Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Charles opened the doors with a flourish and stepped aside, sweeping a hand into the room.

"And here is my favorite part of the house. The library!"

Louise laughed as she followed him in.

"A grand gesture, I must…" She broke off with a gasp, her eyes widening in awe at the room. "Oh, my goodness. How gorgeous is this?"

Charles beamed.

"I thought you might like this."

"Like it? I love it!" Louise moved further into the room and did a slow turn. "I thought I'd seen impressive libraries in my time, but this is something else."

Charles felt a sense of pride welling up in his chest. He liked seeing people's reaction to this room, a place all of his family loved. The surprise, stunned awe and joy was delightful to see. And seeing Louise react in this way made him feel good.

"This is so much bigger than the one I have at home," Louise said, moving to one of the bookcases. "I've read all of the books in there at least twice, maybe three times. I would spend a lifetime in here, and I still wouldn't be able to finish all of the books."

"Well, you could if you did nothing else, including sleep."

Louise grinned.

"Was this built as part of the house? Or was it created later?"

"Actually, it was the focal point of the house." Charles approached her, taking one of the books off the shelf and running his fingers over the cover. "My great-grandfather loved his books. He went to university and was one of the few people who enjoyed his studies. He was an earl, but he also did some teaching because he couldn't keep away from it. When he built this house, he made sure that there was a huge library that everyone could enjoy."

"So this was here when the house was first built?"

"Sort of. It was only one floor, but the only things on the walls other than bookcases were the windows and the door." Charles chuckled. "His love of books has been passed down through the generations, so when my father became the earl, and we had more money, he cleared out the rooms above and made another floor for this room."

He pointed upwards, the floor above showing more bookcases lining the walls with an ornate wooden balustrade around it, a spiral staircase at the far end of the room attached to it. "We needed to do it, anyway, as there were so many books they were literally stacked on the floor and gathering dust."

"They certainly don't look like they're gathering dust now." Louise ran her fingers over the spines of some of the books, her touch dancing over them. "Some of these look like they're first editions."

"They are. My great-grandfather was one of those people who wanted the best of everything. If he wanted to read, he wanted the best. Old books were a marvel, and there are plenty of them here, but the dust always made him sneeze. There was nothing like having a brand new book."

"How do you know?"

"Grandpa told me about it when I was little. He was the one who taught me how to read." Charles sighed. "He passed when I was ten, and I missed him. Even though I had tutors, he was my greatest teacher."

Louise gave him a sympathetic smile.

"I can tell. And the love of reading has passed through the generations. That's really something."

"Do you know if your parents were lovers of books?"

"I have no idea. I have very few memories of them, and even then, they're very faded now." Louise's smile faded. "Maybe they did. I just remember once my governess taught me how to read that I loved going into different worlds and sinking into that while my own world wasn't that great. And I could read fast, so I absorbed practically everything."

Charles listened to this, watching Louise move to another bookcase. He hadn't asked much about her aunt, knowing that their relationship wasn't that good, but he wondered if there was more behind it. Louise purposefully avoided conversations about her aunt, although he could tell that she wanted to let loose and vent about it.

It had been six weeks since they first met, and he still wanted to know more about the beautiful, fascinating woman who had caught his attention.

"I have no idea how we didn't end up in this room before," Louise said as she turned to him. "I was here before, and nobody showed me the library."

"I'm not entirely sure how we managed that, if I'm honest," Charles admitted. "Then again, we did have Oscar around us, and he is banned from coming in here. He gets rather slobbery."

"That sounds like a good idea. Oscar is sweet, but he's a bit overactive."

"I won't argue with that." Charles pointed toward the far corner. "Now that's what I wanted to show you."

Louise turned and gasped when she saw the telescope. She hurried over, not touching it but marveling at the instrument as Charles joined her.

"This is incredible," she breathed. "This must have cost thousands."

Charles chuckled.

"I don't want to make your ears burn with the cost, but it was expensive. It was worth it, though." He pointed out of the window. "If you angle it right on a good night, you can see so many stars. I like to take it onto the lawn so I get an unfiltered view."

