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Chapter Thirty-Seven

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

NOW PLAYING: HOLD My Breath- Post Malone

My eyes are still heavy with sleep when I finally wake up. The nest beside me is cold. Empty. If the room wasn’t saturated in Nexus and my scents combined, I’d believe everything that happened was yet another fever dream.

Forcing myself the rest of the way awake, I glance around to see the remnants of my time spent with one of my Fate matched mates. Empty water bottles and granola bar wrappers overflow in the trash. A full bottle and an unopened snack sit beside me with a shirt. Nexus left me his shirt. I pull the material to my nose, inhaling his amber and oud scent even though it still permeates the air around me. Small traces of Titan’s pink pepper and leather scent tell me this is actually another of my alpha’s shirts.

Not my alphas, I remind myself gently.

I need a shower. Even though I remember pieces of Nexus helping me get clean, my body feels sticky with sweat, slick, and cum. Leaving the nest for the attached bathroom, I turn the shower on to warm up while I gather the soaps and shampoos the hotel provides.

After a thorough scrub, I stand at the sink and brush my teeth. Nothing is worse than post-heat teeth grime. They always seem to be the things we forget to care for the most.

Looking at myself in the mirror, my eyes track the small bruises and love bites littering my skin. It isn’t until I turn to look at my back that my joy becomes panic. At the bottom curve of my ass, slightly hidden from view, is a partial bond mark. I know it isn’t a full mark because I can’t feel the bond in my chest. Nexus almost bonded me. He started the process at least.

Shit, I hope I didn’t bite him too.

A knock at the nest door draws my attention away from the potential disaster now decorating my ass. I throw on Nexus’ shirt, grateful it is long enough to cover all my parts, and swing the door open. Lex stands on the other side with a duffle bag in his hands. He offers it to me and I quickly get dressed, making sure all of my belongings are removed from the nest.

“Here, eat.” Lex slides me the breakfast he must have had the hotel send up. I devour the food, starving despite the protein bars Nexus fed me yesterday.

“So how bad is it?” I finally ask. I remember telling Bea to reveal everything to Pack Graves. I’m honestly surprised Nexus even showed up to help me. Maybe he felt bad about the heat and only came to make sure it didn’t kill me…

“I only know what Bea told me.” Lex shakes his head, his dark blonde hair falling across his forehead. “I can’t speak for Pack Graves, but I don’t agree with the way they’ve reacted so far. They’re removing you from the rest of the tour.”

I expected as much. I’ll have to stop by the office before they head to the West Coast and explain things to Mr. Acherley. I don’t want the guys to have to find an excuse for my termination.

“Listen, I’m not going to bullshit you Omen. Pack Graves have also made it clear they want nothing to do with you. They went as far as to put in a formal injunction with the DAU to ensure you aren’t allowed anywhere near them.”

My breath stalls in my lungs hearing the words I feared spoken aloud. Even knowing there was a chance this could be the outcome of my secrecy, I’m unprepared for the pain splintering through my chest. As if the organ is splitting apart. “I didn’t get to explain,” I mumble numbly.

I fumble through the bag I’d sat on the floor to find my phone. Opening the device, I curse when I see the battery life has diminished to less than five percent. Hoping the power will last long enough to get me through one phone call I scroll to Nexus’ name and press the call button. The line rings once before I’m sent to his voicemail.

“No, no, no.” I try Callisto next. My hands shake so much I’m barely keeping the phone in my hand. His line is the same. Titan and Nebula’s too. “Please,” I whisper. My eyes are glued to the device as I send message after message to our group chat, but they’re all undelivered. They’ve blocked me. I have no way of contacting them. Of explaining–

“Do you have a pen?” I suddenly ask Lex. There is a way I can contact them. He finds one in a drawer and hands it to me. His brows are drawn as he watches me quickly write across my skin. I focus on my mates, willing them to receive my message and give me one chance to explain everything.

‘Please let me explain.’

Minutes pass before my arm starts to vibrate with an incoming message. I choke out a breath of relief but it is short-lived.

‘Desist contact immediately or we’ll have to file a restraining order against you.’

The warm, smooth feeling wrapped around my body tells me the message is from Nebula. He’d written me randomly when he was too worried about me to resist.

