Chapter 5

" T he bond chafing a bit, mountain man?" Naril chirps happily from the other side of the training ring, a large grin on his face as he watches Tor pacing the edge of the pit. Tor doesn't reply, at least not verbally, instead picking up a rock from the ground and throwing it at the elf. Laughing, Naril easily dodges it, but I know if Tor actually wanted to hit the elf, he would have. I've seen him in training, and his aim is lethal.

"Naril, not helpful." Through gritted teeth, I try to break free of the hold I'm currently in. My arms are pinned to my sides as I struggle to stay upright, and I have to admit, it's not looking great.

After I left Tor's tent this morning with three fully formed bonds in my chest, it's been more difficult to manage them, especially considering my mates all have large personalities. Tor has been more protective and possessive, which I know is a side effect right after completing the bond, but I think he must be channelling my fae side through our connection.

Right now, although I'm safe, he's struggling to watch me train, acting more like Vaeril and Eldrin, who seem to be on their best behaviour today. I understand why I need to train and get stronger, but unfortunately, I seem to have become somewhat of a celebrity, and what seems like half of the tribespeople have turned up to view me train. I'm not sure what they're expecting to see me do, but right now, I'm probably not living up to their expectations. Vaeril and Tor, now I can understand why they are here. I can even understand why Naril is here, looking for any opportunity to watch me embarrass myself. I am surprised Eldrin is still here though. After I failed to break out of the first few holds, I thought he would have stormed off. Although after our talk last night, perhaps my words meant something to him after all.

"Concentrate," Arne, my new chief, calls from the side of the ring, snapping my focus back to the task at hand.

Closing my eyes, I try to focus on my strength, planning my movements as I remember Eldrin's lessons. He taught me ways to defend myself, even with my human strength, but with my opponent, it's like trying to move a brick wall. Focus, Clarissa , I chide myself, visualising the movement in my thoughts, and a second before I go to move, something shifts in my head. It's almost like I've been pushing against a bubble in my mind, and all of a sudden, I slip through it. Opening my eyes, and with a speed I didn't know I possessed, I drop to the ground, using my weight to drag my attacker with me, before swinging my right leg out in the process so he topples to the ground. Utilising his momentum, I spin so I'm on top of him, pinning him to the ground and baring my teeth as I snarl in his face.

Silence greets me, the whole action taking less than a second as my opponent blinks up at me in shock before a grin spreads across his face. Suddenly remembering where we are and that I'm not in danger, my cheeks flush and I climb off my sparring partner, smiling back at him as I offer a hand to help him to his feet.

"Clarissa," Tor calls, immediately appearing at my side, glaring at my partner, his eyes darkening as he takes a threatening step towards him.

"Hey, Tor," I call, slapping a hand on his chest to get his attention. "Enough." I don't have enough energy to deal with another alpha today.

He instantly looks down at me, his expression heating as his eyes roam over my face. "You did well." His pride is obvious in his tone, and even though I failed the previous attempts, he seems oblivious, focusing only on the positive.

The bond warms in my chest, and a smile spreads across my face. I feel high off his praise. He pulls me into his embrace, and I revel in his touch. The need to touch, to be close, is strong, and I know it will wear off, but for now, I give into the urge. That feeling grows, and I know my other mate is getting closer without having to look. It's intense and almost too much, their bonds wrestling for space inside me. Closing my eyes, I cling to Tor's chest as I steady my breathing and try to focus, the overwhelming impression of them filling my mind.

Feeling my panic, Vaeril pauses, and after a few seconds, I feel him pulling back from me. Not physically, but it's like his presence in my mind withdraws a little. He's still there, I can still feel him, still sense his emotions and general whereabouts, but I feel like I can breathe again. Slowly, I sense him start to move towards me, and soon enough, his body heat radiates against my back. Fighting the urge to push into him and purr like a cat, I settle for leaning my head back against his chest and looking up at him.

