Kynedi

I lay in Cass’s bed, thinking for most of the night. My brain went in circles, and I argued with myself so much my head hurt. A part of me was screaming for me to sneak out, grab my son, and run. I had no idea where I’d go that they couldn’t find us, but I should try. The other part was going through everything Tiernan and his family had done. How accepting, loving, and giving they were, and not just with Cass and me. I scanned the bedroom that they had put together to reflect a boy’s love of horses. They did it, not their employees.

The trips to see the racehorses and the rodeo had been to bring a smile and joy to a little boy. And the way Tiernan cared for me, not the big things like the clothes or the jewelry, showed me every day in little ways how much he loved me, too. Could I live without him? Could I live knowing what they did?

Their past was a shock, but if it was all in the past, I might be having an easier time dealing with it. But the idea they hurt and killed people scared me. They claimed it was only those who deserved it, but that was what the law was for. However, I wasn’t na?ve enough to believe our legal system always punished those who deserved it or that it was always long enough. They even sometimes messed up and convicted innocent people. That thought preyed more on my mind. What if Tiernan and the family messed up and hurt or killed an innocent person?

I fell asleep for a couple of hours near dawn, but I didn’t remain asleep long. I felt like death when I got up. I used Cass’s bathroom. I splashed water on my face, finger-combed my hair, and brushed my teeth with my finger. My clothes and other stuff were in the master. I was still unsure what to do, and I hesitated to face Tiernan without a definite answer. I had no idea how long he’d give me to think or what he’d do if I insisted on leaving and never seeing him again. Just the thought of that made my heart feel as if it was being torn to shreds.

After leaving Cassius’s room, instead of going to our bedroom, I wandered the first floor. I was trying to get my nerve up to face Tiernan. It was an aimless wander. After several minutes, I chided myself for being a coward and headed for the master bedroom. I was almost at his office door when I heard him talking. The door was cracked open. I should’ve kept going and used the opportunity to get changed in private. I didn’t because his words and tone stopped me.

“I don’t know what the hell to do, Aidan. She’s so confused. Who can blame her? She finds out the man she’s to marry is part of a family of ex-mobsters. As if that’s not enough, she finds out we still kill when it’s necessary. I wish it were as easy for her as it was for Riza, Ashlynn, and Randi to come to terms with, but it’s not.”

He paused. I assumed he was listening to Aidan on the phone. Then he continued.

“Maybe it would help if she could talk to the three of them. They were in her shoes not that long ago. Riza more than the others. She had Khloe to protect like Kyn does Cassius. I’ll ask her.”

Another pause.

“She slept in Cass’s room with the door locked. I didn’t sleep much, but I stayed in the hallway outside his door. I wanted to be there in case she needed anything.”

This revelation surprised me. He was back to listening again. He’d actually sat on the hard floor all night? Just in case I needed anything? Warmth melted a bit of that cold block of ice in my chest.

“Aidan, I don’t know what I’ll do if she leaves me. I won’t be able to live without them. If she does and I can’t find a way to win them back, I’m done for.”

Done for? He was silent again for a couple of seconds, then he responded and said this part louder.

“That’s exactly what I mean! If I can’t have my anamchara and mac and the family I want because of this, I’d rather be dead,” he barked.

Utter terror and denial hit me. He couldn’t kill himself! It would destroy me if he were dead. I didn’t think. I just reacted. I raced to the door and shoved it open. I found him standing behind his desk, frowning. He gave me a startled look when he saw me. Before he could say anything, I did.

“Don’t you dare threaten to kill yourself, Tiernan O’Sheeran! Nothing is worth taking your life. How do you think that would make me feel? I won’t let you do that!” I practically screamed.

I was in such a state that I didn’t hear what he said before he put down his phone. He ran his gaze up and down me. “Kynedi, leanbh , calm down.” He was walking cautiously toward me with his hands up, the way one did when trying to pacify a wild or dangerous animal.

I marched over to him and poked him in the chest with my finger. “Don’t tell me to calm down! How can I? When you’re in here making threats to hurt yourself. It would hurt Cass and me if we knew you were gone from the world. I’d be destroyed, knowing I was the cause.”

“I didn’t mean for you to hear that.”

“But I did. Please swear to me you won’t hurt yourself,” I begged.

As I let what I overheard, the sleepless night, and everything I’d thought and felt consume me, I took in how haggard and dejected he looked. It was like I had an epiphany. I knew without a doubt I loved him and wanted nothing more than to spend my life with him. And I trusted that he and his family were good men who wouldn’t arbitrarily end someone’s life without verifying their guilt. He stood there, saying nothing.

“I love you. I want to marry you and have a family together. I accept what you and your family were and are. I’m staying,” I blurted out.

He registered my confession and was stunned, and then I watched that morph into disbelief. He shook his head. “Hell no, no, you’re not doing this just to prevent me from killing myself. No. I won’t trap you like that. We’ll both end up miserable and so will our children. I release you, Kynedi. I’ll have your things packed and will help you find a new place to live. I’ll make sure to stay out of your life.”

He went to walk around me, but I gripped his upper arms and held onto him. “No, you won’t. We want to stay here. I love you. This isn’t just me trying to protect you.”

We went back and forth a few more times. The stubborn man refused to believe me and was determined to let me leave. Not knowing what else to do, I did something different. I lifted up so my hands were behind his neck, and I hopped to wrap my legs around his hips. Automatically, he put his hands under my ass to hold me. I plastered my mouth to his lips, and I kissed him. I put every bit of feeling into it. He didn’t respond right away, but after a few seconds, his tongue hesitantly touched mine.

As our tongues and lips became hungrier and we consumed the other, I sent out prayers that he’d feel my love and that I wasn’t just saying this. I wanted to be with him, no matter what it entailed.

I was rubbing myself against him. My pussy was growing slick, and my desire was ramping up fast. I wanted to feel his naked skin against mine. To have his hard, thick cock buried inside of me, pounding my pussy. To spill his essence deep where it would take root. I felt his hard cock pressing into my core. I slithered one hand down between us and cupped his bulging erection. He groaned.