Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15

S amantha had final preparations to make, but that all had to come to a halt. Diana would cover for her, she trusted that. She simply needed a day to not think about it all although it was not going to happen. She was too frightened for that.

Each time that she thought the worst was over, and that she could no longer be surprised, one more thing came and knocked the air out of her. The arrival of her half-brother was the final straw. Her wedding day, even if she did not want it, should have at least been about her, but now, it would not be. It would be about her father's long-lost heir and how perfect he was and how good it was that he was there, and Samantha was not the focus. She did not want to care, but she could not will herself to feel less hurt by it all.

By nightfall, she was still in her room pacing. Nothing had helped, and she was quite convinced that nothing would. Then, she realized that a walk might. It was no time for a young lady to be out unchaperoned, but a servant? That was another thing entirely. Fortunately, she knew her father was long since asleep which made her escape even easier.

She knew exactly where to go. She would go to Diana's and speak to her once more, making it utterly clear how she was feeling about everything so that Diana could talk some sense into her and make her feel ridiculous for worrying in the first place because of course, Graham preferred his soon to be wife over his soon to be sister-in-law, and of course, the day would not be overshadowed by Adam's arrival. It was what she wanted to hear, and the household was not far from her at all.

Except that she did not go to Diana's home.

She had not noticed until she was there and had already knocked, but she had arrived at Graham's lodgings. She looked like a fool, standing in the darkness. She hoped there would be no answer so that she could go home and pretend that it did not happen, but of course, his butler opened the door, looked her up and down, and then invited her in.

"It is awfully late, Lady Samantha," he said gently. "Are you quite well?"

"Yes, of course," she replied. "I apologize for the late hour, but I required a word with the Duke. Is he here?"

"He is in his study. I shall take you there."

Samantha followed the butler to the study, and then he left her at the door. She had to knock for him herself which was perhaps more humiliating than appearing there in the first place. Regardless, she had taken herself to him for a reason, even if she did not know it, and so she had to follow through.

"Samantha?" he exclaimed when he saw her. "What are you — Why are you here?"

"I do not know," she whispered. "I apologize, I should go."

"No, stay," he said gently. "Stay. Come and sit with me. Has something happened?"

Samantha did not know how to explain that no, nothing had happened necessarily, but she felt as though something had, and she did not know what to do.

"There hasn't been anything in particular."

"Do you require a drink?"

That was an even worse question as he was holding a bottle of brandy, and Samantha remembered all too clearly what had happened the last time she had drunk that.

"My brother will be there tomorrow," she said as it seemed the easier response to give.

"Ah, in which case I shall pour you two."

"You know what happened to me the last time I had two drinks! I ended up blackmailed into an engagement."

"Well, as you are already engaged, it cannot end much worse, can it? You might as well enjoy yourself."

She took the glass and sipped it, wincing. She did not know what force on Earth had compelled her to drink two entire glasses before, but she could not stomach the smell or the taste any longer.

"Now," he continued, "what has brought you all the way here at this hour?"

"It is nothing," she said quickly, but that did not stop the tears forming in her eyes.

"If it is causing you pain, then it is not nothing. It is something, and I would rather you told me than keep it from me. I cannot guess at everything until you tell me I have found the solution."

"I know. I know, and I am sorry."

"There is no need to apologize," he said gently, wiping her tears with a handkerchief. "You are learning as am I. We can do this together, but first you must tell me what is happening."

She wanted to tell him more than anything in the world, but the words simply would not come.

Then she saw how he was looking at her, willing her to say something, to say anything, and she faltered.

"The truth is, I am terrified."

When he moved towards her, she collapsed into his chest. She did not cry, instead feeling safer than she had ever felt in her life, but then she realized just what her predicament was.

She was falling for him, and he would never feel the same way. This was a marriage of convenience — she was a convenience, and that was all she could ever expect. It would have been different if she could only tolerate him, but she had been falling more and more for him every day, and now…

Now, she would be his wife, but he would never love her. Even if she adored him, it would go unrequited because it was simply not what he wanted from her. She would have been a fool a tell him, and so she did not. She simply leaned in closer, steadying her breathing, until she felt at peace with her situation and could return home.

He did not say another word to her as he escorted her to a carriage and helped her inside. He simply nodded to her and then walked away, and as she lurched into motion, she could not help but wonder if she had ruined everything entirely by appearing at his door.

The following day, twisting her wedding ring around her finger, she wondered what all the fuss had been about in regard to the wedding planning in the first place.

Her father had overstepped once too many, it was explained to her, and so the whole affair had been made far smaller. The grandeur that he had expected for his son had not been provided, not that the gentleman with her father seemed to care. Samantha noticed that he looked remarkably like the Earl, and she shuddered. She had so hoped that he would instead resemble his mother.

"There," Diana said softly, appearing at her side. "Now, that was not so bad, was it?"

"It is a blur," she sighed with a faint laugh. "I do not remember a thing."

She was lying, of course. She remembered the part where she was instructed to kiss her husband very vividly, but she had given him a quick press of the lips and nothing more. It was an unremarkable first kiss, but it was as much as she could hope for as a woman in her situation.

