Chapter Ten

CHAPTER TEN

LEIGH

I clutch the piece of paper with Bradley’s number in my fist and do my best to hide the stupid grin on my face. There’s not a world in which I’ll be calling the incredibly sexy cowboy, but it’s been a long time since a man has taken an interest in me after knowing I have a kid. Usually when they find out, men come up with a convenient reason to run in the opposite direction.

Bradley didn’t. In fact, he seemed keen to scoop Zach up and teach him to be a real cowboy. It was freaking adorable. What made it even better was the utter dismay of my broody, maybe-baby-daddy. If looks could kill, Luca would be on his way to jail for first degree murder.

I don’t need that kind of karma on my conscience. Which is why, for the moment, this number will remain nothing but an incredible confidence booster and a reminder that maybe I won’t have to die all alone. Someday the timing will be right, and the right guy will want to share a life with Zach and me. Ideally, he’ll also live in New York and not on a rural farm in the mountains of Colorado. But you know, beggars can’t be choosers, so maybe I could get used to the rustic life.

“Hey,” Luca calls out as I cross the deck and look out over at him and the three other guys building snowmen with Zach.

Bash and Holt are creating what looks like an anatomically correct snow lady, while Luca and Enzo are showing Zach how to shape snow on what looks more like a dilapidated volcano than a snowman.

And damn, is my boy grinning.

Leaning over the railing, Zach’s giggle warms my soul. “That’s a mighty fine snowman.”

Holt and Bash look up, their hands each cupping their snow woman's double D tits. “Why thank you.”

I roll my eyes and slide my gaze back to Zach, who is shoving a piece of snow in his mouth.

Luca follows my line of sight and chuckles. “At least it’s not yellow.”

“He’s probably getting hungry.”I glance down at my watch and see it’s already past noon.

Luca’s eyes widen and he whips his head back to Zach, who is enjoying every bite of his wild snow cone. “Shit, I’m sorry. I should have thought about that. When does he usually eat?”

“A half hour ago,” I admit. “But there’s no way you could’ve known. I’ll just run up and see how much longer till the food is ready.”

“I’ll go with you.” Luca drops the snow in his hand and gives Enzo a silent look, asking if he’s got Zach. His twin nods.

They’ve done the twin telepathy a few times today, and each time it sends a pang through my heart. I never had siblings, but how amazing it must be to have someone who, no matter what, just gets it. They’re always on your side and know what you’re thinking without a single word needing to be said.

In a few short strides, Luca’s hopping the deck railing and at my side. I’m about to insist I can do it myself, but he doesn’t give me the chance. He invades my space and my senses with his broad frame and musky cologne. His perfectly sculpted brow is raised as he looks down his nose at me.

“For the record, I know you could do it yourself. I wanted to talk to you before we eat.”

“Oh.” I wasn’t expecting that. Usually he’s all Me Tarzan, You Jane. You do what I say. But once again, just like with all he’s done for Zach and Monarch Hearts, he’s surprised me with thoughtfulness.

Seriously, who is this man?

Luca’s eyes trail down, lingering first on my lips, then lower to my puffer jacket. His gaze skates along the curve where breast meets waist. It’s slow. Deliberate. And it’s turning my body into a wanton traitor.

I struggle to suppress the shiver that slithers down my spine and straight to my core.

That didn’t happen when Bradley looked at me like that.

“And in case no one has told you, teal suits you.” The way he says it—relaxed, eyes heated, and ending with his lower lip caught between his teeth—is more than friendly, but not quite romantic.

At the moment, it’s too much for my brain to process. Which is why I only manage to mutter a weak, “Uh, thanks.”

If Luca notices the pink in my cheeks, he doesn't say before he turns on his heel and heads for the cabin.

I’m left standing there trying to get my back-stabbing body under control. I’m definitely not supposed to be noticing the way his designer snow pants hug his ass and thighs. The man might not play baseball anymore, but damn, all those years at shortstop did wonders for his backside.

God, what is wrong with me? This is Luca Donati. The man who ruined my life. Who manipulated us into showing up for this trip when we really didn’t need to.

