Chapter 21

CHAPTERTWENTY-ONE

The palace is eerily quiet,other than the wind howling outside.

It doesn’t seem like anyone from the throne room has woken yet. I’m still stunned by the grandiosity of Lex’s power. Something about him intrigues me—he’s an even bigger mystery than anything I’ve encountered yet—but I’ll likely never see him again. I’ll never get to ask about his experience as a vygora. He might be the only person I’ll ever meet who understands what it’s like to wield such a weapon inside of them. Or teach me how to better manage my power.

But he’s gone now, and it’s for the best…except for the part where he was offering me respite from the poisonous magic inside me.

I’m tempted to run to the throne room—to try to wake Dash and Ilona—to shake away the loneliness settling into my bones. But even if I could block out the peoples’ thoughts and emotions, it would be a poor idea. If I’m there when the people wake, they’ll surely unleash their fury on me.

I killed an innocent man in front of them. I proved to my people that I am as wicked as my mother.

On a more personal level, my ever-changing perception of Dash is giving me whiplash. I’m doubting his intentions once again, and I don’t think I can face him yet. It horrifies me to consider he’s been deceiving me all along.

Dash claims that he has only lied when it was in my best interest. Was that a lie too? How can I trust anything he says?

The foundation of our relationship is weak—destined to crumble beneath us.

Perhaps when I dissolve our power sharing bond entirely, I’ll be able to think properly for myself. As it stands, I barely know my own name right now, which only adds to my resolve to put some distance between Dash and me.

I need to accept Lex’s help.

Panic builds, and I bolt out into the wet night. Braving the storm outside seems safer than facing the one in my mind.

We’re still in the eye of the storm. The lights around the grounds are out, but in the silver glint of the moon I can make out a few downed trees and belongings strewn about. The horses across the property whinny in their stables, and I pray they’re all right. If I wasn’t in such a bind, I’d check on Aife and offer her comfort.

Wind caresses me, and stray water droplets from the nearby trees spray me.

Almost immediately, I spot Lex standing in the center of the yard.

His hands are shoved into his pockets as he stares up at the night sky. The clouds have parted enough to reveal a deep black canvas littered with stars. The peace won’t last. The other side of the storm will come soon, unleashing more destructive power.

It’s the only peaceful moment I might get.

“I thought you might change your mind,” Lex says without removing his gaze from the sky.

“Everyone’s an enemy,” I whisper, finally admitting it out loud. Though, I’m not sure it’s true. Ilona is my friend, my sister, even though I can’t stand to be around her right now. She’s not an enemy though. And Dash…well, I’m not positive about Dash yet, but I don’t trust him right now. I can’t rely on either of them the way I need to.

Dash once told me not to trust anyone, and I can’t help but wonder if his words were a warning. Was he referring to himself?

Hakran’s people are my enemy now—and they think I’m theirs. Once the Vannyks wake and think I’m the one who unleashed the wave of energy that knocked them out, they’ll turn on me too.

Now everyone is going to think I’m just like Mother—my biggest enemy of all.

Lex is the only one offering me assistance, and I have no choice but to trust that he can help.

“Why can’t I feel your emotions or read your thoughts?” I ask for the second time.

“There’s a reason for everything,” he says, finally meeting my gaze. It’s a non-answer if I’ve ever heard one, so I’m surprised when he continues. “I meant it when I said you never needed that boy’s protection. You can use your own energy to create a barrier.”

“Stop attacking Dash,” I say defensively. “This isn’t even about him. I really like him. He is a good guy.” It’s as if I’m trying to convince myself rather than Lex. He doesn’t need to know about my reservations, the doubts that he planted. Besides, even if Dash has been using me this entire time, it doesn’t diminish the good he’s done. If he is trying to eliminate me and steal my throne, it’s because he wants to protect Hakran. Dash might be betrayal wrapped in an attractive package, but somehow his desire to help my people softens the blow. “I’m only going with you long enough for my sanity to return.”

