Chapter Eight

CHAPTER EIGHT

LEIGH

“There’s no fucking way.”

“No, seriously, I’ve never seen someone sing Santa Baby while decorating a tree better than Luca in a string bikini.”

“I can corroborate the story,” Holt adds, crossing his finger in an X over his heart—a solemn promise. It’s an almost laughable sight coming from the-wall-of-muscle of an ex-hockey player. He joined us about halfway through Bash’s explanation of Bucket List Christmas and was all too eager to dish the dirt on Luca, claiming he shouldn’t have hidden me from them because I’m cool as shit.

His words, not mine.

Where Bash is a solid wall of muscles and Luca and Enzo are lean and defined, Holt is somewhere in the middle. His red hair and pale, freckled skin are absolutely the standout in the otherwise dark featured group, but it suits him as the hotheaded teeth collector of the group.

“And this was in Bali?” I clarify, mentally taking notes of all the places Bash and Holt have mentioned spending Christmas with Luca and Enzo.

So far there’s been: Belize, Bali, Dubai, Arizona, Thailand, Sydney and Iceland.

Holt nods and snatches a piece of bacon from the plate in the middle of the island. “The first time, yes.”

“There was more than once?” I choke, the visual of Luca in a string bikini both making me laugh and forcing me to clench my thighs at the same time.

I know what he’s packing, and that outfit would absolutely leave little to the imagination.

“What can I say?” Bash shrugs and delivers another three pancakes from the griddle to Holt’s plate. “Tequila makes that man’s clothes fall off. It also entices him to make rather interesting bets. You can’t blame us for taking advantage.”

It amazes me the four of them have been doing this every Christmas for the last seven years. New locations and new adventures, each of them juggling professional careers while Enzo managed their portfolios. It’s mind blowing.

Then again, as someone who doesn’t have any immediate family to celebrate with, it sounds ideal. Especially now that Willow has Bishop and his eleven brothers and sisters to celebrate with. And Indie is generally gone, shooting whatever movie she’s appearing in next. I foresee many Christmases that will be just Zach and me.

And maybe Luca.

I push the ghost of a thought away and focus on the two men in front of me. I can’t help but wonder if their families miss them. Notably the Donatis, who never miss the chance to show off their perfect family.

My stomach flips when I think of Luca and Enzo’s mother, Isabella Donati, and her lips pursed and judgmental stare. There is no way she’s ever going to accept Zach. Not when I’m his mother.

So much for the dream of family Christmases.

“You’re thinking too hard again,” Bash chastises, pushing the plate of bacon in my direction. “This trip is about relaxing, not working.”

Unease runs through me and a sarcastic laugh bubbles from the back of my throat. “Well, I was brought here under false pretenses, then.”

And I’m definitely not one to slow down and relax. Nowadays, the one time a year I let myself let loose is for Willow’s Birthday Palooza. Even then, the last one ended up being far less relaxing than anticipated.

“I still can’t believe he lied to all of us.” Holt leans over to check the monitor where Zach is still sleeping soundly.

At least one of us is making the most out of this vacation. The flight, plus fighting bedtime, must have really tired him out because usually he’s up before the sun. Not that I’m complaining. It’s nice getting more than five minutes of uninterrupted adult time. And I’m learning so much about Luca that I’m sure he’d never let slip.

“Okay then,” I say, clasping my hands in front of me on the island. My gaze darts between Holt and Bash like I’m conducting an interview. Or maybe it’s more of an interrogation. “So who picks where you guys go for Bucket List Christmas?”

“We take turns picking from a list.” Holt glances over at Bash as he answers, and I get the feeling there’s more to the story.

“And who made the list?”

The two of them look at each other again, as if they are afraid to say too much.

“Jack.” Holt’s eyes track toward the window, a hollow sadness taking over them.

I look at Bash, still trying to figure out what I’m missing, but he’s already glanced away, too, his flirtatious demeanor long gone.

“Who’s Jack?” I ask softly.

Holt gives Bash a small but encouraging nod.

“He’s the fifth in our little group.”

I’m hesitant to ask where he is, given the avoidance from these two usually forthcoming guys. So I play it safe and smirk. “Don’t tell me he owns a soccer team.”

“Actually, Jack was a golfer,” Holt mutters, a weak smile splitting his lips to hide the hurt in his eyes.

