18. Briar

A light,giddy feeling had been tickling Briar's chest all week.Like bubbles in a champagne glass, a constant effervescence that he could barely contain.He recognized this feeling, part nerves and part thrill, but it felt different than the other times he'd thought he was falling in love.Stronger, more potent, and so much more terrifying.He couldn't shake the niggling worry that this time, he was risking so much more than an awkward break-up scene.

But even his nerves couldn't dim the joy he felt every time Derek's name popped up on his phone.Texting gave them a chance to have a meaningful conversation, since Derek seemed physically incapable of looking at Briar's mouth without kissing it.Not that they discussed anything particularly deep.

It started with Briar texting pictures of Sabbath—who he'd reluctantly agreed to stop calling Princess Sparkles so long as Derek didn't object to her pink rhinestone collar.Derek had surprised him by sending back a picture of his own: a poorly lit selfie of himself kicked back on a checkered sofa.A picture of a cherub sitting on top of a sunflower hung on the wall behind him.

Impulsively, Briar tapped out a text: Where are you?

He hadn't expected a reply, but it came almost immediately.

Derek:Dinner with my folks.

Briar was charmed. Derek might have a complicated relationship with his family, but they were obviously close despite their issues.Briar's only experience with family meals was tagging along with Nate whenever Mrs. Silva made enchiladas.

Tell them I said hi,he texted frivolously.Ridiculous. He didn't know any of them other than West.Probably never would. After all, he wasn't planning to stay in Sweetwater forever…was he?

The question plagued him for days.It pricked at him in the takeout line at The Hungry Pig, and it dug at him when the man at the gas station regaled him with talk of the upcoming Fish Fry; whatever that was. He"d be back to his old life soon enough; what was the point in making plans?

He was so distracted treating Mr. Foster"s spaniel that he almost grabbed rubbing alcohol instead of iodine.Despite that, the old man was so pleased with Briar"s care that he left him with black bear steaks as a parting gift.Because that was apparently something people did around here.

Just clearing room in his freezer for this year's tag,Derek texted when Briar sent him a picture and a puzzled emoji face.

What do I do with it?Briar texted back.He was sitting on the sofa in the break room, hunched over his phone, with the cooler of frozen meat at his feet.

Derek:Cook it.

Briar rolled his eyes and tapped out: I don't know how.

There was a brief delay, and then his phone chimed with Derek's answer: Bring it up to the cabin tonight.I'll teach you.

Briar knew he was grinning like a fool, but he couldn't help it.

"Briar." Nate"s sudden voice had him almost jumping out of his skin.The phone fell at his feet with a clatter.

"Jesus!" Briar exclaimed, clutching at his heart."Warn a guy!"

Nate watched him from the doorway, a line of concern etched across his forehead."What's going on?"

Briar fumbled to retrieve his phone and slipped it into his pocket."What are you talking about?" he asked innocently.

"You're awfully chipper lately."

"I'm always chipper," Briar said blithely."I'm a fuckin' delight."

"You are." Nate's smile was crooked."But I know how hard it was for you, giving up your whole life and moving here to help me."

Briar shrugged. "Wasn't much of a life."

Nate hesitated, as if he was searching for the right words, then said, "I just haven't seen you this lighthearted in a long time."

"I guess I've finally assimilated," Briar said flippantly, waving a hand at the cooler full of black bear."I didn't even run screaming when Mr. Foster left this present."

Nate didn't laugh. The stark silence meant he was waiting for Briar to look at him.

Briar resisted as long as he could, fiddling with a loose thread on the hem of his shirt.It was a professional button-up today, navy blue with a pattern of orange and red swirls Nate said reminded him of hotel curtains—the plebian.But nobody was as patient as Nate, and eventually the thread snapped and Briar was forced to meet his eyes.

"Talk to me," Nate coaxed. There was a well of protectiveness in his eyes, a brotherly worry that pricked at Briar's sentimental side.He couldn't lie to his best friend, but he refused to be responsible for outing someone who wasn't ready.

"I…met someone," he admitted grudgingly.

Nate's eyes narrowed. "Who?"

"Does it matter?"

"Hell yes, it matters!" Nate exploded."There are no single gay men in this town, Briar.None."

"That's what you told me when we moved here," Briar retorted, even though he knew he was purposely missing the point."Right before Tucker started railing you every night."

"Don't play that game with me," Nate warned."It's because of what I went through with Tucker that I'm saying this.Loving someone who doesn't love you back is hell, but it's nothing compared to loving someone who's afraid to love you back.I don't want to see you hurt like that."

"Who said anything about love?" Briar retorted defensively.

Nate sighed and took a seat beside him on the sofa.He slung one arm around Briar's shoulders and said roughly, "Like I don't know you and that big fucking heart of yours?"

A flush crept up Briar's neck.The truth in Nate's words stung, but he couldn't deny them.Not with the only person who'd ever really cared about him.

"I know what I'm doing," he insisted, but there was a tremor of doubt in his voice.

"I'm not saying you don't," Nate said, giving him a squeeze."I just want you to be careful.You deserve happiness, Briar.Real happiness. I don't think a man like Derek Owens even knows what that word means."

Briar's head came up with a jerk."I never said—"

"You didn't need to." Nate's expression was wry."You"ve been giving me the third degree about him for weeks."

"I'm a curious guy."

Nate shook his head. "Besides, he's exactly your type.Big, mean, and totally wrong for you."

"You're fishing," Briar said, wiping his damp palms on his pants."There's no reason to suspect anything between us."

He trusted Nate, but Derek had entrusted him with his first time with another man, and it seemed very important to protect that.To protect him. Briar had a disconcerting suspicion that nobody ever had.It was always Derek doing the hard work for everyone else.