Lex nods slowly.

“I’m useless. It’s debilitating,” I say. The thin red line on his neck is a reminder of my dangerous temper. “The Stellari have a plan to bring Mother down without me anyway, and my people hate me. I have no real purpose here right now.”

He squints at me, frowning. “Don’t underestimate yourself.”

The Hakranian people might think I ran away, leaving them to fend for themselves during their most vulnerable time, but they’ll understand. When I return and give them the full story, they’ll know I did it to protect them. I’m nothing like Mother. Even if it takes time, I’ll earn their trust as their ruler.

A rustling at the edge of the jungle snags our attention. A faint line of orange orbs illuminates a row of guards headed this way.

Elemental staffs.

The guard with the braid must have alerted someone about our atypical visit to the training room earlier. Otherwise, they wouldn’t risk rushing to the palace right now; they would’ve stayed in their shelter.

“Shit,” I say.

“Come on,” Lex whispers, beckoning me to the side of the palace. We’re careful to avoid any light leaking from the windows. Shrouded in darkness, we quietly make our way to another part of the jungle. Lex grips my hand firmly as he tugs me forward.

Despite the unwanted contact, I let him lead me. I’m not afraid of him; I just don’t know anything about him. If it weren’t for the connection we have as vygoras, I don’t think I would’ve gone with him at all. Rather, I would’ve disappeared into the jungle on my own, finding some place to hide out in secret.

But I can’t deny it: something about him draws me in. I feel safer with him by my side.

Pain speaks to pain, and right now our hurt is speaking the same language. It’s not trust between us but some sort of silent understanding.

Once we’re out of earshot of the guards, we break into a run. I curse as I stumble behind Lex. How he’s moving so nimbly in the almost pitch-black brush is a mystery. Trying not to think about snakes or other nocturnal creatures, I let him pull me along as quickly as I can manage.

“Here,” he says breathlessly after we’ve been flying through the jungle for a while. Pressure builds inside my lungs, and I gasp to catch my breath. I’m in shape, but that much running would humble anyone.

“Where is…here?” Everything is black, the stars and moon shrouded by the thick layer of branches and vines overhead. I can’t see them, but I know they’re there.

The lush freshness of moisture and the bitter tang of decaying bark mix into an aroma I’m familiar with and love almost as much as the salty sea. We’re somewhere deep in the jungle, off the paths.

Lex grunts, and it’s followed by a scraping noise, like two boulders grinding together. Then he grabs my hand and pulls me along. The air grows earthier, mustier. The music of the jungle—water dripping from branches and birds cawing—is muffled. There’s no breeze, so we must be inside of something.

Tentatively, I reach above me, and my hand meets rough stone.

Releasing me, Lex makes another sound of exertion, and the grating fills the space again.

“Are we…in a cave?” I ask. “You expect us to hide out here for how long exactly?”

Chuckling, Lex pulls out a small orb, illuminating the space. It’s the inside piece of a lamp—an aethyn-spelled bulb that contains fire. Smart thinking on his part, except we could’ve used it to see through the jungle. Maybe then I could’ve avoided some of the tearing and scraping on my arms and pants. I can tell without even looking down, by the way the air hits my bare skin in random places, that my favorite bottoms are shredded.

We are indeed in a cave. Apparently the scraping and grunting was Lex moving a rather large boulder into place, where it now serves as a door. How he moved something so massive is beyond me.

“It’s entirely impossible you moved that boulder on your own, so I’m going to ignore that,” I say.

He grins mischievously at me. “You better get used to the impossible, luv, because when we come out the other end of this cave, you will no longer be in Hakran.”

“I—what?” I close my eyes and shake my head, murmuring a “never mind”before reluctantly following him through the cave.

The top of the earthy passage is only a few inches above his head, and I can touch both walls when I spread my arms out.

