Chapter 19

S tanding in front of the mirror, I almost don't recognise myself. My flowing black hair gleams as the elf behind me weaves silver leaves into it. The elf, whose name I still haven't learned, is terrified of me. Every time I move, she flinches, and I feel terrible not being able to reassure her, as I'm pretty sure she doesn't understand Arhavien. I'm dressed in soft grey. The dresses here are much less fitted than what I'm used to, and there isn't a petticoat in sight. Instead, the fabric is draped across my frame. It's simple, with no embroidery, but it flatters my figure, and with the silver leaves in my hair, I look so unlike the person I was back in my home kingdom.

The suite the queen provided for me is huge and overlooks the river out the front of the palace. After Vaeril dropped me off at the door, I explored the huge rooms, expecting him to come back and tell me there had been a mistake.

Looking around these quarters now, uncertainty fills me. I feel so out of place here, and I don't think it's just because of the not so warm welcome from the queen. Galandell is beautiful, at least what I've seen of it so far, but there is something within me, some aching void that's missing an integral piece, and I don't think any city will fill that.

My mind return to my friends and the other two men who are never far from my thoughts. Jacob had been another regular in my reflections. I hadn't seen him in the days before my escape and I worry for him. He was trying to warn me about his father and then he disappeared. I may not like him in the way he liked me, but he was my friend and I'm scared something happened to him.

A knock at the door brings me out of my musings as the elf who had been working on my hair hurries to answer the it. Turning from the mirror, I make my way towards the entrance to see who's come to call on me.

A thrill courses through me when I hear his low voice—Vaeril. When I reach the door, I don't need to understand elvish to see that the pretty elf who's been helping me is blatantly flirting with him. Vaeril looks uncomfortable as he stands at the threshold with his hands behind his back, replying politely in elvish. As soon as he sees me, he seems to relax, and although he doesn't smile, his frown eases and something shines in his eyes that makes my stomach flip.

The female elf glances over her shoulder as Vaeril looks away from her, and she makes a little high-pitched noise of surprise before hastily backing away. Watching her with a sigh, I shake my head. Perhaps I can ask Vaeril to speak to her for me, to assure her that I won't harm her.

"Good morning, Clarissa." His voice rolls over me and pulls my attention back to him. After tea with the queen, Vaeril led me to my room and allowed me to rest alone. Although I craved some time alone, and the time in the cell didn't count, I'm pleased to see him again. He's wearing a similarly styled jacket to the one from yesterday, this one in a shade of dark green, but it has the same bronze buttons and detailing that resembles the queen. Jealousy tries to plant itself in my mind—he's wearing her colours—but I push the feeling away.

"Good morning, Vaeril," I reply, a small smile gracing my lips as he eyes me up and down, making no effort to hide his appraisal.

"Elvish clothing suits you."

A blush tinges my cheeks again, but I own it. I know I look good. I finally get to go out without having to magic my hair so I fit in with the rest of the kingdom. Here, I'm already so different, I might as well wear my true skin.

"Thank you, it's very different," I respond, brushing my hand down the flowing fabric. I grip my left wrist, and with it, my slave and Goddess marks. I don't know where my original clothes went, but I can't find my silver cuffs, and since this dress is sleeveless, there is nothing to hide them.

I was just thinking about how great it is to wear my own skin and not hide who I am. These marks show my past, they show I survived it. That's nothing to be ashamed of, I think, and I know I'm right. Taking a deep breath, I uncover my marks, letting my hands rest at my sides. Vaeril watches me the whole time, and he nods his head slightly in approval, the corner of his lips pulling up into a half smile.

"I still find it odd to see you dressed up in clothing like this." Changing the topic quickly, I gesture to his smart jacket and leggings.

"Ah, this is just court clothing. I'm far more comfortable in my work clothes," he says with a shrug, pulling at the jacket. At the mention of work clothes, my mind flashes back to him working bare chested in only dark leggings as he laboured at the forge, the light from the fire glistening off his muscular body. "Will you join me for breakfast? I have some people I'd like you to meet."

