22. Eli

Ithought a day would be enough to clear my head. But when I wake up the next morning, all I have is a headache from drinking too much the night before–shot after shot of whiskey in the Lodge's downstairs bar–a knot of worry in my gut over the strange phone call, and an ache in my chest the moment I think of Wisteria.

Despite fresh sheets on the bed and my clothes washed, I think I can still smell her in the room. I've showered three times since she left–there's no chance that her scent is still on me, but I swear it's lingering. And my chest burns with a sharp longing as I get dressed, wondering what the hell I'm going to do with another free day. I have half a mind to go in to the bar, just to have something to occupy my mind.

But I don't really want to deal with customers, either. So instead, I plan to do what I always have when I need to clear my head–go for a ride.

As I lace up my boots and grab my keys, I wonder again if I should just leave–pack up and head out of town, sending Adam an I'm sorry text as I go. But as good as I am at burning bridges, I'm at least smart enough not to set fire to the last solid one I have.

Still, a ride will do me good–a long one.

I'm a mile into town, headed towards the highway, when I realize I've taken the turn towards Wisteria's shop.

I should reroute. There's no good that can come from seeing her, especially not at work. But I can't seem to make myself stop. I ride all the way up to the front, parking my bike and killing the engine, feeling as if I'm being pulled there by some force outside of myself.

I catch a glimpse of her through the glass, and I feel like I've been punched in the chest.

She looks beautiful. Tight jeans, a rust and cream striped shirt with one of those wide necklines that sits just on the edge of her shoulders, leaving her collarbones visible and making me think of what it would feel like to run my tongue over the sharp edges of them. Her hair is up in a messy bun, and she's talking to two other women–the witch who was there the first day I visited, and another, shorter blonde in leggings and a loose graphic t-shirt that's two sizes too big for her petite body.

I should go.I feel like I could sit here looking at her all day, and it fucking terrifies me. No one has ever consumed me like Wisteria does. And as I slide off of the bike, pocketing my keys and rapping my knuckles against the glass door–it still says closed, which should have made me leave in the first place–I still have no explanation for why that is.

Wisteria's eyes widen the moment she sees me. She turns to the other women, saying something I can't hear, and I see the taller blonde glance in my direction with her eyes narrowed. She and the other, petite woman disappear into the back of the shop, and my heart thuds in my chest at the sudden possibility of being alone with Wisteria as she comes to unlock the door.

"Eli." Her voice is flat as she opens it, painfully so. "We delayed the opening by another day. So if you're here to buy something–"

"I'm here to see you." The words come out before I can stop them, and it might be the most truthful fucking thing I've ever said in my entire life.

She licks her lips nervously. "I shouldn't let you come in."

"I'll leave if you tell me to." My chest hurts just at the thought, as if my body is physically rebelling against the idea, but I would. I swear I would.

Wisteria sucks in a breath, and I see her throat move as she swallows hard. She says nothing, but she takes a step back, letting me walk into the shop.

It smells strongly of herbs, but all I smell is her. Sweet and warm, and even now, aroused. Just from the sight of me. Desire licks down my spine, and I inwardly curse the fact that we're not the only ones in the shop. If we were–

It might be for the best that we're not.

"What do you want, Eli?" She closes the door and locks it again, turning to face me. "Did you come to tell me you're leaving?"

I search her words for signs of hope, or disappointment, or anything to tell me how she feels about that possibility, but I find nothing. She's keeping her emotions carefully shuttered, and it frustrates me. I want the Wisteria who was in my bed the night before last, open and helpless to hide every feeling that flickered across her face, who wanted me and wasn't afraid to show it.

But of course, if she's hiding how she feels, it's no one's fault but mine.

"No. I'm not leavin' town. Not yet, anyway."

"When?" She turns away from me, walking towards the counter, and I follow. I can't help myself. Now that I'm near her again, I feel an irrepressible need to be closer, to touch her, to pull her against me and feel her warmth sink into my skin. My cock twitches in my jeans, remembered pleasure filling my thoughts, but it's more than that. I can feel that it's more.

"Not until January, at least. Adam will probably try to talk me into stayin' longer."

