Chapter Seventy-Five

Chapter Seventy-Five

Adrik

I kept my usual battle with Sephie's curls going as I watched her think about what I'd just told her. She would glance at me periodically, so I knew she wasn't zoning out again. I was trying to think of the right words to say to her. I knew she kept her past locked up and she'd been forced to open it all up since meeting me.

It's one thing when you can somewhat control when and how you tell someone about your past. It's quite another when you're forced to divulge information before you're ready. Sephie hadn't been able to control telling us about any of her past because of circumstances outside her control. That alone can be traumatic. Then you add in having to relive her trauma and I was worried it was becoming too much for her.

She looked at me and I felt my heart skip. She still had that half-confused, doe-eyed look on her face that just made her irresistible. "Ms. Jackson told me months ago, when you first moved her to the building, that I offered you something you'd never had before, and you'd die to protect it." She had a small smile on her face. "How did she know?"

I chuckled, brushing another curl back from her face. "She's had me pegged since the first night I came to your apartment. She saw me get out of the vehicle and look at your apartment building. She told me she could see it plainly that I was in love with you then." I twirled her curl around my finger, looking at her innocence. "She's right, you know."

I could see the smile creep across her face. "She told me you were in love with me when we got home from the grocery store that day. I didn't fully believe her until you moved them downstairs." Her gaze dropped to her hands. Her fingers started to fidget, first on her pants, then she moved to my shirt and the buttons as she lifted her gaze slightly. I could see that her mind was going a mile a minute. She sighed, then looked me in the eyes again. "I'm not keeping you out on purpose." She dropped her gaze again, still fussing with the buttons on my shirt. "The stuff that's happened to me… It's just… It's a rough story and I can clearly see how it affects everyone who finds out about it. It's like having my own trauma reflected back to me. Then I feel bad and want to comfort the other person because I just traumatized them with my story. Meanwhile, my wounds just got deeper."

I started to say something, but she stopped me. She placed her hand on my chest, looking at me again. "You're different though. And I didn't realize it until just now. I don't know how you do it, but you don't reflect it back to me. Ivan too." She thought for a moment, then almost whispered, "I think my dad was right."

"Your dad was right about what, solnishko?"

She looked up at me, like she was considering whether she should tell me something. She finally shrugged her shoulders. "Pretty sure you already know I'm mostly crazy. Remember when I told you I talked to my dad in a dream when we were at the ranch house in Italy?" I nodded my head. "It happened again after we got home from the hospital when Ivan almost died."

"And what did he tell you this time?" I asked, now curious. I think she was worried I would think she was insane, but her father helped save our lives when we were in Italy. I owed him.

"He told me that we're soulmates, for one. That we've met each other and fallen in love again and again over lifetimes." She peeked up at me, half afraid that I wasn't going to believe her.

"No offense to your father, I still owe him one, but I feel like that's obvious, Sephie," I said, grinning at her.

Her gorgeous smile stretched across her face. "He also told me that the rest of us are linked in similar ways. Like there's a reason we're all together. Ivan, especially." Her gaze dropped once more, like she wasn't sure how much detail she should give me.

"Linked how?" I asked, still battling with the curls around her face.

"Like with Misha. My dad said I'm helping him to hone his gift of being able to tell when something is or isn't going to go right."

"I completely believe that, especially after what happened at the ball and then Italy. I won't make a serious decision without consulting him ever again. Although I'm still confused how he missed that day that you went to the piano gallery when they tried to grab you," I said. My finger traced lightly down her face as she talked.

"I asked the same thing. He said no one saw it until it was almost too late. It was the first time my dad had to intervene, but then he said he really didn't need to because Ivan had it covered." She paused for a minute, then looked up at me. "That was a very important day for Ivan. He took my dad's job. He officially became my protector." She said it quietly, like she was almost scared to say it out loud.

"What does that mean?" I asked, now even more curious.

"Just like you and I are connected over many lifetimes, so are Ivan and I. My dad said we've spent many lifetimes together too."

I thought for a minute. I could feel her eyes on me as I thought back to the first time I met Ivan. He saved me and Viktor, and got us into and out of a very difficult situation safely. I remember feeling like I had known Ivan for much longer than a couple of days when I offered him a job. In contrast, I waited a few weeks minimum, usually a few months, to offer a job to the rest of the guys. Even with not knowing everything about Ivan's past, I still felt closer to Ivan more quickly than the other guys.

