Chapter Twenty-Nine

Emma couldn't breathe. She had never been this close to Nick, and he had never been this quiet, and she had never been so completely overcome with conflicting emotions that she wanted to laugh and scream at the same time.

Nick was just standing there, his warm hand on her waist and his eyes digging right into hers like he was looking for a place to land if he jumped. What if he kissed her? She fought the urge to let her eyes drop to his mouth in curiosity, just to imagine what his lips might feel like against hers. Did she want him to kiss her?

Yes.

No.

Maybe?

Maybe she did want that. But the moment her eyes finally slipped to his lips, the spell broke. Nick hissed in a breath and took a step back, his hand dropping at the same time Emma's fell from his shoulder. Oh. He hadn't wanted to kiss her after all. Was Emma supposed to feel disappointed? She did, just a little. Perhaps more than she ought. This was Nick, after all, the man who had been trying to find her a husband since the day she'd set foot in London. Just last night he had begged her to give him one last chance to procure a candidate she might consider.

Thoughts of kissing him would have to stop before she got herself into a trouble he couldn't rescue her from.

"Would you care to take a walk with me, Emma?"

She blinked, surprised by the eagerness in his voice. "A walk? Now?"

His tempting lips twisted into a crooked smile. "I thought, since you're already dressed for the weather, now is as good a time as any. What do you say?"

"Yes." She sounded as eager as he did, and that brought a wave of heat into her face. Who needed a cloak when Nick Forester was around? Nobody. She thought even her hands might end up warm next to him, and her hands were always cold. "Yes, I would like that very much." But she still needed to be careful before she got any ridiculous ideas, so she added, "I should fetch my maid and have her accompany us."

"I was going to suggest the same thing," he replied. "I'll meet you back here?"

Footsteps cut off Emma's response, and she jumped backward, even though there had been plenty of space between her and Nick already. Still, she didn't want anyone getting the wrong idea, especially when she realized it was Alvaro approaching them.

"Oh! Alvaro!" Emma winced at her own volume, forcing herself to speak in normal tones before her brother-in-law started jumping to conclusions. "I am going to be out walking with Mr. Forester, should anyone need me."

Alvaro raised an eyebrow, glancing between the two of them. "Is that so? Much to talk about?"

For some reason, that brought out a glare from Nick, one that Emma wished to temper as best as she could. She far preferred when he smiled. "We simply want to take advantage of the weather before it gets too cold for walking," she said, doing her best to sound nonchalant. She wasn't sure she managed it, because Alvaro seemed to be holding back laughter.

"You'll bring Jenny with you?" he asked.

Emma was glad she had thought of that on her own. At least she hadn't gone completely daft. "Of course. I was just about to send someone to fetch her."

"Perhaps Miss Barton would like to join you as well."

No, in fact, she would not. And Emma didn't want anything to interrupt this rare chance to converse with Nick without anything getting in the way. But how could she tell Alvaro that she was confident Catherine would rather stay behind without mentioning the reason?

"Miss Barton said something about writing to Mrs. Franks in Staffordshire," Nick said lightly. "Isn't that right, Miss Mackenzie?"

Emma met his smile with one of her own. "Yes, yes, she did. I would imagine she'll need you to frank it for her when she is finished, Alvaro."

"Of course," Alvaro replied. "I have a letter to send to Staffordshire myself."

"Who would have thought Miss Barton would have such affection for someone in Tutbury, of all places?" Nick said. He looked so mischievous that Emma wanted to smack him for nearly making her laugh. Thank goodness he seemed to have relaxed about Catherine's correspondence with Elias.

But, just in case he still worried, she figured she could add to the argument a bit. "Letters are such a good way to learn to know someone better, don't you think, Mr. Forester?"

His grin shifted, somehow growing both softer and brighter at the same time. She never would have guessed a man could have so many different smiles. "Indeed, Miss Mackenzie."

"Forester has always been fond of letter-writing," Alvaro threw in, reminding Emma that he was there. She had nearly forgotten in the last ten seconds, as she was so focused on Nick.

Emma's eyes widened. "You have?" She never would have guessed that a man so inclined to use his tongue would enjoy any other ways of communicating.

But Nick pursed his lips and ducked his head, as if embarrassed to have been exposed. "Yes," he admitted quietly. "After my parents died, my only companionship came from my school friends. During the summer holidays, I spent most of my time writing to Calloway to stave off the loneliness, and I never grew out of the habit. My old housekeeper and your unfortunate brother-in-law have been prey to my pen many times as well."

Alvaro reached out, clapping a hand on Nick's shoulder. "You know I am always glad to receive your letters, Forester. As is Calloway. They help us know you are well and happy."

Nick chuckled. "With my luck so far, you may never be rid of me long enough to receive another. I will be bouncing back and forth between your estates like an unwelcome purse-pinched brother."

Alvaro merely smiled. "I am content with that outcome as well. I consider you a brother already, and you will always have a room at your disposal. Now, I will go find Jenny for you so you can take your walk."

