Chapter Thirty

"Tell me more about this suitor you have in mind for me." They had been walking in companionable silence for several minutes when Emma blurted that out, when she couldn't hold it in anymore. Since their encounter with Lady Hayworth, she hadn't been able to stop thinking about what it might be like to truly be promised to Nick, and she needed something to distract herself. "What makes you so certain he and I would suit?"

Though he stared at her in surprise for a few seconds, he nodded once and then swallowed. "He understands your need for independence and would never make decisions for you."

"That I cannot believe. No man in his right mind would yield to his wife like that."

"I would. I've been beholden to other people for most of my life, and I know exactly how that feels. I wouldn't wish that on anyone."

Her heart blossomed at that, though she wished it wouldn't. Even though she knew he would never accept her, not after everything she had done to him, he was proving that such a man could exist. If Nick possessed all the qualities she would want in a husband, someone else could as well. Perhaps things were not as hopeless as they appeared and both of them could get the life they wanted in the end.

But first, she needed to know more. "Does this man enjoy reading?"

Nick thought about that. "I suppose, though he finds oral storytelling far more fascinating. There is something to be said for the magic of a performance, wouldn't you say?"

"And what of dancing?"

"Tolerates it. But he prefers conversation."

"His favorite food?"

That got a glorious laugh out of him. "You expect me to know every detail about this man? You must think I never leave his side."

"Well, that is certainly untrue, or he would be here right now. When am I going to meet this apparent embodiment of perfection?"

Emma wasn't sure if she imagined it or not, but Nick seemed to blush, his ears turning pink as he kept his eyes on the path ahead. "When he is ready, Emma. He has some things to work out first."

What was that supposed to mean? "How mysterious. But he knows of me?"

"He has never been more interested in a person than he is in you."

Though a part of her wondered if this man truly existed, Emma couldn't help but hope he wasn't merely a creation of Nick's imagination. After her conversation with Tabitha last night, she wanted to try to overcome her aversion to love and give herself a chance to find the kind of happiness Nick had been hunting for for years. If he believed so strongly in love, surely she could do the same.

"What will you do if this doesn't work?" she asked quietly, holding tighter to his arm, as if that might stave off her nerves. "If I can't fall in love with the man, and you don't find a woman to marry, what will you do? You've been searching for so long." And why did she get the feeling that Lady Hayworth was the reason for Nick's perpetual bachelorhood? It was as if with one disgusted sneer from her, he'd lost all sense of confidence.

When he gave no sign of answering her question, she was tempted to ask another. "Nick..."

He let out a deep sigh. "You want to ask about Lady Hayworth," he guessed. "I knew you wouldn't be able to last long."

"You don't have to tell me about her."

"Yes, I do."

Emma had been hoping he would say that. "Who is she?"

Clenching his jaw, Nick didn't respond until they had walked several paces. "She was to be my wife," he said, ducking his head when Emma gasped. "Three years ago. Lady Lavinia, as she was then, and I were engaged to be married. I loved her, or so I thought, and I considered myself to be the most fortunate man in the world when she consented to our marriage. Lavinia was every woman's idol, and I was the envy of every bachelor in London."

Emma could feel the growing tension in his arm, but she had to know more. "What happened?"

Nick scrubbed his jaw. "We attended Almack's together not long before the banns were to be read, and I found her outside with her now-husband. It was clear she had not been brought there by force."

"Oh, Nick."

He shook his head, coming to a pause and waiting until he was sure no one was around to hear him. "I broke off the engagement, hoping it would be a quiet affair with little fanfare. Hurt though I was, I had no desire to drag her through the mud. But this is London." He glared at the crowded park around them, as if all its visitors might feel the same pain Emma did as she listened to him. She wanted to hold him, comfort him, but she couldn't do that here.

"Society cannot keep to their own business," Nick growled, "even if their lives depend on it. All anyone could talk about was how I'd coldly abandoned my betrothed, leaving her to ruin without provocation. And I refused to let them speak of things they should not."

Emma's eyes went wide. "The rumors," she guessed.

Nick nodded. "I started spreading lies far more interesting than my failed engagement, not knowing how quickly they would take root. It didn't take long for me to realize how easily I could hide behind the untruths, and I started lying to myself as well, telling myself that I far more enjoyed playing Society's games than being the man I truly am."

"And then I came and exposed you all over again." Oh, she was a horrible person. If she had known... if she had known from the beginning, would she have done anything differently? Or would she still have told herself that Nick deserved everything that had happened to him? She likely would have believed the rumors instead of believing the man himself, and that made her feel awful.

He took her hands, bringing them up to his lips and offering a gentle smile that made her heart melt. "You freed me, dear Emma. You have no idea what that means to me."

A shiver ran through her that had nothing to do with the chill of the day. This could not be the look of an indifferent man, so why was he trying so hard to find her someone else? Why couldn't he just offer up himself? She supposed there was always the chance that he was trying to trick her somehow, to make her fall for him so he could take the inheritance that way. But Emma didn't want to believe that. She wanted to believe Nick was as good a man as he had shown her he was the last few days.

"We should get you home, miss," Jenny said, reluctance wobbling in her voice. Or perhaps that was because she was shivering as she stood there. Her hopeful smile as she looked at the pair of them seemed to indicate that she wanted this match as much as Emma was starting to want it.

Chuckling to himself, Nick tucked Emma's arm through his again. "Yes, I wouldn't want either of you to freeze out here. Besides, we have a duke to visit."

Emma grimaced. "Please tell me that was only a means to end the conversation."

"You don't wish to meet a duke?"

"I've already met one. I was unimpressed."

Laughing, he pulled her closer against his side as he guided her back home, and she was grateful for the extra warmth. A brisk wind had picked up, leaving her shivering as well. "You are the strangest woman I have ever met."

"I choose to take that as a compliment."

"You should. Your unwillingness to be like the rest of the painted peacocks is rather refreshing."

"Do you really think so?"

"I would never lie to you, Emma."

She actually believed him, which should have surprised her. But it didn't. For all his lies over the last few weeks, he had spoken nothing but truth when it came to the important things. Now that she was beginning to know him, she understood what Catherine had meant when she'd said it was easy to tell when he was being genuine.

"And what of my future husband?" Emma asked, testing him. "Would he agree with you?"

Nick paused, as if he really had to think about that question. "That I cannot say. But you are clever enough to recognize when a man doesn't deserve you. I have no doubts that whether you choose to accept the man I have in mind for you, you will never allow yourself to be diminished."

As her heart warmed the rest of her, Emma badly hoped her suspicions were correct and this mysterious man wasn't real. She hoped Nick could love her the way she was more and more certain she was beginning to love him.

When they reached Harstone House, Nick pressed a kiss to her hand at the door, lingering there until Emma felt as if she might burst. And then she watched him go, wishing she never had to say goodbye to Nick Forester.