Chapter Eighteen

After Lucas and I returned from Autumn's cottage, we explained everything to the others. Everyone was as equally shocked as we were to learn there was another reaper out there, but Lucas wanted nothing to do with her. As far as he was concerned, he had her book of spells, and that was all she could offer him.

Professor Warren had used his necromancy powers to send the Executors' bodies far away, like he had last time. Chloe cast a spell with the Mentalist Wand to confuse any Executors who approached our wards, which would keep the priestesses from getting too close again.

As the weeks passed, Lucas dove into the Reaper Records, practicing the spells within it to grow his power. That was, when the Waning wasn't affecting his powers. The Waning was getting stronger, affecting us all at different times, and it often lasted up to a week or more. Edgar had yet to show up with the Mortana Wand, but Lucas was determined to learn everything he could from that book.

Chloe and Talia spent time sneaking around the borders of Octavia Falls to gather intel, while Grant and Miles went along to protect the girls. It came as no surprise that the cult's greatest supporters were among the Executors' ranks, including Sheriff Baker, who was as bad as the priestesses. It was difficult to get much more information than that, because Chloe and Talia had to get close enough to someone to use teleinsight on them, and we had to be careful we weren't spotted.

A heavy snowstorm passed through the mountains at the end of January and blanketed the safe house for months. We hadn't seen Autumn since that day at her cottage. I thought she might try to reach out, but she hadn't. Lucas didn't think she cared, but I thought there was a part of her that did, but she was too ashamed to show it.

Cold, chilly days curled up by the fire with Lucas warmed to spring mornings. Each week, my stomach grew bigger, until I was so big I was starting to waddle. Between weekly doctor's appointments with Luana and making plans with Lucas for our future, it was easy to forget we were still fighting a war. Discussing baby names and picking out colors for nursery blankets made the Miriamic Conflict feel like a distant dream. In our little corner of the forest, life seemed perfect.

Lucas found me reading in the den on the afternoon of May seventh. Chloe was lounging in the chair across the room, infusing crystals with magic while her cat, Marley, purred in her lap. Lucas had been practicing spells all morning, and he came running so fast he nearly tripped over the rug.

"You're never going to believe what I can do!" he cried.

I sat up straighter. "Whatever it is, it sounds like good news."

Lucas tugged on my arm. "You have to follow me to the library."

Chloe's interest piqued, and she set her crystals aside. "Can I see?"

"Come along," Lucas offered. "You don't want to miss this."

We entered the library. I sat in a chair near the window, stroking Isa's head in my lap. Chloe leaned against the side of the desk, and Marley and Oliver lay sprawled out on the floor where the sun shined in through the window.

Lucas stood in the center of the room. "There's a spell in the Reaper Records that talks about Death energy and transformation. We know I'm connected to Death energy because I feel it when someone dies. I used to think what I felt was a void—an absence of their spirit. According to the book, what I'm sensing is the transformation of their spirit."

"You've known this for months, though," I pointed out. "The records are pretty clear about it."

"Yes, but I've finally made sense of how to utilize it," Lucas said. "Look at this."

Lucas grabbed the Reaper Records from the desk and flipped through the pages. He held the book up to reveal a drawing of the Death card from the tarot deck. "As we know from tarot, the Death card doesn't always represent physical death, but death to all kinds of things—cycles, seasons of life, belief patterns. It means change. When something dies, it gives way for something new to exist in its place. It all comes back to transformation. All transformation creates energy."

Chloe crossed her arms. "You have my attention. Where are you going with this?"

Lucas wore a bright smile. I'd never seen him more proud of himself. "All these months, I've been trying to work with Death magic, in the sense of the energy that lingers when life ends. But transformation happens in all stages of life, not just at the end. I thought that to utilize this magic I had to pull that energy from a graveyard or a morgue, but as long as there's transformation happening around me, I can find Death magic anywhere."

Lucas grabbed a potted plant out of the window and set it on the desk. "Take this plant for example. Every day, leaves are growing, some are dying to make way for fresh leaves, it gets bigger—it transforms. There's Death energy right here at my fingertips! I just have to get perceptive enough to see what's transforming in my environment so I can use that energy."

"But you aren't an Earth Elementai, so you can't manipulate the plant," I pointed out.

"Doesn't matter," Lucas said. "I can manipulate its energy, as long as it's transforming."

"This is potentially really powerful magic," I remarked. "How can you utilize it?"

Lucas beamed. "That's what I wanted to show you."

He hurried across the room to where his scythe was leaning against one of the bookcases. "In this instance, I had to get a little creative. A simple houseplant doesn't have enough transformation energy within it to pull this off, but I do. I'm in the midst of becoming a father, and there are old pieces of myself dying to become a new man. I'm literally transforming. So I felt into that energy, and I realized I could take it and put it into the scythe."

"Like an enchantment?" I asked.

Lucas nodded. "Exactly."

"But the scythe's already enchanted," Chloe pointed out. "From the night you used to kill the sluagh. The creature's blood enchanted it."

"Yes, and I was able to break your enchanted restraints with it that night, but this is completely different, a whole new tier of magic." He held the scythe straight out in front of himself, and the entire weapon began to glow a purple hue. He opened his hand… and the scythe remained floating mid-air.

I sat up straighter, and Isa perked her ears. "How's it doing that?"

Lucas stepped back, smiling. "I infused it with Death magic, and because I control Death magic, I can control this! Watch."

Lucas flicked his wrist, and the scythe followed his command. The blade swung at a stack of books in the corner, slicing several of them clean in half. I jumped, and Chloe's spine straightened.

"Uh, that was a little frightening," Chloe said.

"Right?" Lucas replied proudly. "I can literally use it as a weapon in battle. And it doesn't just physically transform things. I can also bring death to ideas. Look."

Lucas held out his hand, and the scythe sped across the room straight into his fingers. He held the scythe out in front of himself and turned to the bookcases along the wall. "Let's see… I want to read a good mystery novel. Perhaps I'll look over here…"

Lucas started in one direction, but the scythe jerked the other way. Lucas nearly lost his footing as he followed the scythe to the other end of the bookcase. The scythe spun in his hand, until the tip touched the spine of one of the books.

