42. Mine

One Week Later

Each night was the same, but they were slowly getting better. Where we had started with nearly four hours of sobbing and consoling after movies and dinner in my bedroom, we were now down to around one.

Panic coursed through her at the thought of the nightmares that would greet her, and the flashes of memories amped it up when she closed her eyes.

The days were relatively normal. We went on walks, made food together, shopped online, read here and there, and spent time with Cy and Odie. We also got to know Alastor a little better. Gerard was noticeably absent, and I was formulating another ranting message for him in my head. My eye twitched every time I thought about him.

Alastor dished his past over lunch one day, and my hatred of him and what he did eased slightly. I refused to fully trust him in any way, just like everyone besides Cy, Odie, and Ellie. Where Ellie released it all at night in the form of tears, I was a ball of anxiety, assuming everyone was out to get us.

Vaila fucked us up more than she knew. Well, I guessed she would never know because she was dead. Ellie handling that on her own was nowhere on my list of possibilities, but I didn't blame her. I wanted a little of the action, but knowing Ellie took it upon herself, I would get over it.

I didn't twinge when Cy and Odie gave me small touches now like hugs and soft kisses on my forehead, but panic sweats started if I thought about going further. Nausea took over, and if I didn't change my mental course, I would vomit, and I didn't want to explain why again.

Having relatively normal days helped, but for me to have a normal one, I couldn't see anyone, which was unrealistic. I avoided high traffic areas, but the anxiety was always right there, under my skin.

"Do you think it will go away eventually?" Ellie asked as she ate some ice cream. We were sitting outside watching the breeze brush through the trees and shake the fall colored leaves.

It was chilly, and the ice cream increased it, but it felt nice to do something so odd.

I had a notebook with me just in case I couldn't get my point across, but Ellie was invaluable in helping me adjust to a single-handed sign language. Cy and Odie helped too, and we updated them on everything, but we both needed the distraction, and what better distraction than putting your full focus on learning a new skill?

It better, or I will throw a fit. Fuck anxiety.

"I'll trade you." Ellie stuck a large spoonful of chocolate ice cream into her mouth with a raised brow.

I love you but no. I took a bite of my vanilla ice cream with caramel swirls.

"We both know you would. I'd never ask you to though."

She was right, but I didn't acknowledge it.

"Can we have dinner as a family tonight? Maybe family isn't the right word since Oliver and Alastor will probably be there."

Do you want them there?

"Take it, or leave it, honestly. Maybe we could invite Sloane, Leona, and Iker, too, as a thank you for helping. I didn't get to say anything to them…"

Ellie trailed off, but I thought it was a great idea. I couldn't set it up alone, so I pulled out Cy's cell, which I had commandeered as my own. She ordered a new one and planned to give me that one when it arrived, but I didn't care about how new the phone was. This one had a pretty case on it that was as damage proof as possible.

I tossed her a text, letting her know what Ellie had said. She got back to me within seconds and was working on it with Odie. They'd get it handled but wanted to know what she'd like for dinner.

"Surprise me. I don't want to make a decision." I couldn't argue with that. I had been there plenty. I passed it along, then Ellie stood up. "I'm going to go hang out in my room. I think I need some alone time."

I didn't say anything, but I assumed my facial expression held some level of concern and surprise.

"I'll text you or scream if I need anything. You don't have to worry so much, Mine." Ellie walked away with her ice cream bowl in hand.

I watched her go through the small garden between us and the mansion, then enter the back door. No matter what she said, I was going to worry. She hadn't mentioned anything that happened in detail but made cryptic comments about it in passing. I knew this took time, but sometimes time didn't do shit. I barely made it out of my teens after losing so much and causing harm to those around me without even trying. Something like this would have pushed me over the edge. I kept an eye on her as much as I could, but I had to sleep sometime, and without invading her privacy and forcing someone to guard her around the clock, I didn't know what else to do.

That wasn't an option though. Her privacy had been invaded to the extreme, and her ability to choose was revoked. I couldn't repeat some of those things even if they were steps to protect her.

I sat there a while longer and finished my ice cream before finding Odie and Cy to see if there was anything I could do to help, either with dinner or anything to keep my mind off of Ellie.

"Do we get you all to ourselves today?" Odie smiled at me as I walked into the living room where they had set up shop. Odie had her feet kicked up onto the coffee table with an e-reader in hand with Cy sitting cross-legged with a laptop on her lap as usual.

For now. Ellie is in her room. What are the plans for dinner?

Odie and Cy were getting better at reading the one-handed sign language as well. It made things a lot simpler than having twenty notebooks scattered around the house.

"We decided to do a dinner of favorites. Cy is putting together a list before going shopping."

What favorites are we having?

"Rabbit stew," Odie said at the same time Cy said, "corndogs."

I scrunched my nose. This was going to be an interesting dinner if that's where we were starting.

