Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

E mily strolled through beautiful spring air, but she did not see the sky or the buildings or the people as they passed by. She caught herself wringing her hands together, dreading each step that passed. It was a short half-mile walk to the duke's townhome in Grosvenor Square, but it felt like an eternity, headed toward her own execution.

She had not attended the dowager duchess's burial, nor had she seen the duke or duchess since that day she had learned the truth. Emily wanted to speak to both of them, to have some clarity and closure on the situation, but she also dreaded it. The duke was no longer just her former guardian, he was also her half-brother. She had so many questions for him, but what if he didn't want to discuss them? What if her pursual of the truth ruined the delicate relationship she had with him, and therefore, with Isabel?

All she wanted was some peace.

Emily blindly passed through the bustling city streets until they arrived at the townhouse. Taking a steadying breath, she lifted her hand to knock, and waited for a familiar face to answer the door .

She was ushered in and then removed her coat, just as Isabel descended the stairs. She was dressed in black and wore a sad smile, but Emily was grateful when Isabel wrapped her in a hug.

"I am glad you have come," she whispered, then pulled away to look into her eyes. "How are you faring?"

"I am well," Emily assured her. "And you?"

"As well as can be expected. The duke…" Isabel paused. "It is good that you are here."

The duchess led her to a parlor and requested tea to be served. After a few minutes, the duke joined them, and Emily's breath tightened in her chest. He looked tired, but not as distressed as she'd expected. She knew his relationship with his mother had been strained at times, but Emily hoped he was taking his mother's passing well. Perhaps he was finding his own peace as she was.

"Welcome, Emily," the duke said. "Thank you for coming."

"I hope you have been well." Emily spoke evenly, hoping to not draw too much attention to herself. "How were the services for the dowager duchess?"

"It was grandiose, as she had requested." The duke gave a sad smile. "But she has been laid to rest now. I hope she finds the peace she sought."

"And you?" Isabel asked. "How have you been?"

Emily paused, unsure how to express her feelings. She had been in a tumult the days following her visit with the dowager duchess, which continued after hearing of her passing. It was not common for women to attend funeral proceedings, and Emily did not feel comfortable joining anyway. But she had not fully found her peace, not yet.

"I am saddened by her passing, but I am relieved that she is no longer in pain." She could not say more on the matter, and he nodded as if understanding .

After a beat of silence, the duke spoke. "I wonder if I might have a word with you, Emily. In private."

Emily inhaled sharply, shooting a glance at Isabel. "If the duchess does not mind."

"Of course not," Isabel nodded, placing a hand on her husband's shoulder. "I shall be in the drawing room." Then she saw herself out, the door clicking behind her, leaving Emily alone with the Duke of Norland. Or, as she now knew, her brother, James.

"Isabel said you were distraught after visiting with the dowager duchess last week," he said, pacing across the room. "I hope you are recovered."

"I am well," she said, heart pounding in her chest. Would he beat around the bush for long?

"Was it just your sadness at her illness or something more?"

Emily could not recall ever seeing this man nervous before. He had always been confident and sure of himself, but now, he cast his eyes all around the room except in her direction, his fingers fiddling with the edge of the sofa.

"No, I had asked her to confirm my suspicions about my family history before she died, and she was gracious enough to do so."

Finally his eyes lifted to hers. His blue eyes that matched her own so perfectly, because they had received the same gift from their mother.

Then he smiled. "Of course you would suspect because you are so clever. I should not have thought otherwise. She told you the whole of it?"

"She did not tell me who my father was, only that the man had already died. Though she did confess to being my mother, making you my half-brother."

He nodded, lips pressed together. "I hope you know that in every instance, I have always tried to be just that. Tried to take care of you and look after you as an elder brother would. Tried to provide for you in ways that you should have had for years before."

"Yes." She could see that now, looking back over their few years together. Even though his most recent insistence of her marriage did seem a touch overzealous.

Though there was one thought that did still bother her.

"But why was it never mentioned before?" she asked. "I would have known to never mention such things in conversation for it would put me at such a disadvantage amongst society. Was it simply something the dowager duchess did not want mentioned in her presence?"

The duke sighed. "She had requested that I speak of it to no one, though I did tell Isabel. My wife deserved to know why I insisted keeping another young lady in the house."

Emily understood that reasoning.

"But also I wasn't sure how knowing would change you. Being a product of her unscrupulous nature, I didn't want you to be influenced by her poor habits, or to idolize her in a way that would have you following in her footsteps." He looked up at her again. "She was not a bad woman by any means, but that did not make her the best role model. Or mother."

"I understand." Emily knew that much to be true. And his words did have a soothing effect on her wounded heart. He had been trying to protect her, as always.

"Was the truth of it all so disturbing to you, when you left after your last visit?"

