5. Jesse

CHAPTER 5

Jesse

T welve months I’d stayed here and taken advantage of my brother’s generosity, but tonight was the night I said goodbye to him. It’s time I went on a long overdue vacation and started a new chapter in my life. I had come to the realization that Theo’s dad, Harry, wasn't going to reveal anything to me about what was happening in his mind and the reasons behind Theo’s sudden departure. It didn’t help that I knew I had to be careful with what I said as I knew technically Harry wasn’t aware of Theo’s relationship status with me too, and the one thing I didn’t want to do was drop him in a situation where he may grow to hate me more than he already does. In our short but brief conversations, Harry remained loyal and true to his son—it’s what a dad did of course but one line stayed with me every day we talked, just give him time and don’t give up on him.

The thing was, how much time could I remain waiting for him to reach out and make contact? It wasn’t even me who caused this destructive path and was making us walk it. When the one-year mark hit since Theo finished things between us, I expected to be a mess and wanted to hide away from everyone, instead it was the kick I needed to change and look at my life and future.

I’d given enough of my time to him—enough chances to talk to me and explain what was wrong, even if that was by just being a friend—it was time to cut ties with them all and move on with my life. I’d had solidarity most of the time being here, spending time away from people when I wanted to, and not pushing any connections with people. But over the last few months, I’d ended up taking trips to The North Avenue Live and getting myself back into society again.

I’d actually made new friendships through my brother's inner circle of friends and instantly connected with Maxwell. The age difference between us and the way he instantly took me under his wing, helped ease my mind much to my brother’s dismay, especially when he acted much younger than his age and decided to drag me down a line of mischief sometimes. Maxwell was the voice of reason and the calming force within the group, someone who would never judge or show any disapproval. He looked at the larger picture in front of him before he ever gave advice and always had your back whenever you needed him to. He even offered me a position at his accountancy firm, Gratize Accountants, a few days a week in the offices working with Cole. It helped me begin to find my feet again and the confidence I’d lost, but also not become so reliant on Ant all the time, even though I’d forever be grateful to him and his support.

That’s why in some ways tonight I couldn’t help a tinge of guilt as I left the washroom and entered the bar. A few of the guys had found out I was taking some much-needed vacation time away for myself. well, it wasn’t like word wasn’t going to spread between them, Maxwell, Cole, my brother and Hardin were all best friends. The only thing was I hadn’t set a date for my return back to the grind of work and the busy streets of Manhattan. Maxwell had instantly understood my decision; my brother had required a bit more persuasion.

I wanted to go back to my roots where I had grown and found the true me, Sugarloaf Knob Mountain. The great outdoors and wilderness had once been a place where I had explored to please Theo originally; it had been his natural stomping ground and love. The thing was that I came to love it, and have come to realize the rush and freedom that comes with being in the wild can only be found here.

It’s been a huge wakeup call. One that I never saw coming.

One that I needed, though.

The fresh air, the open views, mountains with nothing and nobody around… perfection.

As crazy as it sounds, it was my safety net. A place that I had come to love and care about with all my heart. Somewhere that you could truly be at one with yourself and nothing else mattered.

It’s why I kept thinking that having a vacation here would be the perfect place to ground and refocus all my energy back where it belonged.

An opportunity to find the new me.

“Jesse, get your ass over here,” Hardin shouted as he rang the bell from behind the bar of The North Avenue Live, making all our friends chuckle at his outburst. It wasn’t like we weren’t used to it. Hardin was the life and soul of the party and the joint owner of the place alongside Ant. They’d finally got their act together and shortly after I’d shown my face again with a broken heart, the two of them found their way into each other's arms and realized they were meant to be. I mean the two of them were inseparable, and in my opinion, at times made my stomach queasy from the public displays of devotion. I mean, he is my brother and as much as I love him, I certainly don’t want to see him getting hot and heavy-handed with his guy at every given opportunity . “Time for some real liquor, not that light stuff.” He winked as he started lining up the shots along the bar for the group of us. “Can’t be celebrating your departure from us with light beer, can we?”

“Too true,” Maxwell cut in, slapping me on the shoulder before handing me a shot and handing one to Cole. “You need this.”

“Just because they want to sell the flat and expand the business,” I uttered, as Gaz chuckled at my words.