"Unfiltered?"

"There is a window pane in the way, after all."

Louise giggled. She put her eye to the telescope and looked through. Charles had been surprised by her love of astronomy, and he was pleased that she loved the telescope. It wasn't something most women were interested in. He felt happy knowing Louise would get the same joy out of this.

"I used to go outside and watch the stars as well when I was a girl." Louise lifted her head and looked at him with a sigh. "Unfortunately, my aunt caught me after a while and forbade me from doing it again. Now, all the doors and windows are locked at night, and I wasn't permitted to go outside unless I had a chaperone. Even during the daytime."

"She didn't like you looking at the stars?"

Louise wrinkled her nose.

"She didn't like me doing anything, if I'm honest."

"I see." Charles leaned against the window frame with his arms folded. "Things are certainly not good between the two of you, are they?"

Louise hesitated, as if she was trying to choose her words carefully. Then she sighed and turned away, moving to a nearby chair.

"Aunt Harriet doesn't have a maternal bone in her body. I have a feeling she never wanted to be a mother, but then she had to take in her sister's daughter once she and her husband died because she was their only surviving relative."

"If she didn't want you, even while acting as a guardian, why would she take you in?"

"Maybe because she got money for looking after me? I don't know. Maybe that's the only reason I didn't end up in an orphanage." Louise sighed. "I wish she had, though, because things might have been better for me."

Charles listened to this as a theory formed in his head. Aunt Harriet sounded like she took in a child for the money. If someone who didn't care for children did something like that, it had to come down to the money. Louise must have had some sort of inheritance, and her guardian was paid to look after her care.

Somehow, Louise had grown up into a well-adjusted person, but Charles could see the sadness in her eyes. She must have hoped for a loving, nurturing family, and she wasn't able to have that.

How could anyone be so cruel to someone as lovely and intelligent as her? Charles couldn't understand it.

"Maybe you should look into that," he said quietly. "If you did have an inheritance and someone released money regularly for your upbringing, your aunt would have had access to it."

Louise frowned.

"I don't think Aunt Harriet would abuse her position like that."

"Has she given you any reason to trust her? It's a possibility."

Louise didn't look happy about that. She bit her lip and absently twisted her fingers in her lap.

"I know that isn't something I want to think about…"

"But it's in the back of your mind now?"

"I…I guess." Louise sighed. "Maybe I should go down to the bank and ask about it in person. I know that I have money in trust that will be given to me when I am married."

"When you get married? Normally, it's given to you when you reach an earlier age."

"Well, that's what Aunt Harriet said. As she is the one in charge of it all, I trusted her with it." Louise looked chastened. "I suppose I shouldn't have trusted her so much."

"I can understand why, though," Charles assured her. "She was the one who looked after you, despite everything. You trusted her with your care, and nobody wants to believe that someone so close to you could do something so horrible."

"I wouldn't say she looked after me, but I get your point." Louise blew air out the corners of her mouth. "Do you mind if we talk about something else? I don't want to lower the mood right now."

"Of course. Why don't we see how far we can see with this telescope?" Charles grinned as he put a hand on the huge instrument. "I know it's daylight, but we can still see a long way. We can spy on our distant neighbors if you want."

Louise giggled and stood up.

"Now, when you put it like that…"

She moved to the telescope at the same time Charles moved, and they ended up bumping into each other. Louise gasped, and her hands ended up grabbing onto his arms. In his surprise, Charles caught her as well and, for a moment, they were in each other's arms.

Louise looked up at him, and Charles realized how close they were. Her face was not far from his, her eyes wide as she stared at him. Her tongue snaked out and licked her lips, which made Charles fight back the urge to groan.

It wouldn't take much to lean in and kiss her now…

The sound of the door opening made both of them jump, and Louise sprang away from him. But it was only one of the servants coming in, bowing to Charles.

"Tea is ready, my lord. Lady Lara said to come and find you."

"Thank you. We'll be right out."

His children. Charles needed to remember them. Because he had to remind himself he was a gentleman. Louise didn't need him all over her like a madman.