"Oh," I murmur stupidly, trying to pull my thoughts from the images in my brain of his half naked body.

"You've met one of them already," he assures me, misunderstanding my monosyllabic response for anxiety. "You'll be safe, I promise." Taking a step closer, he places a hand on my shoulder.

I shake my head, knowing full well he wouldn't introduce me to anyone who would wish me harm. "I'm not worried about that," I tell him.

"Then what?" Confusion crosses his features as he leans against the doorframe.

"These are your closest friends, I want to make a good impression," I reason, hoping he'll understand what I'm trying to say. It's important to me that his friends don't just think I'm a worthless human like the queen believes. "I'm pretty sure Eldrin hates me, we did meet while I was locked up in the dungeons, after all." A humourless laugh escapes me, I'm not sure why I'm so frustrated about that.

Vaeril just shrugs, his half smile back in place. "Eldrin hates everyone."

"Well, that's reassuring." Letting out a tense breath, I look up at him and groan internally. There's no way he's going to let me out of this.

As if my discomfort is amusing, his smile spreads, and I find myself staring at him again. I once wished he would smile like that more often, but now I'm glad he doesn't, I'd never get anything done.

Holding out his arm for me, I reluctantly link mine with his. "Come."

We exit my suite, and he pulls the door closed behind us before we slowly stroll through the bright, airy hallway. We pass a couple of doors on the way, along with a wall of windows that overlooks a beautiful courtyard, and I make a mental note to go exploring soon. After a couple of minutes of walking in comfortable silence, we reach another door which Vaeril pushes open and leads me through.

If I thought my rooms were grand, they are nothing compared to these. They are huge, with large, arched windows overlooking the cliffs, and mosaics on all the walls. Leading me through into the main reception chamber, I see two familiar faces, although I've only actually met one of them.

"I thought you said she was human," the elf on the left comments, his voice light as he appraises me with his eyes, a seductive smile spreading across his face.

This must be Elnaril then , I think, a small grin appearing on my lips as I glance over at Eldrin. They really are twins. If it wasn't for Eldrin's scar, I don't think I could tell them apart.

"She is," Vaeril says with a frown, unbuttoning his jacket as he walks farther into the room.

"Look at her, she looks practically fae in our clothing," Elnaril purrs, as he stalks towards me, but I don't miss the look he shares with Vaeril. There's more to what he just said than him flirting with me—they know something. Am I finally going to get some answers?

"Clarissa, meet Elnaril and Eldrin. I believe you've already met Eldrin," Vaeril remarks dryly, as he gestures to the elves. "As you can see, they're twins, and in our culture, that makes them sacred, but really they are just giant pains in my ass."

A surprised laugh escapes me, and their eyes immediately flick to me, as if I'm some new, interesting creature they've just discovered. Thankfully, Elnaril turns back to Vaeril, placing his hand on his chest as if he's been hurt, his face pulling into mock despair.

"Brother, you wound me so," he declares, draping himself across one of the plush armchairs. My eyebrows rise as I watch him. He's completely different from Vaeril and Eldrin—who is just standing and watching us with a scowl.

"Brother? You're related?" I ask, looking between them. They both share the slightly feline looks and pointed ears all the elves have, but other than that, they bear no family resemblance.

Quick as a flash, Elnaril is up from the chair and in front of me, his movements so fast I almost didn't see him move at all. "No, but we are as close as brothers," he says, as he looks me up and down. This close, I can see flecks of gold in his eyes as he examines me. "Which is why we wanted to meet you." He starts to circle me, and I feel like a mouse being stalked by a lion. "To thank you for bringing him back to us." He stops behind me and leans forward, whispering the last words into my ear. I want to flinch away, or even push him away from me, but before I have the chance to come up with a response, a voice speaks up.