Lex pauses, and I swear he stops breathing for a second as he looks around with a flash of discomfort in his eyes. I’m much shorter than him and I’m getting claustrophobic. It’s a tight fit, and it’s deeply unsettling. A joke about his claustrophobia is on the tip of my tongue, until I realize I rescued him from a small cage. One he was in for goddess knows how long. His trauma is not something to joke about. Instead, empathy surges within me, a warmth I thought I lost.

Wanting to distract him, I say, “You smell better than earlier,” but I cringe when I realize how rude it sounds. For reasons unknown to me, I feel the need to lighten the mood. To help him relax under the circumstances. It pains me to know that my mother might’ve traumatized him. He’s unbelievably strong and confident, but even the sturdiest men can fall.

I refuse to see Lex brought down.

His eyes focus on me, and a chuckle escapes him. Relief flows through me. I’m glad to temporarily distract him from his invisible wounds.

“Imagine how lovely I’d smell with a lavender bath,” he says. I laugh, and we share a small smile before continuing on our journey.

Holding the orb of light aloft, he leads me through the narrow tunnel in silence.

After what seems like forever, we finally reach the end.

A wooden door stands between us and whatever is on the other side. Lex twists the iron knob, pushing the door open and ushering me through.

“Holy shit,” I gasp.

“Welcome to Nevaris,” he says with a sparkle in his eye.

* * *

Lex is right. We’re definitely not in Hakran anymore.

Dawn spreads its wings just over the horizon, and a soft pink light washes over the land.

We’re up high.

Much higher than any of the cliffs or hills on Hakran. The ground beneath us is rocky, with vibrant green grass sprouting up all around. The mountain we’re on slopes down toward what appears to be a small village nestled on the edge of water. Not seawater though. The air isn’t salty and heavy like I’m used to. Instead, it’s fresh, with a hint of fishiness.

A green-blue lake stretches into an enormous oval, with the tallest, grassiest mountains rising up all around. Some of the mountains reach up into the clouds, their peaks blanketed entirely. It’s as if the mountains stand guard, protecting the quaint village and lake nestled at the bottom.

Some of the buildings appear to sit flush with the water, as if you could walk right out the door and into the lake itself. It’s nothing like the colorful seaside village of Hakran, with it’s multi-storied wooden structures and dark, sloped roofs.

It’s unlike anything I’ve ever seen before.

“Welcome to my home,” Lex whispers in my ear. I turn to find him staring at me with an amused expression.

“Where the hell are we?” I’ve never heard of Nevaris. Though I can’t help but wonder if maybe Ilona has read about this village in one of her books.

My breaths come out in small white clouds, and the air is sharp in my throat.

“Far enough away from Hakran,” he says.

“It’s cold.” I shiver, wrapping my arms around myself. Without hesitation, Lex starts undoing the buttons of his shirt.

“No, that’s fine. I’ll—” Words leave me when he pulls his shirt off entirely. His muscular chest is marred with pink and white scars. The marks are old, and I wonder if they’re from before he was imprisoned. There’s a dark tattoo of two crossed swords inked on his left pectoral, along with some words on his inner right bicep. My mouth goes dry as I accept the shirt, trying not to gawk.

Dash’s shirt, I remind myself.

Punching my arms through the sleeves, I’m grateful it’s already warm from Lex’s body.

“Thanks,” I mumble, but it comes out hoarse. Clearing my throat, I turn back to the village.

Without a response, Lex begins trekking down the sloped hill. He walks sideways, rather than with his toes pointing forward, and it looks ridiculous.

Walking normally, I only make it a few steps before I lose my footing. I tumble down a good portion of the hill before coming to a stop on a flatter expanse.

Pushing myself to a stand, I swipe at my grass-stained arms with a scowl. Lex snickers behind me, but when I turn to him, he swallows heavily and pretends to look serious.

There’s definitely a twinkle in his eye.

Ass.

For the rest of the way, I walk sideways with him, having learned my lesson. I don’t lose my footing again.

