Chapter 20

CHAPTERTWENTY

I survey the room,panicking. Fallen bodies litter the grey marble floor. Not a single person is conscious.

“No!” I gasp. My hands tremble. “I didn’t mean it. I-I—”

“You didn’t do anything,” a smooth voice says.

Holding my breath, I turn to see a familiar pair of jade eyes peering at me.

“You—Lex.” Terror pulses through my body. “What did you do?” My voice wavers. I had thought I was the one who released that wave of energy, but…it was Lex.

Water drips from his unruly beard, and his clothes stick to his muscular frame.

“They’re not dead. Just…asleep,” he says. “Come.” He reaches out a hand for me, but I recoil, almost tripping over Dash.

“No.” Kneeling beside Dash, I shake his shoulder, begging him to wake up.

Lex’s jaw ticks as he stares at me impatiently. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

“Stay the fuck away from me!”

Sighing, he runs a hand over his beard. “I did this to help you. To quiet their voices before you cause further mayhem.” He points to the lone dead man in the room, the one I killed in my rage.

“How—how did you know about the voices?”

I pull my dagger free, pressing the blade against Lex’s throat and backing him up against the wall.

He raises his hands in surrender. “Easy now, luv.”

I almost falter at the gentle shift in his tone but quickly brush it off, refusing to let him distract me.

Realization dawns on me. Lex was there when we were discussing the lore, our powers. He even commented on how Dash and I kissed beneath the falls. Idiotically, I mentioned enough minor details for him to put the pieces together.

I’ve not only made myself vulnerable in front of the Vannyks but in front of this stranger as well. Dash was right—this guy is not to be trusted.

“I can and will kill you,” I say venomously. I press the dagger harder against his skin, drawing a thin line of blood. His lips twitch, as if he’s fighting a smile.

“Of course you can.” There’s no sarcasm in his voice as his eyes flicker to the dead man’s frame.

“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t slit your throat right now,” I demand.

“I want to help you. Let me help you.”

“What? I don’t—”

“Despite lover boy telling you that you can block everything out, you can’t,” he says. Something akin to concern flickers across his face before he quickly neutralizes it. Oddly, despite his rude personality, I believe that he truly wants to help.“You’re volatile. You’re losing control, and that’s a very dangerous thing.”

My hands are clammy, and I readjust my grip on the dagger. He’s right.

Dash has offered me comfort, but other than telling me to “Control my power,” he’s done nothing to help me actually do so. And Ilona cares deeply for me, but there’s absolutely nothing she can do—in fact, I can’t even let her near me lately.

I need to regain control. I can’t live like this.

“What were you doing?” I ask, keeping my face neutral as I continue pressing the blade into his throat. He swallows, and his Adam’s apple presses against the blade. “When you ran off?”

“Nothing nefarious.”

“So where did you go?”

“Is that really your business?”

“It is if you expect me to accept your help.”

“Why don’t you continue letting your lover boy help you, if that’s going so well?”

“Stop with the belittlement.”

“You can’t ask that of me.”

“I have a dagger to your neck. I can ask anything I please.”

In one quick move, Lex shoves me away from him. He ducks left, and in a flash, he’s beside me, capturing me in a headlock. The blade clatters to the floor, the echoes resonating throughout the throne room.

He holds me flush against his damp body, and his beard scratches my ear as he whispers. “Be careful with that blade, luv. Some men enjoy the threat of violence.”

I squirm, using all of my weight to break his hold. “You—”

“I am not going to hurt you. Relax.” He releases me, and I turn, leveling a glare at him.

“When has ordering a woman to relax ever helped the situation?” I snarl.

“Ah, so feisty.” His lips twitch. “We really should get going. I’ve been contained for far too long, and I’m feeling a touch…deficient. I’m uncertain how long my power will hold.” He gestures toward the people around the room.

“I’m not going anywhere with you.”

“Well then. Good luck when they wake and place their blame on you. Not sure pretty boy’s mommy and daddy will be too friendly after witnessing you murder an innocent man. They seem to be very righteous people. Not to mention how you just knocked everyone out.”

“But I didn’t even—”

“That is what the perception will be, and when the thoughts override your own mind once again, how will you prevent yourself from doing it again? Or something much worse?” There’s no amusement in his expression, just grim honesty.