"Naril, behave," his brother growls, and as I glance over, I see him scowling. "Leave the human be."

Elnaril, or Naril, as his brother calls him, pouts and flashes me a grin, exposing his teeth before walking back over to his brother, and I get the feeling he's trying to scare me away. Eldrin is still staring at me, his scar making his dour expression look all the more fearsome, but he doesn't scare me.

"They are mostly harmless, but if they annoy you, feel free to push them out the window," Vaeril comments, as he walks back over to me, taking my hand and leading me farther into the room and over to a large table that is brimming with food. "They would probably survive it." He grins at the smirking twins who follow us, sit at the table, and help themselves to the food, piling up their plates.

"Help yourself," he offers, as he takes a seat, serving himself a large helping of fresh fruit.

Looking between the three of them, I can't help but think how surreal this all is. Elves, I'm having breakfast with elves . Shaking my head, I sit and take a little of each item from the plates.

"He's just jealous that he has to share you with us," Naril states with a grin, and I freeze, almost choking on the apple I just started to eat at the ‘share' part of his comment. My mind instantly thinks of Grayson and Tor, but I push that thought away and turn to Vaeril with an arched eyebrow.

"Share me?" I ask, trying to keep my voice neutral, but I can tell from the gleam in his eyes that I don't quite pull it off.

"We need more elves on our side. I might not always be able to be with you all the time," he explains, and I know what he's implying. The queen will probably try to call him away on private matters, but one part of his answer makes me raise my brow.

"Our side?"

When he brought me here, I thought I would be safe, living under a fair and just ruler, so why are we suddenly talking about sides? Is there some threat here that I don't know about?

You are the threat . The thought hits me with sudden clarity.

"The queen is telling everyone you're a demon," Naril informs me cheerily, as he continues to shovel an omelette into his mouth. His gaze is alight with mischief as he watches my eyes widen.

"What?" My voice is shrill, and I turn to glare at Vaeril. "What did you tell her about me?"

Vaeril glares at Naril who just laughs, leaning forward eagerly like he's about to watch his favourite theatre show.

Turning back to me, Vaeril tries to reassure me. "I will resolve this, but I need you to trust me. We need allies."

I have an uneasy feeling about all of this, it sounds too much like we are picking a fight with the queen. Allies, taking sides, this is going to turn out badly. I know Vaeril fought in the war before he was captured, so he thinks like a soldier, I just hope things don't escalate.

"I don't want you getting into a civil war because of me," I tell him firmly. "I just want peace."

It might sound selfish when there's a war going on, but I want somewhere peaceful to live out the rest of my days. I already escaped my own personal hell, I helped those children escape, and now, I just want to rest. As soon as I have the thought, I feel uneasy again, knowing I could never just sit back if someone needs my help. The Mother told me I have a greater purpose, I just wish I knew what that was.

"It won't come to that," Naril answers, leaning back in his chair now. His voice is serious and he's lost the mischievous gleam from his eyes.

"It won't," Vaeril agrees. "But I also won't risk your safety." He's firm now, his eyes are narrowed, and I can feel his determination through our link.

"There's got to be something I can do to help."

"Just keep being you. You've already changed many perceptions and you've only been here a couple of days," Vaeril says with a small half smile, shaking his head as if he can't quite believe it. I'm about to open my mouth to comment that there has to be something more, but I'm beaten to it.

"That guard from the prison seemed pretty infatuated with you," Eldrin drawls. The room goes silent as the other two elves look at him in surprise.

"Infatuated," I scoff, as I reach for another slice of apple. "You make it sound like he's in love with me."

Naril and Vaeril watch our interaction with an odd expression on their faces, their gazes going from me to Eldrin and back again.

"No, you're just the shiny new toy everyone wants to play with," he retorts with venom in his tone as he glares at me, his hands gripping the edge of the table tightly as if he's trying to restrain himself.

Whoa, what have I done to deserve his anger?

