8. Chapter 8

LAILA

When I wake up, there’s no evidence that Holden was here at all.

I’m back in my plaid pajamas and as much as I love my sisters, I want to toss them in the fireplace and hunt down the ones that matched my entire family. There’s a profound sense of grief I wasn’t expecting.

Not over pajamas. Over all of it.

The husband, the children, the family that belongs to me . I got to create the schedule, plan the traditions–I made all the magic I wanted. And even better, I had a partner to do it with.

And he’s been right there, patiently waiting for me this entire time.

I throw back the covers, shoving my feet into the Ugg clogs beside my bed and racing down the hall.

“Holden? Are you here?”

Nothing but silence meets me.

Maybe I really am too late. Maybe he really meant what he said.

The house is back to its generic coziness it was when we arrived, and the ghosts of what existed here only yesterday causes my heart to ache. My breaths come heavier as I search each room, coming up empty.

And wouldn’t you know it? All the bedrooms have beds now.

The scent of coffee registers, and I practically sob in relief. He’s still here somewhere. I’m too eager to care about how I look, or register the temperature outside because I need to find Holden as much as I need to breathe.

I throw the back door open, fully prepared to break into a sprint and hunt the surrounding woods. But I don’t have to. He’s stepping onto the porch with an armful of firewood.

“You’re here. You’re real.” My words hang in the air between us as warm puffs of breath.

“Of course I’m real?—”

I launch myself at him, ignoring the jabs of freshly cut firewood that digs into my skin to press my lips to his. He lets out a groan and pulls back slightly.

“What—”

He cuts me off with a headshake, and steps back so he can set down his load. Then his lips are on mine again. He’s gentle and my entire body is alive with my newfound realizations. I tangle my hands in his hair, tugging him closer to me and the kiss explodes into everything we’ve been keeping inside.

Every kiss with Holden rocks my world, but there’s a new element to this one. There’s no holding back, no tentative dance, no ‘we’ve been married for years’. All of that is etched on my heart forever.

But this moment? I wish Holden could paint it on an ornament.

We’re finally in the same place and with the firm grip of his hands on me, like he can’t hold me tight enough, I’m on cloud nine. Ella’s foot-pop theory has nothing on the magic between us right now.

When you know you want to spend forever with someone, it’s a life-changing experience. Ella tried to tell me, but I couldn’t understand. Family doesn’t have to be the one you’re born into—they’re people who show up and love you in all your messiness and with all your baggage.

Even Sebastian tried to tell me.

Society makes us feel like it’s a bad thing to not have everything figured out. We live in a society where so much of what we experience takes place with a screen. We film it, document it, share it.

But what are we really doing? Deep down? We’re looking for connections. We’re hoping someone will see that video or that photo and it will resonate. You’ll matter.

Watching Ella fall in love with Luke changed my brain chemistry. But you know what else did? Living my life through the lens of my cell phone. Allowing my audience reach and the deals I landed and the amount in my influencer funds to determine my worth.

It mattered to my mother. But those things aren’t what make me. They’re not what make me a valuable person, or determine my worth.

Holden has known all of that about me from the get go. He patiently waited for me to figure it out and even though it’s taken me twelve years to do it, I don’t want any more weekends. I want every minute of every day.

“What’s going on with you?” he asks, resting his forehead against mine when we finally break apart. “Last night?—”

“I was an idiot last night. And in October. And every weekend before that.”

“You’re brilliant, La.”

My heart sings. I pull away from him enough to miss the point of contact, but I want to look him in the eyes when I say this.

“That’s not what I mean. Holden, I’ve seen what we can be.”

“I have too,” he says, gripping my elbow.

“That’s not what I mean,” I say. “I saw it. All of it. We lived here. We had two kids—Luna and Henry—and they were perfect. The house was brimming with memories and so much love.”

There’s a squeeze in my chest, reminding me of everything I left behind.

“What else?”

“Luna is quiet, but so bright. She loves to be read to.” Emotion clogs my throat as I think of her chubby little fingers wrapped around mine. “I just know she’ll have your talents when she gets older. You should’ve seen the paintings on the fridge. Born talent. And she loves gingerbread.”

“What about Henry?” he asks softly.

“He’s not afraid of anything.”

“So like his mama, then?”

It’s amazing how easily I’m getting choked up over words lately. First ‘wife’, then ‘mama’. I hadn’t let myself believe it was something I could have.

“He’s got a dark mop of hair like yours. But he never stops moving. He asked Santa for a puppy this Christmas.”

I know none of it was real , but I wish I could see his reaction when he gets one. Holden said he’d get one from Luke when the new dachshund litter was old enough. My insides feel like they could burst from the want.

“You’re right, I didn’t mean that.” The corner of his mouth lifts in a lop-sided smile. “But I want all of that, too. That’s all I’ve ever wanted with you. And if you want to still do what you’re doing now?—”

“No.” I shake my head. “I want this. If I’m going to work, I want it to mean something.”

“You know you already mean something around here, La. I know what you did when you were here last, and I wish I knew sooner.”

My cheeks heat. “You do?”

I should’ve done it back then. When I almost made that choice, and chickened out. And changed my entire path with Holden.

“Better late than never,” he says, stroking my cheek.

“Someone told me that maybe I needed to get lost to find where I belong.”

“And did you?”

“I think I’ve always known Holden. I’m sorry it took me so long to figure it out.”

“I’m a patient man, La. I knew you were worth the wait.”

His words echo the same thing ‘glimpse’ Holden told me. I wish I’d believed that so much sooner. But I believe it now.

“I love you,” I whisper. “I choose us .”

“Welcome home, honey.” He smiles before he presses his lips against mine again.

‘La’ for a weekend was never enough. Now I get to be ‘honey’ for a lifetime.

I wonder if Holden has anything against being proposed to… because I’m not patient. And we’ve got a lot of catching up to do.