I know that look. It’s the look of someone who has loved and lost. It’s pain and joy as you mourn and remember them at the same time. It’s two sides of a coin you wish you never picked up.

Still, my morbid curiosity gets the best of me. “Was?”

Bash’s lips press into a thin line. “We all lived together in college. Jack passed away our senior year.”

“I’m so sorry.” The words tumble from my mouth out of habit, even though I know damn well they don’t make a lick of a difference.

Bash grimaces at the same time as Holt thanks me and takes over. “This trip is how we honor him. We found the list when we were cleaning out his room at the house. It was all the places he’d hoped to visit.”

I’m fairly certain my heart melts. “That’s unexpectedly sweet.”

“We might be a bunch of jock assholes,” Bash defends playfully, grasping the space over his heart like I wounded him, “but we’re not all bad.”

No. They’re not. Though, I get the feeling that was more so directed at me and my view of Luca and not him and Holt.

I hate that he’s right. I hate even more that I’m slowly becoming convinced of what everyone but me knows to be true.

Luca might not be as bad as I remember him. And I’m not entirely sure how that makes me feel.

I open my mouth to reassure Bash I don’t think they’re assholes, but before I utter a single syllable, Luca’s voice booms through the kitchen.

“Where the hell is Zach?”

Then again, maybe it’s better if I hold off on any rash judgment where Luca is concerned.

All three of us turn to see Luca standing in the mudroom doorway with his twin. It’s amazing how two men with the same genetics can look so similar and yet so different at the same time.

Where Luca has a commanding, posh air about him in his designer jeans, white Henley and fitted navy peacoat, Enzo is more understated and relaxed in washed denim and a hoodie. Luca stands confident with his shoulders back whereas Enzo lingers back, looking past his brother like he’d rather be in the shadows.

They might wear the same face. But what does it say about me that my eyes linger far too long on the confident asshole with a desire to tame him instead of the safe, quiet brother?

“Whoa. Settle down, Dad of the Year.” Holt snickers. “Leigh’s got him pulled up on the nanny cam. He’s exhausted, so she let him sleep and we’ve been watching to see when he wakes up.”

Luca glances down at my phone, locking in on the image of my son sleeping. Seconds pass as he continues to watch and I can’t help but wonder if, like me, he’s waiting to catch the steady rise and fall of Zach’s chest.

Once he’s satisfied, Luca leans against the island with both hands and drags his stony glare back to me. “What are you even doing in here?”

“Good morning to you, too,” I greet, lifting my mug in his direction. When he doesn’t do more than deadpan, I continue, “I needed coffee, and then Bash was nice enough to make me breakfast.”

Luca scowls at Bash as he rounds the island and picks up a pancake and takes a bite. “It’s not your job to feed her.”

“Maybe if you did,” Bash mutters.

“I never got the chance,” Luca snaps, and the pointed glower he gives Bash has him raising his hands in surrender and quitting while he’s ahead.

I roll my eyes and lay on a thick layer of sweetness in my voice. “Don’t listen to him, Bash. You can feed me these fluffy slices of heaven any time you’d like.” Stabbing my fork into a pancake, I make a show of dipping it into syrup and slowly bring it to my mouth.

Luca’s eyes track my movement and flash with something that could either be desire or hatred, though if I had to guess, it’s the latter.

It shouldn’t be so satisfying that getting along with his friends gets under his skin—but it really is.

I swallow and smile. “Holt and Bash were just telling me about Bucket List Christmas.”

“Well, they shouldn’t,” Luca grumbles as he and his brother round the island and load up their plates with pancakes and bacon.

I shrug. “I think it’s sweet you guys do this. I?—”

“No one asked you,” Luca snaps, cutting me off.

“ Damn , Luca. Who pissed in your Cheerios?”

Luca grunts in Holt’s general direction as he slides into the seat farthest away from me, but it sounds a whole lot like, “She did.”

My eyes dart between the four men sitting at the island. Holt and Bash glare at Luca, who is giving as good as he’s getting. Enzo, on the other hand, grins like a kid in a damn candy store, watching this all unfold. I get the feeling he might be a chaos gremlin at heart.

“Aaand on that note, I’m going to head back to the guesthouse.” I press my hands onto the counter and leverage myself up.

The second I take a step, Luca shoots up from his seat and, abandoning his food, heads toward the door. “Good, we need to talk before we head out.”

I freeze. “We?”

“I’ve got plans with the guys today and need to speak with you beforehand.” He jerks his head back toward the island.