But he’s also the man who picked out all my son’s favorites. And finished our entire proposal on his own so I wouldn’t have to worry about it while we were here.

“Leigh, you coming?”

Luca’s voice pulls me from my spiraling thoughts, and I glance up to find him standing with his head poked out from the cabin door.

“Yeah.”

I follow Luca inside where Martha, the sweet matriarch of the farm,is putting the finishing touches on what looks like a broccoli salad.

The moment she sees Luca and me, she smiles. “You two have the sweetest little boy. He reminds me so much of my grandson, Ryan.”

“Oh, he's not?—”

“Thank you,” Luca cuts me off with a smug smile. “He’s definitely something special.”

Apparently, I didn’t need to spiral. Just give Luca another thirty seconds and he would have reminded me why I hate him on his own.

I pin a glare in his direction, and the bastard shrugs like it’s no big deal.

But it is.

Each moment Zach and I spend here, I feel like I’m losing everything I have fought so hard to protect. And to make matters worse, I’m losing it to someone who has no idea how special it is. We’re just a shiny toy right now. But what happens when we have to actually parent? When it’s not just a fun trip to the mountains. Will Luca show up then?

I swallow hard past the lump in my throat and look past him at Martha. “No rush, but when will lunch be ready? I’m trying to make sure we don’t end up with a hangry toddler.”

“Oh!” Martha exclaims in the way only a fretful grandmother can. “I completely understand, darling. Here, if you want to have him start with some fruit, I’ve got a bowl chopped and ready.” She turns around and pulls a bowl of berries from a vintage refrigerator. Setting down on the edge of the worn chopping block, she pushes it toward us.

“Thank you so much,” I say, making a note to see if the Denver Hearts chapter would consider partnering with this family-owned business for future fun outings. It would definitely be a trek out here, but the kids would love the horses. The trail ride to the hundred-year-old cabin where Martha and her family cook a homemade meal for guests and tell them all about the history of the land would be both heartwarming and breathtaking.

Luca grabs the fruit with one hand while his other slips to my lower back.

Martha’s gaze tracks his movement, and she offers me a sly wink as Luca gently steers me back toward the door we came through.

The moment we are out of sight of the sweet old woman who thinks we’re the poster family for cuteness, I spin on him.

“What the hell was that?”

Luca chuckles but keeps walking until he reaches the railing, then calls Enzo over to grab the fruit to offer Zach.

It’s not until he’s done that he looks back and realizes I’m still waiting for an answer.

“What’s the harm in letting a little old woman—who we will never see again, I might add—believe we’re a family?”

“You can’t seriously be this dense.” I push a stray curl from my face, tucking it behind my ear. “You know who you are, right?”

He saunters back over to where to me and crosses his arms over his broad chest, a barrier of defense. “I’m fairly certain I remember my name.”

My eyes widen, surprised he’s still not getting it.

“Luca, the four of you are owners of major league franchises, not to mention four of the most eligible bachelors in sports.”

He raises a brow and grins. “So you’ve been doing your research on us.”

“You think I would let my son build snowmen with strangers?”

“No, you’re too good a mom for that.”

His compliment catches me off guard, and I tumble over my words. “I—Thank you. But you must realize all it would take is one phone call and your name, along with mine, and Zach will be plastered all over The Foul Line .”

I’ve made it a point to stay off the radar of the trashy sports news sight. I don’t need anyone speculating who my son belongs to or commenting on me raising him as a single mom. It hasn’t been easy with all the coverage of Willow taking over as the Renegades owner and Renegade Hearts getting the official MLB sponsorship, but somehow I’ve managed.

Then again, if Luca is his dad, it’s only a matter of time.

“I really don’t think Martha has a cellphone, let alone is going to call The Foul Line , but you’re right and I’m sorry.”

Compliments and apologies.

Who the hell is this man and what has he done with the asshole who can’t help but fight me?

“But honestly, it’s Chad the Cowboy you should be worried about.”

Ah, there he is.