"You adopted his dog," Nate pointed out, "and you haven't lived in a small town nearly long enough if you expected that scene he made at Rawson's to stay quiet.It's the talk of the town. He's not the kind of man who interferes with other people.Not unless it involves his family."

"What about his friends?"

Nate's expression screwed into a funny shape."I don't think he's ever had any friends."

Briar pulled away, appalled. "How is that possible?" he demanded.

"I don't know, man." Nate cracked his neck, clearly uncomfortable with the topic, and said reluctantly, "None of the Owens kids had much of a childhood.Him most of all, I guess. He'd already dropped out of school before I hit kindergarten.Spent all his time working out in the boonies with rough old bachelors.How's a fourteen-year-old kid going to make friends like that?"

"He never graduated high school?" Briar thought back to their first meeting and the sneer in Derek's voice when he said: you think rednecks can't do math without some fancy college degree?

Briar leaned forward, eager for more information despite the tiny voice inside his head trying to make him feel guilty. He knew he should be learning these things from Derek, but he always felt like he was on the back foot with him.Any information was welcome if it could firm up the ground beneath his feet.

Nate snorted and scrubbed his hands over his face, seeming to come to an internal decision.He stretched back into the sofa and patted his shoulder, inviting Briar to get more comfortable for storytime.

Briar obligingly snuggled up to him.Nate was like a brother, and Briar knew that whatever he said was the God's honest truth as he knew it.

"Derek never went to high school," Nate said, starting slowly, as if organizing his own thoughts in his mind."I heard he's pretty smart—"

"He is," Briar affirmed. "He can do mental math really fast, and he always has an answer for everything. His cabin is full of history and psychology books."

"How do you..." Nate began, looking disturbed.Briar stared back at him, tight-lipped, and eventually Nate just sighed and shook his head.

Briar took that as encouragement to continue."He can cook and fix cars and catch fish and carry on a conversation about Sabbath's medical treatment as if he's the one with the veterinary qualifications.He seems to know everything. It's intimidating as hell."

Nate was quiet for a moment, absorbing the information—or maybe just registering Briar"s enthusiasm.

"I don't like him," Nate said after a long silence."West is my friend. I grew up with him, and I've seen the way he shrivels whenever his older brother is around.Derek might've been the one who kept their family running all those years, but so what?We're all small-town poor around here.None of us had it easy. But Derek's never let any of them forget what he gave up for them.He's…he's just not a nice person, okay?Even if he was out, he wouldn't be right for you.You're sweet and a little na?ve despite the way you grew up—"

"Hey!"

Nate tweaked his nose, trying to smile despite the worry on his face."I just never again want to see you flinch when a boyfriend walks in the room."

Briar twiddled his thumbs, sorting through a jumble of responses. What Nate said made sense; Briar had repeated the same cautions to himself over and over again. But Nate had never looked into Derek's eyes. He'd never seen the kindness there…or the loneliness.

"I hear you," Briar said slowly, not wanting to sound like a vapid, lovesick fool, ready to throw away common sense just to hop on the D. "I know you want what's best for me, and I appreciate it.But—and don't take this the wrong way—didn't people say the same thing about Tucker McGrumpypants?"

Nate stiffened. "That's different," he said sharply.

"How?"

"I"ve known Tucker since we were kids.He can't show his gentle side around a lot of people, but it's there and it's strong.He's the best man I've ever known."

Briar nodded agreeably. Tucker wasn't the most personable guy, short-tempered and brusque, even on his best days.But he treated Nate like gold, and that was all that mattered to Briar.

"It's just that maybe Derek is misunderstood too," Briar said softly.

Nate took a breath. "Briar—"

"I know how it sounds," Briar protested, holding up a hand."I learned my lesson with Dax, I swear.I'm not into bad boys anymore.But it's not like I'm trying to rehabilitate Derek.I like him the way he is."

"Why?" Nate sounded perplexed.

"Looks aren't everything," Briar said, trying not to take offense.

"That's not what I meant."

"Look," Briar said, choosing his words carefully, "I might not have known Derek as long as you knew Tucker, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong.It just means he feels safe enough to show me a side of himself that he's never shown other people.Maybe...maybe because I"m not like anyone he"s ever known before."

He added that last parthesitantly.For the first time, he dared to believe that his oddball nature wasn"t aflaw.It was part of what Derek loved abouthim.

Liked.

Liked abouthim.

Derek didn"t lovehim.

Nate searched hisface. The skin between his eyes was pinched, as if he had a headachebrewing.

"Just…be careful," he said finally, an edge of caution in hisvoice."Even if you're right about him, and he's some secret renaissance man like Good WillHunting—"

"No need to be snide," Briar retorted, rolling hiseyes.

"—he still comes with a lot ofbaggage.Things like that don't just go away, no matter how much we wish theywould."

The sound of a throat clearing caught their attention, and they glanced simultaneously toward the break room's entrance.Tucker Grace clutched the overhead door frame and leaned in, shockingly handsome and freshly shaved after a long day training horses.

Nate's face instantly brightened."Hey, baby."

Tucker never even spared Briar a glance.His smile was all for Nate when he said, "Thought I'd take you out to dinner."

"Rawson's or The Pig?" Nate asked, and Briar couldn't help but laugh because those were the only decent choices that didn't come in a paper bag.

"Anywhere you want," Tucker replied.

"Sure." Nate ruffled Briar's hair and then shoved him off the sofa so he couldstand.Tucker reached for Nate the second he was free, pulling him close for a kiss, and Nate"s arms wrapped around hiswaist."I just need to finish uphere.Briar's taking offearly."

"I am?" Briar stood and smoothed the wrinkles out of hisshirt.

Nate raised one knowing eyebrow at him."I have my reservations, but I'm still your wingman," he said kindly. "Go get yourguy."