Lucas pulled it down from the shelf. "Actually, this is a romance novel, but he's still learning. The point is, he can change my mind and lead me in a new direction."

Chloe's eyebrows shot up. "Impressive."

"It's like the scythe has a mind of its own," I added.

"Kind of?" Lucas sounded unsure. "It's like a companion, but also an extension of me."

"The potential for this is huge," I said.

Lucas subconjured his scythe. "I just wish it was enough. If it was, I'd have passed the Warlock's Trial by now."

"What exactly do the Reaper Records say about the Warlock's Trial?" Chloe asked. "Can I see it?"

Lucas shrugged. "Sure."

Chloe used telekinesis to float the book over to her. Pages flipped open mid-air, and the book gently fell into her open hands. She began reading. "The Reaper Order is a society of reapers who have demonstrated a clear understanding of their roles and responsibilities within the Miriamic Coven, as well as their magical powers, through practical application and keen comprehension. This system was developed by the coven's first reaper, Mortimer Imperia."

Chloe paused. "Huh… I've never heard any of Miriam's family referred to by last name."

"I"ve been researching our past lives historically," Lucas said. "Our family name was Imperia, which the Imperium Council is named after. According to the stories, the children came together and chose this name for themselves. Most of the records we have go back to the kids. We know little about Mother Miriam"s past, because she wasn't keeping records until she started writing stuff down for her kids. Not everything survived the witch trials, though, so there are gaps in the coven's knowledge."

"Interesting…" Chloe mused. "Listen to this. Mortimer believed that a reaper's power and responsibility required great care, and because of that, the master-apprentice system was put into place."

Lucas scoffed. "You'd think I'd know what I was doing, considering I was the one who designed all this."

"In a past life," I reminded him. "That doesn't mean that you consciously have any of the answers here in this life. It's too much to expect of yourself."

Chloe continued reading. "To become a member of the Reaper Order, an apprentice must pass the Warlock's Trial. The Warlock's Trial was named for Mortimer, who designed the trial to indicate when an apprentice has become a master. Once an apprentice has demonstrated they fully understand their powers of death, the reapers will grant the apprentice welcome into the Reaper Order, and he or she may take on their own apprentice."

"See, that's the part I don't get," Lucas said. "Autumn isn't part of the Reaper Order, yet she was supposed to be my master. How can the system work if I'm not learning from a master?"

"Maybe that's one of the reasons you incarnated right now," I theorized. "If you developed this system in a prior life, maybe you came here to correct the ways in which the system has failed its reapers in the past. Maybe you don't need Autumn, because the answers are already deep inside of you."

"Maybe," Lucas agreed thoughtfully. "But like you said, that doesn't mean I have any conscious understanding."

"Try this," Chloe suggested. "Take a deep breath."

Lucas rolled his eyes. "Yeah, that's the answer."

Chloe frowned. "Just try it, okay?"

Lucas kept his eyes on her a moment longer before finally giving in. He laced his fingers in front of himself, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. "Now what?"

"Tap into your intuition," Chloe said. "Tell me the first answer that comes when I ask the following question. What is it that you need to pass the Warlock's Trial?"

Lucas hesitated.

"You need to be quick about it," Chloe encouraged. "You can't let your mind start talking over your intuition."

Lucas opened his eyes, and his shoulders fell. "I don't know. I didn't really get an answer. Or… maybe I already know what I need to do, but I'm afraid to do it."

I realized what he was saying. "You don't want to learn all the spells in the book."

"How can I?" Lucas asked. "I can't destroy a soul just to show I know what I'm doing. But how do I demonstrate the full capacity of my powers unless I pull off the most powerful spell in the book?"

Chloe flipped through the pages. "There's got to be more to it than that. I don't think you'd design a system that worked that way. Not in this life, not in any."

"It's not just that spell," Lucas said. "There's another one I don't quite understand. Maybe that's the last piece to passing the Warlock's Trial."

Chloe flipped through the book. "Which spell?"

Lucas looked over her shoulder. "Two more pages. That one. It's a grief spell of some sort, but I don't understand it. It says it's to manifest the grief of living people, which doesn't make any sense. Why would I want to create grief for people? I don't even wish that on my enemies. Besides, I don't have power over the living, so I don't understand where it fits in."

"Maybe it's not a spell at all," Chloe theorized. "Maybe it's more of… a metaphor? I'm not sure."

Lucas sighed and took the book back. "I don't know, either. I just need to think about it for a while. I'm sure it will make sense eventually."

Lucas glanced at the clock on the wall. "I think I've made enough progress for the day. I might go lie down."

"Let us know if you need any more help," I offered, though I didn't know how much more help we could be.

"I will," Lucas said, before leaving the room.

Chloe breathed a heavy sigh and turned to me. "I feel bad for him. I wish we could help more."

"You don't have to help… but I'm glad you're here," I said.

Chloe chuckled lightly. "Of all the things I never thought you'd say."

I shrugged. "People change."

"Absolutely," Chloe agreed. "Just look at the two of us. I never did get a chance to say thank you for what you did for me in the Abyss."

I waved a hand. "You don't need to thank me."

"No, I really do," Chloe argued. "This kind of thing might be normal to you, but it's not the way I was taught. Kindness wasn't expected, no matter how hard I tried. I guess you'd never believe I wasn't always a mean girl before you came to town."

"Really?" I asked curiously. "Who were you before I came to town?"

"Oh, I was an absolute bitch," she admitted with a laugh. She hopped up on the desk, sitting on the edge like she was settling in for a long chat. "But not always. I tried to be nice as a kid, but I learned at a young age that it was easier to get what I wanted when I treated people with cruelty rather than kindness. Obviously, I've realized that's bullshit, but for a while, it was the only way I operated. But all that cruelty just reflected on me, and I ended up hating myself. It wasn't worth it."

"What would make you feel that way in the first place?" I wondered.

