Chapter 14 - Jane

For the past week, I’ve been doing everything I can to avoid Reiner. It’s not easy, considering we’re living together, but I’ve managed. I pop into the bedroom every so often to check on him, bring him food, and make sure he’s taking his meds, but I’ve avoided being alone with him.

It’s not that I didn’t enjoy what happened between us. I did. More than I should have. When I fell back asleep, I had another dream about him, but this one wasn’t about sex. My mind had conjured up this grand illusion of us being a real couple. We were happy and in love, and we were getting married.

The idea of it terrifies me. I’m not a stupid girl. I know there’s no way a guy like Reiner could ever fall for a girl like me. Sure, he went down on me and kissed me a couple of times, but let’s be real. He’s trying damn hard to convince everyone in this town that we’re in a relationship, which means he can’t exactly go around hooking up with random girls.

I was there, and I was willing. So, he took advantage of the situation. That’s all it was.

It didn’t mean anything.

There’s no point in indulging in this fantasy that there could be something real between us. I’d only be setting myself up for heartbreak. And that’s why every night after he falls asleep, I’ve been sneaking out of bed and moving to the couch. Because I don’t trust myself. All it would take is one look, one touch, and I’d be putty in his hands.

He’s asked me about it a couple of times, about why I’m not hanging out or sleeping in the room with him. I’m not proud to admit I’ve been gaslighting him. I’ve told him more than once that he’s imagining things, that when he’s woken up in the middle of the night, I was just in the bathroom and have been getting up early. I’m busy, I tell him, but we both know that’s not true.

So, this morning when I really am in the bathroom and I hear the front door open and then close, I’m not sure if I should be relieved or worried.

I take my time in the shower, and when I walk out of the bathroom, the house is quiet. Aunt Gwen and Uncle Richard have gone into town, but Reiner is supposed to be resting, per Healer Clara’s orders.

I poke my head into the bedroom, and the bed is empty.

“Reiner?”

Silence.

I check the kitchen and the living room, but he’s not here.

“Dammit,” I mutter, grabbing my phone and calling him. It rings twice before it goes to voicemail.

I call again, and it goes to voicemail.

I try a third time, and the same thing happens.

“Goddamn it,” I curse, shoving my phone in my pocket.

He could have at least left a note or a text or called me and told me where he was going. I’m pissed. No, that’s not right—I’m furious, but even I know I have no right to be. Not after the way I’ve treated him the last few days.

I’m not sure what to do. I could stay here and wait for him to come home, or I could go searching for him. I decide on the latter and grab my keys.

The first place I check is his house. I know it’s a long shot, but I drive over, anyway. The driveway is empty, but I park and go up to the front door and knock. No answer. I try the handle, and it’s locked.

“Shit,” I whisper, running my hand through my hair. Where the hell could he be?

I return to my car and pick up my phone again, dialing Piper’s number instead of his. Maybe Rafe knows where he is.

“Hello?” Piper answers.

“Hey, it’s Jane,” I say. “Is Reiner there, by chance? He’s not answering his phone, and I’ve looked everywhere for him.”

“Isn’t he supposed to be at your place?” she asks.

“He was,” I reply. “But he’s not anymore. I was hoping he was with Rafe.”

“Rafe is here,” she says. “I’ll ask.”

I hear muffled voices as she covers the receiver, and then she’s back.

“He said he hasn’t seen him,” she tells me. “But he said he would give him a call and see if he has any luck.”

“Great, thank you. Let me know if he gets anywhere, okay? I’m going to keep looking.”

“Sure,” she says. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Bye.”

I hang up and drop my head back against the headrest. Dammit, this is all my fault. If I hadn’t been avoiding him, he wouldn’t have felt the need to leave the house. Then again, I wouldn’t have been avoiding him if he’d kept his hands to himself.

The more I think about it, the more aggravated I get. He’s the one who has blurred the lines, the one who’s been making this complicated. We had rules in place, and he’s the one who’s broken them. It was clear as day that the only time we were supposed to even touch one another was when we were in public.

Okay, so I might’ve kissed him at the infirmary, but that was technically in public. Even if no one else was in the room.

I’m so conflicted. I’m angry and hurt and worried. I’m afraid something has happened to him. Those rogues know he’s weakened. What if they find him before I do? Or worse, what if Reiner has gone looking for them? Rogues killed his parents, so it’s only natural that he’d want revenge.

No. I can’t think about that. I need to find him.

I start the engine and drive away from his house, heading toward town. Maybe he’s at the bar.

I’m halfway there when my phone rings. I press the button on the car’s console to connect, and Piper’s voice fills the cab.

“Rafe spoke with Reiner. He said he had to go to work and that he’s fine.”

“He’s not supposed to be working,” I snap, and I instantly feel bad. This isn’t Piper’s fault, and she’s only trying to help. “Sorry. I’m just worried about him.”

“I know,” she replies. “And Rafe told him it was a bad idea, but you know how Reiner is.”

Oh, I know how Reiner is. Stubborn, hard-headed, pig-headed, and frustrating as hell.

“Thanks,” I tell her. “I guess I’m headed to the industrial district now. I’m dragging him out of there by his ball sack if I have to.”

“Good luck,” she laughs.

“Thanks. I’m going to need it.”

“Call me later and let me know how it goes.”

“I will.”

I disconnect the call and take a deep breath. I’m still mad, but I’m not sure if I’m angrier at Reiner or myself. I’m not sure why I’m even surprised. Of course he’d rather be at the shop than stuck at the house with me.

When I pull into the shop’s parking lot, the first thing I notice is Reiner’s truck. I park next to it and climb out, making my way inside the building. I’ve never even been to this part of town, let alone been in this shop.

