41. Mine

I made it clear to Cy that I'd stab anyone who came into my room without invitation while I helped Ellie. She agreed with the stipulation that I had to keep them updated. I argued, and she explained that she didn't mean with details, just that we were okay and didn't need anything.

It eased some of the anxiety and tension that had been building, knowing that she trusted me to handle this. She gave me her phone so we had a way to contact them. I really should get my own, but I hadn't cared enough to ask.

Odie had texted to make sure I was okay as well, and I demanded the streaming password because I had been kicked out and told her I'd let her know what we needed when Ellie was out of the shower.

After bringing Ellie in here, I let her lead. She wanted a shower and to be alone, so that was the first step while I grabbed some clothes from her room. I found soft pajama pants in bright pink, a basic black tee with a corndog on it, and a fuzzy bright blue robe.

She hadn't spoken, so I was guessing based on what I would want, but that didn't mean this would work.

Ellie had been in there for over thirty minutes, and I worried that she was scrubbing herself raw. I knocked on the door and almost barged in when there was no response at first. Then I heard her sad voice coming from behind the door.

"You can come in."

I twisted the knob and stepped into the steamy room. Ellie sat in the same clothes she had been in on the edge of the tub, staring at the hot water beating down onto the shower floor.

I sat beside her and waited. Once again, I made sure we weren't touching unless she prompted it.

"I can't move." Her voice wobbled, and tears fell down her cheeks. "It all feels like a dream now that I'm out of the nightmare. I know I'm here. I know I'm safe now, but that doesn't change anything."

I tapped her shoulder to get her attention, and sad green eyes looked up at me. I did my best to sign to her, telling her that she can go into as much detail as she needed or give me nothing for now and that I would help her shower or anything else she needed. I would sit here with my back turned if she simply needed someone to be present and reassure her that she was safe.

"I think I got the gist of that. Have you been practicing?" She wiped away her tears.

I shook my head no and signed gibberish, saying that I needed to starting now.

"I can use that kind of distraction. Will you stay in here while I shower? Then can we burn this dress?" A sad smile formed on her lips, but I nodded with a smile of my own.

We would torch that vile thing.

This time, the shower only lasted about ten minutes, and once she had dried off, I handed over the clothes I had picked out. She put them all on and sighed with relief at the warmth and comfort they gave. The only thing extra she requested was socks and slippers. Apparently, they weren't given shoes or foot coverings of any kind. We got that handled, then texted Odie and Cy about the plans we had for the dress.

In no time at all, we were outside in the field next to the helipad, burning the dress with hot chocolate in hand.

Ellie's face was blank, frozen in the dark night. Cy, Odie, Gerard, and for some reason, Alastor were also here, showing their support from afar. They didn't say a word and tried to morph their expressions into something other than pity. It only worked half the time, if that.

I stood next to Ellie, allowing physical space to remain between us, as the silence went on and the fire blazed. It was far bigger than necessary, but Cy refused to listen. She claimed that dramatics helped sometimes. I didn't disagree, but the whole pit was about five feet in diameter. Ellie didn't seem to mind, so I didn't press it.

"No one call me Ellery ever again." Ellie's voice was strong as she spoke over the fire, and everyone turned to look at her.

The only person here who called her that was Gerard, so our heads swiveled to him for a response.

He cleared his throat before giving a nod. "Never again."

No one needed clarification. Our imaginations worked perfectly fine in connecting the pieces. Her full name was tainted and, just like her dress, was now ash in the wind.

It was close to midnight, but no one seemed to mind the late hour. It was chilly outside, but we had bundled up, and the hot chocolate was doing wonders to keep me warm.

Ellie turned her face to the sky, staring up at the moon. "I don't want to talk about it. Maybe one day, but—" Her voice broke, but she fought through. "It's shit." That felt like an understatement. "I doubt shit covers it, Ellie." Cy crossed her arms as she stood next to Odie.

Ellie shrugged. "Yeah, I know, but that's all I got. It was shit. Now I'm here, and it's still shit, just less shit. Eventually, I will deal with the shit but not right now. Right now, I want to eat, watch terrible movies, and hopefully sleep."

"That's doable," Odie said.