"The same way you and I have spent lifetimes together? Because I can tell you right now, this lifetime doesn't involve sharing," I said. I couldn't help but smirk at her as I said it.

She laughed loudly. "Nooooo. No sharing. Not like that, you perv. I'm pretty sure Ivan has always been my protector in some way. My dad said he feels compelled to protect me. Ivan said that was true. Even before he knew I was different, he felt compelled to protect me."

I wrapped my arms around her, smiling at her laughter. I leaned down and kissed her lips gently. "Okay, no sharing. We've all seen how much closer you and Ivan have become since the kidnapping attempt. I think Andrei might even be a little jealous of it sometimes, if I'm being honest." I meant to make her laugh, but instead she looked troubled.

"He is?" she asked.

I nodded my head. "He liked being your favorite in the beginning. You know Andrei and Misha are the sensitive ones. It was a confidence boost for Andrei when you got close to him before anyone else. Now that you're close with all of them, he doesn't feel as special anymore."

"How do you know this? Has he talked to you about it?" she asked. She was clearly worried about it.

I couldn't help but smile at her. "No, solnishko. It's not a problem for him either. I've just seen his face fall a few times when he thought you were coming to him and you went to one of the other guys instead."

She looked lost in thought for a moment. I leaned on the counter so I could be at eye level with her, forcing her to look at me. "They all love you, Sephie. But they also know there's one of you and five of them. They're big boys. They'll manage."

"But I don't want to cause problems. I did get close to Bubba first. He's just so easy to talk to and trying to help him get with Tori probably helped me get closer to him too. I don't want him to be sad about me being close to Ivan though. Ivan and I are bonded over trauma. I'm not sure that's something to be jealous of," she said, chewing on her bottom lip.

I chuckled, which made her look at me again. "This isn't something you should worry about, love. But it illustrates my point from earlier perfectly. You're worried about making Andrei sad when you've had quite possibly the most stressful week since I've known you and your brain is trying to find creative ways to help you silently cope, so you don't feel like you're burdening anyone else with your past. Andrei being a little jealous of your special relationship with Ivan should not be anywhere on your list of things to worry about right now."

She looked down at her hands, which started to fidget again, as she continued to chew on her bottom lip. I put my hand under her chin, gently lifting it so she would look at me again. "Do you know why Ivan and I are different when we hear what's happened to you, Sephie?" She shook her head no. "Because we know what real darkness is. We've been living in it for years. It doesn't scare us like it does other people. I think that's what you're seeing reflected back to you on other people's faces. They realize that you've survived something they couldn't. That alone makes you stronger than most people you will meet in your life. That's a scary realization for some people. They can't handle knowing that you can walk among real monsters and survive." I paused. "Not just survive. It's clearly made you stronger, the same way it has for me as well as Ivan. I don't know what happened to Ivan in his past, but I know it wasn't good. He doesn't know everything that happened to me in my past either, but it's also not good. But we both recognize the look in each other. We've both seen it in you as well. It's the look you get when you've stared evil in the face. It's why your past doesn't scare us. We can recognize that you're a survivor, just like us."

She was looking at me curiously, the way she would when we would tell her stories about our past. I took her arms and put them around my neck, pulling her to me so I could pick her up off the bathroom counter. I walked us back out to the couch, keeping her in my lap as I sat down. I continued my battle with the curls around her face as I continued. "I knew you were the one for me that first night, when I told you my name." I felt that pull in my chest toward her when her wide smile stretched across her face. "That was before I knew everything you'd been through. Every single new thing I learn about you makes me love you more and confirms what I've always thought about you. You're the most extraordinary woman I've ever met and I'm eternally grateful that you're in my life. Ms. Jackson was right when she said you give me something I've never had before, but it's so much more than she knows. You've brought balance back to my world. You've reminded me of the good, not only in me but in everyone you see."

"Well, maybe not everyone everyone," she said, grinning at me.

"Fair enough. Almost everyone you see," I said. I brushed her hair back from her shoulders, leaving my hand on her neck, my thumb rubbing gently along her jawline. She leaned into my touch, closing her eyes for a moment. A single tear fell from her eye. I reached up and wiped it away with my thumb. She opened her eyes, looking at me. The tears that were threatening to fall were enough to make the colors of her eyes swirl in the low light.

