11. Evangeline

ELEVEN

EVANGELINE

I t has been a few days since I’ve seen Zane. Honestly, the reprieve has been sort of nice. I know he’s around town because Noelle has told me she’s run into him at the Evergreen Café and even at Alma’s Bakery in the morning getting breakfast. Noelle has also informed me that Caryn has not been around, and it makes me wonder why. Did she leave? Is Zane about to leave his dad brokenhearted again? Mr. Whitaker is really the only person who matters in this equation. Although, I have to admit that once Zane ends up leaving, I’ll be sad and wish things could have been different between us, but those days are long gone. He’s moved on and I’m determined to do the same right after the beginning of the year. There is no point in trying to look for romance in December since I am so busy.

At least that’s what I'm telling myself.

Losing Zane was one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through. There was a time, right after I accepted that he wasn’t coming back, when I thought I was having a heart attack. I’d never felt suffocated in my life until those moments. The hyperventilating cries were enough to scare my friends into calling for an ambulance. Most days my chest hurt. I would walk around in pain. It was as if someone had stabbed me in the heart.

Someone had.

My grades suffered. All my hard work circled down the drain. Slowly, I pulled myself out of the funk. While I didn’t cry at the drop of a hat, when I was alone at night, I did. My life as I knew it would never be the same.

It’s because of what I went through, that I’ve kept myself closed off from others. Sure, there are eligible men in town. Some would make fantastic partners. Men from the surrounding towns have shown interest. But I’m afraid. What I went through with Zane isn’t something I’m going to forget. In this case, time doesn’t heal all wounds. And now that he’s here, they’re opening again.

I know it’s not fair to compare other men to Zane. For what it’s worth, he’s apologized. He spoke his truth, and I believe he feels bad about everything. I’m just not going to let my guard down.

You mean work really hard to keep it up.

Earlier in the week, the crew from the farm brought the town’s Christmas tree to the town center. A couple of years ago, my dad had our employees rebuild the gazebo because it was falling apart. Ever since, there have been some couples who have had their wedding ceremonies there. One time, I drove by during a ceremony, and the set up was beautiful.

Personally, if I ever get married, it’ll be in Old First Church, and of course I want a December wedding. There is just something about a wintery Christmas wedding with roses, chrysanthemums, and hypericum berries in a mixture of white and red, that conveys magic.

Of course, Santa would have to officiate.

Now, my dad and I stand at the Christmas tree and, as promised, I plug the lights in so we can make sure they work. Dad tests the button, which is really a lever pushed into the main power strip power button. We repeat the process multiple times before we call it good.

“Have you confirmed with Bernie?” My dad asks as we work to clean up the space.

“Not since I saw him on Monday. Why? What’s up?”

“Nothing. I’m making sure. You mentioned he wasn’t fully on board.”

“I think he’s nervous. He doesn’t like crowds and with Zane home . . .” I trail off, not sure where I was going with that.

“We should probably talk about Christmas dinner,” Dad says.

“What about it?” I hold out my arms, and he wraps the extension cord around them.

“Bernie always comes over. I imagine Zane will be with him.”

“And Caryn. ”

Dad nods.

“It’s fine. I’ll be fine,” I tell him. “Caryn’s very nice. I think you’ll like her.”

“I heard she’s been staying in Albany.”

“Really?” The news surprises me somewhat, although I haven’t seen her around town, but I also haven’t been looking.

“I think she has a job there,” my dad says as if he knows anything about Zane’s fiancée.

“You shouldn't speculate about people, Dad. It’s not nice.” Nor is it true. Because I’m a glutton for punishment, I looked Caryn up on the web. Zane was telling the truth. She doesn’t work. Sure, with her mom they organize benefits, but none I would consider beneficial. It’s not like they’re out raising money for the food bank or pet rescue. They’re holding five-thousand-dollar-per-plate fundraisers for already rich people. Which is weird when I think about it. Zane is the total opposite.

