christ.

"Titus," Noel called, following me. "He didn't mean it. He was just trying to win an argument."

"Gimme a sec," I rasped, turning to face the sink.

"Hey," she murmured, setting her hand on my back.

"You're not gonna fuckin' die," I choked out angrily.

"Of course I'm not," she soothed. "I've done this before. Piece of cake."

I laughed humorlessly.

"Okay," she mused, rubbing my back. "Maybe not a piece of cake. But I'll be fine. I'm not worried."

"I can't believe he fuckin' said that shit," I barked, turning to face her. "What the fuck?"

"He was just trying to prove a point," she replied softly, setting her hand on my chest. The weight of it was like a goddamn brand. "And he's not wrong. People die in hospitals all the time, of all kinds of things, pregnancy is no different."

"You're not gonna die," I repeated.

"No, I'm not." She watched me for a moment. "Breathe, Ty."

I jolted. She hadn't called me that in so long, I'd almost forgotten that she used to.

Without thought or any internal debate, my hands rose to her face and my head dipped. Her mouth was exactly like I remembered, her lips plush and soft. Her tongue tangled with mine, and beyond the part of me that whispered finally, finally, finally, another part whispered she's not going to die over and over.

I honestly couldn't even believe it when one of her hands rose and wrapped around the base of my throat and I barely registered the way her belly pressed into me as I pulled her closer.

Fuck.

It was where I was always meant to be. Right there with her in the quiet of the kitchen. Kissing like we couldn't get enough while the kids slept upstairs. I speared my fingers into her hair, feeling it loosen from the bun at her nape. She clenched the front of my sweatshirt in her fist.

"I am so sorry," Bas said from somewhere over her shoulder. When she jerked her mouth from mine in surprise, his tone changed. "Oh, shit. I am so sorry."

He was staring at us, a mixture of surprise and remorse on his face as his eyes met mine.

Yeah, man, neither of us saw this one coming.

"It's okay," Noel said, turning to face him as she smoothed her hair back. "We know you weren't even thinking about it."

My stomach sank as she took a careful step away from me.

"I'm an asshole," he replied, looking down at her. "Shouldn't have said that shit."

"Really, it's fine." She glanced my way without meeting my eyes. "I'm going to head up to bed."

"Alright, g'night," he said as she hurried out of the kitchen.

I didn't bother to call out my own good night.

"Brother, I am so sorry," Bas said to me, eyes wide. "If I'd known—"

"Don't worry about it," I replied with a sigh. I licked my lips. Yeah, they still tasted like Noel.

"Looks like shit's movin' forward," he said slyly, leaning against the wall. "Good news."

"Did you see her race outta here like her hair was on fire?" I asked dryly, running a hand over my face. "Don't think it's time to celebrate."