Tears leak from my sore eyes in endless streams as I fall apart. Shattering like glass on concrete. My knees buckle and I hit the floor. Sobs clog my throat. I swallow convulsively to clear them away but they escape anyway.

In my mind, I can see my supposed-to-be mates. Pack Graves. We’re standing on opposite shores with the white water rapids of our emotions preventing us from reaching each other. I can see the charred remnants of a bridge hanging from each side, and I can feel the weight of a lighter in my hand. I did this to us. Forced this distance between me and my Fated pack.

Now I’m facing the consequences of my decisions and all I can feel is regret. Why does it hurt so much when I knew this was coming? My heartbreak makes me feel as though I’m being sliced into a thousand ribbons. How will I ever survive this pain?

I get one day holed up in my apartment trying to come to terms with Pack Graves' choice before I have to face the world once more. Tomorrow Primordial Covenant’s tour resumes so I have to visit the studio today to talk to Shiloh Acherley about my resignation.

Lex drives me, still my silent shadow in the wake of my birth family potentially finding my identity. I don’t see the point. So what if my father finds me? Nothing he could do would be worse than the pain I’m experiencing now. “We’re here,” He grunts from the driver's seat. He’s been watching me more thoroughly since he witnessed my breakdown.

I follow him into the building and up to the label’s offices. We bypass the room where I’d met Primordial Covenant the first time, heading to Mr. Acherley’s office two doors down. I try to ignore the way my heart clenches painfully at the reminder of our first Fateful encounter. I almost want to step inside the room to see if it still holds any hint of their scents, but I recognize my desperation is speaking and force myself to keep moving.

“Come in,” Shiloh calls when Lex knocks on the door. We both step inside and the older exec rises to offer his hand. “Mr. Castillo, Miss Powell. To what do I owe this pleasure?” He gestures to two empty seats so I take one. Lex remains standing close to the door.

“I need to terminate my contract with the label and resign from the remainder of the tour.” Shiloh takes my request calmly, asking for my reasons. When I explain about the drugging at the festival and my connection to the DAU, he’s quick to agree. We negotiate the terms of my dismissal so my business isn’t negatively affected by my leaving.

Our meeting is brief, something I’m grateful for. Exhaustion has become my constant companion since the heat.

We’re leaving the office when we run into Brady. “Omen! It’s so nice to see you up and about! Are you doing alright? We weren’t sure if you’d be joining us for the next show or if you still needed time to recover.”

“I actually won’t be joining at all,” I admit with a weak smile.

His eyes narrow and he searches my face before scoffing. “Those boys are behind this aren’t they?”

“No, it’s not–“

“I’m not blind Omen. I’ve been to every show. Seen the beautiful relationship you five were building. You’re here to tell the studio you are leaving and they aren’t with you. You expect me to believe they don’t have anything to do with it?” He eyes me expectantly. Seeing too much. I don’t want Pack Graves’ issues with me to affect his relationship with them.

“Leaving is my decision,” I tell him with finality.

He shakes his head before pulling me into a hug. I relish the moment of fatherly affection. “Don’t be a stranger,” he calls when Lex leads me away. I wave goodbye knowing I have no plans to ever return to this building. Everything will be better if I stay away.

Four days have passed since I awoke alone in the hotel nest after the most excruciating heat of my life. My time is spent shuffling aimlessly around the apartment and avoiding Lex who is trying to force me to get myself back into the swing of life outside of touring with a band of masked rock stars.

I also sleep. A lot. More than is necessarily healthy. Like now. I came in to take a nap after sitting on the couch with Lex for an hour, only to blink awake what feels like seconds later. Confused and slightly dazed, it takes several long minutes for me to register the urgent knocking at my nest door. When I swing it open Lex stands on the other side, his huge arms crossed across his chest. “We have a problem.”

He drags me to the kitchen where he coerces me into eating before he will explain anything. I push around the stir-fry he made while he scrolls through something on his tablet. When he slides the device across the island to me, I give up my charade and push the plate away.

“Someone leaked your identity.” I scan the news article, seeing what was once my worst fear brought to life. I’m not surprised Fate has taken another swing at me. I deserve it for lying to my mates. For not being honest with them from the start. “The DAU is looking into the leak, but as of yet we don’t know who is responsible.”