"Nobody listened to me when I was nice," Chloe admitted. "The only time I ever got my point across was when I was being aggressive. Growing up, I wanted to do nice things, but if I was too soft spoken, my parents didn't think I was passionate enough. I remember in middle school I organized a fundraiser for the animal shelter. I thought I could place all the stray cats into homes. My parents are a bit like my grandma, if you haven't guessed. They believed hard work could get you anywhere, so they said if I wanted to do a fundraiser, I'd have to figure it out myself."

"Do you believe that?" I asked. "That hard work can get you anywhere?"

"I used to," Chloe replied. "But it only gets you so far. Hard work didn't get my dad the connections his father made before he was born. Those connections earned him his first job, then his first promotion. Hard work didn't earn my mom financial support from her parents that bought her first house. I think connections and support are important—that's whywe have community—but I also think my parents didn't realize how much other people struggle to get somewhere. I don't think privilege makes them bad people, but I think my parents' inability to recognize it prevented them from lifting others up. That's what I wanted to do. Help others."

Chloe sighed. "I spent weeks planning this fundraiser—talking to the shelter, posting flyers around town, trying to get people involved. I even set up a bake sale and made cookies for days to raise money. Come the day of the fundraiser, nobody showed up."

My heart dropped. "I'm sorry, Chloe."

"You know me. I'm headstrong. I wasn't going to give up," she continued. "So I ran the fundraiser again, only this time, I decided that if people weren't going to take my invitation nicely, I was going to bully them into showing up. At fundraiser day round two, the shelter said it was the best turnout they'd ever seen. Those stray cats needed homes, shelter, and food, and without me, the winter would"ve come in and they would"ve froze. Nobody else cared, but I did. If I had been nice and accepted that I couldn"t make people want to help, all those cats would be dead. But because I was an asshole, and I threatened and forced people to see things my way, I saved lives. I realized that sometimes, being cruel was the only way to make people care and get things done. Because no one would care unless their own skin was on the line. My hard work meant nothing compared to my ability to bully people into complying. I didn"t want to be that way, but I couldn"t deny that it produced results. People might"ve gotten their feelings hurt, but at least those cats didn"t have to be in pain, and that"s what mattered to me. I had to pick and choose what I wanted, and I wanted to help more than I wanted to be good. Because being good means nothing if you"re plastering on a polite smile while watching something suffer."

"That must've really affected you," I said sadly.

"Yes, but that's only part of it," Chloe replied. "My parents always strived for the best. My dad works in finance, and my mom's in business management. They both had to be the best at what they did. It was an obsession. My parents were hardly home, and even though they're still married, I barely saw them together. So I thought that's what relationships were supposed to be, that you were supposed to find someone who could elevate your status. That's the only reason I dated Ryan. He commanded respect the way I did, and I thought together, we could be this power couple. But we didn't have anything in common, and we barely got along. I didn't understand what a relationship was supposed to be."

"Until you met Miles," I teased.

Chloe smiled. "Miles actually treated me like a person, not just some trophy to put on display. Sometimes I feel like my parents had me for their image, because having kids is what they were supposed to do, rather than because they wanted a kid. They pushed me to be my best. I had tutors growing up so I'd get the best grades. I even had private lessons with a dance instructor so I'd be at the top of the team. I didn't realize until later that the other girls weren't getting one-on-one time with the coach. But it wasn't enough. Everything in my life had order, whether it was my schedule or the shoes in my closet. But there was so much shame around all of it. If one thing was out of place, I felt like I'd failed my parents. Maybe that's why I got so angry when you came to town, because for the first time in my life, that order was thrown out of whack. My future was suddenly uncertain, and I couldn't predict what you'd do."

"You were right to be angry," I told her. "But I don't think that was either of our fault."

"No, it wasn't," she agreed. "We shouldn't be held responsible for what our grandparents did. Can you guess what my parents said when I told them about you? They said the curse was my problem, and that if I wanted something done about it, I'd have to deal with you myself. My dad acted like he was the one who forced your mom out of town, and that I should be able to do the same. But from what I've heard, it sounds like your mom went more willingly than he lets on."

"She was just protecting herself," I said.

Chloe rolled her eyes. "And yet my dad took all the credit. He taught me people only understand one way of communication and that's through force, but you taught me it doesn't have to be that way. I learned you don't need everyone to help you. You just want the right people helping you. All my life, I was pandering to the wrong crowd. I wanted respect, and I learned from watching my grandmother that I had to command it. But I learned from you that it's better to earn it. I think it's possible to be authoritative and kind."

I stroked the top of Isa's head as I listened to Chloe's story. "That's really kind of you to credit me, but you're the one who put in the work. You could've chosen to follow in your grandmother's footsteps, but you didn't."

Chloe chuckled. "Boy, am I glad. My grandmother taught me that I couldn't trust people to do the right thing. She told me that if you don't force people to do the right thing, they won't, because we're all inherently selfish."

My eyebrows shot up. "It sounds like your grandmother is insecure in her own empathy."

"For sure," Chloe agreed. "My grandmother believes that people are inherently lazy and that they won't do anything productive if they aren't suffering. She believes people will always make bad decisions and thinks we have to work extra hard to be righteous, as if you have to make an effort to be kind. Maybe this has to do with growing up cursed, but I thought it was normal to go around wanting to do bad things, and that people just didn't because they'd be punished for it."

I felt really bad for Chloe that she'd grown up this way. "It takes a lot of determination to change your belief system like that."

"Yeah, but that belief system has to be challenged to begin with," Chloe replied. "You did that for me. I hated you. Despised you, really. I've come to find it's hard to do good in the world when there's hate in your heart, and I had to hate you to learn that. I think suffering requires people to make big changes, but I also think people can do really good things when they aren't struggling for survival. If you and I can get along, there's hope for the coven."

I nodded. "Absolutely. I think you're here to change lives, Chloe. I know you've changed mine. You've taught me to be more assertive and made me realize I have to go after the things I want. You've taught me not to jump to conclusions and judge people so quickly. Most of all, you've taught me that we all want the same thing, but we look at it in different ways, and so we need to come together and work together, even if our methods differ."

"That means a lot to hear you say that." Chloe let out a deep breath, like confessing all this had lifted a huge weight off her shoulders.

