Chapter 9

A fter we all leave the hall, we say our farewells to a rather subdued Aileen and her father before Wilson leads me back towards Grayson's quarters. We walk in silence, his arm tight around mine as he guides me. I know he's shocked, never thinking the king could go so far as to kill nobility for entertainment, but he doesn't know the royals like I do. I've seen the darker underbelly of this kingdom, and experienced its cruel sense of justice.

Reaching the suite, Wilson finally stops and looks at me, and it's only then, when I see the pain in his eyes, that I realise his stiff and abrupt behaviour is caused by fear.

"I'm so sorry," he whispers, guilt lining his face.

"What are you sorry for?" I ask, confused, not sure how to comfort him. I've seen people hugging those who were upset and found some comfort when other people have hugged me, but I'm not sure if it will be appreciated in this situation. "Please, don't be upset, what's wrong?"

He takes a step away from me, laughing humourlessly. "I can't protect you from this. It is way above my head." He turns, running his hands through his hair, his distress obvious. I frown and a jolt of anger shoots through me. Placing a hand on his shoulder, I spin him around and raise an eyebrow.

"I don't need a protector. I need a friend," I insist, needing him to know that I value his friendship far more than the safety he could provide. I'm not some helpless damsel in need of rescue, not anymore. He watches me, realising what he implied, and nods.

"That I can do."

Smiling at his response, I surprise him by pulling him into a hug. It doesn't last long, and I don't squeeze him hard, literally draping my arms around his shoulders, but he sinks into my embrace before pulling away. "Still, you're my friend, and I will do everything in my power to protect you from this," he promises, pressing a curt kiss to my cheek before giving me a cheeky wink.

"Good night, Wilson," I tell him with a roll of my eyes.

"Good night."

Turning from the mage, I let myself into the rooms. It's quiet without Grayson here, and Jayne will have finished her duties by now, so I don't expect to see her again tonight. I make my way through the dim suite to my room, my thoughts twisting as visions of the unblinking eyes of the poisoned ladies flit through my mind. I am so caught up in my thoughts, I don't notice Jayne, who is sitting on the end of my bed with a dark cloak in her hands.

"Mother above!" I cry when I see her, my heart pounding in my chest as she stands, startling me. Pressing my hand against my beating heart, I try to steady my breathing. My overactive imagination had me believing it was the king coming to force me to eat a poisoned chocolate, and I force a laugh when I realise who it is.

"Sorry! I didn't mean to scare you," she tells me, laying a hand on my shoulder as she waits for me to calm myself. "I heard rumours about what happened in the great hall tonight, and I had to know if they were true." Her voice has changed now, she sounds hesitant, like she doesn't want to ask. Or she's afraid of the answer.

"What did the rumours say?"

Walking farther into the room, I remove my blue cloak, and rest it on the back of the chair tucked into the dressing table. I face the mirror and begin removing the necklace and jewellery I'm wearing, watching her through the glass.

"That some of the ladies were killed tonight, forced to eat poisoned food." I nod my head once, not needing to elaborate. I don't want to give her nightmares like the ones I know will be plaguing me. "Mother above," she breathes, closing her eyes as she takes a moment to adjust to this news. When she opens her eyes, she hurries to my side and pulls me into a tight hug. This is how a hug should feel—comforting, safe.

"I heard another rumour. That a kind lady in a deep blue dress helped a servant when the glasses on his tray were smashed." She's still pressed against me, so her voice is muffled, but I know what she's getting at. Wincing, I loosen my arms and face her.

"Ah, you heard?"

If this rumour is going around the castle, it won't be long until everyone knows what I did, and when I'm trying to blend in, that is not good. Come on, Clarissa, start thinking before you act, otherwise it will be you eating the poisoned chocolate next, I chide myself, blowing out a frustrated breath.

"Don't panic, they don't know who you are, I worked out it was you from the description. Besides, I don't know of many ladies who would stop to help a servant." Her words do comfort me some, but if she worked it out, others could too. I'm one of the only ladies I've seen walking around in the magician's deep blue, so while Grayson did me a favour by claiming me, it's also made assimilating so much harder.

