Chapter 15 - Reiner

I’ve tried everything to get out of going to this party. I told Evan I was busy, but he wouldn’t hear of it. I even tried telling him I was still hurting from the ambush, but he just laughed and told me to suck it up. And then, when he heard I’d already gone back to work, there was no getting out of it. According to him, if I was fit enough for work, I was fit enough to celebrate my alpha’s birthday.

It’s not that I want to miss the occasion. It’s just that I know Jane will be there, and I’m not sure I can handle seeing her. She had been acting so strange, refusing to even look at me when she brought me food or changed my bandages. And then she just showed up at the shop, demanding to know why I was there.

I can’t get a read on the girl, and it’s killing me. One minute, she’s kissing me, and the next, she’s pushing me away. I don’t know what to do or what to think. It’s not lost on me that I’ve treated plenty of girls the same way. Maybe I deserve this ache in my chest. Lord knows I’ve caused my fair share of heartache.

And that’s exactly what it feels like. Like someone is taking my heart and squeezing the life out of it. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, and I can’t even enjoy being back at the shop. All I can think about is Jane and her beautiful face, her perfect body, and the way she makes me feel.

I’m pathetic, and I know it. But I can’t seem to help myself. I’m drawn to her like a moth to a flame, and I don’t know how to break the spell.

And that’s why even though I’m surrounded by people who are celebrating my alpha’s birthday, I’m standing in the corner, nursing a beer. I’ve barely spoken to anyone, and I can’t bring myself to mingle. I’m being antisocial, even for me, and it doesn’t take long before someone notices.

“You’re a ray of sunshine tonight, aren’t you?” Lenny comments, coming to stand beside me.

“I’m fine,” I mutter, taking a sip of my beer.

“Bullshit,” he counters. “You’ve been sulking all night. What’s going on with you? Something happen with my cousin? I thought you two were hitting it off. Figured you guys would show up together.”

I have no idea what to say to him because I don’t know what Jane has been telling people. For all I know, she’s run around telling everybody we broke up. If our stories don’t match up, it’s going to be obvious that something is wrong, and Lenny’s been skeptical of our relationship from the start.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I finally say, hoping that will shut him up.

“Oh, come on,” he says. “I’m not going to tell anyone. I’m not a gossip. I’m just worried about her. She’s my family, and I care about her. I know you do, too. So, talk to me. Maybe I can help.”

I raise an eyebrow and glance at him for the first time. “Why would you do that? I thought you hated the idea of us dating. You’ve made your opinion on the matter pretty clear.”

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “I don’t hate the idea of you guys dating,” he admits. “I just don’t want to see her get hurt. She’s been through a lot, and the last thing she needs is some asshole playing with her heart.”

“I’m not playing with her,” I insist, and I know I sound defensive, but at least on the next point, I don’t have to lie. “I care about her, Lenny. More than I’ve ever cared about anyone. I’m not going to hurt her. I would never do that.”

“Look, man, I believe you,” he says, holding up his hands. “I can see that you’re serious. I can see the way you look at her. That’s why I’m here, talking to you. Because I can tell you’re hurting. And I know you’re not the kind of guy who likes to talk about his feelings, but it might help to get them off your chest. Sometimes, it’s easier to talk to a stranger, and I’m the closest thing to a stranger you’ve got in this town. I know we’ve gone out on missions together, but we haven’t exactly been chummy, right?”

“Maybe that’s true,” I concede, “but you’re also Jane’s cousin. That means you aren’t impartial. You’re not going to listen to me objectively. You’re going to take her side.”

“Maybe,” he agrees, “but maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe you need to hear someone else’s perspective. Someone who isn’t involved in your history.”

I hesitate, unsure if I want to pour my heart out to him. But then I think about Jane, and the pain in my chest grows. I can’t keep going like this.

When I open my mouth to let it all pour out, that’s when I see her. She’s standing over by the beer pong table with Piper and Sonya, laughing and having a good time. She’s wearing a simple black dress that hugs her curves and shows off her cleavage. Her hair is pulled back in a ponytail, and her makeup is subtle and natural. I’ve never seen anyone more beautiful.

“Shit,” I mutter, tearing my gaze away from her.

“What?” Lenny asks, following my gaze.

“She’s here,” I say, and I know I don’t have to elaborate.

“Ah,” he says, nodding. “I see. Well, you’re going to have to talk to her eventually, so you might as well do it now.”

“I can’t,” I insist.

“Why not?”

“Because I can’t,” I repeat, my tone harsher than I intended.

“Fine,” Lenny says, holding his hands up. “I won’t push, but you’re going to have to deal with this sooner or later. You can’t avoid her forever.”

“Watch me,” I mutter, taking a swig of my beer.

Lenny shakes his head and tips his beer at me before he strolls away, and I’m left alone again. I glance back at Jane, and I can’t help but notice the way she keeps checking her phone. She’s not normally a phone person, and I wonder for a brief moment if she’s hoping I’ll text her.

