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Chapter 41

Asshe'd promised, Louisa headed for the camp first thing the next morning.

Shewas dressed in more of her new clothes, courtesy of the overstuffed pack Killik had brought the night before. Which had turned out to contain multiple items, many of them dresses Louisa had tried on in the shop — all of them in similar styles and dark colours. And at the bottom of the pack there had been several new loincloths, too, and Louisa had huffed a rueful laugh at the sight of them, and then pulled one on beneath her new navy dress.

Shewould prove this. She would help Killik put on a show, and save Ulfarr's life.

Butonce she'd said farewell to her staff, and headed down the path toward the camp, the doubts again began to whisper, nagging at the back of her thoughts. It could still fail. It was still only four nights. And after that, maybe Ulfarr would go and have a new son, even if Killik and Sune didn't want it, and…

Shewas frowning to herself, stalking around a large tree without looking — and then she yelped, and staggered backwards. Because there, in the middle of the path, stood —

Ulfarr. Ulfarr. Huge and broad and bare-chested, and here. Here.

"Forgive me, Louisa," he said with a tentative smile, his voice rumbling low in her belly. "I held no wish to startle you."

Louisawas still desperately dragging for air, but her shoulders were already sagging, her smile flashing back toward him. "Think nothing of it, sweetheart," she said, with a dismissive wave of her hand. "It's — good to see you."

Hereyes ran up and down his big body, catching, lingering — because he looked… different, somehow. Almost — easier. His stance more fluid, his shoulders low, his hands relaxed at his sides, with their claws drawn in. And his face looked easier, too, the lines less etched, perhaps, despite the crinkles deepening at the corners of his eyes.

"And you also, Louisa," he murmured, as he came a slow step toward her, reaching to gently clasp her hand in his. "I wished to come and meet you, and say — thank you."

Louisablinked, attempted to wave it away — but now Ulfarr grasped for her other hand, too, and brought it to his mouth. "Thank you, Louisa," he said again, as he softly kissed her skin. "I ken not what possessed you to go to my kin yesterday, and defend me as you did, and speak such kindness upon me. And then to invite our Enforcer here, to witness our camp, and mayhap…"

Hisvoice trailed off, the hope and the fear mingling bright in his eyes, as he pressed another kiss to her hand. "Was it… Killik who sent you to this?" he continued, even quieter. "He swore to me he did not, but…"

Hisvoice faded again, his eyes searching hers, clearly wanting her to corroborate Killik's claim. And thank the gods, Louisa could shake her head and mean it, and give a wavering smile back toward him. "No, Killik didn't have anything to do with it. But he did take me to meet your Skai-kesh yesterday, and I prayed, and…"

Andnow it was her own voice fading, and she drew in breath, squeezed Ulfarr's hands tight. "I want to believe in forgiveness," she said thickly. "I want to believe in redemption, and amends. AndI didn't think your punishment was — fair. Especially if they went and forgot about it."

Butit was perhaps too pointed, too sharp, because Ulfarr winced, shook his head. "It was Simon's right to Enforce me as he felt best," he replied. "I threatened him and his mate, and sought to steal her away from him. And amidst this, I divided and weakened and failed my clan, also."

Louisaexhaled and nodded, holding his eyes. "But you've also been working so hard to make amends," she said. "You've faced the pain and punishment. You've helped your clan, and built this beautiful camp. You helped Sune. You helped Killik. You helped me."

Ulfarr'shands clenched back on hers, and he shook his head, made a sound much like a laugh. "ButI yet — I cannot fathom how I have helped you, Louisa," he said, hoarse. "I have not been a — a good or clever or lusty bedmate. I have done naught on my own to bring you joy. Ach, that first night Iran from you, as only a true coward would. I know not why you keep welcoming this from me, and I was sure…"

Hisvoice faded again, but Louisa kept waiting, kept holding both his hands, watching as he drew in another breath. "I was sure you only bore this for — Killik's payment," he continued, with a grimace. "For his — his coin, after these ten nights are done."

Forthe coin. Louisa's stomach pitched, and she squeezed her eyes shut, fought to drag in breath. Ulfarr hadn't mentioned the coin since the beginning of all this, and she certainly hadn't wanted to think about it, either, had she? But of course it had still been hovering over them, whispering its dark, unhappy truth. This still had a time limit, with a payment, and a very clear end. Four more nights.

Andgods, it just felt so damned wrong, all of it. And again Louisa just wanted to curse Killik, to demand he forget the deal altogether, or at least continue on after it was done — but she'd already tried asking, hadn't she? AndKillik had said — No. No.

Andyes, then he'd told her to show him, to prove it to him — but that still didn't mean anything, did it? He'd still made no commitments to Louisa whatsoever, beyond these four nights. And while she could perhaps try to undermine him, or try to make her own arrangements with Ulfarr afterwards, she still had no interest in trying to steal Ulfarr away from him, either. Ulfarr did need Killik. He needed Killik's help, Killik's strength at his side. He needed his family, and his son. AndLouisa would not risk taking that from him. She would not.

Andworst of all, she still needed Killik's payment. She needed to protect her property and her people. She needed to forget her past, forget LordScall…

Butright now — she swallowed, blinked back at Ulfarr's face — she needed to face this. She needed to tell Ulfarr the truth.

"Look, I do still need Killik's help," she said, holding Ulfarr's eyes, squeezing his hands. "ButI still meant it when I told you I wanted this, sweetheart. I wanted — you. You've been so patient, and so kind, and I — I've liked that you haven't always had all the answers, either. I've liked how we've been learning — together. It's not — not something I've ever had the chance to do before, and it really has… helped. It's been… affirming, for me. Empowering. Healing."

Gods, it sounded so ridiculous, and if Killik were here, Louisa would have fully expected some mocking comment in return — but Ulfarr just kept looking at her, holding her hands, as warmth and gratefulness shimmered in his eyes. "I am honoured, Louisa," he replied, quiet. "You have been such a great help to me also, and brought me this same… healing. And if there is ever aught else I might be able to offer you, or if you might ever wish to speak, or have an ear to listen…"

Hedidn't finish, but his eyes kept studying hers, and Louisa fought back her wince, the barbed twist in her belly. He meant her past, he meant LordScall, he was giving her an opportunity to face this — but no. No. She couldn't bear to speak of it, she couldn't risk it, not even with him. She needed to forget it, to escape it, forever…

Andsurely Ulfarr had caught her hesitation, her refusal — but there was no hurt or judgement in his eyes. Only more warmth, and maybe even sympathy, as he brought her hand back to his mouth, and gave another soft kiss against her skin. "And also, Louisa," he murmured, "I thank you for this letter you sent me, last eve. This was very… lovely."

Right. That damned letter. Louisa's face heated at even the thought of it, and she huffed a choked, relieved laugh. "Well, you can blame that letter on Killik," she said, with a wincing little smile. "He said you would like it, and you were fine with it, but…"

Shewinced again, searching Ulfarr's eyes, but they were still so warm, so approving. "Ach, how could I not welcome this? It brings me great joy to know my fierce pup has found such a good woman to welcome his strong Skai ploughing. A woman who now scents so sweet, with his fresh scent yet upon her."

Oh. As if Ulfarr really thought that, really welcomed that. AndLouisa gave a bemused smile back toward him, even as she kept gripping his hands, holding him here. Wanting him to keep looking at her, to keep saying such kind things, to stay…

Whensuddenly, above them, something — rustled. Something in the tree, curse it, and Louisa yelped and leapt backwards, craning her head up toward it. And yes, that was someone leaping down out of the tree, his dagger flashing in his hand —

Itwas Killik. And he was furious.

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