My whole body is aching from the long day of labour down in the underground forge, and then the evening event, but I feel far more emotionally exhausted. I hadn't realised that was a thing until Grayson gave me this new life and introduced me to so many new emotions and feelings. Walking over to the bed, I sit on the edge and remove my shoes, rubbing at my swollen ankles. Although the flat shoes are far more comfortable than those heels Jayne tried to get me to wear, they still rub at my feet since I'm so used to walking barefoot. Jayne is watching me, clutching a cloak in her hands, and I give her a questioning look.

"Why are you here anyway?" It might sound rude, but thankfully she doesn't take it that way, stepping forward with a determined look.

"I had to check you were okay, and I wanted to let you know a couple of the servants with young children are going to try and escape tonight, I told them what you told me." My eyes go round. I had forgotten that was tonight. Another thought hits me and I round on her. "Don't worry, I was careful!" she insists, as if reading my mind. I hadn't wanted to tell Jayne in case she got caught up in all this. I would never forgive myself if she was hurt because of me, but I also had to offer her a way out if she ever wanted or needed it. Besides, if I die, someone else will need to help people escape.

Another thought comes to me and I jump up from the bed, slipping the blasted shoes onto my feet and turning to address the maid.

"I need to go and ensure they get there safely."

"I thought you might say that," she says with a smile, handing me the cloak in her hands. It's dark, plain, and long enough to cover my dress. I dart forward, drawing her into a quick hug. Surprised, she laughs and squeezes me back as I pull away and put on the cape.

"Thank you." Beaming at her, I turn to the mirror and see the cloak has fully covered my dress, and when I pull up the hood, my face is fully hidden. As soon as I walked back into my room, the magic on my hair dissolved, leaving me with my natural inky locks that blend into the shadows the hood creates.

"Be careful," Jayne cautions, as she fusses with the cloak, brushing down the fabric and making sure it fully covers me. "I'll wait for you to return, otherwise I'll never be able to sleep tonight."

Nodding, I reach out and squeeze her arm once before hurrying out of the room. It's nearly time, and I need to make sure they get away safely.

Admit it, you want to see Tor again too. The thought comes out of nowhere, and I shake my head as I enter the dark, empty corridor. It's late, and now that the event in the great hall is over, most people have returned to their rooms here or their homes back in the city. I don't see anyone as I quickly make my way to the Queen's Courtyard, not even any of the servants.

Did they get caught on their way here? I panic, worried that the plan has fallen apart already. No, don't jump to conclusions. Trust in the Mother. Taking a deep breath, I enter the courtyard, immediately feeling calmer at the soft sounds of the water fountains. As inconspicuously as possible, I look around to make sure I've not been followed before making my way over to the far fountain.

Tor is here, I can feel it in that pull in my chest, and the closer I get, the harder the pull becomes. Suddenly, a hand appears out of nowhere, and I'm pulled into the shield and crashing into a hard chest. Gasping at the impact, I stare at the warm chest I'm pressed against before a very male laugh gets my attention. I look up and see an amused Tor, his eyes twinkling with mischief. Quickly pulling away, I turn, trying to hide my blush in the hood of my cloak.

"I didn't think I'd see you tonight." His timbre is low, and as his voice grows louder, I can tell he's getting closer, like he's unable to stay away. My heart does this strange flutter as he speaks, so I rub my chest, hoping it fades.

"I almost didn't come." Shrugging, I take another step away, needing some space from his intensity. He's silent, and after a minute or so, I peer over my shoulder and see he's still watching me. I turn back around, and he smiles and closes the gap between us, raising a hand and pushing back my hood. He threads his fingers into my black hair and frowns at the dark strands, and I can tell he wants to ask me something but he's hesitating.

"What's wrong?"

"I heard some of the servants talking about bodies in the great hall. What was that about?" He doesn't ask gently or mince his words, inquiring straight out. Sighing, I take a step back as the memories of this evening flash through my mind. I close my eyes and sigh as I try to sort my thoughts. There isn't a pretty way to say this, so I follow his lead and don't hide any of the truth or pain.