No one said anything about her cussing, despite it being an ongoing joke in the cabin. She could be calling everyone cunts and telling us to fuck off, and no one would bat an eye. I was surprised she wasn't, but shock still had a hold of her. The next few days were going to be a roller coaster, and some parts of her would never truly heal. The memories would always remain no matter what she did.

Eventually, we all went inside, and Ellie joined me in my room.

"Is it weird?"

I cocked my head, wondering what she was talking about.

"That I don't want to be in my room."

Why would it? My signing was still somewhat jumbled, but she was good at guessing, so it worked for now.

"I don't know. I don't feel like that Ellie. I'm not fucking Ellery," she said, sneering her name, "but I'm not that Ellie either. I don't know who I am anymore."

She sat on the edge of the bed while I flipped through movies, standing in the middle of the room. I stopped and turned to her, not knowing how to say all of this.

You are whoever you are. We change constantly, good and bad.

"Is that how you feel?" Her eyes bore into me, and I pursed my lips. Had Vaila told her what she had done? "Lucinda is a blabber mouth. I know Vaila gave you heat inducers."

I sighed and gave a half-assed nod and shrug. It wasn't exactly how I felt about my position, but it was a fact no matter what position you were in. We were constantly evolving as people. Every new event, every second we lived, changed us into someone new.

"I hope they didn't hurt you too much. I noticed that you don't touch them or really stand by them at all now." She picked at some lint on her robe, avoiding eye contact.

I snapped my fingers to get her attention. Despite our time together, it was easy for people to forget that they had to be looking at me for me to speak. Her head snapped up.

The heat didn't take over. I was very aware. I will heal with time.

"I hope so. You deserve to be happy." Her head dropped again, and this time, I let her avoid me.

I picked a random rom com I had seen a million times and scooted onto the bed, crossing my legs. We both watched and let it distract us until Odie came by with a tray of food. It was simple, just grilled cheese sandwiches, some chips, and soda, along with two large insulated water bottles.

She dropped it off, said good night, and was on her way.

"I shouldn't be used to you guys being a little lovey, but that was awkward to watch."

I scrunched my nose, knowing she was right. I would feel the same way if I was on the outside looking in. There wasn't an ounce of judgment in her voice. She was stating an observation to keep her mind from wandering.

Alastor? I shot back with a smirk.

"Totally deserved to be kneed in the dick, but he wasn't like the others." Her eyes shot back to the TV. "He didn't do anything."

I hadn't planned to do more to him, but that took the option off the table if I had wanted to get some more revenge for his part in her kidnapping. Still, fuck him for being involved at all.

"He was trying to take down Lucinda. It worked, but at what cost, you know?" My shoulders slumped. She and probably many others were the cost, and that was far too high. "Anyway, I'm starving, and grilled cheese is horrible cold."

We dug in, letting normalcy take over for a bit. I was watching and waiting for signs of the shock to wear off and for the breakdowns to begin. I knew this phase too well and never wanted her to experience it.

The movie was almost over, and the food was demolished. Sleep wanted to take me over as I lay on my stomach with my head resting on my arm as I continued to watch. Ellie had slid back and crossed her legs, but that was all. Her eyes were wide open, and sleep didn't seem to be something she had truly thought about.

You should rest.

"I know." She didn't budge.

Ellie. My hand was getting tired of spelling out so many words, but I fought through it.

"I know, Mine, but I'm not ready unless you're going to drug me into a mini coma."

I dropped it, but she would have to sleep eventually. Sleep deprivation was no joke, and I wasn't sure how much sleep she actually got while she was there. Even if she was allowed to sleep, I had no doubt it was garbage and restless.

The first movie ended, and another was turned on. Thirty minutes into it, a man grabbed the woman by the arm with a sneer. The hero jumped in and knocked him out, but that was all it took to push Ellie over.

The screams and sobs didn't stop for hours. She clung to me the entire time, and I refused to let go. I would be here for her, no matter what. As the sun rose and shone over the top of the curtains, Ellie finally succumbed to sleep.

That's when I let my own tears fall, not for my experience, but for hers. If I could have traded places, I would have without a second thought. She didn't deserve this. No one did, but the damage was done, and we would all have to learn to live with it.