Once we reach the bottom, I realize the village is much larger up close. It’s bigger than the village back home but not quite as large as I’d imagine a city to be.

To our right, a good distance away, lies a row of docks, littered with fisherman who load small vessels up with lines and rods. The lake is so smooth that it appears almost glassy, reflecting the towering mountains and trees in perfect harmony. The shore on the other side is barely visible.

A cobblestone path pops up beneath us as we continue to trek toward the city. A wooden sign with white paint labels it as Main Street.

Vendors appear to be setting up shop along the path. A variety of small booths and colored tents cluster around. Tables are being loaded with goods. I’m amazed at how tall some of the buildings are. Three, four, some even five stories high, nestled into the hillside.

The architecture is like something out of a fairy tale—classic wooden paneling with steepled roofs and jutting balconies.

Despite the chill in the air, this place is cozy…homey.

At first, as we move side by side through the village, no one pays us any attention.

Then a robust woman with rosy cheeks and grey hair glances our way. She does a double-take, dropping and splattering the eggs she was preparing to set out on her table.

“Lexyll,” she gasps. Running toward us, she ignores me completely as she wraps her arms around him. “Oh I prayed the original goddess would bring you back to us.”

The woman’s reaction sparks curiosity in the rest of the shopkeepers and vendors, and soon about a dozen people swarm us, their booths and goods forgotten. No one pays me any mind, as Lex—or Lexyll, as the people call him—is fawned over.

Grimacing at the group, I close my eyes and prepare for the onslaught in my mind… but nothing comes.

When I realize I can’t hear their thoughts, an exasperated laugh bubbles out of me. Maybe I’m far enough from Dash that the power sharing bond has been cut.

At the sound of my laughter, the red-cheeked woman glances at me, eyes widening as her face pales.

“Aife?” she says with uncertainty.

“What?” Did she just call me by my horse’s name? “I’m Astrid.”

She chews on her lower lip, nodding sadly before glancing away.

“This is Princess Astrid from Hakran,” Lex says in a flat voice. “She’s here temporarily.” She and Lex share some sort of silent communication. The woman opens her mouth but shuts it when he shakes his head gently at her. “Just her.”

After a beat of silence, the woman swallows and changes topics. “The harbingers kept watch over Nevaris while you were…indisposed.” She glances at me with uncertainty. “They’ll be delighted to see you. They’re still in Harmony House.”

“They’ll have to entertain themselves a while longer while I finish business, Beatrice.” Lex glances at me. Thanking the woman, he gives her another hug. She spares me another glance, like she’s debating saying something, but finally shakes her head sadly and leaves us.

Before we can make it anywhere, more gawking people swarm him, embracing him and praising the goddess. There’s no end of curious glances directed at me, and Lex continues to introduce me before anyone can ask who I am. I smile politely, unsettled by the attention.

“Either this town is much smaller than it looks, or they’ve missed you,” I whisper. I can’t imagine what it must feel like to be so adored. So loved and welcomed. Lex isn’t exactly an unlikeable guy, but based on my limited interactions with him, he seems rude and dangerous. I’m surprised so many people seem to love him.

“Why can’t it be both?” he says with a smirk.

“It’s hard to imagine anyone missing you.”

“Says the woman who missed me in those few minutes I stepped away to shave.”

Rolling my eyes, I ignore his teasing and follow him down the path. “How long exactly have you been gone?”

“Too long.”

Another non-answer, but this time he doesn’t give me the satisfaction of elaboration. “What’re the harbingers?”

“Who,” he says, staring straight ahead, a grim expression on his face. “Who are they? is the proper question.”

“Well, who are they?”

“Friends.”

“All right then,” I say with another eye roll.

Leading us past a hodgepodge of wooden cottages and lodge-style buildings, he stops in front of a small shop with a hand-painted sign that says Fara’s Fragrances above the door. He turns into the alley beside it and beckons me to follow.