This one time, we were driving back from Manchester. It had rained a ton and there was some flooding. We found a turtle in the middle of the road, trying to make it to safety. Zane stopped his truck so fast, careful not to hit the little creature. He blocked the road, got out, and carried the turtle toward the river. He never thought twice about it. Knowing what I know, it makes me wonder if Zane ever asks Caryn to help someone else. But then again, Zane was going to be that type of lawyer and went down the corporate route instead. People change and sometimes it’s not always for the better .

Dad finishes with the cord and takes it from my arms. He sets it on the ground, and then picks up another one. “Can I ask you a question?” He begins wrapping the thick wire around my arms.

“Of course.”

“Are you going to take Zane back?”

My mouth drops open at his ridiculous question. “Dad! Zane is engaged. There is no taking Zane back. Besides, we’re different people than who we were five years ago.”

“Bernie, along with your mom and I, have always hoped the two of you would get back together.”

“What? Why? He left me, Dad. Did you forget having to make a trip to Boston to help me move?”

“No, sweetie. I haven’t forgotten. But sometimes a parent just knows.”

I roll my eyes. “And sometimes parents are senile and stuck in delulu land.”

Dad gives a noncommittal hum as he finishes the last extension cord, and I take it to his truck. “I’m going to run home and get dressed. I need to pick Mr. Whitaker up.”

“All right. Your mom and I will be here when you get back.”

“Yeah, see ya.”

The drive to my place from the town center is a few minutes, and not enough time to digest the crap my dad said about me getting back together with Zane. I officially think my parents have fallen off the sanity wagon with those thoughts. I can understand Mr. Whitaker feeling this way. Mostly, when a couple breaks up, one party stops talking to the other’s parents. This didn’t happen to me. I’ve always been close with Zane’s dad and intend to remain that way. Which may contribute to his dislike of Caryn. I wonder if I should say something. Encourage him to give her a chance.

Or do I mind my own business?

“Definitely, mind your own business,” Noelle says. I look at her with a confused expression.

“You said it out loud, so I was giving you the answer. What are we minding our own business about?”

“I was lamenting to myself. My dad dropped the nugget that he, my mom, and Mr. Whitaker would like to see Zane and I together again.”

“Ooh.”

“Yeah, never mind poor Caryn, who could be trying to impress her soon-to-be father-in-law.”

“What do you mean, trying?”

I shrug. “She’s not here. She’s in Albany according to my dad, the new town gossip.”

Noelle stifles a laugh.

“But I’m just saying that maybe Mr. Whitaker needs to give her a chance.” I sigh. “I’m going to go change and pick up our grand marshal. Will I see you there?”

“Wouldn’t miss it.”

Thankfully, I had the keen sense of mind to clean the truck up before driving to pick Mr. Whitaker up. People honk as they pass by, waving. The twinkling lights wrapped around the wood slates give my truck a very Christmassy feel. The chief of police isn’t happy, but he’ll get over it soon.

It has been years since I’ve been out to the Whitaker house, choosing to see Bernie at the store or when he’s at my parents’ house. I pull into the driveway and head up the familiar walkway onto the porch, and knock. The door opens and Zane stands there, dressed in one of his cable-knit sweaters. Shamelessly, my eyes travel down his body and I smile when I get to his boots. They’re untied.

Perfect. After a little over a week, he’s fully embracing who he truly is. As much as I hate to admit it, I’m glad the stuffy attorney from New York isn’t here.

“Hey, is your dad ready?”

Zane shakes his head quickly and then smirks. Was he lost in thought? Did he see me checking him out?

“Yeah. Dad, Eve’s here.”

I step back from the door, putting some space between us. As much as I want to look at him, I stare off into their yard. Back in the day, they used to decorate every inch of their house and the front yard. Then Mrs. Whitaker died, and the decorations weren’t as plentiful. Mr. Whitaker stopped completely when Zane left.

Speaking of Bernie, he comes to the door dressed in a suit, and looking very handsome. “Hello, there, Mr. Grand Marshal. It’s my honor to escort you to Deer Ridge’s annual tree lighting.” I hold my arm out for him, and he gladly takes it, but switches things up, so I’m the one holding his arm. He’s always been a gentleman.