Huffing, I stoop to snag my dagger off the floor. I point the blade at him. “Fine. Give me the solution to my problem, and then we’ll go our separate ways.”

“Demanding, luv.”

“I’m not your fucking luv,” I say, mimicking his accent.

“Aren’t you going to ask what I want in return?”

Tightening my jaw, I continue to stare unblinkingly at him. “Fine. What do you want?” I ask through clenched teeth.

He flashes a broad smile at me. “Nothing unreasonable. A change of clothes. A razor. A brush.”

“And a lavender-scented bath, a five-course meal, and a foot rub perhaps?” I ask sarcastically.

“Well, if you’re offering.”

“I’m not.” The thought of a bath with lavender oil squeezes my heart. It reminds me of Gianna. Sorrow courses through me, reminding me of precisely why I should accept Lex’s help: I’m dangerous.

Clearly my people aren’t safe around me in this state.

My murderous urges are strengthening; it’s becoming easier to lose sight of guilt and empathy.

Lex might be my only option for fixing this.

I jerk my head toward the exit. “Let’s go.” I lead the way out of the throne room, pausing to check both ways before stepping into the hallway. Only the decorative columns bear witness to me sneaking out with Lex-the-prisoner.

I’m tempted to ask for more details about his imprisonment, but I’m afraid of the answer. Perhaps it’s best if I don’t know. Based on his little show of power in the throne room, it’s plausible Mother simply fears him. If she couldn’t control him, of course she’d imprison him.

Maybe Lex and I aren’t so different after all.

But there’s also the possibility that Lex isn’t a good man.

“The storm calmed down a lot,” he says from behind me. “How much time before Enira leaves her little nest?”

I shake my head. “Don’t be fooled. It’s the eye of the storm—a temporary calm before it whips up again. There’s always a lull before we get the worst of it.”

“Well then, I might enjoy a lavender bath after all.”

Annoyance boils inside of me—strong and demanding of my attention.

“You’re mad again,” he says.

“I’m not. You said your power will wear off soon. We don’t have time for a fucking bath.” I just want to fix myself, get back to normal, and be done with this.

“I said I’m uncertain of how long my power will hold. You have a penchant for misinterpreting words.”

“I do not. And you wouldn’t even know if I did.” Rolling my eyes, I pick up the pace, leading us to Dash’s room. After pushing the door open, I flick on the lamp. It’s weird bringing Lex here. I know the room is technically a guest room, but it smells like Dash—spicy and earthy—and I want to wrap myself up in the scent.

Opening the dark grey armoire, I snag a pair of black trousers, a white button-up, and some suspenders.

“Nice room,” Lex says. “I hadn’t thought you to be an oversized trousers kind of gal though.”

“You know nothing about me.”

“So you’ve already said.” Offering me a sly grin, Lex takes the clothes from me.

“There’s a brush and razor in the bathroom.” I jerk a thumb toward the other door.

Without hesitation, he starts unbuttoning his pants in front of me. My cheeks flame with embarrassment.

“Get into the bathroom!” I scold, squeezing my eyes closed before I see something I can’t unsee. There’s something inappropriate about being alone with another naked man in Dash’s room. It spoils the sacredness of the space.

Only when I hear Lex’s boots clack away and the door shut do I open my eyes again. Muddy footprints trail across Dash’s stone floor, and I sigh, wondering how I’m going to explain this to him.

Not that I owe him anything—certainly not an explanation—but I’ve grown to care for him during the last few weeks, and I find myself wanting to open up to him. That’s entirely new territory for me. Other than Ilona, I never let anyone in. With Dash, that’s changing. Now that we’re on the same page with waging a war against my mother, there’s a greater opportunity to build trust.

But what if we lose against Mother? What if she harms Dash or one of his family members…or worse, kills them? What if she throws me in the pit? What if the Hakranian people don’t follow us? My people seem to hate me; they’re angry at me, for good reason now.

They know I’m the vessel, and there’s no going back.

Tapping my foot impatiently, I try to quell my racing mind. Anxiety bubbles up, ready to overflow and drown me.

Focusing on my breathing—one, two, three, four—I try to steady my heart rate.

“Lex?” I call.

Inhale.

Exhale.

“Yeah?”

“Hurry the fuck up.”

“Miss me already, luv?”

“No. Stop calling me that.” I pause, unsettled by the worries pummeling me. “Can you have a heart attack from stress?”