"Mate." The amusement in his voice tells me that he picked up on my inner thoughts, and there is a fondness in his gaze as he places his hands on my shoulders. "Well done." Pressed between two of my mates, I'm reminded of last night when my fae instincts were riding me, and all of those images push into my head. My cheeks flush. Thankfully, that instinct disappeared after I completed my bond with Tor. I'm still attracted to them and have…urges, but they are my usual ones rather than a supernatural need to form the connection. Sensing the direction my thoughts are going down, Vaeril stiffens slightly behind me, and I open my mouth to say something. However, detecting the same thing, Tor has other ideas and chuckles low in his throat, moving closer and pushing me up against Vaeril's firm body. With a gasp, my hands come up and brace against Tor's chest, my body alight with sensation as I'm held between my two mates. Above me, the two of them seem to be locked in a staring match. Tor's gaze is challenging, and I know what he's trying to do. He's been open to the fact he's willing to ‘share' me if it meant he could be a part of my life, but could he be talking about… My mind immediately starts playing images of the three of us together again, in a position much like this. Tor kissing my breasts and Vaeril pressed against my back, his hand snaking around my hip and between my legs, seeking out my aching—wait. These aren't my thoughts.

Glaring at a grinning Tor, I pull away from both of them, suddenly aware of our audience. I push back the stray strands of hair that have fallen into my face. He needs to learn to control his side of the bond, quickly , I grouch internally, although I have to admit, the fact he was able to send me an image I believed was my own shows that he has good control already. Perhaps he just doesn't want to control it , I muse, trying to put a bit of space between us. With the bond still so new and raw, he makes me flustered.

When I walk to the edge of the ring, Naril smirks at me, and I expect him to say something, but he doesn't. Instead, his brother strolls over to me. Stopping just in front of me, he crosses his arms and stares down at me. The brothers may be twins, but years of training and fighting have given Eldrin a soldier's body, and his wild, mane-like golden hair and matching catlike eyes give him a feral appearance, whereas Naril is always groomed and impeccable, ever the court lord. The brutal scars on his neck and across his face do nothing to take away from the vicious vibe that Eldrin gives off.

"You remembered some of your training," he states, and I have to fight a smile as I look up at him, his expression stoic as he continues to stare down at me. This is the closest I will ever come to praise from Eldrin, and I wouldn't expect any different. Nodding my head, I cross my arms over my chest in a mirror of his posture as Chief Arne walks over to join us. Eldrin shifts his weight and dips his head slightly in respect to the chief before turning his attention back to me, a frown tugging at his brow. "You were able to access your fae abilities. How?"

Ah, that's what's bugging him. Back in Galandell, we had been working on trying to unlock my fae skills, but without much success. Everyone's attention falls on me, suddenly interested in the answer. I feel a little uncomfortable discussing this with so many unknown people around, my gaze darting over all the unfamiliar faces.

"Leave us," Chief Arne calls, his voice loud and leaving no room for argument. There are several grumbles, but the tribespeople start to clear out and return to their jobs. The training ring is a flat area that's been carved out of the mountain not too far from the meeting place. There are several tents set up nearby, and the main path passes it, so there is the occasional onlooker, but soon enough, it's quiet and I'm left with only my friends and Chief Arne. Tor and Vaeril use the opportunity to come closer, but they make sure to give me some space while I'm still trying to settle from earlier, although their eyes never leave me for long.

Now that the area is clear and quiet, I smile gratefully at the chief before taking a deep breath as I try to put what happened into words. "I'm not sure, something seemed to…shift when I concentrated on it." I'm not certain anything I'm saying makes any sense, but Tor's wearing an odd expression.

"Shift?" His eyes move from me to Chief Arne. "Could that have to do with the magic that's containing her memories? Could the magic be enclosing other abilities also?"

This isn't the first time there's been mention of a block on my memories. I hadn't realised the chief was aware of it too, but from his thoughtful expression, this obviously isn't news to him. I'm not quite sure how I feel about the fact that other people know more about my past than I do, that they know about this…block of mine, yet I still know so little about it. It makes me feel like…like it's a failing of mine. How is it possible not to remember my past? Before, when I was a slave, I just lived in a state of numbness. I did what I needed to survive. But now that my life has changed so drastically and I actually have the possibility of a future, I want to know more about my past. I expected my memories to come back with time, or as I learned more, but there is just this…blank nothingness every time I try to look back. Even when I met my mother, the queen, there was a sense of familiarity, but that was it, and now she's dead and I have to live with the regret that I didn't get to say anything to her before she died. That I couldn't save her.