I hesitate but only for a moment. I’ve already come this far with Lex, so I might as well see it all the way through. I follow him up a rickety set of steps to the top level of Fara’s Fragrances. There are three stories. The top story appears to be an attic of sorts.

When we reach the top of the stairs, Lex opens an unlocked door, revealing a small studio apartment with big windows and a surprising amount of natural light for an attic. There’s a thin layer of dust on the white sheets draped here and there throughout the space.

“It’s modest, but it’ll do until you’re ready to return.”

My brows rise to my hairline. “You expect me to stay here?”

“Sorry, luv. I know you’re used to that extravagant palace, but marble and silk are hard to come by in Nevaris.” His expression turns hard, and his jaw tightens. “We’re a modest bunch of working folk.”

“No it’s not—never mind. How long until the power-sharing bond is severed between Dash and me?” I ask. “I can’t hear anyone anymore. Does that mean I’ve put enough distance between us to break it already?”

“Excited to get back to lover boy?”

I curl my lip at him in annoyance. “Obviously I am. It’s better than being around your moodiness.” What the hell has him flipping from the village’s golden child to an asshole for no reason? He has no right to be bothered by Dash, yet he continues taking jabs at him at every opportunity.

“Don’t take it personally.”

“Kind of hard not to,” I mutter. “My magic doesn’t work here. How?”

“Nevaris is protected. There are wards in place to shield my—the people from external magic.”

“Oh.” I catch the way he says “my” before correcting himself, but he continues talking before I can ask about it.

“Your power won’t work here, but mine will. I can read your magic signature and see if it’s still tainted by lover boy’s magic. Luckily for you, the wards will subdue the effects of your own magic, so you can relax knowing any attitude you have is entirely your own now.”

“You have poor self-awareness if you think I’m the one with an attitude.”

Scowling, he rips the dusty sheets from a sofa-bed, a low table, and a bookshelf. Some of the tension in the room dissipates at the sight of the colored spines before me.

I stride closer, and a smile grazes my lips as I read some of the faded titles. “You like romance?”

“They don’t belong to me. Consider them yours.”

His words are a sobering reminder that this is—or was—someone’s apartment. That Lex had a life here who knows how long ago, before my mother took him as a prisoner.

We’ve both been subjected to her imprisonment but in different ways.

“I’ve never met a vygora like me before,” I say, softening my tone. It’s my way of making an effort to show my appreciation at his provision of sanctuary. “Can you transfer life force energy too?”

“No. I cannot. But I can absorb it without touching others. I can control how much I take—just enough to temporarily render one unconscious, as you saw.”

“You could kill them though, if you wanted?”

“Yes.”

For the first time in his presence, fear pricks at my skin. He can kill an entire room of people without even touching them—the extremely powerful Vannyks included.

Even Dash was susceptible to Lex’s magic…and he’s supposed to have the ability to block vygora magic. My own powers don’t even work on Dash.

What am I doing here with this man? I know nothing about him, yet I followed him here to this village far away from everyone I know. It sounded like a good idea at the time, and I’m desperate for answers, for help, but I’m beginning to worry about the choice I made.

Lex moves to the small kitchenette and opens a few cupboards, then peers into the icebox with a tight expression. “I need to take care of some things. I’ll be back with food.”

“I’m supposed to just sit here like a prisoner?”

He looks affronted. “Who said anything about imprisonment? I am not your keeper. You’re free to do whatever you wish.”

Perhaps it was a poor choice of words—he was a prisoner himself recently. Sighing, I rub my temples with my fingers.

An apology sticks in my throat, so I give my thanks instead. He nods, fiddling with one of the front windows.

Eyeing the uncomfortable sofa-bed, I contemplate a nap. We’ve been up all night, and the events of the past twenty-four hours come flashing back with waves of stress and exhaustion.

