8. Theo

CHAPTER 8

Theo

I could have been more forceful and demanding, telling Anthony and Hardin to hold up and let me rearrange the luggage they’d all piled into the back so that little me could squeeze into one of the seats and make the journey back with them. The hostility that was evident throughout Jesse's whole body was the telltale sign that I should've pushed, but I couldn’t do it—not to that sobbing girl who needed to get home, and not to Anthony.

I knew the journey here was going to be hard, but the confessions and stories that Anthony told me on the journey hit me hard. I was the first to admit after what I’d done my backbone had grown stronger and tougher but within the space of less than fifteen minutes of being trapped in the tight, confined space with these people and realizing exactly the effects of what I’d done to Jesse over the last twelve months, he’d instantly broken through every shield I’d put up around myself.

By the time we stopped off to fill up for gas I had to take a moment for myself. It was as if Anthony knew this was the time to attack completely and hit me at my weakest. I began letting myself go and forgetting who I was by letting everything slip on what truly happened, knowing that this would instantly change the way I was seen by him. That maybe the final hour of traveling would be done in quiet and he’d realize me leaving his brother was the best thing that could ever happen.

I didn’t expect him to tell me he understood why I did it though, knocking the complete air out of my chest. Jesse needed to know. That’s how I ended up in this predicament—pain, hurt and suffering, knowing that I was inflicting this, but knowing that Anthony was right and none of this was about me anymore. It was about the man over there who currently needed me to let him know that this wasn’t his fault and he could stop blaming himself—that his actions in our life never once affected one moment in our lives, and it was my fault that caused this. Nothing else.

“Let us know when you reach the hospital safely.” I said to Anthony as he hugged me before pulling back and patting my shoulder. “You know Jesse will worry.”

“You don’t have a clue about my thoughts.” Jesse tutted at me before he walked away towards one of the cars, talking to himself under his breath.

“Remember what we talked about!” Anthony whispered to me. “You need to do this. Clear the air, man.” He glanced between the two of us, ballparking the situation, and it was impossible to not notice the thick tension that radiated in waves in the air where we stood. “Don’t think just act, okay? You told me how much better you felt when you let it off your chest to me?—”

Just as Hardin beeped the horn, stuck his head out of the window and hollered loudly, “Come on you, we need to be making tracks if we want to get on the freeway before dark.” He uttered, “I’m sure Jesse and Theo can manage a few days alone without killing one another.”

“Who said anything about that?” Jesse interrupted him as Anthony walked up to his brother and pulled him into his arms.

“Just let him say what he has to,” Anthony rushed the words out. “I don’t ask much but please do this for me. Just this once, bro.” He reached up and scruffed up his hair and smirked at him. “I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t have a reason to. You know that. You have to believe me for once, okay?” He pulled back and accessed the confusion that had appeared across his face, wondering if he’d actually give me a chance or remain as stubborn as ever.

Just like me, really.

I know I didn’t deserve the support or words of support from Anthony at that moment, but if anyone could give me an initial boost forward with Jesse then I’d take it. Even if he wouldn’t talk to me. I knew that I had to spend the next few days around him and that could either be pure torture or spent with a slight ease to it.

I knew what I was deep down hoping for. Whether I was actually going to get it was another question.

The moment the cars had left Jesse’s anger radiated to the extreme. I hadn’t seen such pain in him before. It made me realize every word from Anthony’s mouth was pure truth and not a single lie. In return my bitterness and frustration echoed and I didn’t know how to handle the emotions and the confrontation between us became explosive.

“I can’t even go anywhere as I need to babysit you,” Jesse scoffed out, throwing his hands up in the air. “How the tables have turned between us. Me covering your back suddenly. Life is so unfair. I just wish you could fuck off and leave.” He chuckled suddenly before cocking his head to the side and pointing his finger at my chest. “Oh yeah, you already did that before, didn’t you?”

I really couldn’t cope with confronting the whole reason of why at this second—especially as my blood was boiling and anger at tipping point.

“That was the past, Jesse—” I began as he shook his head.