Humming in thought, the chief nods his head slowly as he looks over at me. "It could be." Everyone's eyes follow his and land on me.

Feeling uncomfortable under their stares, I run my hands up and down my arms, feigning being cold in my sparring clothes, when really, I just need something to do with my nervous energy. It seems to work, because Tor removes his cloak and drapes it over my shoulders, my mantle still left in a pile on the floor of his tent. A slight tug in my chest has me looking up, and my gaze instantly slides over to Vaeril, who's wearing the smallest of smiles. Busted. Since he's been my mate the longest, he's able to sort through my more subtle feelings, and he's just seen right through my attempt at hiding my discomfort.

Pulling my eyes from the elf, I smile at Tor, draw the cloak tighter around myself, and look at the chief. "What do you know about the block?"

"Not much, I'm afraid." He looks genuinely apologetic as he speaks, but my heart still drops in disappointment.

"One of my gifts is supposed to be spell breaking," I comment in frustration, looking around the group for answers. "If it is magic that's holding my memories, then why haven't I been able to break the spell?" They're all quiet for a moment, but I don't ask them what I'm really thinking, the questions that are burning a hole inside me. What if I'm just broken? What if my memories are never coming back? Both Tor and Vaeril are staring at me, their gazes intense, so I know they must have heard me through our bond.

"Your gift is goddess given," Tor begins, stepping closer, grazing my cheek gently with his fingers. "We don't know when she blessed you with it. Your memories might have already been taken before you were gifted." His reasoning makes sense, and I realise I've instinctively been leaning into his touch for comfort. Aware of everyone watching us, especially a scowling Eldrin, I take a small step away, trying to ignore the pang in my chest at Tor's disappointed expression.

"There were signs you were special as a child," Chief Arne shares, frowning as he thinks back, and I remember he must have known me as a youth. That strange discomfort passes over me again, like I should know more than I do, but I push it aside. "Unfortunately, we had no way to test anything like that. We only go off of what the gods and goddesses show us. Speak with Vida, she can explain our religion better, and she may have more answers."

Nodding, I make a note to speak with the tribeswoman, but I just can't shake something Tor said from my mind. Replaying the words again, I frown and turn back to him. "Tor, you said my memories might have been taken." His expression is a neutral mask, but we're bonded now, and he can't hide from me anymore. "Do you think they might have wiped my memories completely?" I try to keep my voice steady, but the prospect of never regaining them hits me hard. "Is that why I can't break the spell? Because there isn't a spell left to break?"

Taking me by the shoulders, Tor scans my face, his mien serious. "It's a possibility." I'm grateful he doesn't try to sugarcoat it or talk circles around the question, but the answer still hits me in the stomach like a physical blow. Blinking to clear my eyes of unshed tears, I nod. "But if this block is related to your abilities and your memories, you just managed to access your speed when you were fighting. Don't give up yet, Clarissa."

I know he's right, I shouldn't write it off yet, but I can't shake the feeling that my memories are going to be much harder to access than my fae abilities. Straightening my shoulders, I smile and shrug. "I've lived this long without memories. I can survive without them." I try to brush it off, and I'm not sure who I'm trying to convince, my friends or myself, but seeing their expressions, I'm not sure I've managed it. Even Naril is looking at me with sympathy, which I hate. Having all of them staring at me like that just makes me angry.

"I think the barrier she describes is one she's constructed herself, not magic holding her memories," Eldrin calls out, breaking the silence. When everyone turns to gape at the scarred elf, I feel like I can finally breathe. I sense his eyes on me, and I know he's pulled the attention onto himself on purpose. We may not share a bond, but he felt me drowning and threw me a lifeline.

The others are talking, their voices low. I need to focus on what they're saying, so I take slow, calming breaths and turn my attention back to Eldrin.