I eyed her curiously. "Why are you telling me all this now?"

Chloe gazed down at her hands. "I've been doing a lot of thinking these last few months. Verla gave me a past-life regression, and since then, I started diving deeper than ever before. I've been meditating to uncover the old stories I've told myself. I've only started to realize the impact it had on me. I understand myself better now, and I guess I wanted you to understand me, too. I see now that I had to be born into my family to show me what I didn't want. I know how these people think, and I know I don't want to be like them."

"That's a really interesting take on it," I said. "I'm really glad you're discovering who you are."

Chloe offered a light smile. "Thanks. It's not always easy, but it's worth it."

Chloe hopped off the desk and stood. "Anyway, I'm hungry. Are you?"

I laughed. "With these pregnancy cravings? Always."

Isa hopped off my lap, and Chloe grabbed my hand to help me stand. I'd be twenty-nine weeks pregnant tomorrow, and with two little kiddos in there, I felt huge already. It was definitely getting harder to get around. A lot of my energy had returned in the second trimester, but we'd just hit the third trimester, which meant we were already in the home stretch.

Everything had been going really well so far. I visited Luana weekly, and I took Onyx along to every appointment so she knew what was going on with the babies if I ever needed her help at home. Everyone had been super accommodating, and I couldn't imagine a better pregnancy. I couldn't wait to meet our little boys.

"How are the pregnancy cravings today?" Chloe asked.

I crinkled my nose. "Is it weird that I want jalape?os dipped in ranch dressing?"

Chloe gave me a weird look. "Are we talking deep fried jalape?os or straight off the plant?"

I opened the door to the library. "Straight off the plant."

"That's gross," Chloe teased as we started down the hall. Marley followed us, but Isa and Oliver ran off to another part of the house. They'd been sneaking off together a lot lately, and I didn't know what they were up to. Lucas thought maybe they were grumpy that we were having babies and would have less time for them.

"It's a nice day. Why don't we eat in the sunroom?" Chloe suggested.

"That sounds like a good idea." I entered the kitchen and started toward the refrigerator, but Chloe got there first.

"Go sit down," she instructed. "I'll see if I can find any jalape?os."

I chuckled. "Thanks, but you don't have to dote on me. I'm only pregnant."

Chloe blocked my way to the fridge. "Enjoy the special treatment while it lasts. You only have a few more months of it."

Chloe insisted on cooking for me, so I had nothing else to do but sit around. The house was quiet, and I wondered where everyone else was, until I walked into the sunroom and was met with a collective, "Surprise!"

I jumped a little and quickly surveyed the room. Everyone was here, seated around a long table filled with snacks and baby decorations. On a buffet table along the wall sat a watermelon cut into the shape of a baby carriage with fruit inside, along with a cake that had a teddy bear on top. A table filled with presents sat in the corner.

"You guys!" I cried. "You didn't have to throw us a baby shower."

Chloe came up behind me. "Yes, we did. Here's your jalape?os."

Chloe handed me a jar from the fridge, and I teared up a little. Damn hormones.

Lucas immediately shot out of his chair. He'd obviously lied about going to lie down. He knew this was happening and had probably portaled the others to Hok'evale to gather supplies and buy gifts. "Sit down, Nad."

"Thank you, guys. This was really sweet of you." I sat down, and Lucas pulled up another chair beside me. I narrowed my eyes. "You didn't leave the library to lie down. You were setting up for the party, and you made Chloe stick behind to distract me."

Lucas smirked. "To be fair, the party was set up before I got here, and Chloe's been watching you all afternoon. You can't blame me. If it were up to me, I'd never have thrown you a surprise party. I know you don't like them."

Miles went around the table handing out small rectangular boxes. I didn't know what they were for. "Why don't you like surprises? I think surprise parties are great."

"I guess I like having answers and clarity," I said as I took one of the boxes from him.

"That's not true, Nadine," Talia pointed out. "You do like surprises, because you like mysteries, and that's just another way of figuring out a surprise."

"I enjoy mystery novels and puzzles because by the end of it you've solved something," I clarified. "Surprises are different, because you don't even know you're looking for answers."

I shook the box Miles had given me, and it made a rattling sound. "What are these anyway?"

Miles wore a goofy grin. "Open it and find out!"

I glanced around, but everyone was waiting for me to open my box first. I pulled the top off and found the box filled with over a hundred small puzzle pieces. Everyone else did the same. I saw that they too had puzzles, but their pieces were different from mine.

My heart warmed. "A puzzle party?"

"It was Talia's idea," Verla said. "When we're done, we can frame them all up and hang them wherever you want them."

"This is really cool!" I dumped my puzzle out in front of me. "How do I know what I'm building?"

"That's the mystery, isn't it?" Grant teased with a wink.

I smirked. "You know that's only going to motivate me."

"Good," Talia said proudly. "We have prizes for those who solve their puzzles first. And the timer starts… now!"

I rushed to start organizing my pieces, and my friends did the same. I found the four corner pieces and set them aside. I realized this was going to be harder than I thought, since I didn't know which corners they went in. As I was separating some of the middle pieces, I noticed a familiar smile.

I held up the pieces. "Lucas, is this you?"

He studied the piece for a few moments. "It does look like me, doesn't it?"

I spread the pieces out. I noticed Talia's eyes staring up at me from one piece, then the jeweled bodice of my wedding dress.

I gasped. "This is the photo from our wedding!"

"Oh, no!" Onyx joked, fitting two of her pieces together. "She's on to us."

The photo showed Lucas and me standing in the center of the group near the cake table, with all our guests surrounding us. I fitted a puzzle piece near the center, and Grammy's smiling face became clear. Tears welled in my eyes, and I couldn't help it when they spilled over the corners of my lids. I started to sob—full, body-shaking sobs.

"I was only joking," Onyx said softly.

"It's not that," I said between hiccups. "I just love this picture so much."

Lucas placed a hand on my back. "Hey, it's okay."

"I know, and that's why it's so perfect." I sniffled and wiped my eyes. With a chuckle, I added, "Pregnancy hormones are really weird, you guys."

Everyone laughed, and it sounded so magical. It nearly brought me to tears all over again.