“Was it? Looks like you’ve pushed your way straight back into my life yet again,” he yelled out, jabbing my chest again with his finger as my heartbeat picked up with his burning eyes as they stared into my own. “You were pretty cozy with my brother. It’s like you are finding your way straight back where you want to be, aren’t you, Theo?”

“You know that’s not true,” I quipped back. “I came to help. I told them how to find those girls so they could get to the hospital. I was trying?—”

“To pretend you are more than you are—" Jesse intercepted back. “You wanted to look good after all the hurt, but you even fucking ruined that by taking all that was sacred from what we had.”

“Screw this,” I yelled at him, pushing his chest hard. “I ain’t listening to this,” I uttered as I turned around and stormed off to the nearest path to the left, and walked away without turning around.

If Jesse wanted to expel all his anger towards me then I’d accept that it was his choice to do so but I needed some time to prepare myself for it. I couldn’t react like that each time a barrage of words were thrown at me, or the next few days would be hell for the two of us. The worst of it all is, deep down, I was angry not at him but at myself and all I could imagine doing was shutting him up by kissing him senseless.

I don’t know what was going through my mind, but I thought if I hid down this path, then at least it may give us both time to calm down amongst other things. I didn’t know what it was about being in close proximity to Jesse, but even though I was the one that put us in this predicament, I couldn’t help but want him in ways that I shouldn’t. He’d matured and somehow become one with himself in nature. I wasn’t going to lie it was a huge turn on to me. As I stormed off, I let out some long deep breaths as I thought about what I was going to use as my excuse for gaining my composure and somehow managing this torturous situation that was all my own doing. I noticed some dry kindling and odd branches on the floor which were perfect for building a fire for the two of us. I bent down and started to gather the pieces of wood that were suitable as I continued along the path, knowing in my heart it was too soon to turn around yet.

Space was definitely the best thing at that moment when I heard the sound of footsteps approaching behind me. I hurried my pace, unable to catch a glimpse of the person behind me thinking the chances of Jesse following after me would be just a dream in my mind. He wouldn’t bother caring about what happened to me, especially after those harsh words we shared which meant that there was some unknown stranger on this path.

I quickly turned back around trying to gather my bearings knowing that I needed to get back to the campsite to set up for the night when I suddenly lost my footing, the scream from my throat tore out of my mouth as the pain in my leg hit me.

“Fuck,” I screamed, glancing at the large gash down my leg as I cradled my leg and I bit down on my lip hard. I was not going to cry. “Shit.”

I glanced down at the blood as I laid in the mud and suddenly felt faint at the sight of it. Footsteps loudly approached, and a concerned voice shouted at me that I knew all too well.

“Theo,” Jesse dropped his bag to the ground by my side and examined every part of me until he stopped at my leg. He instantly ripped the hem of his shirt and tied it around my leg, working quickly and efficiently until a passerby stopped and asked if he could help. “I’ll be right back. Don’t move at all,” he ordered me. I wanted desperately to be witty and answer him back but at this moment I couldn’t. Something was different. The way Jesse meticulously worked without a word as his throat bobbed up and down, holding back from letting go. It was as if I was missing something bigger here if I didn’t know quite what. The passerby did a quick glance at the two of us but I didn’t hear the conversation that Jesse had with him as my head was too messed up with the pain shooting up from my leg. I noticed the strip of naked bare skin and the tears currently formed within the man who was meant to hate me as he walked on back to me and kneeled by my side. “I thought… I… oh fuck this… I may regret this later but not at this moment.”

He swiftly growled, reaching forward and pulling my face towards his until our mouths were a whisper breath apart. My breath hitched and my cock instantly twitched as I forgot about the pain from my leg and became intoxicated with the need to taste him.

“Jes—” I gasped out against his mouth, just as his mouth consumed mine and the tears spilt down his cheeks.

I groaned against his lips, remembering every second of how much I loved the passionate embraces we’d shared previously and let everything overcome me. I had to tell him. I couldn’t hold this back any longer and be a coward anymore. One thing was for certain though this moment would either define the two of us or destroy anything ever happening again.