“He’s got you there.” Callum laughed back before shaking his head and grabbing a shot from the line that had been created on the bar counter. “How many of the group did you manage to get here at short notice?”

“I hope not too many of them,” I blurted out after wincing as the burn of the sharp alcohol hit the back of my throat. I’d planned to try and sneak off without much fuss. Now that chance was long gone. “You know what I’m like…”

“That’s all more the reason for everyone to come and celebrate the night with you, isn’t it?” Jed chuckled and patted Hardin’s shoulder as he rounded the back of the bar for his shift. “You didn’t think you’d get away with it that easily. I mean Dee’s even managed to swap things around with Walker and Sebastian and cover a shift last minute,” he added as my mouth parted at how each of them had gone to be here. “They couldn’t be here, but trust me when I say they have added to the fun of the evening for you. The next round and the pizzas due in the next hour are on them.” He chuckled as Hardin reached for three shots before passing one to me and then to Ant and holding it up in the air to salute me. “We can't have you being too drunk, too early in the evening, can we?”

“Could call it an early night then,” I joked out loudly as Anthony rolled his eyes at me. “What!” I glared at him, squinting my eyes as he smirked at me. I could tell he was enjoying this and to be honest, if the tables had been turned, I’d be lapping up the attention, too. Screw that, I’d probably hired a stripper for the night and really got the party going. Surely, he wouldn’t have done something like that. He knows better than anyone that I hate being the sole focus of attention around people? This was pure hell for me. Therefore, eliciting pure joy for him. “Anthony, please tell me that a few drinks are as far as Hardin and your plans have gone for tonight?” I queried, leaning forward. “If you’ve planned something else…,” I whispered to him. “You need to pre-warn me and show me the damn exit, as I’m not staying,” I uttered quickly, giving the bar the once over again to see if anyone looked out of place. “You know better, I hate being the center of attention?”

“Me?” Anthony feigned in shock, fisting his white shirt with his hand and turning to Hardin. “Would I ever do anything but organize drinks for my brother?” He chuckled. “I mean he’s only been sulking in my apartment for a year.”

“Hardin…” I implored. “He wouldn’t be up to anything, would he? I mean…” I blurted out, starting to panic at how our two minds could actually be so alike. Maybe he just contacted Justin and Myles. That could be it… Yeah… My heart pounded against the rib cage in my chest as the urge to be sick rose. “Are you going to tell me? Does anyone else know or am I getting myself worked up for nothing?” I continued allowing the thoughts to ramble out as Jed slid across another shot to me.

“Drink up.” He cut in. “Best let the alcohol at least be in the system whatever the fuck they have in store, hey!”

“I think your advice makes perfect sense,” I declared, slamming the empty shot, after downing it, back onto the bar. “Keep them coming. It’s probably going to be the best solution because I can’t see myself leaving here early tonight.” I shook my head at the thought, knowing the guys had an objective that wasn’t about to be messed about for anyone. If they wanted to celebrate the fact I was going away and finally finding my feet again, then who was I to stop them? In reality, they were probably glad to have the space back and be able to decide what to do with the apartment with me finally out of it and the two of them sharing a place here together. “I may as well get the blood pumping now.”

“Now we’re talking.” Anthony cheered loudly as Hardin whispered something to him, before glancing at me. With a shake of a head and a chuckle of laughter. Those two were the perfect couple. A duo who could play off one another, and easily endure whatever was thrown their way. It had taken time though to build such a strong front and become the power duo I now knew them to be.

I knew I was either reading the situation all wrong and had been played by the two of them to let my hair down and let loose for once, or I’d be cringing for the rest of the evening at whatever was actually planned. Either way, it was worth it to see the light shining brightly within my brother's eyes as he actually enjoyed himself; maybe one day I will have the chance to gain that from a guy, too.

I was in for a long night ahead and there was no way in hell I was escaping the plans that these guys had made. I could either quickly get my head into the game or fall into line. It seemed tonight was going to be a night to remember for a long time to come.

Messy, fun and a laugh… something I can honestly say I haven’t managed to allow myself to do in a long time. It was time to free myself from the pain and suffering finally and learn to breathe again.

Maybe this was the universe showing me the start of those new beginnings which I so badly needed.