Once I knew what picture I was creating, it was easy to place the corners in the right places, then follow the colors to put the edges together. I fitted all the pieces into place, until I realized I was missing one. I looked around my chair to see if it'd fallen on the ground, but I didn't see it anywhere.

"What are you looking for?" Mandy asked.

I furrowed my brow as I looked around. "I'm missing a piece. It must've fallen somewhere."

Lucas snickered under his breath, and I shot him a narrowed glance. A blush rose to his cheeks, which was so damn cute and irritating at the same time.

I nudged him playfully. "You cheater! Where's my piece?"

Lucas placed his fist behind his back. "I have no idea what you're talking about," he feigned.

"Not fair!" I reached for his hand, but he stretched it far away from me where I couldn't reach. I crawled into his lap to get closer, but his arms were longer than mine. I tickled him in the armpit.

He laughed loudly. "What puzzle piece could you mean?"

He tickled me back, and I giggled so hard I nearly peed myself. The next moment, a sharp pain entered my ribs, and I gasped.

A horrified look crossed Lucas's features. "What's wrong?"

I sat back down in my chair and placed my hand over my stomach. My belly tickled, and I felt one of the babies' feet run along one side, then I felt movement on the other side.

I smiled as my eyes landed on Lucas. "Nothing. The babies are kicking. Feel."

I grabbed Lucas's hand and splayed his palm over my belly. The babies kicked really hard, and Lucas's eyes lit up.

"They've never been this active before," he remarked.

"Maybe they're trying to start a fight with you," Grant joked. "Dad's being mean to Mom, and they're just standing up for her."

"Yeah," I agreed. "The babies get it."

Lucas sighed and leaned down to speak to my belly. "All right, boys. I'll give Mama her puzzle piece, but only because you said please."

Lucas kissed my belly, and my heart swooned. He placed my piece back on the table. It was the center piece—the one that completed both of our smiling faces. I placed it in its rightful spot, then smoothed my hands over the puzzle.

"All done!" I announced proudly.

Talia stood. "I'm sure it comes as a surprise to no one that Nadine completed her puzzle first, which means she gets the first prize. Which present do you want to open first?"

"Mm…" I eyed the present table, and my eyes fell upon a large, slim gift leaning against the wall. It was too big to fit on the table. "That one."

Lucas went to get it and carried it over. "To Nadine and Lucas, from Clarice," he read.

We tore off the wrapping paper together to find an image of a double bassinet on the front of the box.

My jaw dropped. "Oh, my Goddess. Thank you so much!"

I started to stand, but Verla was already out of her chair. "I'll come to you."

I sat back down, and Verla leaned down to give me a hug. "That was so thoughtful," I told her.

She shrugged like it was no big deal. "The babies need somewhere to sleep."

Chloe practically bounced in her chair. "Open my present next."

The race to finish our puzzles seemed forgotten as our attention turned to the gifts. Chloe handed us a gift bag, and Lucas and I each pulled out several pieces of tissue paper. Inside was a pair of adorable black onesies that read Son of a Witch with a cute cartoon of a witch hat on it.

We got all kinds of wonderful gifts to prepare us for when the babies arrived—toys, bottles, a breast pump, clothes, blankets, and tons of diapers. Grant gifted me a container of homemade chocolate chip cookies to satisfy my cravings. Professor Warren got us matching carriers that strapped to our fronts like a backpack to carry the babies around in.

Mandy left the room to grab her present, and she came back carrying a box that was almost as tall as she was. She could barely get her arms around it. Lucas quickly got out of her chair to help her, and we opened the gift to find a huge box with a rocking horse inside. It was so big and bulky it was almost ridiculous.

"Wow!" I exclaimed. "I don't even know where we're going to put this."

Mandy smiled brightly. "I know it will be a while before the babies are big enough to ride it, but I saw it and couldn't resist!"

"Thank you, everyone," I said after we'd opened all the presents. "It seems we have everything we were going to need when the babies arrive."

Talia stood. "There's one more gift I'd like to give you. I know that looking into the future isn't always precise and that things can change, but I want to give you a chance to ask me anything, and I'll see if the Seer Wand can answer your question."

I eyed her curiously. "You've already been looking at the babies' future, haven't you?"

Talia nodded. "I wanted my gift to you to be some sort of advice for their futures, but the visions I've received are confusing. Every time I look into the twins' future, I see them using different types of Cast magic. At first, I thought it was because they're going to be separate Casts, but I've seen them casting magic from all five."

Lucas and I exchanged a glance.

"It's like I'm seeing multiple futures," Talia added.

"Maybe because their magic's not determined until their Evoking Ceremonies," I theorized.

"I'm not sure," Talia said. "I thought touching your belly might help me get clearer visions."

"Let's look deeper," Lucas agreed. "If Talia can figure out what Casts they'll be, then maybe we can prepare them better for it."

I took his hand. "Is that the question we want to ask—which Casts will they be?"

"I think it's an innocent enough question, but it also helps us prepare them for their future," Lucas said.

"All right," I told Talia. "That's our question, then. What does the Wand say about the twins' Casts?"

Talia conjured the Seer Wand, then knelt beside me and placed her hand on my belly. Long, quiet moments passed as everyone watched on. Her eyelids fluttered like normal, until an intense vision took over. The blood drained from her face, and her features went stark white. My heart lurched, but Lucas caught her before she could fall over.

"Talia!" Lucas shook her until her eyelids fluttered open.

"What did you see?" I asked breathlessly. "Whatever it was looked intense."

Lucas helped Talia into the chair beside me.

Color began to return to Talia's cheeks. "Yeah, it was. It was the most vivid vision I've seen of them. I saw your son Marcus."

My hand immediately went over my belly. It was instinctual now. Hearing my son's name out loud felt entirely new. I was still getting used to the idea that we were going to have babies, but giving them names made it very real, even more so than feeling them kick inside of me. Lucas and I had been discussing names for months, and we'd only decided on names last week. We hadn't told anyone yet.

"You know the names we picked out," I said.

Talia's shoulders fell. "Shoot. I ruined the surprise again, didn't I?"