Although the thought of kissing her with abandon was very tempting.

***

Louise was experiencing mixed feelings as she returned to her home after spending time with Chesterfield and his family. While seeing their incredible library for the first time had been exquisite, and their company was always the best, Louise couldn't help but think about what Chesterfield had said about Aunt Harriet taking her on because she would have gotten money for it.

She was aware that she inherited her parents' money despite being a girl—not really the done thing nowadays—and that it was in a trust for her for when she got married, but now she was unsure about that. From Chesterfield's reaction, she should have already been given the money. Waiting until she got married sounded silly, now that she thought about it.

That was something she needed to talk to her bank about. Hopefully, they would talk to her about it and be honest with her. Only then would Louise feel a bit better about the situation.

But if it was discovered that Aunt Harriet had lied to her…

It had started some uncomfortable thoughts in her head about the woman who took her in twenty years ago. What did it mean? Had she been seen as a commodity and nothing more? With the way Aunt Harriet behaved around her, that would make sense. She was just concerned about actually confronting the woman; Louise didn't think she would like the truth, no matter what came out. It would be like a slap in the face, either way.

Louise wished that things were not complicated. She wished that people would stop lying to her. What was wrong with being honest and genuine? It was all about respect. If nobody respected her, how could she respect everyone around her?

Except Chesterfield and his children. They respected her; Louise knew that much. She didn't need to guess whenever they were around her. She enjoyed their company, especially Lara's. The girl was blossoming, and she had a wicked sense of humor that kept Louise giggling all day. Archie was very much the same, and the playful bickering between the twins was adorable to watch. And as for their father…

Louise could happily talk to him all day and that wouldn't get boring. Especially when he smiled at her; Louise wanted him to smile at her more. It softened his face and it made his eyes twinkle as well. His wife had been a very lucky woman.

Could she get something like that for herself? Would it be Chesterfield to capture her attention? Although Louise had a feeling that he had already done that. He had sneaked in when Louise wasn't aware and caught her attention already.

Louise wondered if things were the same with the earl. It would be embarrassing if this was all one-way. She hoped that it was, because if it wasn't, she wouldn't be able to look him in the eye again.

That wasn't something she should think about right now. At the moment, the focus was to head into the bank and ask to speak to whoever was in charge of her account. Louise couldn't believe she hadn't done it before, but Chesterfield was right; despite everything, she trusted Aunt Harriet to look out for it all.

Now, she was feeling like that was the wrong thing to do.

Louise was still lost in thought when she and Bethany arrived at home. Bethany got out first and had to get her mistress' attention twice before Louise climbed out of the carriage as well. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment.

"Are you all right, my lady?" Bethany asked. "You look worn out."

"That feels like an understatement." Louise opened her eyes. "I just need to go and have a lie down upstairs. That might make me feel a bit better."

"Very well." Bethany hesitated. "Do you need me to do anything once we get inside? Or do you want me to leave you alone for some peace and quiet?"

"I don't want to sound awful, but do you mind?"

"Of course not. It sounds like you're in need of some time alone."

Louise was glad that there were people who respected her wishes. Bethany was at the front of that line. They stepped toward the house, but a familiar voice had Louise turning around. She groaned when she saw the Earl of Mansfield walking toward her. What was he doing here? Louise was surprised that he wasn't inside the house; it was almost like he had moved in.

She didn't want to speak to him, but given they were out in a public space, she couldn't really walk away with her nose in the air. Not when it was, annoyingly, very busy despite it being a residential street.

She was going to have to speak to him.

Louise touched Bethany's arm and shook her head.

"Don't leave me on my own with him," she murmured.

"Of course not," Bethany promised.

Taking a deep breath, Louise turned to Mansfield as he approached her. He gave her a smile, which faltered a little as Louise regarded him coolly. Then he took off his hat and bowed.

"Forgive me, Lady Louise, but I do need to speak to you."

"What is it, my lord? I'm very busy right now."

"Can we go inside and talk?"

Louise shook her head.

"I don't think that's a good idea. I would rather you tell me now and just leave me be."