She turns to face me, her hands gripping the counter behind her, her face still an unreadable mask. "And what do you think you'll say?"

"I don't know." I keep walking towards her, wanting to close the distance between us, unsure why we're having this conversation or where it might go. "Does it matter?"

Wisteria swallows hard again, and I could swear I see a damp gleam in her eyes as she looks up at me. There's an arm's length between us now, and I want there to be less. "I don't know," she says thickly. "Does it?"

I close the space between us before I can stop myself. I forget that there's two other people in the shop, just behind the door separating the front of the shop from the back, that they could come out to check on Wisteria at any moment, that I shouldn't be here at all. I need to be closer to her, to touch her, I need–

The moment my hips touch hers, my hands closing over hers against the glass of the counter, I feel as if my mind clears. As if the physical touch blows away the fog in my mind, and I can see with crystal clarity what I want.

The words come out of my mouth before I'm fully aware that I've thought them. "Go on a date with me. Tonight."

Wisteria blinks up at me. "What?"

"You heard me."

"You said you've never been on a date." She presses her lips together, as if she's stopping herself from saying exactly what's on her mind. I wish she wouldn't. "Do you even know how?"

My heart is pounding in my chest. I don't know what's come over me, but it's too late to take it back, and I don't want to. "I thought we'd go out to dinner. And then I'd take you for a ride on my motorcycle. We'd look up at the stars, and then I'd try to kiss you."

Her cheeks turn pink. "That's surprisingly good, for a man who's never taken anyone out before."

"You can be my first." Her blush deepens as soon as I say it. "Say yes, Wisteria."

"Why?" The word comes out as a whisper, soft on her lips, and I hear the hurt in it. Hurt that she probably doesn't want me to hear, but I'm glad that I do. Glad to know she hasn't gone entirely cold towards me. She's going to make this hard, I can tell–but I deserve it, for ending things so abruptly.

"Because I keep thinkin' about you. And I'm still here, and you're still here–and I don't think I can spend another two months in this town and not see you again."

"So why aren't you leaving?" The words are a challenge, and I tell her the truth, because that seems to be what she does to me.

She makes me want to be honest with her. To lay bare parts of myself that I never have before. And it's terrifying.

As terrifying as the thought that if we end up in bed together again–and I can't imagine how we could not, with the way my blood pulses with desire just from being this close to her–I could hurt her. I could lose control. She makes me dance closer to that line than I ever have.

I should leave her alone, for both our sakes. But I can't seem to pull myself away.

"Adam is my best and only friend," I tell her truthfully. "I came here to do him a favor as well as myself. It would cause him trouble if I just bailed, and I don't want to do that."

Something in her face softens. "What if I say no?" she murmurs, and I feel that stab in my chest again, as if the possibility causes me physical pain.

I look down at her beautiful face, her soft hazel eyes, her full mouth. I know how those lips feel against mine now, against my mouth, my skin, my cock. I harden instantly at the memory, thickening uncomfortably in my jeans, and Wisteria lets out a soft gasp as she feels me pressing against her.

"Shit." I start to pull away, and I feel her arch towards me instantly, as if her body can't bear to lose the touch of mine.

It snaps something inside of me. I surge forward, my hips trapping her against the counter, my hands closing over hers again. Wisteria lets out a tiny whimper as my fingers curl around her palms, and I know I should pull back, but I can't seem to stop.

"Eli." She breathes my name, and I lose all sense of what I should do as I lean down, my mouth capturing hers.

Her lips part for me instantly on a gasp, her tongue hot against mine as I slide it into her mouth. She tastes sweet, like coffee and cream, and I rock my hips against hers, sweeping my tongue into her mouth and then against her lower lip, nipping it lightly. She lets out a breathy moan, her hands clenching against mine, and it's only the knowledge that we're not alone that keeps me from tearing her clothes off then and there, and having her up against the counter. My cock is painfully hard, my hips rutting against hers rhythmically as I devour her mouth, and I feel a sudden, warning tightness in my balls that tells me I've gotten too close to the edge for comfort.