“Your jealousy is showing,” I tease, narrowing my gaze as I prepare to go for the kill. “Bradley signed an NDA.”

His haughty grin falters. “What?”

“When we arrived, I had him and the other trail riders sign an NDA that they wouldn’t discuss any of us with the media. I just haven’t had the chance to have the rest of the staff at the house do the same.”

“Why would you do that?” His voice is a low, borderline menacing tone, as if I’m the one who did something wrong.

“Because, unlike the four of you, I have someone else to think about other than myself.” The way his face falls when I twist the knife I buried in his chest almost has me feeling bad.

I don’t actually think Martha is going to do anything with the knowledge. Luca is right. She’s old and couldn’t care less who we are. But a part of me just needed to prove a point.

He’s in over his head with Zach and me. Especially when he has no idea if Zach is even his. There are precautions that need to be taken. Having Zach’s favorites and writing a proposal isn’t enough.

Luca looks over his shoulder to where Zach is playing with his twin, a look like I just kicked his puppy etched on his face.

Damn it.

I didn’t mean to fuck this up.

Or maybe I did.

Why does this have to be so complicated?

Searching for safe waters, I step forward and change the topic. “You said you wanted to talk to me?”

“I did.” Luca turns and rests his elbows on the railing, gesturing for me to join him.

I do, and the two of us look out at where Zach is snacking with Enzo, while Holt and Bash are using the raspberries to give their snow woman nipples.

Fucking men.

“I’m sorry for how I reacted last night,” Luca starts. “And for telling Martha we were a family.”

I sigh. “Me too.”

“You were just trying to protect Zach.”

“That’s all I’m ever trying to do.”

There’s a stretch of silence, and Luca keeps his eyes locked on Zach like he’s trying to memorize every inch of him. “I just feel like I’ve missed so much.”

Luca hangs his head, and guilt smacks me across the face. Hard. I know I’m the asshole here, even if I only ever had the best of intentions. There’s a part of me that wishes I could give him my memories of all the big and small moments, while the other, larger part of me wants to scream, you don’t even know if he’s yours.

The first isn’t possible, and the second isn’t productive.

Luca knows the facts, but it’s the limbo we’re stuck in that’s hard.

Hugging him seems too personal, and words are nothing more than hollow sounds, but I want him to know I get it and I’m sorry.

Putting on my big girl panties, I scoot closer to him until my shoulder and bicep touch his. It’s simple and can’t be construed as intimate in any way, shape, or form. “I’m sorry I never told you. I should have.”

“Thank you for that,” Luca says, leaning into my touch, and I melt just a little.

“I wish I knew where we go from here,” I start softly, testing this uncharted moment of peaceful honesty between us. “I’m trying to be okay with being here. And like I said, if you’re his father, I won’t keep him from you. Zach will always be my top priority.”

“Me too. Always.” It’s an instant reaction, one with the weight of a promise behind it. Luca lifts his head and swivels it toward me. “Can we start over?”

It’s a loaded question.

He searches my face for an answer, but I can’t give it to him, because I don’t have one.

“I don’t know,” I admit. “Too much has happened. I mean, of course, for Zach, we will figure out how to co-parent but—I don’t think you understand the way you hurt me.”

“I—”

I throw up a hand and stop him. “Don’t tell me you’re sorry. I know you are. You’ve made it clear you want to apologize for everything. But those are just words.”

Hollow. Empty. Meaningless without action.

“Then let me show you.”

Once again, he catches me off guard and I jerk back, brow raised. “You want to show me?”

“Absolutely.”

“How?”

His blue eyes lock on mine, filled with determination I didn’t expect. “Stay.”

“Where?” I play stupid because I know he didn’t just ask me to stay in Telluride.

“Here.” He reaches out and grabs my hand. “Don’t leave tomorrow. Stay here for Christmas.”

My heart flutters, but I ignore the useless organ and latch onto reason, snatching my hand free of his. “Are you crazy?We can’t do that. What about Bucket List Christmas? We’ve already intruded enough and everything I’ve gotten Zach for Christmas is in New York.”