He pops his head out the door, mid-shave. A thin stripe of smooth flesh peeks out through the dark beard. “Yes.”

“Goddess save me,” I mumble, rubbing my eyes.

“Just relax.”

“Stop telling me to fucking relax! Can you hurry up so you can tell me how to fix my damn mind?”

“It’s not a quick fix, but yes.” His expression is hard. “I’ll hurry.”

He steps back into the bathroom, leaving the door cracked so I can see him in front of the vanity. I feel a little better. Slightly less alone.

“Lex?” I call again. Lying back on the bed, I close my eyes and begin to count backwards from one hundred.

“Hmmm?”

“Why can’t I hear your thoughts or…feel your emotions?” My voice is barely above a whisper.

He doesn’t answer. I’m not sure if he heard me, but I don’t care to repeat myself. Instead, I focus on my countdown.

* * *

I’m awakened by someone shaking my shoulder.

I jolt up, confused, and glance at my surroundings.

Dash’s room.

“Dashiel!” I cry out, reaching for him, but instead of Dash, it’s Lex standing before me. I flinch, withdrawing my hand.

Lex is barely recognizable. If it wasn’t for his striking eyes, I might not have believed it’s him at all.

Beneath all that matted hair is a breathtaking man. He’s much younger than I initially thought—no more than thirty. His skin is pale from lack of sun exposure, but there are lingering warm undertones. I bet he’ll take on a golden glow with a few days outdoors.

He pulls his black hair into a low bun, tying it at the nape of his neck. Dressed in the new clothes, he is nothing like the decaying prisoner I found earlier this evening.

“How long was I out?” I mumble, smoothing down my top as I jump out of bed.

“Only a few minutes. I complied with your demands.” Sorting through our previous conversation, I realize he means he hurried. Like I asked him to.

“How do I fix my power?”

“I will tell you in time. Be patient.”

“I don’t have time for patience!” Hastily, I put on my shoes and begin to pace the room.

“First, you were a fool to trust that boy.”

“What boy?”

“Your little lover boy.”

“Dashiel? He’s hardly a boy,” I scoff. Lex can’t be much older than him. “You are so damn condescending.”

“We all have our flaws, luv.” Yanking a decorative pillow from the settee beside the patio doors, I whack Lex with it. “And that right there is yours, it seems. Aggression. Violence. Though I must say, I am enjoying this tremendously.” His eyes darken as he peruses my body.

“My name is Astrid! For godesses’s sake. And don’t look at me like that.”

“Do you always curse the goddess?”

Closing my eyes, I inhale deeply, counting to four before exhaling. My blood is on fire. Sparks flare to life behind my eyelids.

“Relax.” He reaches out to touch my shoulder, and I flinch away, my eyes widening.

“Don’t tell me to relax!”

“This is a particularly fun state you’re in,” he says, his eyes flashing with heat.

Losing it entirely, I whip my dagger out again, pressing it against his throat. My hand shakes—not with fear, but with fury. There’s still a thin red line on his neck from the last time I pulled this move on him.

“It’s like you enjoy pissing me off.”

His eyes crinkle with humor. “I warned you earlier—some of us rather enjoy the taunt of a sharp blade.”

“You’re sick. I don’t have time for your bullshit. My people need me. Tell me how to block out their intrusive thoughts and fix…my intense feelings,” I say, my voice cracking. “Tell me how to fix it. Please!”

“Put the dagger down…Astrid.” He says my name for the first time genuinely. I appreciate him taking me seriously and showing respect. I hadn’t quite expected it from him, and it eases my mind.

I comply with his command, sheathing the dagger.

“I do apologize for riling you up,” he says.

“Do I have too much life force? Or not enough?” I squeeze the back of my tense neck as I continue striding back and forth.

“You think your magic is the cause of your distress?”

“Isn’t it?”

One of his dark brows rises in surprise. “Absolutely not. You are a… vygora—an extremely powerful one. You’re meant to absorb life force. It keeps your power at its highest and your senses their sharpest. It is absolutely not the source of your troubles.”

“How would you even know?” My eyes roam the angles of his face for any hint of dishonesty. How can I trust he knows anything about my power?

“Because you and I are the same,” he says. He grows quiet, his eyes focusing on a spot above my head, as if he’s contemplating something. A nostalgic look crosses his face before he schools his expression once again.

