Chapter 36

Farewell.

Asif… as if Louisa was leaving.

But— yes. Yes. That was what she was supposed to do. That was all she could do in this moment, with all this horrible miserable chaos screaming in her skull. Escaping. Forgetting. Leaving.

Sowhen Ulfarr carefully released Louisa's hand, extracted his fingers from hers, she… didn't argue. Didn't look at him, or at Killik. Just nodded, swallowed, shoved up to her shaky, staggering feet. Forgetting. Leaving.

Sheturned toward the door without looking, without thinking, leaving, leaving —

Whensuddenly — Killik. Killik, whirling in front of her, blocking the doorway, his dagger gleaming in his clawed hand.

"No, woman," he snarled. "No. You shall not leave thus!"

Louisahalted, gazed at him, her heart clamouring in her chest, as he wildly waved his dagger toward her. "You agreed to this," he spat. "Youswore you cared not for Wolf's past. You swore you would not ask. And here you are, breaking your word to me, again! And hurling yet more guilt and shame upon him!"

Louisa'sbreath hitched, her head shaking, but Killik was still here, still furious, still waving that flashing dagger. "You humans never ask the right questions, or seek the other side of the tale! You ken Wolf did all this upon a merry little lark? You ken he took joy in any of this? You ken he did not pray and weep over this, night after night? You ken when he stole Maria away, he thought he would ever return home, or see any of us again? Or, if Simon caught him, that he should even live to see the next morn?"

Louisaswallowed, shot an uncertain glance back to where Ulfarr's head was bowed again, his big body curled even smaller than before. As if he didn't want to hear this, maybe couldn't bear to hear this, had she really hurled yet more guilt and shame upon him…

"I watched him wrestle and weigh this," Killik's hard voice continued. "I watched him weep as he spoke his farewells to his pack, and to me. He knew this was the end of all he cared for, of mayhap his life, and yet he did this, for he thought we were at great risk of death, from one of the most powerful lords in the realm! So he chose to draw this upon himself, instead! As he has always done!"

Hisvoice rang through the small room, his fury flashing through his eyes, thudding into Louisa's frantic heartbeat. And she was just listening now, just needing to hear the rest of it, please…

"And for his judgement," Killik hissed, lower now, "Maria near cut off his prick — and then Simon near killed him. Simon defeated him in combat before all the clan, all his pack. Simon broke eight of his bones, weakened his scenting beyond repair, and refused to allow our healer to touch him. He left the Wolf of the Skai to rot in his blood and his agony and his shame."

What? No. Simon had done that? ThatSimon? TheSimon who was supposed to be a good leader in their clan? TheSimon they'd all sworn to uphold and respect?

Louisa'ssheer horror must have shown on her face, because Killik slowly smiled at her, his eyes glinting with mockery and pain. "It was near half a year before Wolf healed," he said coldly. "And you ken what he did amidst this? He swore yet more vows to Simon. He gave Maria gifts, and begged for her forgiveness. He swore to stay here at the mountain. He swore he would not seek to gain a mate or bear a son of his blood, until he had gained the fealty and forgiveness of Skai-kesh and the clan. Until he was restored to the clan as a true Skai son."

Oh. Oh, gods. Ulfarr had publicly sworn not to take a mate. Amate. And here Louisa had come to his home, and let all these people believe that he'd done it anyway. ThatUlfarr had broken his word to Simon, and to all his kin.

"And we can't just — tell them I'm only a friend?" Louisa asked, high-pitched. "Or that you're only — paying me, just the way Simon did with Maria? Because it's true!"

Shewinced even as she said it, and Killik laughed, low and weary. "Ach, I meant to only call you Wolf's bedmate, once they caught your scent upon him," he said. "But now you have come here, with our son, and paraded yourself all over this mountain, reeking of Wolf's seed, before mayhap every orc in our clan! And if we now claim this is naught, and we are only paying you" — he laughed again — "you ken how this looks, coming from Wolf, ach? After all he has done?"