"Eldrin!" his brother snaps, his voice uncharacteristically stern as he narrows his eyes at the elf.

"Are we going?" Eldrin cuts off whatever his brother was about to say, pushing up from the table.

"Going?" I ask, confused. Looking at Vaeril, I see him glaring at Eldrin, and I know there's something else going on here, but once again, it's something I'm not privy to. I push away my frustration and anger at Eldrin's behaviour. He was so different in the prison, and now he's flipping from silent and observant, to snapping at me for something that's out of my control.

"Yes, just give Clarissa time to finish her food," Vaeril says, frowning at his surly friend before turning to me. "I was going to take you to the library, there is someone else I want you to meet," he explains, his voice softer now, but I can still feel frustration in the link between us.

Oh good, another friend to meet. I groan internally at the thought of meeting someone else. I just hope it goes better than this get-together.

"It's okay, I've finished," I reply, pushing my plate away. I've not eaten much, but I've lost my appetite. Besides, as much as I would rather just avoid everyone, I am looking forward to seeing the library.

The library is just as gorgeous as Vaeril said it was, if not more so. It's like something out of one of my dreams. Walls upon walls of books greet me as we enter, my jaw dropping open as I gaze around the grand room, taking in the huge, arched windows that make the space feel warm and light. I thought it would feel stuffy, but I was wrong, it feels calm here, and something inside me settles, like it's home.

"Wait here with the twins, I'm going to find the master," Vaeril calls out to me, but I'm too busy staring up at the huge bookshelves, my fingers running over the spines of the nearest books.

"Yeah, okay," I reply distractedly, lifting my free hand and waving it over my shoulder. I hear a couple of low chuckles, but I don't look away from the books. I follow the bookcase around and gape at the massive, spiral staircase that leads up to the second floor. Turning back to the books, I see a shelf full of large tomes and immediately reach out, enjoying the feeling of the embossed writing on the spines.

"Are you particularly interested in the breeding habits of humans and other creatures?" a teasing voice asks, and I think it's Naril, but as I turn, I see it's actually Eldrin.

"You're not mad at me anymore?" I inquire with a raised eyebrow. "What are you talking about anyway?"

He snorts, leaning against the bookshelf, nodding his head towards the hardcover. "That's what the book you're fondling is called."

Pulling my hand away quickly, I turn and scowl at him as he laughs, frustration surging in me again. "Why does what I read matter to you?" I demand, waiting a couple of seconds for his answer, and when he doesn't, I just snort and walk away to another shelf, picking a book at random. Flipping it open, I look down and pretend to read, hoping he'll give me some peace until Vaeril returns.

"You can't read, can you?" His voice comes again, and instead of feeling embarrassed, I'm just mad. Slamming the book shut, I spin around and glare at him.

"And why would you say that?" Placing the book under my arm, I prop my other hand on my hip like I've seen the maids at the castle do when they were mad at someone.

"Uh-oh, you're in trouble," Naril singsongs, but I ignore him, waiting for Eldrin's response. He has the good sense to look a little perturbed at my sudden change in attitude. Taking a small step away, he glances over at his brother for backup. "I'm not getting involved in that," Naril scoffs, holding his hands up as if to ward me off.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of, we know about your past," Eldrin soothes, his eyes flicking to my exposed slave marks, and I want to murder Vaeril all of a sudden.

"Vaeril needs to learn to keep his mouth shut," I snarl, placing the book down on the nearest surface. "If I want you to know my story, I will tell you. Until then, it's none of your business." Pushing past Eldrin, I make my way down the small ramp to the main section of books, looking for my loose-lipped friend.

"She's got more backbone than I thought. She will do well here," I hear Naril comment. I don't know if Eldrin replies or not, and I don't particularly care right now.