“The only plans I have today are with the hot tub on that deck,” Bash counters. “My muscles are killing me from yesterday.”

“Suck it up, cupcake. The trail riders called,” Enzo explains. “The weather is better today for the horses. So if we want to see the mountains up close, today is the day.”

Holt shouts, “Yee haw,” while circling his hand over his head like he’s roping cattle.

In response, Bash starts on about how he’d be a much better cowboy than Holt because he grew up on a vineyard with horses. Holt vehemently disagrees, pointing out he went to Boy Scout camp once and was an excellent rider. They go back and forth and a minute later, there is a bet in place to see which of them is the better cowboy on their outing today.

It’s endearing and wholesome, and I can’t help but roll my eyes.

Fucking men.

Thankfully, their discussion serves as the perfect moment for me to slip out while Luca is distracted.

I’m inches from the door to the mudroom when Enzo calls out, “Why don’t you come with us, Leigh?”

See? Chaos gremlin.

I stop in the doorway and look over my shoulder. “Uh, no, you guys go.I’ve got stuff I can work on, and I’ve got Zach to worry about.” My gaze lands on Bash and I smile. “Thanks for breakfast.”

He lifts his hand in a mock salute. “Anytime, Baby Momma.”

“Do not call her that,” Luca growls before spinning on his heel to follow me.

And to think I was so close to avoiding him.

“Let me know if you get that stick out of his ass,” Holt hollers.

“I didn’t know it could be removed,” I mutter loud enough for them to hear me, relishing in the laughter from Enzo, Holt, and Bash just as much as the exasperated sigh that comes from Luca.

The sun breaks over the mountain, causing the snow remnants on the deck to glitter as Luca follows me toward the guest house.

His footsteps behind me stop before I reach the door, and I turn around to face him.

“I sent off the test this morning,” he says before I can start.

Ah, so that’s why he’s already in such a foul mood.

I lift my phone and check the time. “It’s only eight thirty. How did you manage that?”

“I drove it to the airport so it would be on the first flight out to a facility I trust,” he says it as if it’s the simplest thing in the world. Like anyone could just snap their fingers and make it happen.

Releasing a weighted sigh, I meet his icy blue gaze, praying he hears me when I tell him, “I’m not here to screw you, Luca. If you’re Zach’s father, then I want him to know you. I?—”

He throws up a hand, stopping me. “Listen, I don’t have the time to get into everything right now, and I’m pretty sure I’m still too angry to talk about all this between us. I just wanted you to know it’s been sent.”

I hold his stare but ultimately give in. As much as I want him to understand that I’m not the bad guy, he just told me he’s not ready to talk, and I have to respect that.

“Thank you for your honesty.”

Luca nods and pulls out a folded-over manila envelope from the pocket of his peacoat and offers it to me. “Here’s the Monarch Hearts stuff for you to look over while we’re gone today.”

I take the folder and slide out the paper clipped stack of papers. It doesn’t take me more than a few moments to flip through it.

My jaw drops, unable to process what I’m seeing. “Luca, this is a full proposal ready to be presented to the commissioner.”

“I know.”

I don’t need to look up to know he’s wearing a smug smile.

Looking deeper into the document, my voice goes high. “It even has the section I add to each one for team specific ideas.”

This must have taken him hours and a shit ton of forethought to put together. Usually it takes an entire week of sitting down with a team and hashing out all the mandatories, wish lists, and what we can and can’t make happen for each club.

But Luca has thought of everything. I mean, of course I still need to do a deep dive and make sure, but on the surface, it looks better than even something I could have come up with.

It’s immaculate.

“Phillip let me take a look at his proposal,” Luca explains, like he didn’t go unnecessarily above and beyond. “You just need to look over it and approve it.”

I don’t bother hiding my shock. “How—I mean, why would you do this?”

Luca gives a sheepish pop of his shoulders, his confidence wavering. Though I don’t miss the glint of pride in his eyes. “I figured we’d have more important things to talk about.”

“This is—it’s impressive.”

“Thanks.”

Time passes like molasses. Each of us awkwardly staring at the other, neither of us knowing how to maintain this moment of peace without ruining it.

Luca runs a nervous hand through his jet-black hair. “I, uh—better get going. We can discuss it after you have a chance to thoroughly rip it apart.”

A sarcastic remark sits on the tip of my tongue, but I bite it back. He deserves this win for all the work he put in.

