12. Derek

The late afternoonsun was scorching, reflecting off dented chrome and making the entire yard shimmer with oppressive heat.Scraggly clumps of sedge sprouted in the shade of abandoned vehicles, but they were already wilted and yellow from the temperamental weather.Another month, and they'd be dead.

An old Black Sabbath albumblared from Derek's Bluetooth speaker, echoing off the undercarriage of the Buick he was working on.It filled his head with white noise but never quite managed to drown the litany of disgust and self-loathing that pounded through his brain.

He'd been strippingcars for so long that his shoulders screamed with every torque of the wrench, but he refused to slow the punishing workload.Sweat soaked his worn-out t-shirt and dripped down his arms, mixing with the grime and dried blood on his split knuckles.

The salvage yardwasn't much, but it had been his second home since before he knew how to shave.The men who'd once taught him everything they knew were now his employees, and the office where he used to nap between jobs now belonged to him.People always wrinkled their noses whenever they entered the property, but the distinctive stench of metal and oil comforted him.He was in control here. It was mindless work, but there was still something satisfying in taking the broken, wasted bones of decayed vehicles and once more turning them into something useful.

He couldn"t seemto find that satisfaction today.Whenever he thought of the wounded look on Briar's face, something deep inside his chest lurched painfully.Something that felt like his heart.

The kid put on a good show, but Derek knew he"d hurt him, and he felt like shit about it.

Briar pretendedto be some vapid city boy, but he had substance.It had been obvious from the first moment they met.There was a deliberate sweetness to him, but it wasn"t born of naivete.He said he"d grown up in the foster system, so chances were he"d seen plenty of the wrong side of life, but he still chose to stubbornly, cheerfully look on the bright side.Probably because he didn't want to spend the rest of his life a miserable bastard like Derek.

God,he was sweet.

Derek had never kissedanother man.Never even touched one. He'd locked all those desires away in the deepest, darkest pit of his soul and refused to think of them.Even if he sometimes still found himself looking at another man a little too long, he'd never acted on it, and he never would.He'd made a promise. As far as anyone would ever know, he was straight, and he was planning to stay that way no matter how soft Briar's skin was.No matter how perfectly he fit in Derek"s arms.

Derek had always pridedhimself on his self-control.There was nothing he couldn"t do without.But he seemed unable to resist those big gray eyes of Briar"s, or the way a tiny little dimple popped in his cheek when he smiled.So, he had to stay away, or more precisely, he had to keep Briar from wanting anything to do with him.

But it lefta bitter taste in his mouth.

He'd just removeda Buick"s drivetrain and loaded the parts into the back of his truck when a fast-moving cloud of red dust caught his attention.He recognized the familiar paint job of West's old delivery truck as he pulled through the front gate.

Derek cursedand hung his head, ignoring the droplets of sweat that shook out from the tips of his hair.

If there wasone thing he was never in the mood for, it was dealing with his baby brother.But especially not today, when the wounded twist of Briar's kiss-bruised lips still dogged his every thought.

West parkedhis truck amid the piles of old junkers, engine protesting with a series of clicks and rattles that had Derek itching to look under the hood.He stepped out from behind the wheel, cowboy-slim, the complete opposite of Derek's heavy bulk.He wasn't anything special; none of them were, but his clothes were tidy and his hair fell unfussily over his forehead, clean and shiny, just like the rest of him.He always looked fresh and happy.

"What the hell, Derek!"West yelled, closing on him with ground-eating strides."Answer your damn phone once in a while!"

His words were swallowedby a metallic squeal as Derek pried a door off its last rusted hinge.

"Not now, West," Derek grunted without looking at him."I'm not in the mood."

West stopped a few feet away,examining him closely before muttering, "Like I"ve never heard that before."

Derek paused,panting, and braced one arm against the frame of the Buick.He grabbed a bandana from his back pocket and cleared the sweat from his vision.

"What do you want?"

"You haven't answeredmy calls for a whole week.Not since you swooped in to play hero the other night.I never asked for your help, Batman."

"Never need to,"Derek grunted.

West's eyes sharpened,his jaw tensing."Michael was right there. He wouldn't have let anything happen to me.Besides, I've already proven that I can handle my own fights.You need to give me some space."

"Yeah?"Derek pinned him with a hard look."What happens when you show up at Sunday dinner with another broken nose?Mom will make it my business too.Face it, little brother, you're always going to be the baby, and it's always going to be my job to watch out for you."

"Things are different now,"West protested.He looked intensely frustrated, but tough shit.Derek felt like that every day."I've got a family of my own, Derek.I"ve got the rodeo. Got a life!Mom and Dad have learned to let go, but you're still hanging onto your goddamn hero complex!Who asked you to be everyone's savior, huh?"