"It's okay," Lucas insisted. "I guess we can tell everyone now."

I turned to the others. "The twins are named Marcus and Dean."

Verla smiled. "Those are lovely names."

Lucas turned back to Talia. "What was Marcus doing in this vision?"

"I saw him in a battle," Talia admitted. "He climbed onto the back of a wolven shifter. I'm pretty sure it was his mate."

"Marcus is going to mate with a fae?" Lucas spat. "I didn't know shifters could mate outside their species, not to mention the shifters are all males and they always mate with female sorceresses."

"Not always," I reminded him. "Beau told us he mated with another dragon shifter."

"It's rare, but fae can mate with other supernaturals," Talia confirmed. "This shifter was different, though. It was a woman."

Lucas shook his head. "That's impossible. There's never been such a thing. The power to shift only lies with male fae."

"I don't know how it happens, but that's what I see," Talia said.

"Then your visions are unreliable. They must be wrong, because that"s never happened in history. A sorceress can"t be a shifter," Lucas replied. "Besides, our kid would never fall in love with a fae. A fae would sooner kill him than love him."

I had the thought that he was wrong, because Beau Blankard's parents had fallen in love. His father was a warlock, and his mother was a fae sorceress. Plus, there were fae who had been kind to us when we went to Malovia. Maybe by the time the twins grew up, things would be different between our people.

I was hardly worried about that, though. Talia had said she'd seen Marcus in battle. "You're saying our children are going to have to fight a war like us? That's what we're trying to prevent."

"That's what I saw, but it was different, too," Talia said. "Marcus was more powerful than any warlock I've ever seen… He had the mark of all five Casts on his arm."

Verla gasped, and Professor Warren exchanged a glance with her. The entire room went silent as we all absorbed this information.

"Do you know what that means?" Lucas asked them. They obviously knew something we didn't.

Professor Warren wore a shocked expression. "I've never heard of anyone with magic from more than one Cast. Even if you could, the magic would overwhelm you. No one should be able to yield that kind of power, unless…"

He looked to Verla again, and she seemed to be thinking the same thing.

"Unless he's a demigod," she finished for him.

I furrowed my brow. "How's that possible? The twins aren't children of gods."

"Demigods is a classification of power, and they can be born of two talented supernatural parents," Verla reminded me. "If everything's just right and the twins are born during a significant astrological event, it's entirely possible they could be born demigods."

"I wasn't seeing multiple futures," Talia realized. "I saw the boys casting all Cast magic, because they're born demigods."

"Dean, too?" Lucas asked. "Was he in your vision?"

"I felt him there, but I didn't see him," Talia said. "It stands to reason they'd both be demigods, since the boys will share a soul."

"If they're that strong, then whatever battle you saw them in, they're going to win it, right?" I demanded.

Talia hesitated. "I didn't see the outcome of the battle. I'm not sure if I could even if I tried. There are certain things set in stone, and others that aren't. It appears that it's your sons' destiny to use their demigod powers to fight in a supernatural war. Whether they win that war or not, I can't say."

"Is that what the Miriamic Conflict will become?" Lucas asked incredulously. "Another twenty years of fighting, until the coven breaks into full-on war?"

"No." I refused to believe it. "We choose our own destiny. We can end the Miriamic Conflict before our children come of age. Things can still change. Even if the conflict continues, Marcus and Dean don't have to fight unless they want to."

"How do you know they haven't already chosen to fight?" Talia asked. "You know from your past-life regression that you chose to come back now, to heal what's happening in the coven. There's no guarantee that we'll win, but one thing's for certain—you will continue to choose this path, until you've achieved what you came to do."

"Does that mean we're going to lose, and our sons came to clean up our mess?" I asked in a shaky tone.

Talia shook her head. "I'm not sure I saw them fighting this war. The Miriamic Conflict could be long over before the boys' powers ever awaken."

Lucas raked his hands through his hair. "How can we possibly prepare them for this?"

"You be honest with them," Verla said. "Tell them who they are, but give them space to learn it on their own, too."

The thought of this responsibility weighing on my sons' shoulders killed me. Lucas and I were chosen ones, and I didn't want my sons to go through that, too. It made me wonder why we were fighting the Miriamic Conflict at all, if our children were just going to grow up to fight another war.

Then I thought of their childhood. What would their childhood be if all they knew was war? Wasn't it better if we gave them the best childhood possible, in a loving environment where we could build their courage and confidence?

"We just have to be the best parents we can," I decided.

Lucas nodded. "If it's their destiny, something they already decided on, then that's all we can do."

Lucas knelt at my side and took my hand. "They chose us to be their parents, and there has to be a reason for that. We have so much love to give these boys, and I have to believe that they chose us to show them what true love really is. Our sons are going to know unconditional love, and they're going to understand the power of community. We're going to teach them how to use their emotions to empower change. Whatever path they're on, they chose us to guide them, and we have to do just that."

I agreed wholeheartedly.

Talia's vision put a damper on the party. Lucas brought me a plate of food, and a few people continued quietly working on their puzzles while we ate. We chatted for a while, and Lucas told the others what he could do with his scythe. Nobody really wanted to talk about our powers or the Miriamic Conflict, though.

The food was really good. Grant had made chili, and I added heaps of jalape?os to it. He also made delicious peppermint iced tea. I let out a moan of pleasure as the sweet taste flowed over my taste buds.

Grant leaned across the table and winked at me. "I added a bit of ginger. It's good for the babies."

"It tastes amazing," I told him.

The party had completely wound down a few hours later, and the sun had set. Mandy offered to carry some of the presents up to our room, and she looked really proud as she left the room carrying the rocking horse.

By now, everyone had finished their puzzles, and Talia and Verla had moved them into frames. Each one depicted a photo of the group in one way or another. There were photos of me surrounded by my girls while we got ready for the wedding, and pictures of us singing around the fire at Yule.

Mandy returned to the sunroom to help clean up the food. I started to stand and went over to help, but Mandy stopped me. "Don't worry about it, Nadine. It's your party. We've got this."

I hesitated because I wanted to help, but it also felt weird to help after being told not to. I sank back into my chair.