"The prince is looking for a wife. We were invited to mingle and prove ourselves. Those who didn't do a good enough job were... killed, poisoned. A lot of ladies died tonight."

"Fuck." He genuinely sounds upset at this turn of events. I glance up and search his expression, noticing his features are taut with anger. There's something about seeing him like this that awakens something within me, that sense of familiarity rising again. His eyes scan my face, assessing, and I can tell from the tension in his body that he wants to reach out, to touch me.

Admit it, you want him to touch you too. Pushing the thought away, I notice my eyes are locked on his lips, so I take a deep breath and avert my gaze. I pull my cloak closer around me, hoping it will cover my shiver—not from the cold, but the fact he is standing so close to me.

"Are you okay?" His voice is gruff, and I get the feeling he's not asking me about my flushing cheeks, but about this evening's massacre.

"I've seen much death." Truth. I learned from an early age to expect to die at any moment, for any reason. Many slaves were killed for the smallest of errors, or even just because their master was in a bad mood. There didn't have to be a reason behind it. I sound blasé, but if I was to tell him how I really felt, I fear I wouldn't be able to contain my feelings.

Tor makes a noise and crosses his arms over his chest, his intense gaze locked on my face as if it holds the answers to all his questions. "So have I, but that doesn't make it any easier."

He's right. My life is so different now than how it used to be. Before, I was numb to death, but now, now I've been given a chance, a hope, and seeing those ladies die, their lives cut short, seems so much crueller now than it did previously. My heart begins to thaw and it's a painful process, and part of me wishes I could go back to being unfeeling.

"They gave us all a box, and inside there was a chocolate for each lady. Some of them contained poison, there was no way to tell which were safe to eat. Those who refused were forced." He's silent as I speak, and his face gives nothing away, but his body is vibrating with tension. All of a sudden, it's like his control snaps, and he is growling and pacing the space inside the shield, his hands clenching and unclenching. He speaks in a guttural language I don't understand, looking up at the sky occasionally and, with surprise, I realise he's praying. Barking out a harsh word, he darts forward and punches the wall that surrounds the fountain. He shouts that word again as he cradles his hand against his chest. Yup, definitely a swear word.

Raising my eyebrows, I step forward and hold out my hand, gesturing for him to let me see his injury. He stares at me, frowning and panting, before slowly placing his hand in mine. Tor stills as I run my fingers over his already bruising knuckles, holding his breath while I examine him.

"I don't think you've broken anything, but your hand will be swollen and bruised for a while." Letting go of his hand, I try to take a step back, but he reaches out to stop me. I glance up and realise just how close we are standing. I should feel uncomfortable, but the connection between us is practically humming with pleasure.

"How do you know so much about broken bones?"

I move the cuff on my arm and show him my slave marks. "This is how." His eyes darken and his hand tightens on my arm. He's seen the marks before, so I'm not sure why he's so angry. "I had to learn to care for myself," I explain, fixing the cuff back into place. A thought comes to me as I stare down at the jewellery. "Do you want to know a secret?"

Tor stills, as if he knows how big of a deal it is for me to be sharing this with him. I don't know where this thought came from, or why I feel comfortable sharing this with him, but it just feels right.

"Yes, please," he answers quietly, as if he's afraid he'll scare me off if he speaks too loudly.

"When I was younger, I wished I could be a healer." I lift my head as I talk, a slight smile coming to my face as I admit my childhood dream. That was before my hopes and dreams had been beaten out of me. "I wanted to help people. I had forgotten about that."

He doesn't say anything, just continues to stare at me. Growling, he raises a hand and rubs it along the shaved part of his head, the tattoos there standing out in the moonlight. I want to ask what they say, what they mean, but that seems too personal, so I bite my lip and cross my arms under my cloak. I watch him as he stalks around the small space once again, growling and muttering words I don't understand as he tries to come to terms with what he's learned. I stay silent, letting him work through his thoughts, but I can see him getting more and more angry.