But then I watch as two shifters from my pack sidle up next to her and Sonya, and the jealousy burns through my veins. I know them. They’re not bad guys, but they’re not exactly respectful, either. And I know it’s not my place, but I can’t help the way I feel.

I watch as one of them puts his arm around Jane, and I can’t take it. I’m not usually the jealous type, but this girl has me twisted up in knots, and I can’t stand the thought of her with someone else.

I stomp across the room, my eyes locked on Jane. I don’t even bother to acknowledge the guys. I just place my palm on the small of her back and steer her away from them.

“Hey!” she protests, but I don’t stop.

I lead her away from the party out into the backyard where it’s quieter, but Sonya is hot on our heels.

“What the hell, Reiner?” she demands, planting her hands on her hips. “You can’t just drag her off like that. You don’t own her.”

“This is none of your business,” I snarl, my eyes still on Jane.

“Like hell it isn’t,” she retorts. “Jane is my best friend. Who the hell do you think you are, treating her like that?”

“Sonya,” Jane says, her voice calm and even, “it’s okay. I can handle this.”

“Are you sure?” she asks.

Jane nods, and Sonya looks at me, her eyes narrowed. She doesn’t trust me, and I can’t blame her. I haven’t given her any reason to.

“Okay,” Sonya says, her eyes still on me. “But I’m not far, and if you hurt her, Reiner, I will end you.”

I snort. “I’m absolutely terrified.”

“Reiner,” Jane warns, and I sigh.

“Look, I just need a moment alone with my girlfriend. Do you mind? Or do you want to hear the intimate details of our sex life?”

She pauses in front of the door and turns back to me with a smug smirk. “Joke’s on you, asshole. I’ve already heard all about it.”

As she disappears back inside, I replay the comment in my mind. “What is she talking about?” I ask Jane. “What all did you tell her?”

“Relax. I didn’t tell her that we’re not really a couple, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“Then what did you tell her?”

She throws her hands in the air and scoffs, “Girls tell each other things, Reiner. It’s what we do. I didn’t go into graphic detail, but I did tell her that we fooled around. Guys aren’t the only ones who brag about their sexual conquests, you know. Besides, she’s one of my best friends. I tell her everything.”

My shoulders relax, and I let out a breath of relief. “Good,” I say. “That’s good.”

“What the hell do you want, Reiner? Why did you drag me out here?”

“Because those guys were all over you,” I almost shout, pointing at the door we just came out of.

“So?” she challenges. “We’re not really dating, remember? You don’t have the right to get jealous.”

“Fuck,” I mutter, raking a hand through my hair. “I know, okay? I know. I’m sorry. I just… I don’t know what to do. I can’t stop thinking about you, and I can’t stand the thought of you with anyone else.”

“That doesn’t make any sense, Reiner. None at all. Have you forgotten that I tried to get your attention a year ago? That I basically threw myself at you and you rejected me? You didn’t want me then, and the only reason you want me right now is because you don’t want your pack thinking you have Peter Pan syndrome or some shit. The idea of someone else flirting with me bothers you because you’re afraid of how it would look to other people.”

“No, that’s not it. I─”

“You humiliated me! I told you I thought we were mates, and you shut me down and laughed in my face. I thought we had something, something special, and you made a fool of me. And why, Reiner? Because I’m not a size two, I’m not a bimbo, and I’m not a damsel in distress. I’m a chubby, opinionated, independent woman who likes to eat and take care of herself, and that’s not good enough for you. So don’t you dare come here and act like you have the right to get jealous because I’m not yours. That’s your fault.”

I’m stunned, and I can’t find the words to respond. I’ve never seen Jane like this. Even when she’s had little moments of insecurity, she’s always managed to pull it together and smile. But this is different. This is anger, this is pain, and it’s directed at me.

“I’m sorry,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper. “I’m so sorry, Jane. I know I hurt you, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t mean to because at the time, I did. But it had nothing to do with you.”

She blinks at me, and I inch closer, reaching out to take her hand.

“When you asked me if I felt the same way, I panicked,” I continue. “I wasn’t ready for a mate, and I wasn’t ready for a relationship. I was a mess, and I was in a bad place. I had a lot of shit to work out, and I was fucking terrified. What I felt for you, it was so much, and so intense. I didn’t know how to handle it. I didn’t know how to handle you.”

“What the hell are you talking about, Reiner?” she asks, drawing her brows together.

“I’m trying to explain,” I say, exasperated. “I’m not good at this. I’m not good at talking. I’m not good at expressing my feelings. I’m a jackass, okay? I’m a big, dumb asshole, and I don’t know how to do this.”

“Do what?”

“This,” I say, gesturing between us. “I don’t know how to do this. But God, do I want to try.