“I’m sure it’s amazing.” The compliment sticks to the roof of my mouth, but I mean every word.

Luca nods and turns toward the house. He takes two steps before he stops and his shoulders slump forward with the weight of a sigh. Turning back around, his crystal blue eyes connect with mine, this time soft like snow instead of sharpened into ice daggers. “Since the proposal is done, would you like to come with us?”

I might as well be a fish out of water with the way my mouth gapes. If I wasn’t caught off guard by his question, the emotional whiplash would have killed me.

“Is this you speechless?” Luca chuckles. “Because I think it’s my second favorite view of you.”

“Do I even want to know the first?”

He shrugs. “It might surprise you.”

“I doubt that,” I say, shaking my head. I absolutely do not need a reminder that he’s seen me face down, ass up.“Thank you for the offer, but I should read through this proposal. And I’ve got Zach to think about.”

Luca closes the space between us in two of his long strides and grabs the proposal from my hand.

“Hey!” I try to grab it back, but I’ve got nothing on his six-foot-four wingspan.

“You can have it back later.” Luca folds it back over and shoves it back in his pocket. “Does Zach have a jacket and snow pants?”

“Well yeah, but?—”

“Do you?”

“Yes, but?—”

“Then you are both set. He’ll love it, and I get the feeling you don’t take a lot of time to slow down and take in nature.”

Nature, yes. Spending half the summer at the Renegades Hearts summer camp up in upstate New York, I am well acquainted with nature. Though he might have a point when it comes to slowing down.

Still, with all the uncertainty between us, I’m not sure it’s a good idea.

Luca smiles, waiting for my answer and my stomach flips in a way it has no business doing.

Why couldn’t he have been smug and ugly instead of confident and gorgeous?

In a desperate attempt to regain some semblance of control, I cross my hands over my chest and dig my heels in. “I thought you said you were too angry to be around me.”

He nods. “I’m still too upset to talk about co-parenting, but I’m pretty sure I can manage being around you for the day if you think you can.”

I cock a brow.

“What if I promise not to talk about the paternity test, or Zach’s parentage?”

“Considering the way you bit my head off back in the kitchen, I’m not sure I believe you.”

He mutters a string of curses under his breath, and for a moment, I think he’s about to give up his quest.

Instead, he doubles down.

“Today is supposed to be about celebrating life and friendship. Even you and your type A perfectionism can understand that. Plus, we both know spending the day with us will be more fun than reading a proposal and staying cooped up in the guest house.”

He’s clearly never spent time with an almost two-year-old, because there is no way I am going to keep that kid cooped up. I’ve already looked up every park within walking distance of the rental.

“Plus, Zach will love seeing the horses.”

Damn him for resorting to using my son’s obsession with horses against me. Which he only knows because my best friend couldn’t keep her mouth shut.

“I’m still?—”

“Just say yes, Leigh.”

I don’t want to.

I really don’t.

Because if I do, I might learn more about this man. As it is, I’m already having a hard time keeping the lines of past and present from blurring.

But he’s right. Zach will love seeing the horses.

And this is about him.

Which is why, despite shaking my head in defeat, I reluctantly agree.

“Fine.”

“That’s not a yes.”

This man is infuriating. And kind. And I don’t know what the hell to think anymore. One minute he’s reminding me that I’m the world's shittiest human being for keeping secrets, and the next he’s making my insides melt with his thoughtfulness—both toward Zach and me.

My lips move before I can stop them. “Yes.”

“Great.” Luca clasps his hands together, and I swear I see his mind moving a million miles a minute. “I’m going to call the wranglers and let them know that we’ll take the sleigh in addition to the trail horses. We leave in an hour. Will that be enough time to get Zach ready?”

Anxiety slithers up my spine, but it’s accompanied by a hint of excitement.

I nod. “I’ll meet you out front.”

“Perfect.”

He pulls out his phone, and I turn back to the guest house. As my hand twists the doorknob, Luca calls my name.

“Oh, and Leigh?”

I look over my shoulder and see he’s at the mudroom door. “Yeah?”

“My friends are off limits.”

This presumptuous jackass.

“No need to be jealous. Asshole jocks aren’t my type.”

Luca’s chest shakes with a deep chuckle as he pushes into the main house. “If you say so.”

“I do,” I whisper to myself.

Though I’m not sure who I’m trying to convince more—him or me.