"I knew the king was twisted, especially after the slaves and killing his own wife, but I didn't think even he would do something like this." He swears again and suddenly hurries over to my side, placing a hand on my shoulder. Usually I would shy away from so much physical contact, and although he startles me, he doesn't scare me. "You need to leave with me tonight, I can protect you."

I want to, part of me is screaming to say yes, to go with him and escape this place and its evil king, but I know I can't. "I can't leave, not yet," I say with a shake of my head. I know he won't understand, but I promised Vaeril and I can't leave without him. There is still so much I want, no, need to do here before I can leave. If I went now, I might never see Grayson again, and I'm not sure I could live with myself if I couldn't at least explain why I left.

"He could kill you," Tor states plainly, and I nod.

"He could," I agree, needing him to understand. "But I survived the last twelve years as a slave. That's supposed to be impossible, so I'd say I have a pretty good track record." If anyone can survive this, then it's me. I've lived through worse. At the reminder of my past, Tor growls again and takes a step back, as if he needs some space between us.

"You're on his radar now though. You were nameless, a no one before, but now he's watching you, testing you."

Again, he's right, but I have something he doesn't. Touching my Goddess mark, I close my eyes as the comforting tingling sensation floods through my body. I open my eyes and smile slightly at Her presence.

"The Mother will protect me."

From what I've heard, the mountain tribes worship in a different way. They have multiple gods and goddesses, and the Great Mother is one of them, but they believe different things about her and consider her one of the lesser goddesses. So I know that for him, the protection of the Mother might not be much, but for me, it's everything. I'm expecting him to say something along those lines, to tell me not to rely on her protection, but instead he surprises me with a slow, half grin. Looking like that, he makes me feel warm, awakening my arousal which I haven't felt for a long time.

"You know I'm going to ask you to leave with me every night," he tells me with that same grin, and I try to push down my rising feelings and focus on what he's saying. Blinking, I finally process his words.

"You're going to keep coming back?"

"Of course, people need a way to escape." Disappointment fills me and I look away, pretending to glance around the courtyard for other people so he can't see my expression.

Don't be stupid, of course he's going to keep returning to help people, that's the reason he's here. Not to see you, he's only asking you out of a sense of responsibility.

"Besides, this means I can check that you're still alive."

I still, ignoring the slight thrill his words bring. I want to know why he cares, but I can't bring myself to ask the question. You just don't want to hear the answer , my mind taunts. What am I so worried about? Do I like him? I barely know him, except that small voice I always push away and squash deep inside me is screaming that I do know him.

"Do you believe in past lives?" My question seems to take him by surprise.

"In our teachings, there are tales of some of our greatest warriors being reborn, but I'm not sure what I believe," he answers, his eyes alight with something I don't recognise as he takes a step forward to close the distance between us. My breath hitches, and I know by his smile that he heard. Dropping his voice, his words are low and quiet as he inquires, "Why do you ask?"

"I just... I feel like I know you, like we knew each other in a past life," I reply just as quietly, admitting my feelings with a laugh. "I'm sure it's all made up in my head, but I just can't shake the feeling."

He stills, his grin dropping as his face takes on a serious expression. It's an odd look on him, he's usually so expressive, so I'm taken aback by this sudden change.

"Clarissa, I need to tell you something."

My heart thuds painfully in my chest as excitement and fear fill me. I get a strange feeling that whatever he's about to tell me will change my life forever.

"Tell me what?" I ask breathlessly.

"About your past—" Whatever he is going to say is cut off by the sound of quickly approaching footsteps. Spinning, we turn to look for the source of the noise, and I let out a breath I hadn't realised I was holding when a maid with two young children enters the courtyard. They look terrified, their eyes wide as they glance around desperately, and I know this is their last hope. We wait for a few seconds, making sure they haven't been followed, and once I'm sure, I take a step out of the protection of the shield.

"Liv, wait," Tor calls, reaching for me, but I've already left the cover.

The maid instantly turns and sees me, her eyes widening even more before she hurries over to me, her children following closely behind.