I have no idea where I'm going, and I can see it would be easy to get lost in here. Releasing an annoyed sigh, I reach for our link and close my eyes. Gently tugging on that glowing string between us, I follow the feeling of Vaeril, my eyes closed as I walk. After a few moments, I'm aware I'm being shadowed, but I don't bother to open my eyes. Somehow, I manage not to walk into anything. I don't know how, it's not like I know what's there, I can only sense Vaeril, after all.

"Is she walking with her eyes shut?"

"It's like she knows where Vaeril is, like they—"

"No, that's not possible. She's human."

I tune out the twins as they bicker back and forth, focusing only on the link, and soon enough, I hear the murmuring of a voice I recognise. Opening my eyes, I see that I'm in what looks like a study area with lots of wooden desks filling the sunlit space. There's a door at the back of the room that is ajar, showing a small office full of books and piled high, loose papers.

"It must be, there is no other explanation!"

My attention is pulled back to the two people who are staring down at a large book, their backs to me as they talk. Vaeril stands on the left and looks up at an older elf, gesturing at whatever is written on the page.

"I think you could be right, but I would need to meet with her to be sure," the older elf speaks, his voice gentle and calming.

"She's on her way, I can feel her," Vaeril responds, and the other elf looks at him with an appraising expression.

"Vaeril?" I call, suddenly unsure. I hadn't meant to listen to their conversation, I should have just waited with the twins like he'd told me to.

They both turn to look at me. Vaeril has that half smile on his face before he glances at the elf by his side.

"See?"

I examine the elf as much as he's examining me, and I realise he's the only elf I've ever seen who displays any sign of old age. If Vaeril is over three hundred and looks like he's in his twenties, how old is this one? His hair is silver like many of the other elves I've seen here, but his face is lined and wrinkled. He's wearing a loose set of robes in a similar colour to mine. He looks surprised, turning from me to Vaeril and back again. His astonishment turns into a delighted smile and he hurries forward to meet me.

My first instinct is to jump back, since fast movements still trigger memories of being beaten back at the castle, but I take a deep breath and stay still, glancing over at Vaeril for reassurance.

Nodding his head, he smiles softly and gestures to the older elf who is practically bouncing on his feet in front of me. "Clarissa, meet Ardeth, he was my master back when I was a foolish youngling. He is the master librarian here."

"Clarissa, I'm delighted to meet you," he tells me, his expression genuine.

I like him, I decide, smiling up at him as I feel some of my frustration fade at his excitement. "Is he this thrilled to meet all your friends or am I just special?" I ask no one in particular.

"Yeah, Master Ardeth, I don't remember you being this pleased when we first came to visit you," Naril chimes in, mocking hurt as they appear behind me. Ardeth instantly scowls and glares at Vaeril.

"Why did you bring those two? They always mess with my cataloguing system." Glaring at the twins, he points a finger at them accusingly. "It took me four days to sort everything after the last time you were here!"

Naril starts laughing and even Eldrin cracks a smile.

"Just stay away from my books!" he demands, glaring at them for a moment more before turning to me, smiling once again. "Yes, Clarissa, you are special. I don't think you quite understand how much."

Confusion clouds my mind, and that uncertain feeling fills me again. Whatever is about to happen is going to change everything, and I'm just not sure if it will be good or bad. I take a small step back, sucking in a big breath, needing some space. Once I feel ready, I look over at Vaeril who's watching me with that unreadable expression again.

"What is he talking about?" My voice is quiet, unsure.

"Clarissa, you know that feeling you have, like you are being pulled towards me? The…‘link' I think you call it?" Vaeril inquires, stepping towards me, feeling my mood through that very link.

Nodding, I glance to the side at the gasp one of the twins makes. I want to ask why they look so shocked and why the tension in the room has suddenly doubled. Vaeril is in front of me now, staring down at me, his expression intense. Nausea rolls through me. I want to know more about myself, but now I'm not sure I'm ready.

"I feel it too. Do you remember when we were in the cave and I died?"