Zane rushes ahead and grabs the passenger side door. Once his father is seated safely, I go around the front and find Zane standing there.

“What are you doing?”

“I was going to hold the door for you.”

“Thanks,” I say with a nod and reach for the handle myself. “We’ll see you there.” I slam the door before he can protest or tell me he wants to ride with us. My truck if far too small for the three of us, and being this close to Zane would undoubtedly do me in. I need to keep my senses aware and far, far away from the conflict he’s creating between my heart and mind.

By the time Mr. Whitaker and I make it to the town center, everyone has gathered. We do a drive by, giving him a full glimpse of what he means to the people here.

“Oh, my.”

“They’re all here for you.”

“Oh, don’t be silly. They want to see your beautifully decorated tree.”

“Putting strings of lights on a tree doesn’t make it beautiful,” I tell him as I park in our designated space. “The person charged with lighting it does.”

“Evangeline, you sure know how to make an old man feel special.”

“Pfft, you’re not old.” I get out and go to his side. “Now, come on old man . Let’s go light a tree.”

Mr. Whitaker laughs hard. Within seconds, he has tears falling from his eyes and he’s holding onto his side. “You’re a funny one. ”

“Yep, I’m a laugh a minute.”

Zane rushes over to us, out of breath. I expect to see Caryn with him, but he’s alone. The nosy person in me wants to ask where she is, but the realist doesn’t want to be involved. It’s none of my business.

Our Mayor, Ms. Jordyn Obermen, steps to the podium. “Good evening, friends and family of Deer Ridge. I thank you all for coming out on this fine, calm night. Don’t forget we have the food trucks in the parking lot serving pizza, nachos, and of course, Reindeer Ridge’s finest hot cocoa.”

Applause rings out because who doesn’t love food.

“Each year, you’re asked to nominate the person who you believe exudes the spirit of which Deer Ridge stands for. This person must be active in our community. This person helps others before themselves. They’re kind, trustworthy, and have our lovely town’s best interest at heart. We thank you for taking the time to send in your nominations. Like with past years, each name went into the ballot, and you voted. It’s with distinct honor and pleasure, I give you this year’s Grand Marshal of the Deer Ridge annual tree lighting festival, Mr. Bernard Whitaker.”

I pat Mr. Whitaker on the back and hand him over to Zane. They walk to the podium together while I sneak behind them. I promised this tree would light and I’m not going to let him down.

“On the count of three, Bernie. Are you ready?” Mayor Obermen asks.

“As I’ll ever be. ”

She holds her finger up and everyone starts counting. “One, two, three.”

Like magic, as soon as Bernie presses the button, the tree lights up. At the top is a yellow star. Everyone claps and then they move forward to congratulate him on the honor. His duties aren’t done, though. Next, he’ll have to make an appearance at the kids’ Christmas party with Santa.

For the next hour or so, I stay in the shadows, watching. Zane smiles, he laughs, and never leaves his dad’s side. Notably absent is Caryn. I’m not one to speculate; I’m sure she has a valid reason for missing the event.

Later, as people leave, I walk around and pick up trash that somehow didn’t make it into the garbage cans.

“It’s a nice night out.”

Zane’s voice startles me. I place my hand over my rapidly beating heart and take a couple deep inhales.

“It is. Where’s your dad?” I say as I look around.

“Out to dinner with your parents.”

“Good for them.”

“Care to join them?” He motions toward the parking lot.

“Nah, I think I’m going to head home. My soaking tub and I have a reservation.”

“Lucky tub,” Zane says with a smile. He looks off into the distance and then back at me.

Do not linger.

Get in your truck.

Go home.

“I’ll see ya later, Zane.” I turn away from him.

“Eve.” He says my name with such softness it makes my heart thump with anticipation.

I shake my head as I turn to face him. He’s closer, and I can see the torment in his eyes. It’s etched in his features.

“Go home, Zane. It’s for the best.”