“Like me, how exactly?”

“I’m…a special kind of vygora, too.”

“Everyone seems to be special lately,” I say. Clearly Mother was lying when she told me she and I are the most powerful beings around. The Vannyks, Dash included, are powerful in their own right. Fatima, whoever the hell she really is, has full elemental control. And after witnessing Lex’s display of power in the throne room… Well, I no longer feel that unique.

“You and I—we’re different from the others,” he says, inspecting his nails. “Granted, our power isn’t identical, but you could say it is quite similar in nature.”

Despite everything, I have no doubt he’s right. I witnessed his power rippling through the crowd in the throne room. Everyone dropped almost simultaneously without him even touching them.

Excitement surges up my spine at the memory. It surprises me. Logically, I should fear Lex. But I’m thrilled to discover his power is similar to mine.

Cedrik is the only other vygora I’ve ever met, but he has nothing on Lex. Lex is a force to be reckoned with.

Yet, I don’t fear him.

I’m annoyed, yes. But afraid? No.

“If it’s not the life force energy causing my imbalances, then what?”

“Where two falls merge and two lips meet, hearts are joined, their power complete,” he says, reciting the now overly familiar passage to me.

“So Dash’s power did do this to me?” I shake my head. I’m hurt that my initial theory was correct. I asked Dash point-blank if the power sharing made my own magic erratic, and he was adamant it didn’t. But that is when all my problems started. My magic was fine, normal, before that kiss under the falls.

Did Dash lie to me purposely? Or is he truly ignorant?

“Yes and no,” Lex says, sliding his hands into his pockets. “I’m sure your little—Dashiel didn’t fully understand the lore. Stories turn into myths—they change over time—but their origins stay the same.”

“Explain. The short version so we can get to the fixing.” Glancing at the door, I can’t help but wonder if Lex’s power is still holding strong. Part of me yearns for Dash to come rushing in and kiss me, to tell me Lex is wrong, but another part of me knows Dash fucked up. Even if it was an accident.

“Power is only to be shared freely between the fated. Soulmates, if you will,” Lex says, and the intensity of his gaze causes my skin to prickle.

“What happens if you share with one who isn’t your…fated?” I scrunch my nose at the prospect of soulmates. Nobody has a soulmate. People fall in and out of love all the time. Most loves are meant to be temporary, and I don’t believe the soul is meant to be tied to only one person for all of eternity.

“It tears you apart from the inside—driving you insane.”

“That’s why Davvinia killed Anwyr?” I ask, gaining a new perspective on the lore despite my own personal beliefs.

“Actually, that’s why Anwyr killed himself. To free himself of the corrupted power swimming through his veins.”

Goddess above.

It’s interesting to hear this variation of the story.

“So I’m like Anwyr in this story?” If I share Anwyr’s fate, this is worse than I thought. Not only am I a danger to those around me, I’m a danger to myself.

He shrugs lazily, as if it’s up to me to determine.

“Okay, given I believe your claims, how do I cut the connection between Dash and me?”

“Time and distance. Ideally, the farther apart you are from one another physically, the quicker the connection will fade. Otherwise it could take weeks, so long as you keep your hands and lips off each other. If the power is not recharged, the line will fade out until it’s severed completely.”

“Recharged?” I balk at his implications.

“Lover boy really fucked up his lore, eh?” Lex says, smirking. “The magic stems from…intimacy. Love or lust in any form enhances the power sharing bond.”

So that’s why I lost it in the throne room. It was after Dash and I had sex, which means our power sharing was intensified. No wonder it was overpowering.

A few key details definitely got lost in Dash’s version of the lore.

“So all I have to do is stay away from Dash and not…kiss him, or touch him? At least until it fades?”

Lex scowls. “If it’s not too difficult for you.”

“How long will it take?” I ask, ignoring the foul dip in Lex’s attitude.

“The more distance you put between you, the quicker it’ll fade.”

“I can’t exactly leave. Not during all of this.” I wave my arms.

“It’s either that or you face Anwyr’s fate,” he drawls, giving me a pointed look. I hate how alluring his accent is. I hate how everything sounds good coming out of his mouth, even my impending death.

I rub my forehead. “So I’m supposed to just leave? What about subduing my mother? Taking my throne? What about my people?”

“Don’t stab me for saying so, but the timing is interesting to consider.”