I pause in the doorway and look around. Massive sheets of metal are piled up along the wall, and a huge machine is taking up the far side of the room. There’s a small office in the corner, and about a dozen men are milling about, some talking, some working. The stench of burning metal and grease hangs in the air, and I wrinkle my nose.

“Can I help you?” someone asks, and I turn to see a man approaching. He’s tall with broad shoulders and a stocky build. He has dark hair and a beard, and his eyes are a piercing blue.

“I’m looking for Reiner,” I explain.

“Over there,” the man says, pointing to the back of the room.

I follow his finger and see Reiner bent over a table, his back to me. He has a welding torch in his hand, and a pair of thick, protective glasses cover his eyes. Blue sparks fly, and he’s focused on whatever he’s doing.

I have to admit, it’s kind of hot. Sweat is dripping down his back, and his muscles are tense. His jeans are hugging his ass, and he has a black bandana tied around his head.

“Thank you,” I say, and the guy nods, walking away.

I approach Reiner, and he doesn’t even look up. I’m not sure if he can’t hear me over the noise or if he’s ignoring me. Either way, it pisses me off.

I walk up behind him and lean closer, yelling in his ear. “What the hell are you doing?”

He jerks, startled, and the torch slips, nearly setting his pants on fire. He curses and shuts it off, then turns and glares at me.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” he snaps.

“I could ask you the same thing,” I shoot back.

“I’m fucking working,” he growls. “What does it look like?”

“It looks like you’re being an idiot,” I retort.

He looks around, no doubt checking to see who’s listening. I don’t care, let them hear. But he doesn’t sound so keen on the idea of his coworkers witnessing our fight.

“Let’s take this outside,” he says, grabbing my arm and dragging me out the door.

“Get your hands off me,” I hiss, ripping my arm from his grasp.

“You’re the one who came barging into my place of business and started yelling at me,” he counters. “If you wanted to talk, you should’ve called.”

“I did,” I say. “Three times. You ignored me. And I know you spoke with Rafe after I called, which means you saw my calls and chose to ignore them.”

“I was busy,” he says, and his tone is dismissive. He stops right in front of his truck and crosses his arms as he leans against the hood.

“You’re supposed to be resting,” I point out. “Clara said—”

“I don’t give a shit what Clara said,” he interrupts. “I’m not a child, Jane. I know my own body, and I know what I can and can’t do. Besides, I couldn’t take one more second sitting in that house with you acting like I have some contagious disease. You’ve been ignoring me, Jane. And don’t you dare try and tell me it’s in my head, because we both know that’s bullshit.”

“I’m not ignoring you,” I say, but the lie sounds hollow even to my own ears.

“Bullshit,” he repeats, and I flinch. “You’re a terrible liar, Jane. Why have you been avoiding me? And don’t tell me it’s because you’re busy or you’re tired. I want the truth.”

I open my mouth to reply, but nothing comes out. I’m not sure what to say.

“That’s what I thought,” he mutters, shaking his head.

“You know what? Forget it.” I stomp over to my own car and try to yank the door open, but Reiner’s large hand slaps against the window and pushes the door closed.

“We’re not done yet,” he says, his voice low and dangerous. “You came all the way out here because you wanted to talk, so let’s talk. Why are you avoiding me, Jane?”

“I’m not.”

“Liar,” he whispers, his lips brushing against my ear. “I can smell the fear rolling off you, sugar. What are you afraid of? Are you afraid that you’ll give in to me? That you’ll let me kiss you, touch you, fuck you, and you’ll love every second of it?”

“Reiner,” I whisper, my heart pounding in my chest.

He smirks, and my cheeks burn. “That’s it, isn’t it? Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me you didn’t love what my tongue felt like between your legs. That you haven’t been dreaming about it, craving it ever since.”

“Stop,” I whisper, but it’s half-hearted.

“No,” he growls, his eyes flashing. “I’m not going to stop. Not until you admit the truth. You want me, Jane. I can smell it. I can see it in your eyes. You’re fighting a losing battle, and you know it.”

“You’re delusional,” I scoff, trying to hide my embarrassment.

“Am I?” he asks, his gaze dropping to my lips. “Then why are you trembling? Why are your nipples hard? Why is your pulse racing?”

“You’re imagining things,” I insist.

“I’m not,” he counters. “And you know it. You’re attracted to me, Jane. Just like I’m attracted to you. There’s no shame in that. It’s natural. It’s normal. It’s okay to want me, to want this.”

“This?” I repeat. “What is ‘this,’ Reiner?”

He doesn’t answer. Not with words, anyway. Instead, he takes a step forward, closing the space between us. My back is pressed against the car, and his body is a wall of heat and muscle in front of me. And then his lips are on mine, and I’m lost.

I don’t even try to resist. I can’t. The feelings he stirs inside of me are too strong, too powerful. I can’t fight it. I can’t fight him.

His tongue slides into my mouth, and I moan, tangling my fingers in his hair. He tastes salty and masculine, and his scent wraps around me, pulling me deeper under his spell. He presses his body against mine, and I can feel his erection straining against his jeans, pressing against my stomach. I whimper, and he growls, his hands gripping my hips.

It would be so easy to give in, to let him take me right here and now. But I can’t. I can’t let myself fall for him. I can’t let myself get hurt. Every ounce of me wants to, though. I want him. I want him more than I’ve ever wanted anything, and it physically pains me to pull away.

“I can’t,” I whisper, my voice shaky. I push against him, inching him back so I can pry my door open. “I’m sorry, Reiner. I can’t.”

“Jane,” he says, but I shake my head.

“I’m sorry,” I repeat, and I climb into the car.

I slam the door and start the engine, peeling out of the parking lot. I don’t look back. I can’t. If I do, I’ll turn around and go back to him. I’ll give him everything, and I’ll end up with nothing. I can’t let that happen.