He huffs a laugh followed by a dramatic eye roll. “First of all, the guys love you guys. I’m sure they’d ask you to stay themselves.”

I glance at where Holt and Bash have now joined Enzo and Zach, and the four of them are throwing berries up and trying to catch them in their mouths, sending my son into a fit of giggles.

I smile. “They love Zach. They tolerate me for your sake. But this is a special thing for you guys. We don’t need to be here.”

“Pshhh,” Luca huffs. “I have it on good authority that if you weren’t my baby momma, more than one of them would have already put the moves on you.”

It’s my turn to roll my eyes, biting my tongue to keep from reminding him we don’t know I’m his baby momma. “Was it Bash?”

He smirks. “You think I’m going to tell you?”

Eyes narrowing, I smirk. “I’ll get it out of them.”

“You’ll have to stay then,” he surmises, smug like he’s won the conversation.

“What about Zach’s stuff?” I counter. “I might not be big on Christmas, but I promised to make it special.”

“We’re going to circle back to that, but as for Zach, I’ll get the things sent here.” He tilts his head playfully and smiles. “Plus, what’s more special than Christmas in Telluride?”

“Christmas with the people who love him,” I clap back.

Luca explodes, knocking snow from the railing as he slams his hand down. “We could love him if you let us!”

Three sets of eyes swing our direction, and I could kill Luca for putting me in this position. Each of the guys stare for a beat with nothing but pity in their gaze. Though I’m not sure if it’s for me or Luca. Maybe both.

But for how long? How long will they stick around if I let them? Only until we find out the results of the paternity test? For Christmas? His birthday? What if Luca’s not the father?

The guys awkwardly turn back to entertain Zach, and I shift my weight so I am facing Luca. He does the same, and I know we’ve reached the point where a decision has to be made.

“Luca, I?—”

“Please, Leigh.” He cuts me off. Eyes wide and pleading, my name is a prayer of desperation on his lips. “I’ve already missed so much. I know he might not be mine, but on the off chance he is, don’t ask me to miss another Christmas.”

Fuck.

He’s right.

I hate that he’s right.

But it doesn’t make it any less true.

“Okay,” I whisper, defeated and resolute.

Luca’s brow raises. “Really?”

I give a shaky nod. “I can’t argue with that. Zach is my world, and that sentiment goes both ways. He’s missed that time with you too.”

His arms shoot out, and before I can duck away, he tugs me against his chest. I try not to think about the way I fit perfectly beneath his chin as he lowers his head to the shell of my ear and whispers, “Thank you.”

My head spins. His heady scent and strong arms mixed with this soft sentiment are too much for my brain to compute. “Uh, yeah. You’re welcome.”

He releases me and we both stand there, neither of us making a move to step away. I watch as Luca registers just how close, and I know I should be the one to step back. But ever the masochist of my own feelings, I don’t.

He leans forward, ever so slightly, his chest brushing against mine and despite the layers of warming layers, my nipples tighten.

Nope.

He sucks his upper lip between his teeth and sucks in a sharp breath, and my eyes zero in on his lips.

So much fucking nope.

My body and all its cobwebs might want another taste of Luca, but there is not a chance in hell I’m going there.

At least that’s what my brain is saying, but my body doesn’t get the message.

He leans in further.

His lips centimeters from mine.

The ghost of a touch is there.

Of course, that’s when my brain catches on and I force a cough, breaking the moment.

“I—I’m going to pee,” I stammer, stumbling back. “Would you mind rounding up the guys for lunch?”

Lucahesitates, and a knowing grin splits the lips that were moments ago destined for mine. “Sure thing.”

Turning on my heel, I take off for the cabin like a bat out of hell. Once I’m in the safety of the rickety old bathroom, I splash some water on my face as the weight of what just transpired sinks in.

We’re staying.

Here.

With Luca.

Who I hate.

Who almost kissed me.

I reach up and trace my lower lip with my finger.

What the hell was I thinking agreeing to this?

And why do I wish I had stayed just a second longer?