Emily shook her head. "I was overwhelmed, but it was mostly as I'd expected. For many years, I had wondered on my own origin, and wished that things could have been different. But I have been lucky in ways that many haven't been. My friends, for example." Some of the things Daphne and Georgiana had suffered made her heart ache, and she would never stop striving for some way to help them.

"I have wished the same thing as well, but there is no undoing the past, only deciding what our path will be going forward."

Emily nodded. She still had much to decide in the going forward part.

"And I hope…" the duke paused. "I hope you know I only insisted that you marry Mr. Westcott in order to keep you from scandal that would result in keen eyes digging for more. To protect you from further scrutiny."

"Of course." There it was. Finally the clarity, the reason, the understanding. He would not have required her to marry any man without good reason, and looking back, she was grateful for his foresight.

"And perhaps you may consider my perspective limited on the matter, but I believe your future will not be bleak and burdensome. Even from our brief encounters, it seems your husband is a good man. It might require some effort to get past any differences, but both Isabel and I believe it is not the worst possible match. Together you can find a way to create a life full of purpose and happiness."

Taking a deep breath, Emily pursed her lips. This was not something they would see eye to eye on.

The duke stepped forward, concern still evident in his eyes. "You are not convinced. Do you no longer trust me?"

"No, I do trust you, and I suppose that is part of the problem." She gave him a sad smile. "Even if my suspicions proved to be wrong, I would have continued thinking of you as my brother, for I had always wanted one, and respected your opinion. Besides, I would not have married Mr. Westcott if I did not trust you. I had a half-brained plan to runaway to Gretna Green with Mr. Evans. "

This made James chuckle. "The man never would have gone through with such a scheme."

Emily nodded. "No, I suppose not." His words struck her to the core. She knew it to be true. Mr. Evans was a delightful man, but she was right to let him go. Despite all his good attributes, he was quite timid, which wasn't necessarily a bad trait, but perhaps she needed more.

She needed more from her husband.

"But Mr. Westcott…" she went on. "I do not know how we will make such a marriage successful."

The duke visibly stiffened. "Has he mistreated you?"

Emily did not miss the warning in his voice, and she shook her head. "He is only guilty of having just as much temper as I do, which I suppose I deserve. But it is more than that." Her cheeks warmed, not knowing how to approach the embarrassing topic with him. "He has promised to do all he can to take care of me and see me happy, though he made it clear there would never be a romantic relationship in our future. And I fear a loveless marriage might be too bleak and burdensome to bear."

She did not miss the way the duke's eyebrows shot up, likely the last thing he had expected to hear. "I see."

"Part of the reason I came today was to ask you…" Emotion was quickly gathering in her throat, so she had to get the words out. "I wondered if you might let me return to Wynnwood Park to visit my horse."

He shrugged. "Of course, that is agreeable. Would Mr. Westcott join you?"

"No, I would travel alone."

He blinked in understanding. "And how long would your visit be?"

Emily's chin quivered. "Indefinitely."

A long silence hung between them as she struggled to keep her composure. She had already wept on Isabel's shoulder, she did not need another breakdown with James. But is that what brothers were for, even if he was a duke?

"Have you spoken to your husband about this?" he asked gently.

Emily shook her head. "Not yet. I didn't want to make the suggestion if it wasn't an option."

"And you're certain there's no other course of action?"

"I don't know. I've never been in an arranged marriage before." She tried to give him a teasing smile, but the tears were already welling in her eyes. "He seems to be the kind of gentleman who keeps his word, who does not change his mind. And though I have no intention of taking on extra marital affairs like the dowager duchess, when she mentioned living apart from her husband, it seemed like a good idea for my situation. If only as a trial to start."

The duke nodded, listening carefully, and Emily held her breath. What would she do if he refused?

"I do not like the idea, Emily. I will make that much clear. But I will not keep you from Morgana, nor from Wynnwood, for any reason. You may visit if you wish, after you discuss it with your husband. But it is my hope and prayer that you can find another path, another option."

Relief flooded Emily's chest, and she had to clench her jaw to keep the tears from overflowing. "Thank you, Your Grace."

He smiled gently. "Perhaps you might call me James now? At least when not in company."

Emily returned his smile. "I would like that. Thank you, James." She swallowed the well of emotion in her throat, hoping to dismiss the tears with it. "Though I do have one more question."

"Anything."

"Do you think I ought to tell Mr. Westcott? About my… history?"

James drew in a long breath. "I had given it a great deal of thought before the wedding, and I considered telling him, but I decided against it until you knew the whole of it. It is your story, after all, and he is your husband now, so I suppose that would be up to you."

"My only qualm is if he would be at a disadvantage by not knowing, if the truth should come out in society somehow… or if knowing beforehand would make him more eager to seek an annulment or a divorce—"

"He won't if he's any kind of gentleman."

Unfortunately, Emily didn't truly know what kind of gentleman he was just yet, and perhaps she never would know, unless something of the like actually happened. If it did, it would be her worst nightmare.