"Thank the Mother," she whispers, before reaching out and taking my hands in hers. "Jayne said you would be here, that you would help us."

I take a deep breath and nod. Jayne had promised she would tell those in need there was a way out, but I hadn't expected anyone to actually come. There is such a feeling of fear that I hadn't truly believed anyone would disobey the king, but I suppose people are much more motivated when their children are at risk.

"Do you need to escape? It won't be easy," I warn. After all, these people are giving up their home, money, and a relatively safe life for one on the run with no certainties.

"Yes, I could never choose a child to sacrifice to slavery. It's a death sentence," she states firmly, and I know she's ready, that she will give up everything for her children. I gesture to the fountain next to me with a nod of my head, my hands still held tightly in her own.

"Then we can help you. Just next to me is a shield, a type of magic that will hide you from view. My...friend, Tor, will help you escape and help you get somewhere safe," I explain, and she looks over, frowning slightly at first when she can't see anything, but she nods her understanding as I finish. Raising my hands, she kisses them gently, bowing her head reverently.

"Thank you so much, beloved."

Hearing her call me that is like a physical blow. How did she know that's what the Mother calls me, and why is she acting like I'm her saviour? Taking a deep breath, I try to pretend like this doesn't affect me and grab one of her hands, leading her into the shield, her children trailing closely behind. They look around the space with wide eyes and open mouths, wondering at the magic, before staring up at Tor. The children cower behind their mother, clinging to her legs. I understand their fear, Tor does look pretty intimidating with his tattoos, half of his head shaved, and the other half braided and hanging down past his shoulders. The maid glances over at me as if for reassurance. Nodding my head, I smile at her gently. "This is Tor, he'll help you."

Looking down at her children, she rests her hands on their heads, comforting them with a gentle touch. "Don't be frightened. This is a friend of the beloved," she whispers to the children who simply nod, as if that is enough for them to know they're safe. Their confidence in me is mind-blowing, and I'm struggling to understand it and accept that responsibility, but I know now is not the time for me to fall apart.

I can feel Tor's eyes on me, watching my interactions with the maid and her children. He's wondering why they're calling me ‘beloved,' and he's noticed how I panicked. It was subtle, but he seems to pick up on things others miss. Perhaps it has to do with this bond between us, or the fact I sometimes know things that I shouldn't.

The sound of several sets of footsteps makes us all freeze and turn to look at the courtyard entrance. Thankfully, after a few minutes, no one comes out, but I know we are pushing our luck.

"You need to go."

"Clarissa—" Taking a step back, I shake my head and he stops. I know what he's going to say, or what he wants to say. He wants, no, needs to tell me something about my past, and I'm burning to know what he was going to say, but it's not safe.

You're a coward. You don't want to know in case your past is as bad as your life in the castle. What if you were unwanted and uncared for just like you were always told? my mind taunts, picking at my insecurities.

Growling low in his throat, he shakes his head. "Fine, but we will talk about this tomorrow."

Nodding, I watch as he turns to the maid and her children. Like a switch has been flipped, he changes before my eyes, softening as he kneels down in front of the youngsters. He says something to them in a low voice that I can't quite hear, but they nod, and small, fragile smiles appear on their faces.

"You need to go now," he tells me, and I know he's right. I don't want to know how he gets in and out of the castle, the less I know the better, but it feels like he just kicked me in the chest. Nodding, I smile at the maid, dipping my head slightly.

"Mother bless you and keep you safe." She smiles in return and makes the symbol of the Great Mother. Looking across at Tor, I feel my chest ache, and I wish we didn't have these responsibilities that keep us on different paths. He doesn't say anything, just watches me with an unreadable expression.

Unable to just keep standing here with this odd atmosphere between us, I turn and peer around to check that no one is watching before giving him one, last glance over my shoulder and taking a step outside of the shield.

As soon as I walk out, it's like nothing ever happened. I look around and see only an empty courtyard. All of a sudden, I feel a cold, harsh burst of wind whistling past me, making me pull my cloak closer around my body. Without looking back, no matter how much I wish to, I leave the courtyard and head to my room.