As soon as the storm on Hakran ends, the Vannyks and Mother will have their showdown. Hopefully Mother will end up in the pit this time. Perhaps by now, the people in the throne room have woken and discovered my disappearance.

Dash and Ilona might be disappointed when they figure out I ran. Surely they’ll worry for me, but they’ll understand. They have to. If Dash’s power sharing was truly a mistake, he can’t be mad that I chose to break the bond to quite literally save lives.

And if it wasn’t a mistake… Well, then he’ll be grateful for my disappearance.

Now that the Vannyks have begun using their myndox powers to break Mother’s hold over Hakran, they’ll surely win over my people. When I return, I’ll assume my rightful spot as queen—as heir to Mother’s throne. I never wanted to rule, but Dash has given me hope that I can be the kind of queen I choose—a kind, caring queen. If there is such a thing.

I’ll talk to the Vannyks and explain what happened, convince them that the murder in the throne room was a fluke. If they back me, perhaps it’ll help me win my people over.

I miss Dash. Though we’ve only known each other for a few weeks, I’m used to his presence. I miss his spicy, woodsy scent. His strong, callused hands. The way his eyes always search for me in a room. Watching me as if I’m the most fascinating creature he’s ever laid eyes on.

His lips on mine…though I haven’t experienced that nearly enough.

“I’m glad your anger is subsiding, though I’d rather not feel your lust for lover boy,” Lex says, drawing my attention back to him. He’s leaning against the door, giving me a bland look.

“Excuse me?”

“At least, that’s who I assume it’s for?” His brow quirks up in question, and I can’t stop my eyes from roaming over his bare chest. The shirtless suspender look is awfully attractive on him. He’s already gorgeous after a bit of cleaning up and a shave. I can’t imagine how mouthwatering he’ll look after a few weeks out of the pit. Some sunshine, exercise, and solid meals will only enhance his appeal.

My cheeks heat in embarrassment at how quickly I went from daydreaming about Dash to daydreaming about Lex. What the hell is wrong with me?

Stop ogling him,I scold myself.

“Did you just read my emotions?” I ask.

“I told you I could read your magic signature to see if his still taints yours. It requires reading your emotions to do so.”

“You said you could, not that you were going to! Give a girl warning before you invade her personal space!” I scold, grateful he said something before my thoughts took a more explicit turn. Granted, he can’t tell exactly what I’m thinking—he’s no mind reader—but his ability to read my feelings is almost as invasive.

Goddess, is this what it feels like to be on the receiving end of my magic? It’s annoying.

“Noted.” He puts his hands up in a placating gesture. “I will give a direct warning next time. To answer your question, the bond isn’t broken. It’ll still take time, even with the distance. At least here you’re safe from the ill effects.”

He reaches for the doorknob to leave, and I call out to him, causing him to pause. “Why are you doing this for me?”

“Because…I know what it’s like to lose someone you love. I’d hate to see that happen to you. I wouldn’t wish that pain on anyone.” The statement is made with the utmost sincerity. I could’ve easily murdered Ilona, Dash, or anyone else in my fits of rage. I could’ve taken the life of one of my friends. He’s keeping them safe from me, so I won’t do something I regret.

Lex’s honesty is admirable. He saw my monster, and instead of scaring him away, it lured him in. I understand why I recognize the darkness in his eyes now: our monsters are the same.

His jade eyes linger on mine, and an electric charge passes between us. There’s no challenge in his gaze, no mockery, just pure truth and pain.

I’ve been nothing but rude to Lex, and maybe he’s deserving of a little more kindness. Maybe I can trust him. Wading through betrayals is exhausting, and the quiet here is a blissful reprieve. Even with Dash it wasn’t this calm. Dash’s lies—regardless of his intention—always hung over us.

Either way, I vow to be kinder to Lex. At least for now.

Finally, Lex shutters the emotion on his face and exits the apartment. The door clicks shut behind him.

I can’t help but wonder who he lost, and how he lost them.