Chapter 38

Chapter Thirty-Eight

E mily looked down at the teacup in her hand, the dark liquid swirling with the white as she mixed the splash of milk. It settled into a warm brown color that normally cheered her to the core, for Emily loved few things more than a good spot of tea. But even the satisfaction of a perfect cup did nothing to lift her mood. Today it was nothing more than the color of disappointment.

She had never felt more alone than she had in the last few days. With Alex constantly gone on business, she made certain not to let herself seek out the comfort of sleeping by his side. His absence since her confession was a clear message of his intentions, which had been a difficult truth to swallow. She had worried she would fall in love with the man, and so she did. She was concerned he would want nothing to do with her once he learned of her past, and he was proving that to be true as well.

So she sought out the company of her friends instead. They had not had time to visit in many weeks for all her travels, and Emily wanted to enjoy time with them while she could. If things continued as they were, it would not be long before Alex told her she was right. That the idea of living separate lives was the best option for the foreseeable future. But she would not return to Markham Estate, for that would only remind her of him. She would return to Wynnwood Park, just as she had originally planned. Only as soon as she could talk to the duke and duchess.

Emily shook her head and turned to listen earnestly as Georgiana informed them about the terrible daughters of her employer. They had agreed to meet at Mrs. Pembroke's home, for she could spare her companion for a short time while her children were in town, and she did not often occupy her back parlor. The conversation with her friends flowed easily, and Emily could not have been more grateful for their consistency.

"Although Mrs. Pembroke has unfortunately taken ill with a cold," Georgiana explained, "which means her daughters will not leave town just yet. I know they would wish to leave just as much as I wish they would. But hopefully she will recover in time for the ball."

"Yes, indeed," Emily mumbled. She did not like to hear her friend struggle, but it made her grateful that her own in-laws were so wonderful. At least for the time being. "Daphne, how fare the hellions?"

Daphne hemmed and hawed for a moment. "I did not say anything, for I did not want you to worry…"

Emily froze. "What's happened? Is one of them ill, as well?" Had it been a season of illness all around?

"No, not at all. They're as rambunctious as you can imagine." Daphne flushed, giving a forced smile. "But their mother, Mrs. Partridge, has not taken a liking to me. She trusted me with her children, just not with her husband. She had even accused me of attempting to seduce him, which could not be further from the truth."

"How dare she!" Georgiana stood and raised her voice, overreacting as she tended to do when upset. "Tell me where they live, and I'll give her a piece of my mind to treat my friend so despicably."

"You'll do no such thing," Daphne said, pulling Georgiana back down. "Though that is not even the worst bit."

"What could be worse?" Emily asked incredulously.

Daphne bit her lip. "She confronted me about my… standing, and I had to tell her the truth. She dismissed me that moment, saying she would not reveal my secret, but she could not give me a letter of recommendation."

Emily's heart sank. She knew the entirety of Daphne's backstory, the difficulties she had faced, and what a cost it was to lose a letter of recommendation for a working girl.

"Oh, Daph, I'm so sorry," she whispered.

Georgiana had no words, but her face was red with rage, nearly the same color as her hair.

"Don't worry on it," Daphne shook her head. "Something will come up. Maybe Mrs. Pembroke can take me on as a maid, even if it is just temporarily."

"I will ask her the moment she wakes from her rest," Georgiana said through gritted teeth, and Emily placed a hand over hers to calm her friend.

"We will find you something. We must." Emily gave an emphatic nod. Surely there was someone in her vast circle of connections that would take on a sweet girl like Daphne, that would still trust Emily's opinion. At least for now.

"Let's speak of other things instead," Daphne begged to change the subject. "Why don't you tell us about your trip?"

"You mean trips?" Emily sighed. How did one know where to start? "It was all quite the ordeal."

But tell them she did. These girls knew every detail of Emily's life, so she filled in the gaps about the difficult start to her marriage, the compromise with Morgana, the country estate that made Alex sick, the retreat to Brighton, the stop to Bath, and every possibly relevant moment in between. The sun was nearly going down by the time she was done.

"Good gracious. You have had quite the exciting time," Daphne mused. "And more than just traveling to Timbuktu. Husband on death's door, meeting his family, run in with the previous favored suitor…"

"And how many near kisses with the recovered husband?" Georgiana elbowed her.

"I almost regret telling you now," Emily said with a reluctant smile.

"But was the real kiss worth it?" Daphne asked, leaning forward on her hands.

Emily bit her lip. "It was, but only because I'm glad there actually was a real one, instead of only the one on the balcony. If there won't ever be any others, then—"

"What do you mean? Why wouldn't there be any others?" Georgiana insisted. "Wouldn't such a kiss signify your relationship has grown and progressed now?"

"Not exactly. The kiss came just before the confession, and there's no denying that Alex is avoiding me now. Out of the house at all hours, and he hasn't dined with me since we returned. It's obvious. We can't avoid the one issue forever, which is that we shouldn't be together in the long run."

"But I don't understand. Why?" Daphne asked in sheer confusion.

Emily shook her head. "I told him long ago that we ought to live separately, but he thought that should be the last resort. So we tried his way. To save the marriage, to go to the country, which was a disaster. Going to Brighton and to Bath were only detours, but it was along the way we had to face the truth." She felt tears welling in her eyes, but she swallowed them back. "I don't want to hurt him or his family, and he can't seem to look me in the eye anymore now that he knows everything. I think he's beginning to see wisdom in my suggestion, so I will likely need to go live at Wynnwood Park. For good."

"Over my dead body," Georgiana said, nearly slamming her teacup on the coffee table.

Emily laughed at the expression in spite of herself. "You know I would come back to visit you two, of course I would. But if you were to be seen with me—"

Daphne shook her head. "Association with you would not hurt our reputations in the least, for we have none to worry for. Besides, I don't see the situation like that at all. When you told him the truth of it, did he actually say he wanted to separate?"

Emily thought back to that dreadful moment in Bath, just before she released his hand. "He said we needed time to consider everything."

"Well, you've given him more than enough time to consider. Now you need to make the final decision together. Confront him with your final truth, that you love him and want to stay with him. Because you do, don't you?"

That was an even more terrifying truth. Emily pursed her lips together and could not say the words aloud, but she nodded. She could admit such things to her friends, at least.

"Then he needs to know. You have no control of your origins, therefore you cannot be blamed. If he abandons you over such things, then he does not deserve your heart."

Emily sighed. But she wanted him to, so desperately. "That is the terrifying part, being completely open and vulnerable with one person. Knowing there will be no way out either way."

"Make him do the same thing. You must be on equal ground if you are to give up on your dream entirely."

When her friend's words started making sense, Emily smirked. "When did you become so wise? "

"I always have been, you only haven't been around to see it lately."

They all shared a laugh, and Emily hugged them both around the neck. She adored these women and would do all she could to protect them. Not only that, but she had to apply their wisdom when she knew they were right.