"Everything all right?" Chloe asked. She was helping Mandy clean up, but she paused to come sit beside me.

Mandy carried a pile of dishes out the door, and I turned to Chloe once we were alone. This wasn't just something I could admit to anyone, but I felt like I could talk to Chloe about this. She opened up to me earlier, and I figured she would understand if I opened up to her.

"Being pregnant is weird," I said. "People treat me differently."

"They should," Chloe replied. "You're bringing life into the world."

I frowned. "This isn't a good thing. I'm in some of the best health of my life—I can find my own chair and get my own food, but everyone wants to do it for me because I'm pregnant. People are even changing recipes because it's good for the babies. And… that's the kind of help I needed when I was sick, and I didn't get it. I know you guys are just trying to be nice, but it's a little disheartening that we're trained by society to make this huge effort to accommodate pregnant women, when I feel better than ever. Society didn't care when I was sick, and that's when I needed help the most. When I'm in a flare-up, I'm treated like I'm a nuisance to society because I need resources. But now that I'm pregnant it's like I have value. It's insulting."

Chloe's features fell. "I don't ever want you to feel like you don't have value. If you want us to treat you differently, we can."

"That's not really the point," I said. "I appreciate what you guys did for me when I was in the worst of my lupus, and I"m grateful for that, but I have to realize now that you guys help me out a lot more now that I"m pregnant. You"re more willing—you"re happy to do it, instead of reaching out to me out of pity. It"s like me being pregnant is seen as this huge blessing, but me being sick made you guys uncomfortable. It's an issue so ingrained in society, you wouldn't have even realized you were doing it."

Chloe leaned forward on her elbows. "Tell me more. I want to learn."

I sighed. "When you're disabled, society treats you like you don't belong and that your accommodations are an inconvenience, but everyone wants to accommodate the pregnant lady. It just proves that providing accommodations isn't the problem. It's people's attitude about it. People welcome pregnant women into society because they have something to offer, when disabled people are treated like they should just go away. It's sexist, too, because as long as the pregnant woman is creating new life, she's basically offering a service to the world, so it's a privilege to accommodate her, but disabled people are seen as doing nothing but sucking up resources. Even though pregnancy is technically a short-term disability, it benefits everyone, so it's acceptable for people to be inconvenienced short-term. At the end of it, everyone gets the reward of holding the baby and being part of the baby's life. But no one wants to help the disabled person, because they're always going to be sick."

"That's unfair," Chloe said sadly. "Things shouldn't be this way. Once the Miriamic Conflict is over and we're back in coven, we're changing things. We're going to educate people and provide more accommodations."

I fidgeted with the corner of the tablecloth. "I don't know if I can keep advocating for disabled people, though."

Chloe furrowed her brow. "What do you mean?"

"I'm in remission, and things are going so well," I said. "I should be relieved, but I just feel cheated. I don't know if I have the right to call myself disabled anymore."

"Cheated how?" Chloe wondered.

"It feels like my doctors lied to me, working me up about all these possible complications," I said. "I feel like I'm holding my breath, waiting for a terrible symptom to arise, but nothing happens. It's hard to operate this way when so much of my life has been invested in taking care of myself. Is this what it's like to be healthy all the time? You guys just… don't have to worry about any of this stuff?"

Chloe appeared genuinely interested. "What kind of stuff do you worry about?"

"Everything," I replied simply. "When I was sick, my lupus ran my life. I had to plan every day around my symptoms and schedule in recovery time. I still take my meds every day and monitor my diet, but I have so much energy now that I can do whatever I want, whenever I want to. There are no restrictions, not like I had before. My lupus could knock me down for an entire day, or sometimes even weeks at a time, and now I don't have to worry about it at all. I used to have to monitor where I could go, what I could do, when I took my treatments, when I rested, ate, went to the bathroom… hell, sometimes it felt like I had to be careful with how I breathed, because there were a million ways to fuck up and make myself feel worse. Now, I can do it all, and there are no consequences. Sometimes, it's like I have too much time on my hands. There's this empty space in my life that I don't know how to deal with, because I don't think of myself as ill anymore. And if that part of me is gone, who am I?"

"But you still have lupus," Chloe said.

"I know I'm not cured, but the chances of symptoms returning are low," I told her. "I don't feel healthy enough to be considered an able-bodied person, but I also don't feel like I'm sick enough to be disabled. This label used to be a huge part of my identity, and I don't know where I fit in anymore."

"You're having an identity crisis," Chloe realized.

I lifted my gaze to meet hers. "Yeah, I guess you could call it that. It feels like I've lost something, which is silly to think, because all I wanted when I was sick was to feel better."

"That doesn't mean you aren't allowed to grieve," Chloe pointed out softly.

"I don't know if grieving is the right word…" I mused. "Maybe? I'm just thinking… am I worth more now that I'm in remission? Am I more helpful to people? Wasn't I good enough when I was sick? I felt like I knew who I was back then, and now I have to change my perception of myself again. That's scary, because what if someday I get sick again, and I have to shift my identity all over? None of this is for sure, so now I'm just stuck in the middle, not certain if I'm sick or healthy."

"Your worth doesn't come from what other people can get out of you," Chloe insisted. "Your value is inherent, and it doesn't change depending on how disabled or able-bodied you are. You don't need to prove anything or accomplish anything to earn your worth. Also, being disabled does not need to be validated depending on how sick you are or not. That"s ableist shit doctors tell patients in order to disregard their symptoms. There"s no prize for being more handicapped than someone else."

Mandy returned to the room, and Chloe and I both quieted.

"Did either of you want anything else before I clean it up?" Mandy asked.

"You can leave the iced tea," I offered.

Mandy grabbed a few more plates, then left again.

Chloe stood and brought the pitcher of iced tea over to us. She spoke as she poured me another glass. "I think all of this questioning is a part of the grieving process. You feel like you've lost a piece of yourself, and you're leaving that old identity behind. A new identity has to take its place, and maybe that new one has one foot on one end of the spectrum and one on the other. You're in remission now, but your lived experience isn't going anywhere. You still have insight and understanding that able-bodied people will never have."