"I saw her do this a couple of times before when we were training," he replies, answering a question the chief just asked, his arms crossed over his chest as he speaks. "Think about it, she was a slave. Even without any magical abilities, her fae speed and strength would have given her away and made her stand out. That's the last thing she would have wanted, it would have gotten her killed." He's trying not to look in my direction, but as I take a few steps closer, his eyes seem to be reluctantly drawn to me. "I think she constructed some sort of barrier, pushing everything different about herself behind it, and when she was in trouble or scared, it would slip, allowing her to use her speed or strength to save herself."

What he says makes sense. Memories from when I was a slave at the farms fill my mind. I was almost crushed by a cascade of falling barrels in one of the barns. We had been stacking the barrels of grain that were ready to be transported to Arhaven when the barrels at the top had suddenly fallen, crushing us. Somehow, I managed to protect myself, the others hadn't been so lucky. Six slaves died that day, I was the only one of the group to survive. That hasn't been the only occasion I've managed to survive something I shouldn't have.

If Eldrin is right and this barrier is something of my own making, then my memories really could be lost. If it's magic that took your memories, you need to speak to Grayson , I tell myself, my chest throbbing where his bond sits. It's getting harder to be away from him for so long, but as if he knows I'm thinking of him, a wave of love washes over me, calming me.

"But what do I know?" Eldrin's scoffs, and when I look up, I see he's staring directly at me. There's a challenge in his gaze which just confuses me. What does he want from me?

"You could be right." Vaeril steps in, feeling my frustration and confusion. Looking between the two of us, he frowns before turning to the chief. "Both suggestions should be considered."

Chief Arne nods in agreement and walks to my side, looking at Tor with a raised eyebrow until the tribesman moves back to allow the chief closer. Clapping me on the shoulder, he smiles down at me. "Clarissa, good start today." His expression becomes more serious, and I know what he's going to say. I start nodding in agreement before he's even speaking. "However, you need a lot more training—"

"I'll help," Tor offers instantly, and I hear Naril's snort of amusement.

"I don't think he means that sort of training," Naril remarks, chortling. Scowling, I look over just in time to catch Vaeril smacking him on the back of the head. Now it's my turn to smirk.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea." Shaking his head, Chief Arne frowns at Tor. "No, you're too close to this. If it makes you feel better, I will oversee Clarissa's training while we are still here. I will find her the best instructor from our tribe."

While we are still here.

It's not really been discussed, but there's a huge question mark about what will happen after the war. Although I'm now a member of the tribes, Chief Arne doesn't expect me to travel back with them afterward. It was one of the reasons his tribe was chosen for me to join—it gives me the freedom to do what I need to. I want to accept my tribal heritage, but I refuse to forget my fae side. I already miss the elves and the forest. Anxiety makes my chest tight as I think of the unknown. There is so much about all this we don't know. But the chief is right—I do need to train and get as strong as I can if I'm going to survive this.

"Thank you," I say gratefully. I may be new here, but even I know that having the chief of the tribe directly involved in my training is an honour. Arne looks startled by my gratitude for a moment, as if not expecting it, but his expression soon softens.

"Return here tomorrow, and we will begin your training. Now that I know your capabilities, I can find you a trainer," he instructs before nodding once towards Tor and turning to leave.

"Eldrin should be involved in Clarissa's training too. He can help with accessing her fae abilities," Naril suggests, and the chief pauses to look at him with a raised eyebrow. The elf holds his ground and gestures towards his scowling brother. "He worked with her in Galandell, he already knows how she responds to different training methods."

"Naril," Eldrin bites out, clearly unhappy with the way the conversation has turned, but the chief has clearly heard enough.

"Then it's agreed, you will work alongside us to assist Clarissa in her…elf training." The chief stumbles over the phrasing, but from the slight smile on his lips, I get the impression he's enjoying the fact it's pissing Eldrin off. When there's no further complaints, he nods and turns, making his way to the main path, and I know he'll be heading to the meeting place where he'll report back to my aunt on my progress.

"So," I start awkwardly, facing the glaring golden-eyed elf. "You're going to be my teacher again." I probably could have tried to sound more enthusiastic, but his expression looks just as pained. Tor snorts at my side, amused, and even the corner of Vaeril's lips is twitching as he watches us.