I shrug. It doesn’t matter who did it. What’s done is done and there’s no taking it back now.

“We’re leaving for a safe house as a precaution. If they know your name, we have to assume they know your address as well.”

I pack enough clothes and necessities to last several days and toss them in a luggage bag. I’m sad to lose the sanctity of my nest. My home. But I won’t risk staying here and endangering Bea’s safe space too.

The cool glass of the tinted windows feels wonderful against my head as we drive away from Starburgh. Away from the label. Away from the men who shattered my heart. We’re stopping at the closest DAU headquarters to grab a different vehicle and whatever other supplies Lex needs. We’re also going to be leaving our phones there so I take the time during our drive to video call Bea. Our relationship is still rocky after she learned all of the secrets I’d been keeping, but she’s still my bestie and I don’t want her to worry when I go dark.

“How's the tour been?” I ask as soon as Bea accepts the video call. I can tell by the dim lighting she’s in her nest on the bus which is surprising since the bands would have just finished their show in Salt Lake City. I realize as she settles in that she’s skipping the post-show rituals out of solidarity. My ride or die, this chick. Even when I’ve been a shit friend and haven’t earned her support.

“It’s as intense as always. Minor mishaps, wild artists, crazed fans. The usze. How’s sharing our apartment with the grumpy puppy going? Has he tried to piss on anything and mark his territory yet?” She lets out a hard laugh.

The way those two have butted heads over the past several weeks… I’m starting to believe the connection between them is much deeper than either one wants to admit to.

I chew on my lip as she shares stories about her band's antics and all the mishaps she had to fix during their shows in Canada and Boulder. I know I won’t be able to settle without asking how the guys are doing. I also know I don’t deserve the answer after I lied and hurt them.

“I can see that look in your eyes Omen and the answer is no. They’re alive. The fans don’t know anything is amiss. That’s all you are going to get from me. This isn’t healthy for you, girl.” Her eyes soften from the glare she’s directing my way. “I know this is hard. Omegas who are rejected by their Fate matched mates… We aren’t going to let your Fate be the same as theirs. You’re a badass omega. You’ve survived so much in your life, you can make it through this too.”

I’ve been rejected, even if none of them ever said those exact words. We’ve all heard the stories, as rare as they may be. We know what happens to rejected omegas. Most of them never make it out the other side. The depression and heartbreak cut too deep. I never understood how they could spiral so quickly. How they could fade away to nothing.

Now I get it. The weight of the rejection batters against you like waves on the shore during a hurricane. You barely have the strength to catch your breath let alone try to pull yourself out of the water. The doctor the DAU sent me to after the heat said it’s a chemical rejection, which is even rarer, but still as deadly. He suggested being around people I love may help. Having a support system in place to keep me afloat.

Though that will be nearly impossible when I have to abandon everything once more to escape my birth family.“I’m trying,” I promise her. I hate to see the tears sparkling in her eyes. I don’t want her to be burdened with worry for me. I just want her to be happy, to live her life the way she’s always dreamed.

“I know. I love you, Oms.”

“I love you too bestie.”

We share a comfortable silence, each lost in our own feelings before Bea’s eyes narrow on me. “Isn’t it almost 3 in the morning back home?”

I shrug. “I guess I’m still too used to the tour schedule.”

“Even when we were celebrating you were still in bed by 2 at the latest,” she points out.

“Yeah,” I sigh. “I can’t sleep. The doctor said it’s normal to fluctuate between periods of insomnia and oversleeping. I’ll take something to help me sleep soon.”

“Alright… if things get worse, promise you’ll tell me? I don’t care if I lose my job with the label. I'll be there if you need me.”

“I know you will. We’re ride-or-die besties. Supporting each other is what we do.”

The car turns and a streetlight passes by the window. Bea asks me where I’m going so I explain everything. Her worry only grows knowing I’ll be hidden away with no way to keep in touch with my loved ones but I promise her again I’ll reach out if I start to spiral.

I end the call when we pull into the parking lot of the DAU building where we’re meeting Donovan. They speak, making plans for the safe house and tracking my family’s movements. I tune them out. I can only do my best to try to fight against the crushing weight of the chemical rejection I’m experiencing. Everything else is out of my hands.

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