I scrutinize him, searching for the true meaning of his words.

“It could be an innocent mistake on lover boy’s behalf,” he says. “He isn’t from the island, after all. The lore may have gotten distorted, or… But, as I said, his timing is curious.” Lex cocks his head as he shoves his hands deeper into his pockets. “But perhaps I’m wrong.”

It’s too late. Lex has successfully planted the seed of doubt in my mind, and now I’m questioning Dash’s motives even further.

What if Dash did know the truth of this lore the entire time? What if he’s been manipulating me, getting me out of the way so his family could claim my throne without breaking the goddess’s laws? What if he purposely shared the one-sided kiss, not to save me from sharing my power with him but to save himself from suffering the ill-effects, knowing we’re not fated?

Could Dash be secretly cruel enough to lead me on and drive me to my ruin, all to steal my throne?

Could he knowingly send me to my death?

I thought I knew him, but maybe I don’t.

What if he purposely gave in to our intimacy, knowing it would push me over the edge in a perfectly timed move as his family closes in on Mother? With both Mother and me out of the way, the Vannyks would be heroes rising to save Hakran’s people.

My stomach clenches with nausea as I realize that I have no way of knowing his true intentions. Everything between us could be fake.

“What’s your problem with him?” I ask weakly. Lex has been belligerent toward Dash since we freed him from the pit. He’s called him names, and now he’s purposely provoking my mistrust.

“I don’t have time for petty grievances with people who don’t matter.”

Scoffing, I cross my arms. “It seems you have plenty of time to instill uncertainties though.” A new thought flashes through my head, and I let it guide my next question. “Why didn’t I hear anyone’s voices at first? With Dash’s power? It took some time for me to read their thoughts, and it’s getting increasingly worse.”

“The magic builds inside of you like a tumor. It’s not meant to run through your veins. Your body rejects it, and it will continue to battle against you until it consumes you entirely. That’s precisely why the fated are the only ones meant to share magic. Their magic signatures match, drawing them to each other.”

“How much time do I have?” At this point, it doesn’t matter if I believe the fated theory. If I don’t break our ill-fated power sharing, I will die. It will kill me, or I will kill myself to escape the chaos. That is something I know because it’s eating me alive.

“I guess you’ll have to put as much distance between you and lover boy as quickly as possible.” Lex sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I have a place where you will be safe to wait out the bond as it breaks.”

“Go with you? Absolutely not.” Brushing a few stray bangs out of my face, I glare at him.

“Then I best be going,” he says, heading for the door.

“Wait!” He pauses, so I continue. “Aren’t you going to help us take down my mother first?”

“You could die at any time, and you’re concerned about that?” he asks with an inscrutable expression. “Your priorities are wrong, luv.”

“This might be our only opportunity. She knows we’re onto her, that I’m no longer controlled by her. Once she discovers the Vannyks are free, if she doesn’t already know, she will strike with full force. Our only chance to knock her down is to hit her first, before she realizes we’re coming.”

“That wasn’t part of any deal we made.”

“But your power, it’s—”

“If you think my power is what you need to defeat her, you’re sorely mistaken.”

“You can help! We can work together. Please. The people need me.” I’m begging, and at this point, I don’t care how weak it makes me seem.

“Stop worrying about everyone else and put yourself first for once.” He stares at me intensely as if trying to convince me of something. I’m too conflicted by his response to say anything else. How would he know whether or not I put myself first?

Turning on his heel, he walks out the door.

I collapse onto Dash’s bed, staring at the sleek chandelier overhead as I contemplate what I should do. If I stay, I’m no help to anyone. I’ve already taken a little girl’s father from her in front of the entire palace. They’ve seen me lose my mind once, and I’m bound to do it again. Right now I have a moment of peace; no one is around to assault me with the contents of their minds. The moment those in the throne room wake, I’ll be lost to the monster inside me again.

I’m not my mother—I refuse to be like her—but if I stay, I could become worse than her.

As the guilt and anguish threaten to pull me under, I make my decision.

I need to go.

For Dash.

For Ilona.

For the Vannyks.

For all the people of Hakran.

Lex is wrong, I don’t need to put myself first. I’ll put them first by sparing them from my wrath.

Surging from the bed, I rush to the door and throw it open.

But Lex is already gone. His muddy footprints are the only things left behind.