She also remembered their dance, a waltz, and how he had once more felt exquisite against her waist as he led her. He was smiling, but she could tell it was forced. After all, it looked nothing like the smile Diana had caused him to have at dinner.

She pushed the thought from her mind. She was being unfair, and she knew that she was, but she could not help it. She knew that she needed to speak with Diana about it still, but it was not the right time. A wedding day was, in fact, quite possibly the worst day to discuss one's fears about their betrothed.

"I remember it all," Diana laughed, "and you looked beautiful throughout. I also saw Father seething over the decorations, but that is none of your concern."

"I do not believe that man knows how to be happy."

"He seems to be quite content whenever his blessed heir is around. Speaking of which, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I believe he is approaching to congratulate you now."

Samantha turned to her half-brother, and he was indeed walking towards her.

"Protect me," she whispered.

"Unfortunately, I cannot. I had my turn with him this morning. I shall not tell you my thoughts just yet; you can make your own conclusions."

"Diana —"

But she was already gone, and a young man had replaced her.

"It is good to finally meet you," he said, "My name is Adam Winston, and I am your brother."

"My half-brother, yes."

She had not meant to be so cold to him, but she did not know how else to be. The truth was that she was not happy to meet him, and she was not glad that he had at last made his way to England. She could not care less about him whether he was her brother or her half-brother or of no relation at all. This was a stranger, and so she would treat him as such.

"I know that you do not like me," he noted, "and I understand. I am not a fool. I know that our situation is… unconventional, but your sister seems to like me at least a little."

"My sister can find it in her to like anyone."

"Very well. I only wish to congratulate you. I do not mean to —"

"To show your face just as I am leaving?" she suggested. "I know, it is simply a coincidence that you have found the time now that you will be the only one in the household. The perfect time to take it over, yes?"

"Samantha, I —"

"Your Grace," she corrected. "You and I do not know one another, and I am a duchess. I know that where you come from, you do not have such practices, but if you insist on being here, then you ought to play the part."

She hated herself as soon as she said it. She had become the very same type of person that had chastised her for years, and she had said it all too easily.

"I understand that you are angry, believe me I do, but you must understand that I am not here to claim the title or steal the estates or anything of the sort. I am only here to help you."

"Do you have any idea how awful it has been for my sister and me?" she asked, trying to keep her voice calm so that they were not heard. "Our father has wanted nothing to do with us all of our lives simply because we were not heirs, but the moment he learned of you, we became less than nothing. We were burdens, and he has made it his aim to remove us from the equation ever since. I may not have liked my life, but it was mine. Now I am forced to play the role of duchess because he dragged me to some party and threatened me that if I did not find a husband, he would do it for me. Now, you are here, and I do not doubt that you are just like him."

"You are wrong," he said firmly. "Do you want the truth? I hate that I have to be here. I wish to be back in Scotland where I do not have to uphold all of these airs and graces that you insist upon here. I want to return home, and I will just as soon as my affairs are in order here. I do not trust this country, nor the people here, but I wish to do right by you and Diana. If you loathe me entirely, then that is perfectly fine. I shall continue to do what I came here for regardless."

Samantha wanted to apologize for her outburst as she knew she had no reason to speak to him in such a manner, but before she could say anything, he was gone once more.

"So?" Diana asked, appearing once more. "What do you think?"

"I do not know," she sighed. "I do not trust him although I truly do wish to, and I have most certainly offended him deeply."

"That is quite all right. He seems quite understanding, and so I am sure you will settle any disagreements."

"Do you honestly trust him?"

"No, but it is as you say, I want to. We have nothing to lose by doing so, and what harm could it do to expect the best of someone rather than the worst, just this once?"

"I suppose so."

"You always tell me that I understand situations well," Diana reminded her. "Have some faith in me. I know that I am right. Now, where has your husband gotten to?"

"I do not know. I have not seen him since our dance."

"Ah, so you remember some things?"

It was undeniable; Diana never missed a trick.

"I suppose I do," she replied with a smile. "And where is your husband?"

"I cannot be too certain, but I believe that he has gone to fetch our carriage. You shall be leaving soon, and I have no interest in staying here any longer than necessary. I do not know these people."

Samantha also noticed that she did not recognize a single guest there, save for her sister and father. She had expected Nicholas and Miss Norton not to be there, but Penelope's absence was strange. Then again, her father had been in charge of the guest list, and so it was far more likely that these were his own acquaintances than anything else.

"I believe I should like to leave, yes," Samantha sighed.

"Then we shall locate your husband and have you racing away," Diana said, smiling brightly. "Now, remember what I said. Have faith in me. All will be well if you simply trust others, no matter the cost."

Samantha thought about her sister's words as she got into the carriage with her new husband. She had been expecting the worst of him since the moment they had met, and whilst he had given her reason to in some ways, he had also proven her wrong, and it was time for her to trust him.

He was good to her and kind, and he truly had changed since they had met. He had promised her that he would be a good husband, and she had told him that she would believe him.

And she would have, had he not looked so utterly defeated as the carriage pulled away.