Damnit. Louisa stared at Killik, her mouth slack, as waves of hot and cold flashed up her spine. Because it would look — like mockery. Like a challenge. LikeUlfarr was mimicking what Simon had done with Maria, and flaunting it before all his clan, in order to break his own vow toward Simon. In order to escape his own punishment.

Itwould look like Ulfarr was standing against Simon, again. And no, of course they couldn't risk that now, surely that would be even worse than Ulfarr only breaking his vow, seeking to take a mate…

"Godsdamn it," Louisa croaked, whipping around to stare at Ulfarr's curled-up body. "Fuck. I'm so, so sorry."

Hervoice cracked, her head whipping back and forth, her hands clamping to her mouth. And she could almost feel the effort it took for Ulfarr to raise his head, to hold his shimmering eyes to hers. "Naught — for you — to regret," he said, his voice halting. "I ought — to have — told you."

Andwithout waiting for her answer, he slowly dropped his head again, his powerful body gone so small and sad and alone. And as Louisa stared at him, she felt a sudden, stuttering fear. Maybe — maybe the same kind of fear Killik had felt when he'd first come to her, seeking those ten nights…

I fear for my wolf's life.I fear that one day, he shall awaken, and find he can no more bear the shame. And then he shall slit his throat, or fall on his sword, or walk into a river with a boulderstone…

"And you ken Wolf should have chosen to do all he did, if he had found another way?" came Killik's cold, implacable voice, now close behind her. "IfSimon had heard his truth, and offered to bring him alongside, or to seek joy together with his willing woman — you ken Wolf should have refused this? You ken he should have wished for all this pain and grief instead?"

No, damn it, of course not, and it was like Killik was just twisting the dagger at this point, his voice scraping in Louisa's ear. "AndI told you," he hissed, "how deeply Wolf longs for a woman. He longs for a strong, hungry Skai woman to tend and plough and enjoy, and mayhap even share with those he cares for most! So ach, woman, this is why I hunted you!"

You. Something sharp and cold prodded into Louisa's back as Killik spoke — the tip of his dagger, curse him — but there wasn't even a twinge of fear or alarm. No, no, because his unthinkable, impossible words were still ringing, raging, roaring through her skull. This is why I hunted you. You. You.

In a hunt, a Skai seeks out the mate he wishes, and makes her an offer…

Butno. No. Absolutely not. There was no way that was what Killik had done, right? No.

"For after all this," Killik continued, that dagger still nudging softly against her spine, "Wolf deserves a Skai woman even better than Maria. He deserves a woman with power and knowledge amongst her kin. He deserves a woman who does not faint or falter. He deserves a woman who knows work and fealty and sacrifice, a woman who knows what it is to have kin to care for. A woman who welcomes not only his own good Skai prick, but the strong Skai ploughing of his closest bedmate, also. And a woman" — his voice lowered — "who sees not his shame, but his strength. A woman worthy of the Wolf of the Skai."

Louisa'sthroat convulsed, her heart skipping in her chest. And when her eyes darted sideways, Killik was behind her, almost, almost touching her, his mouth so close his breath tickled her ear.

"So show me," he breathed. "Prove this to me."

Hiswords stuttered harsh and fierce into Louisa's belly, into her groin, into the cool teasing tip of that dagger against her back.

Showhim. Prove this.

Andshe should have been questioning it, should have been calling Killik out on his constant rubbish, on this absolute mess. Or on what they should do now, what this all meant, what they had left…

Butinstead, Louisa was looking at Ulfarr. Grieving for Ulfarr. Aching at the sight of him, the sadness crushing him beneath its weight. Maybe he was still a monster, maybe he still didn't deserve forgiveness, but maybe…

Maybefor now it didn't matter. MaybeLouisa could just… take a breath, and grope for Killik's hand, and tug him back across the room. She could face this. Prove this…

Andas they went, she could tug at her new chain belt. Let it fall open around her waist. Let her dress fall open, too, let it show her loincloth, let it show her breasts and her belly and her scars…

"Thank you for telling me all this, sweetheart," she whispered, toward Ulfarr's bowed head. "And now, will you come to bed with us?"