And?

"Whatever you decide as your favorite for the evening, plus Alastor requested mac and cheese and even gave us his mom's recipe, and Gerard's is apple pie with vanilla ice cream. He's a sweets person." Cy said all of this without looking up from her laptop. "It's certainly going to be… a unique meal."

"Ellie has always enjoyed the appetizers no matter what the event was, so we are also having jalapeno poppers, deviled eggs, corn ribs, and fried pickles. We've already talked with the kitchen staff, and they are all on board. They've been known to groan and fuss if Gerard makes a last minute request, but they all love Ellie and would do anything for her." Odie turned and curled her left leg under her so she could look at me as I sat down on the couch beside her.

I hope everyone makes it. That's a lot of delicious food. My mouth watered at the mention of it all. There wasn't a bad thing in the bunch, and I didn't know what I could add to top it all off.

"We are waiting on Sloane, but Leona and Iker will be here. Do you know what you'd like to add?"

I wracked my brain, going over everything I had ever had in my life, but it was surprisingly blank. We had everything from soup and appetizers to main course, sides, and dessert. That's when inspiration struck.

Freshly made Caesar salad. I could devour a large bowl of it all on my own, and the crisp texture with the sharp dressing sounded like heaven.

"Really?" Cy asked. "You're not just trying to fill in the one gap we have?"

I can do both.

"If that's what you really want."

It is. I smiled and couldn't wait to get my hands on it.

This felt like a mini celebration, and we all needed that. The holidays weren't for a couple more months, so it was perfect timing.

I tagged along with Cy to the store and found that venturing out like that helped. I didn't feel suffocated by the presence of strangers, and when we got home, I felt better than I had in the past two weeks, maybe even longer. I ignored the staring that our presence caused. Everyone glanced between us due to Cy being a giant and extremely attractive and my missing arm.

The bandage was finally off, and it was almost completely healed. I didn't mind the curious glances. I'd be the same way.

I chose to put on a mustard yellow minidress that clung to my curves with white tennies. It had long sleeves, so I had Cy cut off the right one and tie the rest into a knot. It looked cute and pulled the outfit together, giving it a little needed pizzazz.

She was in a dress as well, and I marked this as the second time I saw her in one. If I put the dress on, it would be at least a mini as well, but on her, it hit about mid thigh. It was a flowy dark blue almost T-shirt style dress, but it was tailored to her and accentuated her long legs. Cy obviously didn't need help in the height department, but she sported black leather booties with a two inch heel, making her at least six-foot-seven.

We made quite the pair, and before we left, Odie snapped a few pictures. It was one big step to normalcy.

I breathed in the autumn air as we left the store with an overfilled cart.

Do you always do the grocery shopping?

I hadn't asked before because she seemed to enjoy it, but they also had people to do this. The curiosity finally got the better of me.

"I don't like feeling useless. For a long time, there wasn't anything I could do to help around, so I took over groceries. At first, I went with whoever did the shopping, then I went on my own when I wasn't working. It makes me feel normal. Most people don't have servants to cater to them, and I don't like the feeling of always being waited on."

That made perfect sense to me. Besides all the death, everything else about my childhood was normal. We were comfortable but not rich. I never worried about having food or a bed, but there were never any extravagant vacations. I did quite a bit as I got older to help my grandma, then she passed, and I had to sort everything out for myself.

I wished I had at least one servant to help me out then, but now I could manage with or without people, and that was a skill everyone should have.

We got to the SUV, and she opened the trunk before stuffing it all in. "How does a little coffee date sound?"

But the food? I didn't want it to go bad before we got to Gerard's. It was a forty minute drive back.

"It's cold enough that we can spend twenty minutes getting coffee and eating a croissant smothered in Nutella." Cy bent down, placing her face within a few inches of mine. She didn't press forward, but she didn't need to. Today had me feeling normal, so I covered the distance and kissed her.

She smiled against my lips, and I breathed a sigh of relief that I felt nothing but happiness in that moment.

Cy pulled back and asked, "Shall we?"

We shall.

We drove through a local drive-thru coffee shop instead of going in. I ordered a dirty chai with caramel syrup and a Nutella-filled donut. They were new and looked delicious. Cy went for a mocha and a variety of croissants with different fillings because she couldn't decide and wanted to try them all.

We drank and snacked on our way home, discussing which ones were better. I tried to only distract her when there weren't cars around us, so she did most of the talking.

The change from the first time I met her until now was insane. She still frowned but not nearly as much and definitely not when I was the focus—unless it was the bad kind of focus. Everything had changed, but I knew we were where we needed to be. I wouldn't lie and say I wouldn't change anything because I would. I just understood that it wasn't possible, and we had to work with what we were given.

We were handed absolute shit at times, but we pulled through, and one day, we would be happier for it. I saw that day coming and couldn't wait for it to change from my future to my present.