Mansfield didn't look happy with that, but Louise wasn't going to buckle. If she allowed him to come inside, then Aunt Harriet would insist that Mansfield stayed for tea, and Louise would have to be in the same room, seeing as Mansfield wanted to speak to her. She wanted this over and done with as soon as possible.

"What is it you want to say, Lord Mansfield?"

"I would rather discuss this inside…"

"And I said no," Louise cut him off. "Do you normally ignore what a lady wishes? Because you do it a lot with me."

Mansfield grimaced. He twiddled the hat in his hands, shuffling slightly from foot to foot.

"I…I just…I wanted to apologize for the way I've behaved around you recently. I know it was not ideal, and I am aware that you became uncomfortable with it. I…I only had your best interests at heart."

Louise didn't know about that. She didn't like where this was going. Even with the apology, it didn't sit right with her.

"You're apologizing for the way you've treated me since we met, are you?" she asked.

"Well, recently…"

"Because you've been pushing yourself into my business quite a lot. I've tolerated you for my aunt's sake, but I don't appreciate the way someone who is not a member of my family thinks he can get away with telling me what to do. It's bad enough that I'm stifled by Aunt Harriet without having you getting involved. No matter what's going on between the two of you, it doesn't mean you get to talk to me that way."

"I…I apologize for that," Mansfield mumbled.

At least he was attempting to apologize. Louise wasn't entirely sure that she would believe it completely, but he was trying. Which was better than Aunt Harriet; the older woman had never apologized to her before, and certainly not after Louise broke down and lost her temper at her.

Their current situation was frosty, and Louise did whatever she could to keep out of her way. She wasn't about to be in the same room as a woman who kept trying to dictate her life to her.

She could tell him that she didn't accept the apology and he needed to keep away from her, but then she would hear from her aunt how rude she was being. It was Aunt Harriet's romantic life, after all. Much as she didn't like the woman, Louise didn't want to jeopardize her relationship with Mansfield. That was not in her nature.

Taking a deep breath, Louise let it out slowly.

"I won't completely forgive you, but I'll accept your apology, my lord," she said coolly. "You overstepped a line, and it's going to be a while before you can gain my respect or trust back."

She didn't respect or trust him at all, but it was better to say that than not say it at all. Louise went on as Mansfield opened his mouth to speak.

"I am willing to give you a chance for Aunt Harriet's sake, but that's it. I'm not interested in having a relationship with you that's more than being an acquaintance. If we're in the same room, I won't ignore you, but I won't go out of my way to be friendly."

"You would be that cold with me?" Mansfield asked.

"Given how you've treated me up until now, I don't think you're in a position to complain. You didn't respect my boundaries, and you treated me like I'm a child and you're my father. You can't come back from that, but you can treat me better. If you want us to remain cordial, that will be enough."

He looked like he was going to argue about it, but then Mansfield nodded with a heavy sigh.

"All right. I'll go along with that. But I do hope that we'll be more than acquaintances one day."

Louise didn't answer that. She knew that it would never happen. Turning away, she and Bethany went into the house. As soon as the door shut, Louise slumped against it and closed her eyes.

"God, that was exhausting. And it was only a couple of minutes."

"Are you all right?" Bethany winced. "That was a stupid question, wasn't it?"

"Pretty much." Sighing, Louise pushed off the door and looked at the butler. "Where's my aunt?"

"She's gone out, my lady. She said she would be back later."

"Good. Then I can have some quiet time." Louise nodded at Bethany. "I'll take a nap now. Will you bring me something to eat? I'm feeling a little lightheaded."

"Of course, my lady." Bethany curtsied. "I'll be right back."

As she walked away, Louise climbed the stairs. She hadn't been feeling exhausted while she had been visiting Chesterfield and his family, but now it was weighing down on her. Maybe it was that brief talk with Mansfield that was enough for her to feel worn out.

If Aunt Harriet wanted to marry him, good luck to her. Mansfield's presence was draining, much to Louise's bewilderment. If she married someone like him, she wouldn't have any strength to do anything else.

Thank God she was never going to marry him. Louise knew that would be a nightmare.