Emma watched him go, though she would rather watch Nick. When Alvaro had called him a brother, Nick's expression had filled with deep emotion that she was sure he didn't want anyone to see, so she kept her gaze away to give him some privacy.

"Your sister married an impossibly good man," Nick said in a hushed tone.

"How old were you when you lost your parents?" Emma grimaced as soon as the question left her tongue, and she peeked over at him to see how angry he might be.

He didn't look angry at all. Simply sad. "I was twelve."

"So young!"

He nodded. "They were my world, and watching them succumb to their illness felt like watching everything I knew crumble around me. I'm not sure I have ever felt whole since."

"Is that why you write to your housekeeper?"

"Yes. She cared for me until I came of age, and now I care for her. She is too old to work, so I do what I can to ensure she has what she needs."

Emma's heart ached for him. He had been on his own for so long, and suddenly she felt as if every one of his smiles was a miracle unto itself. How could she have misjudged him so thoroughly? Wrapping her hand around his wrist, she fought to find some sort of comfort she could offer. " You are an impossibly good man, Nick Forester," she whispered.

For several seconds, Nick's eyes remained fixed on her fingers. When he looked up to meet her gaze, there was something so vulnerable about his expression, like he was choosing to lay down every facade he had used to protect himself over the years and show her his barest self.

"Emma," he breathed.

"I am ready, miss!" Jenny's voice echoed down the corridor.

Before Emma could pull away, Nick put his hand over hers and held her in place, though his expression became guarded again. As Jenny approached, he shifted Emma's hold so her arm looped through his, and then he gave her a smirk.

"You do know we are going to cause quite a stir, walking together," he said as he led the way outside, Jenny a few paces behind them. "The ton is convinced we are enemies after you so thoroughly cut me down."

Emma winced. "Have I apologized for that yet?"

"You have."

But not enough. "Nick, I—"

He clicked his tongue, pulling her closer against him as they walked. Emma didn't mind, as his body protected her from the day's chill. And perhaps she enjoyed being this close to him. "None of that. I told you there was some good to come out of my fall from the sky, and I meant it."

She wanted to believe him, but that didn't lessen the guilt she still felt. From the moment she'd destroyed his reputation, he had been nothing but kind to her, and she wasn't sure she could say the same of herself. The longer they went on, the more she wondered if she was on the wrong side of this battle.

Unsure what she could say, she remained quiet until they reached Hyde Park. She hadn't been here since the day she was forced into going to Almack's, and everything looked different. Or perhaps it simply felt different. "The last time we were here together, you thrust Sir Thomas at me," she said.

Nick laughed. "The poor man never stood a chance. I don't think I've met anyone near as dull, but I wish him all the best."

As her eyes locked on a couple walking up ahead, Emma joined in his laughter and nodded toward them. "You may not have to wish for long."

Squinting, Nick stared at the pair as if he couldn't believe his eyes. "Is that Sir Thomas with Miss Weston?"

"She seems to be having a marvelous time." Emma couldn't decide whether the young woman was truly enjoying the conversation or was simply interested in Sir Thomas's apparent fortune, but both individuals looked rather happy. "I suppose there is someone out there for everyone."

"I'll believe that when I experience it myself," Nick replied. Something about his tone had Emma wondering if he really meant what he said, but he continued speaking before she could find a way to ask. "Do you see that lady up ahead? With the mauve dress?"

"Miss Lancaster?" Emma had met her only once and knew very little about her.

Nick nodded, a thoughtful look on his face. "I considered courting her until I realized she had a deep affinity for animals, and I cannot abide dogs. They make me sneeze."

Emma wasn't entirely sure why he would tell her that, but she enjoyed learning more about him. "Is it true you have considered nearly every woman in London?"

"Oh, don't say it like that," he groaned, though he didn't seem too put out. "You make it sound as if I've broken more hearts than I can count."

"Haven't you? Before I came along, it seemed any eligible lady would have gladly become your wife, yet none of them did."

"And then there was you. Emma Mackenzie, the only woman immune to my charms."

Snickering, Emma shook her head. Despite her first impression, she had, in fact, been somewhat taken in by his smile and wit when they'd met again in the corridor of Harstone Court. Had the inheritance never existed, she likely would have fallen for him weeks ago.

"Now you just sound boastful," she said, knocking her shoulder into his. "But I must know—what was your reason for turning down Miss Thurley?" She nodded toward the woman in question, who walked with her mother up ahead.

Nick crinkled his nose. "She was too happy."

"Too happy ?"

"Yes, too happy. She sees the good in everything and everyone. I never would have been able to sulk if I married her, and I am quite fond of sulking."

Oddly, Emma could imagine him sitting in front of a fireplace, grumbling away after a long day of being cheerful and carefree. It was the same reason she enjoyed reading a book at the end of the day or telling an adventurous story to the girls. A way to express her frustrations without letting them build up inside her.

Eager to learn more, she pointed to the next couple ahead of them. "What of Lady Huntingdon? Did you pursue her before she married?"

Nick choked on his laughter, which drew the attention of Lord Huntingdon. He gave Nick a proper scowl before directing his much more pleasant wife to give Nick and Emma a wide berth as they passed. Emma had never met the earl, but she'd had a conversation or two with Lady Huntingdon back during her Season, when the woman was still Lady Marian and they were both newly out.