Ardeth looks sorrowful at this retelling, and the twins' faces are dark as they shift their weight from foot to foot as if they could stop what happened. With a pang in my chest, I nod, vividly remembering how it felt.

"Yes, but you didn't die, I felt your heartbeat." My voice breaks, we both know how close I was to losing him forever, that I was almost too late to save him.

"I did die," he states firmly, and I avoid his eyes, "but you grabbed our ‘link' and yanked me back. I would have died if you hadn't done that."

I can feel all their eyes on me, their feelings and expectations. It's too much.

"Okay?" Flustered, I shrug, confused by where this conversation is going.

"Clarissa. Alina ," he calls, and I meet his gaze. I couldn't not even if I wanted to, but like a fish caught on a hook, I can't help but be pulled to him. "The only way you could have done that was if we were bonded." He pauses after that revelation, as if expecting it to have some great meaning, but I have no idea what he's trying to get at. He just said we share this bond, is being ‘bonded' something different?

Everyone stays quiet as they wait for my reaction. "What does that mean?" My frustration is evident as I practically growl out the question.

Ardeth clears his throat, pulling my gaze to him. He smiles at me sympathetically, sensing my confusion and rising anger. "In our culture, two souls can be bonded, linked together. It means you are fated, no matter where the other person is, you will always find them."

"They can't be bonded, she's a human," Eldrin bites out, taking an angry step forward.

Turning, I glare at him. "What is your problem?" I query, throwing my hands up in the air.

"Exactly!" Vaeril shouts at the same time.

Making a noise of irritation, all eyes fall on me again. "Will someone just tell me what you're talking about? Stop speaking in circles!" The demand is clear. I've heard that elves are tricky and like to talk in riddles, never giving you a full answer, but I won't have it, not from Vaeril.

Ardeth is the one who takes pity on me, reaching out and placing a hand on my shoulder as he explains, "Clarissa, there is no way a human could bond with an elf, meaning you're not human, or at least not fully."

"I'm part elf?" Gasping, I look around, but I'm not really seeing anything. My heart pounds in my ears, sounds muffled. Someone places a hand on my shoulder and leads me forward. Blinking a couple of times, I see they're taking me to one of the wooden chairs situated around the desk.

"It would explain how you survived twelve years of slavery, how you survived those beatings when no one else could. You are stronger than a normal human, not to mention your gifts." Vaeril kneels in front of me, his gaze running over my face, and I see a flash of concern in his eyes. Gifts . I know he's talking about my ability to sense magic and break spells. I had always felt different than everyone else, but as a slave, it was like I was sleepwalking, only semi-aware of everything going on. Then Grayson appeared and woke me up and the Mother blessed me, making me different again.

"I don't remember who my parents were, I was just an orphan." Looking up at Ardeth for answers, my voice is soft, inquisitive. "If I was part elf, I would look like you, right?"

"I think you look more like us than you realise. I also have a theory about where your elvish heritage comes from," Ardeth informs me, taking the chair closest to me and reaching for the large book that is still open on the desk. "Vaeril was the one who suggested it, and I put two and two together." He waves down at the large book. "Vaeril was…away when this happened, so he won't remember, but about fifty years ago, one of our scholars, a wood elf named Jaonos, left us. He was tired of the war and spoke of making peace with the humans." He sighs, shaking his head in regret. "Everyone said he was foolish, myself included, saying he would die at the hands of the humans." I can feel Ardeth's sorrow as he speaks, and I get the impression he was close with this Jaonos.

"A couple of years after he left, we received a message. He had fallen in love with a human woman and conceived a son. We never heard anything from him after that," the master finishes, waiting for my reaction with bated breath. The twins have obviously pieced together whatever I'm missing and are wearing shocked expressions.

"What does this have to do with me?" I ask, pleading with one of them to just tell me. Vaeril is the one who answers, kneeling in front of me.

"We think his son, a half blood, was your father," he explains slowly, a smile spreading across his face. "I think Jaonos was your grandfather."