"Who asked me?"Derek felt a vein ticking in his forehead. His argument with Briar had already whittled away the last of his self-restraint. "You did, West, from your very first breath."

West flinched,his face draining of color, but Derek wasn't finished.If West thought he was man enough to force a confrontation, he could take what was coming to him.

He jabbeda finger at his brother's stricken face and said, "I stepped up because nobody else would.Mom had four other kids, but you were the one who mattered most.They almost lost you so many times.Making sure you were healthy and happy was the only thing that ever mattered to her.It was her obsession. Dad was gone.Who was going to take care of the rest of the family, West?"

His brother opened his mouth,but Derek plowed on before he could speak.

"I steppedup because nobody else would.I made sacrifices so the rest of you could live normal lives, and all I"ve ever gotten from you is your spoiled fucking attitude about how I choose to do it."

West stared at him,wide-eyed, and something about his wounded expression reminded Derek of Briar earlier that day.There was no excuse for hurting the two most harmless guys in town.

Maybe he wasthe brute everyone thought he was.

In the end,West stuffed his hands into his pockets and said, "We're adults now, Derek.You can't keep taking my choices from me."

Derek barked out a laugh,but it didn't sound like one.The edge was all wrong, raw and condescending and ugly.He didn't like who he became around his youngest brother.

"Sure, baby bro,"he said dismissively."I'll treat you like an adult when you start acting like one."

"God, you're a jerk."

"Takes one to know one."

They stood there,facing off and glaring at each other for so long that they began to feel ridiculous at the same time.West's lips gave a reluctant twitch, and Derek rolled his eyes.Then West laughed. He'd never been able to hang onto a bad mood for long.

"Look,"West said, removing his ballcap and smoothing back his hair before adjusting the brim."Just…tone it down, okay? It's not just me you're hurting.Michael was furious that you spoke for him—and what about that little guy?"

Derek's eyes narrowed."What little guy?"

"You know."West gestured vaguely."Nate's assistant, Briar. Maybe he doesn't understand how bar fights work around here, but he had to know what would happen when he stepped in front of you.Sutter cleaned his clock because he was protecting you.I think he might be sweet on you."

Derek's bodytensed all over."Don't be ridiculous."

"I'm just sayingit's possible." West chuckled."He likes ‘em brawny. I heard he was making cow-eyes at Eli when he first rolled into town, back before he knew Eli was taken.I know for sure that he had a thing for Michael for a while.The little shit."

Derek remained stonily silent,but he felt the deep rage that had been simmering all afternoon begin to boil over.

What wasthat he"d thought earlier?Briar had substance? Based on what—his gut feeling?

Stupidly,Derek had assumed Briar knew how to look past his rough looks.Briar acted like he saw Derek—truly saw everything that lay beneath his gruff disposition.But it turned out he was just a soft, spoiled city kid looking to slum it with whichever cowboy responded to his advances—and Derek was the jerk who"d fallen for it.

West seemedto notice the shift in his brother's mood.His gaze transferred from Derek's face to the cracked knuckles of his clenched fist.He took a step back, holding up his hands in mock surrender.

"Easy there, Cujo,"West said lightly."It was just an observation. The kid's a flirt.You know it doesn't mean anything."

Derek fixedhim with a glare that could melt steel."Stay out of my business."

"Ha! Likewise."A hawk screeched overhead, and West looked up and squinted.He watched it, refusing to meet Derek's eyes when he added, "Think about what I said, okay?I'm worried about you. Not everything has to be a fight, you know."

Derek didn't bother dignifying thatwith a response.He turned away and fixed his attention on the mangled Buick.

His mind kept returningto Briar, over and over, like he was already a trained dog.It would be so easy to stop fighting and give in to someone like him, someone bright and warm, someone who loved him despite his rough looks and bad attitude.But West was wrong—everything in Derek's life was a fight.The weight of a lifetime of duty was constantly bearing down on him, threatening to crack the barrier he"d shored up around his heart.For the first time in years, Derek was worried the barrier might not be strong enough.

He didn't trusthimself to speak.He was afraid of what might accidentally slip out.

West let outa resigned sigh and said, "I'd better get going.Michael and I are taking Abby bowling for her birthday.See you at Sunday dinner."

Derek nodded,buthedidn't watch him leave.He closed his eyes and listened to the dirt and gravel crunching beneath West's boots, and for a fleeting moment, he imagined what it might be like to have someone waiting at home for him.Someone who wanted him for who he was and not what he could do for them.But fantasies like that weredangerous.

He'd learnedthat a long timeago.