"I'd thank you not to put me on the Elusive Earl's list of enemies," Nick said with mock fear. "That man has never liked me." He glanced behind them, then genuinely winced when he realized Lord Huntingdon had done the same.

Emma met Lady Huntingdon's gaze, and the pair of them burst into laughter before directing their companions to keep walking rather than glare at each other. "I take it you did not take an interest in her."

"I might have hoped to dance with her once," Nick admitted warily, "but I could see as well as anyone that Huntingdon had already laid his claim. The man may be a mystery in everything else he does, but not when it comes to how he feels about his wife."

Emma had to wonder whether Nick would be the same way if he ever married. Would he scowl at anyone who came close to his wife? Or would he watch her dance with others with awe, as if he couldn't believe he was the one lucky enough to keep her when the dance was over?

Shaking away an image of being returned to Nick's side for the rest of her life, Emma forced her attention on the couple approaching them now. "And what of her?"

Nick stopped dead, his face going slack. He seemed to search the park for a way to escape, but the couple were too close, and the woman had noticed him, her eyes going wide. "Lord Hayworth," Nick said when the couple arrived. His voice came out strangled and smaller than Emma had ever heard it. "My lady. Congratulations on the birth of your son last month."

Lord Hayworth gave a reluctant bow, his jaw tight.

Lady Hayworth smiled, though nothing about her expression seemed happy. "Thank you, Mr. Forester. You are looking... well."

Emma gave his arm a squeeze, unsure what to do. He was clearly uncomfortable, standing stiff and tense beside her.

He gave her half a glance but nothing more. "May I introduce Miss Emma Mackenzie? Miss Mackenzie, Lord and Lady Hayworth."

" Miss Mackenzie." Lady Hayworth barely sank into a curtsy, her gaze sharp before turning back to Nick. "So the rumors are true? You are still searching for a wife."

Nick winced but said nothing.

"That must be quite the strain on your finances, not earning that precious inheritance of yours."

Whoever this woman was, Emma did not like her one bit. She seemed to willfully ignore every bit of politeness required in a conversation, as if she thought herself so far above Nick and his circumstances. Lord Hayworth—he now seemed fascinated by a duck in the Serpentine and ignored the conversation entirely—may have been a nobleman, but Emma had yet to see anything noble about his wife.

"It is only a matter of time," Emma said, drawing closer to Nick and putting on her sweetest smile. "I should count myself lucky that Mr. Forester hasn't settled before now, or I might not have had the chance to come to know the incredible man that he is. I have never met his equal."

She could feel Nick staring at her, but she couldn't seem to stop talking.

"Besides," she continued, "I believe you were misinformed, Lady Hayworth. Mr. Forester is far from purse-pinched. How could he be, living in Mayfair? In fact, he has been the talk of London since I arrived, and I am still bewildered that he chose to take me out today when he could have had his choice of lady. It is a pity you are already married, or I am sure he would happily consider you. You must be of the highest of the Quality to be his friend."

Lady Hayworth gaped at her as if she never would have thought someone would talk to her so boldly, and Emma felt rather proud of herself, until Nick leaned in close and muttered, "We should be going, my dear. His Grace is expecting us."

Though she shivered from his breath on her neck, she played along, sensing his wish to end this conversation. "Oh yes, I would hate to keep the duke waiting again. Do excuse us, Lady Hayworth. It was a pleasure to have met you after hearing so much about you from Mr. Forester. Perhaps you and I could get to know one another better, seeing as you are such a close acquaintance of his. I was thinking of hosting tea with Lady Harstone and Lady Huntingdon this week. Oh! But you would fit right in, being Lady Hayworth. All the Ladies H. in one place."

Nick tugged on her arm, nearly pulling her off her feet as she fumbled through a farewell, and he didn't slow his pace until they were well out of earshot of the lord and lady. "You, my darling, are completely mad." He said that with a wide grin, as if he couldn't believe his good fortune in having a ridiculous friend like Emma.

"I didn't like the way she spoke to you," Emma explained. "You seemed in need of your own rescue this time."

Nick glanced behind them, where Jenny dutifully followed, and met the maid's eye. "What did you think? Was I lucky to have made it out of there alive?"

Emma smacked his arm when Jenny turned bright red. "You don't have to answer that, Jenny," she said.

"Unless you wish to praise your lady," Nick added with a wink.

To Emma's surprise, Jenny cleared her throat and mumbled, "Miss Emma was right to stand up for you, sir."

"Ha! You were in need of rescue." Emma grinned, feeling a bit like laughing even though she had made a fool of herself with Lady Hayworth. But what did it matter? She hardly cared about the opinion of a woman she would likely never see again. Beyond Emma's family, the only person whose opinion mattered to her was Nick.

That idea was rather frightening, and she wasn't brave enough to consider just how deep that sentiment lay. And yet, as they continued their walk, Emma couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to be more than just a tentative friend to Nick. What if they were more than friends entirely?