I took a sip of tea. "I guess so. Being pregnant just made me realize what life could've been like if people treated me differently, and I didn't have to be sick by myself. Instead, I went through a lot of it alone. People want to wait on me hand and foot now because I'm making children for others to enjoy, but when I was desperate for someone to take care of me, the world kicked me to the curb. I love my babies, and I would do anything for them—die for them, even—but are they worth more than I am, because they're brand new and I'm already used up because I was sick?"

I didn't really expect us to reach a resolution on this issue. Saying it all out loud made me realize things I'd never even admitted to myself. I had a lot to think about.

"Anyway, thanks for talking," I said as I finished my tea.

"Anytime," Chloe replied with a smile. "Just know that you can still be an advocate for the disabled community because you understand the disabled experience. You remember what it was like to be treated poorly because you were sick, and you can take your lived experience and use it to make change for the people who still struggle with chronic illnesses. Your experience isn"t wasted; it"s made you who you are. Now you can use it to push society to do better, because we need people like you. And your babies are worth the world, Nadine, but so are you. All of us are important. I"m sorry you didn"t get the help you needed before, but now that you have more energy to fight, you can make sure the coven gives that help to the people who need it now. If there's anything else I can do to help you talk this out, you let me know, okay?"

"I will," I promised.

I left the sunroom and passed by the kitchen. Talia and Verla were doing dishes, while Mandy and Onyx were packaging up the leftover food. The guys were down in the basement putting some of the gifts in storage since we wouldn't need them for several months.

I returned to my bedroom and slipped out of my clothes to put on my nightgown. It was nearly nine o'clock, and I was exhausted. I just wanted to lay in bed until Lucas finished cleaning up and could come cuddle me. Isa and Oliver were sleeping on the bed and woke up when I entered the room.

I slipped the white nightgown over my head, and my breath caught in my throat. I covered my mouth to cough, and the taste of copper swept over my tongue.

Horror filled me, and I looked down at my hands to see they were covered in a sticky red liquid. I glanced in the mirror, as if needing the confirmation that I wasn't imagining things. My nightgown was speckled with red dots. The room seemed to sway around me, and my whole body trembled as I took a step back.

Isa shot to her feet and meowed loudly.

"LUCAS—" I started to shout, but the bile in my throat cut me off. I doubled over, clutching my stomach. Nausea hit me out of nowhere, and I vomited across the carpet. Terror clenched in my belly when I saw the deep red color.

I'm vomiting blood.

I tried to call out for my husband again, but I never got his name out before another wave hit me. I fell to my knees and caught myself with my hands. Every inch of my body shook. All I could think to do was pray to the Goddess that the babies would be okay. Isa jumped down from the bed and nudged me, like she was trying to keep me upright. Oliver started meowing loudly and scratching at the door.

My heart hammered. I was panicking, and I didn't know what was happening. I had the horrible thought that someone must've cursed me.

I placed my hand over my belly, ready to draw the magic out of me, but nothing happened. I willed my magic to respond, but it was dead inside of me, immobile and silent.

The Waning.

I didn't have my powers, at the worst possible time. There was nothing I could do to stop this.

I couldn't really make sense of what to do, but I knew I had to go get help. I began crawling across the room, barely aware that I'd crawled straight through the puddle of blood. The sickness soaked into my nightgown. My limbs felt like jelly, but by some miracle, I reached the door. I touched the handle the same time my stomach clenched for a third time. Blood spewed from my lips, dripping all over my front.

I rolled away from the door, gasping for breath. It felt like the blood was seeping into my lungs. I couldn't open my mouth without vomiting, and I couldn't stand on two feet. I slumped against the wall, wheezing. The cats continued to yowl, but I didn't hear anyone coming for me. I couldn't make sense of what happened. Was this some sort of complication with the pregnancy? It certainly didn't seem normal. I had the thought that my body was rejecting my kidney and I was going to expel it by vomiting it up. It was the silliest thing in the world, but it was the first explanation I could think of.

Please save the babies,I thought.

Footsteps neared, and Lucas burst into the room. "Nadine!" he screamed.

Tears leaked from my eyes, and I could only manage a whisper. "I—I don't know what happened."

He knelt beside me and grabbed the side of my face. He quickly looked me over, like he was searching for a stab wound or something. I gagged again, and blood dribbled down the side of my face. I could barely keep my eyes on him.

"HELP!" Lucas shouted down the hall, before turning back to me. "We need to get you to the hospital right now."

A portal bloomed. He tried to pick me up, but the second he moved me, my stomach lurched. I couldn't stand the thought of going anywhere right now. It felt like my body might fall into pieces if I moved.

"I can't," I rasped, but it was more like just moving my lips than making any sound.

Several people raced down the hall and entered the room. I didn't know who it was, until I heard Onyx shouting at Lucas. "Go get Luana and bring her back. Now!"

I wanted Lucas to stay right here, but when I reached out for him, he was already gone. My hands met soft fingers, and I looked up to see Verla.

"Let's get you into bed," she said quickly.

Onyx and Verla carried me to the bed, and they laid me on my side with a trash can next to me. I coughed and wheezed, then doubled over and threw up again. Onyx tried to hide her concern, but I saw it clear as day.

I reached out and took her hand. "What's happening?" I whispered.

Verla was the one to answer. "We won't know until the doctor gets here."

Great, I was complaining to Chloe five minutes ago about not being sick enough to be disabled. Look at me now. Tears streamed down my cheeks, because all I could think was that this was going to hurt the babies.

I heard several other people in the doorway, but I was so focused on keeping myself from vomiting that I couldn't pay any attention to them. I closed my eyes as I repeated prayers over and over again in my mind. I didn't want to die, but if I had to, I just wanted the babies to be okay.

A warm hand touched my forehead, and tears fell from my eyes as I opened them. Luana stood above me, beside Lucas. I hadn't even heard her enter. Luana signed something to me. I'd been learning what I could of ASL so I could communicate with her better at my appointments, but I could only pick up fragments of conversation. One sign was very clear, though.

Help you.

Luana was going to save my life.