The shock of it is enough to make me break the kiss. I haven't come from dry-humping a woman since I was in high school, and I thought those days were solidly behind me. "Wisteria–"

"You're supposed to say that if I say no, you'll leave me alone." Her eyes are bright, shining with emotion. But there's no fear, and I feel a sense of relief at that, at least. "But I don't think either of us seem to be able to manage that."

"No?" I wrap my hands around hers, shoving down the urge to rock against her, though we're still pressed tightly together. My cock throbs uncomfortably, and I know whatever happens here, I'm going to be headed back to the Lodge after this. I have a long afternoon of easing this desire ahead of me, if I can even manage the ride back.

"I went to the bar last night." Her cheeks flush again as she admits it, as if she's confessing to some secret sin. "The Howling Moon. I–"

"You wanted to see me." Satisfaction fills me at the knowledge that it's not just me. That I haven't suddenly turned into a lovelorn fool over a woman who only ever wanted me for a night or two. That whatever this is, it's at the very least mutual.

Wisteria blushes deeper, but she nods. "You weren't there."

"I called off yesterday." I wonder if she understands what's underneath that, that I called off because of her, because I couldn't function the day after telling her that we couldn't see each other any longer. That I feel like a part of me has come unhinged ever since the day I met her, and I don't know how to piece it back together.

She nods slowly. "When?" she asks, and my brain briefly shorts out.

"When, what?"

"The date." Wisteria looks up at me, the tiniest smile curling the edges of her mouth. "When do you want to take me out on a date, Eli?"

"Tonight." I say it immediately, before I can think better of it.

"You're eager." She shifts ever so slightly against me, as if to remind me just how eager I am, my painfully hard cock still digging into her thigh. The gentlemanly thing would be to step back, and stop pushing my hard-on against her, but I can't seem to stop touching her. And I've never claimed to be that, in any case.

"Well, like you said, I've never done it before. I'm always interested in new experiences."

"That picnic by the lake was very much like a date." She looks up at me, her eyes softening again, her teeth grazing against her lower lip. It makes me want to kiss her again, badly. "I would never have guessed you were so ill-informed about what we were doing."

"I just did what I thought felt right."

Something crumples in her gaze, briefly, before her face smooths out again. "I don't know if we should be doing this," she whispers. "I'm not good at it."

"You've been good at everythin' we've done so far. Better than good." I let go of one of her hands, reaching up to brush the back of my knuckles against her cheekbone. The way she softens into my touch tells me more than words ever could.

"I mean this." Wisteria gestures with her free hand between us. "Hookups. Pretending like sex doesn't mean anything. Fucking someone and then never seeing them again. I'm not good at any of it, and I shouldn't have pretended that I was–"

"I don't care." The moment the words come out of my mouth, I know I mean them. "We'll worry about tomorrow when it happens, Wisteria. Right now I just wanna see you again. Tonight."

I've never said anything so heartfelt to a woman before. Never been so honest. I know she's right–this is only going to hurt her in the end, and probably me too, for the first time in my life. For the first time, I think I might be looking in my rearview mirror when I ride out of Bayton, and hoping to see her reflected in it. But that won't stop me from moving on, because it's what I do. I'm not meant to stay in one place for long. And I can't stay with a human woman. I know all too well the heartbreak that being with someone who isn't your mate can cause.

But I tell myself that's a problem for later. Because right now, it hurts more to think of not ever touching her again.

"Tonight." She whispers it, and I can see her pulse beating in her throat, fluttering against the fragile skin. It's all I can do not to lean down and press my mouth against it, but if I do, I'm not sure I can stop myself from taking this further, regardless of where we are.

It takes everything in me, as it is, to pull away from her. "I can come pick you up, if you like. Or you can meet me at the Lodge." I don't want to assume that she's going to want to tell me where she lives. I'd understand if she didn't.

"I'll text you my address." She slips away from me, ducking beneath my arm and putting much-needed distance between us. I can see her chest rising and falling with quick breaths, and she crosses her arms in front of her, as if to shield herself. "I'll see you tonight, Eli."

I have the distinct sense, as I leave the shop, that I'm headed out into uncharted waters. That I have no idea what happens next. The way she makes me feel is like nothing I've ever experienced.

But I've been running from this my whole life. And for the first time, I find myself wanting to stand still.