"Apparently so," he mutters dryly, his eyes narrowing on me. "We've got a lot of work to do." His gaze travels along my body, making me bristle, but I don't say anything, knowing that's exactly what he's looking for. Tor grumbles low in his throat, my usually laid-back mate still struggling against the grip of the bond. Eldrin smirks at him before his eyes flick back to mine, but there's no real humour in them. "We may as well start now."

"Eldrin—"Vaeril calls out, but Eldrin cuts him off as he stalks closer to me, stopping only when he's an arm's length away.

"Do you trust me or not?" There's a challenge in his voice, and I know it has to do with what I said last night, that there would always be a place for him at my side. For that to be true, I have to trust him. The bastard is twisting my words around, and he knows it. Everyone is silent as we stare at each other, the atmosphere growing tense as they wait for my answer. Raising an eyebrow, Eldrin gestures towards me with a ‘well?' movement that has me gritting my teeth.

"I trust you," I finally answer, and everyone seems to breathe again as the strain lessens. For a second, I think I see a flash of vulnerability in Eldrin's eyes, and no one else would see it because they aren't paying attention, but in the next moment, it's gone and he's smirking at me again.

"Then let's go." Without any further explanation, he turns and stalks away, making his way down the mountain path.

Confused, I look at Vaeril and Tor for guidance and see they seem just as puzzled as me. Facing forward, I realise Eldrin isn't waiting for me and is almost out of sight. I shake off Tor's cloak with a curse and hand it back to him before hurrying after the elf. Naril's amused laughter follows me as I try not to trip over the rocky ground.

Of course Eldrin wants to start training now. He delights in torturing me. I grumble as I try to catch up to him. Rounding the corner, I see him just ahead, pulling his hair back into a low ponytail.

"Where are we going?" I ask when I reach his side, but his pointed look makes me roll my eyes. It's going to go like that then. "Right, trust you. Got it."

Which is how I find myself running at his side through the mountains. We don't talk, and I don't think I could, even if I wanted to, my breath coming in heavy pants. I'm not sure how long we run for, my attention first lost in my thoughts and then focused on my surroundings.

I always imagined the mountains to be cold and devoid of colour, but here, it's anything but. We are in another valley between two mountain ranges, and there's a stream running through it, and where there's water, there's life. I've seen deer, hare, and so many different birds and species I've never observed before.

Eldrin starts to slow his pace, and I gratefully do the same. I began slowing much farther back, and I know he matched his pace with mine, although he didn't say anything about it. I'd been expecting a comment about how unfit I was, or how lazy humans were, but had been pleasantly pleased at the lack of snarky remarks. Although my lungs burn and my legs are threatening to give out, I've actually enjoyed this, and I'm glad he made me leave the camp. The pressure I feel there to perform, to be what they expect, is making me feel…trapped.

Reaching a ridge, Eldrin comes to a stop and looks out over the valley, and as I join him, I notice his face looks peaceful for once.

"This is where I come when I need to get away." His voice is soft, and I almost wouldn't know it was him talking if I wasn't standing right next to him.

Thinking of all the times he's disappeared while we've been here with the tribes and looking at the view, letting the peace of the valley wash over me, I can't say I blame him. I could stay here all day. "Thank you for sharing it with me." I let my smile come through in my voice. Eldrin doesn't always go about things in the way you would expect. I thought he was punishing me, but by putting my trust in him, he's rewarded me with this.

I can feel his shock as he turns to stare at me, but I keep my gaze on the landscape, still admiring the beauty.

"Clarissa—"

I turn as he calls my name, just as the sun breaks through the clouds and lights up the valley, making it even more beautiful as the light glitters off the water. My eyes widen, my smile growing as I look around with a delighted laugh. When I turn my gaze to Eldrin, I see his eyes are still on me, his expression unlike anything I've ever seen on his face before. "Sorry, what were you going to say?" I ask, instinctively taking a step towards him, the warmth on his face making me want to be closer. I reach out to touch his arm.

Whatever spell he was under seems to wear off. Shaking his head, he takes a step back, looking at my hand as if it's toxic. "We should go back." His usual frown is back in place as he turns and walks from the ridge overlooking the valley.

"Oh," I mutter, following slowly after him, trying to convince myself that the disappointment I'm feeling is because we're leaving the valley and not because my time alone with Eldrin is coming to an end.