25. Briar

Derek stood aloneat the edge of the water, a stark silhouette against the fiery backdrop of the sunset.Sabbath rested at his feet, tongue lolling, the picture of canine loyalty.Briar could barely see his face, but his posture seemed to relax when Briar slogged out of the shallows.

"I was starting to wonder if you were ever going to come in," Derek said.His voice was low and rough, carrying a hint of something Briar couldn't identify.Not anger; not worry. It was wearier than that.Maybe regret.

Briar's heart twisted with a cocktail of complex emotions.He stopped a few feet away with the waves still lapping at his feet.The cool breeze plucked up a crust of ice on his wet body. More than anything, he longed to walk right into Derek's arms and bask in his warmth...but he couldn't.

"You should go back to your family," he said, projecting a firmness he didn't feel."I'm okay. Really."

"You don't have a ride back into town." Derek's eyes didn't leave his face.He seemed to be searching for something—maybe the truth.Good luck to him; Briar wasn't even sure what the truth was himself.

"I saw Miranda over at her food truck," Briar said casually."She'll give me a lift."

"Briar," Derek said impatiently, "come home with me."

He closed the distance between them, sending Briar back into the waves.

"Stop," Briar begged. Icy water lapped at his thighs.He wrapped his arms around himself, chilled by more than his wet skin.He needed to hold something together inside before he fractured.

Derek's expression hardened. "I warned you what it would be like.You knew I wasn't going to be all lovey-dovey in public."

"I know."

"Even if I could, I wouldn't.It's not me."

"I know."

"Everyone knows Ian is a jackass.It would've looked strange if I'd defended you."

"I know!"Briar exploded. "Jesus Christ, Derek!I said it's okay, and I meant it."

"You're angry," Derek said flatly.

Briar sighed. "I'm not angry.I just…I can only pretend for so long, you know?If you want the sunny smile, you need to give me space to build it back up again."

Derek caught the resignation in his tone, and his stance softened.He was so angry and prickly with everyone else, but he'd always responded to Briar with gentleness first.The fading light cast deep shadows over his features, filling in the furrows of exhaustion that seemed permanently etched into his face.

"I don't want you to pretend," Derek murmured, his voice barely audible above the distant music and the soft lapping of the waves."Not with me."

Briar's shoulders slumped. "I hate that this is how things have to be," he admitted."I understand how tough things are for you, Derek.I do. But I've wanted and ached and hurt all my life.I'm so tired of feeling this way, you know?I want to belong somewhere. I want to belong to you."

"You do," Derek responded fiercely, his eyes burning into Briar's with an intensity that was frightening.

Briar shook his head. "Your family is such a big part of you—the biggest part.Staying separate from that is like only ever knowing one half of who you are.I know you resent it, but honestly, I don't think you'd change it even if you could.You're a protector and a caregiver down to your core.If you could wake up tomorrow and go your separate ways, you wouldn't."

Derek's expression twisted. Briar knew how desperately he wanted to argue, but he'd never lied to him.

"I don't want to lose you," Derek said hoarsely.

Briar forced his old sunny smile, but it wobbled."You won't," he promised. "But it's wearing me down.You need to give me time to sort my feelings out."

Derek's eyes never left Briar's face.He looked like he was trying to drink him in."I hate doing this to you. I'm sorry.Sorry for making you feel…" That big brain of his was struggling to find the right words."…less than you are to me."

Briar's gaze dropped. "What am I?" he asked miserably.

"Everything." Derek closed the distance between them and reached out to touch him.His fingers ghosted over Briar's hair, stroked his eyebrow, brushed down his cold cheek. "You're everything to me, Briar.I don't think I've ever really lived—not since I was a kid.I was just existing. Then you showed up and blasted sunshine into every corner of my life.You're everything. You're light and breath.You're life."

The raw honesty in Derek's admission struck a chord in Briar.He vibrated with it, and the tight knot of hurt in his chest began to loosen.

"You love me." Briar said with slowly dawning realization.He shifted closer, chest to chest, letting Derek's warmth envelope him.He looked up into that beloved rough face and said with quiet joy, "You love me…don't you?"

"How could I not?"

"Say it." Briar whispered. "I need to hear it."

Derek pulled him close, cradling his head in one big hand.Briar wrapped his arms around Derek's waist and rested his ear against his chest.His heartbeat was strong and steady—but fast.So fast. Like he was scared to death.

"I love you." Derek said it solemnly, like a vow.Maybe the only vow Briar would ever hear from him, but it was enough.

Hearing it felt like coming home for the first time in his life.It was the first time he'd heard those words that he actually believed them.Derek never said anything he didn't mean.It didn't solve their problems, but it felt like a lifeline.If they could hold onto this feeling, they would always find their way back to each other.

They stood at the edge of the water, under a sky bleeding the last of its colors, and let the world fade around them.It felt as if they were floating there alone, hidden in the darkness, with only the stars and the mournful strains of a distant blues guitar.

"Remember when you asked me to dance?" Derek murmured.

"Yeah." Briar laughed helplessly."I was just trying to get a rise out of you.I knew you wouldn't do it."

"I will now." Derek's lips brushed against the shell of his ear, his temple, the rise of his cheekbone."Dance with me here. Just us."

Briar's breath hitched. He leaned back in Derek's arms and scanned their surroundings.It was dark enough that the risk of anyone seeing them was slim.Even if a curious onlooker spotted them, they"d only be a couple vague silhouettes in the gloom.But he would never forgive himself if Derek was forced out of the closet before he was ready.

"People might see us," he warned.

"It's a risk I'll take." Derek's voice was husky as he pulled Briar into a gentle sway.

They stood at the edge of the water, and the waves lapped over the edges of Derek's boots, soaking hisjeans.He didn't seem to care. He cradled Briar in his arms and pulled him into the rhythm of the music, gazing intently down at him like he was the only thing thatmattered.

Briar couldn't relax. "What if your family comes looking for you?" heasked.

Derek gave it a moment's introspection, then hesighed."They already know. Susan never would've invited you over to sit with us if theydidn't.She was hoping to ease my folks intoit."

"Your dad didn't seem to mind," Briar venturedhesitantly.

Derek shrugged. "Dad knows I took his place as head of the family a long timeago.He hasn't ventured an opinion on me since I wasthirteen.But Mom doesn't handle stresswell.It'll take time for her to acceptit."

"Maybe you're underestimatingher."

"Maybe," Derek acknowledgeddoubtfully."I've just spent a lifetime doing everything I can to make life easier forher.I can't turn it offovernight."

Briar wrapped his arms around Derek's waist and squeezed, saying thickly, "You're the best man Iknow."

"I'll figure this out," Derekwhispered."For you, I'd doanything."

Then he clasped Briar's hand and spun him out in a surprisingly gracefulloop.He was so much taller that Briar didn't even have to duck under hisarm.He laughed, delighted, as the stars spun. Derek reeled him back in, kissing him deeply, and the world just kept onspinning.

Maybe it wasn't perfect, not yet, but Briar thought it was the closest he'd ever get this side ofheaven.