"I needed you to remind me that I'm good." She closed her eyes again, causing more tears to fall.

"Sephie…" I said, almost breathlessly. I was silent for a moment, trying to find the right words to say, but I kept my hand on her neck as she was still leaning into my hand. "That night that I compared you to a diamond and you said you would only compare yourself to a black diamond to match your soul? Remember that?" I asked. She nodded her head slightly, but didn't open her eyes. The corners of her mouth were starting to curl in a smile as she thought about it. "I told Viktor and Ivan about that part of the conversation the next morning while you were still sleeping. I believe my exact words were ‘we all know she has the whitest soul of anybody ever, but it's still funny.'"

She kept her eyes closed, but she had a small smile on her lips now. She thought for a moment, then opened her eyes. "I think you can have both," she said.

"Both what?" I asked.

"Both white and black on your soul. Ivan does for sure. He saw it. We probably do too," she said. She suddenly looked like she'd just solved a puzzle that had been perplexing her, but she immediately looked at me like she didn't mean to say it out loud.

I couldn't help but laugh. "You don't have to tell me, but I can't deny I'm very curious to know how that happened."

She chewed on her bottom lip, torn between wanting to tell me and not sure she should. She sighed, then whispered, "Whatever. You already know." I laughed at her, which seemed to put her at ease. "When that truck hit us, I saw Ivan turn toward me. He was using his body to try and shield me, but I can clearly remember the look on his face. I could see the worry on his face when he looked at me, but then he was looking at something around me that I couldn't see. The look on his face clearly changed to one of wonderment. The truck was pushing us into the parked cars on the side of the street. When we hit those cars, I shut my eyes. I think that's when I hit my head. He was unconscious when I opened my eyes." She paused again, not sure she should continue. She started to fidget with the buttons on my shirt again, focusing on that instead of looking at me as she continued. "My dad told me what Ivan saw. When I was with Ivan in his room that day that he broke down at the house and then I broke down later, he told me what he saw, after I assured him he wasn't crazy." She was still for a moment, then looked at me. "Ivan got his wings that day. My dad said he wrapped his wings around me right before the truck hit us, but when Ivan turned toward me, that was the moment that he got his and he saw them wrap around me and even my dad's wings." She dropped her gaze, chewing on her lip, not sure how I would take what she had just told me. As she was talking, I felt goosebumps rise over my entire body.

"But… How? He's still here," I asked.

She cut her eyes to me, grinning. "We both said the same thing. I still don't fully understand it, but he's not allowed to go anywhere now. My dad said he's fully stepped into his role as my protector now that he proved he would give his life to protect me. He also said Ivan's wings are way cooler than his. They're white, but fade to black on the ends and apparently he's the big guns, so he has red on the tips too."

Ivan's statement about Sephie's ring design suddenly made perfect sense. "That's why…" I caught myself before I said anything further. I didn't want Sephie to know about that yet. She, of course, caught it.

"That's why what?" she asked.

I smiled at her. "If I tell you that, it will ruin the surprise," I said, reaching up and pulling her down to me. I pressed my lips against hers.

She sat up, needing to search my eyes. "You don't think I'm crazy for saying all this?"

"Not even a little bit. Ivan has spent so much time in Hell, but despite everything, he still has a heart of gold when it comes to the people he loves. It makes sense. And honestly, I couldn't think of a better protector for you. His inability to feel pain gives him a unique advantage," I said. She was running her finger lightly over my face and neck as I talked.

She looked surprised. "That's exactly what my dad said."

"He's becoming the secret weapon of my secret weapon." I smiled at her, happy to see her opening up to me and relaxed about it.

She looked at me seriously. "I don't think Ivan is the only one among us that's spent so much time in Hell that he can walk freely between Heaven and Hell. My dad told me I could too and since you're the one that pulled me out of my nightmare, I'm guessing you can too."

I sighed. "You're not wrong. When you were in your nightmare loop and my voice pulled you out of it, did you go to a dark place? Like you couldn't see anything, almost like you were swimming in darkness?"

Her eyes got wide. "You've been there too. That's how you pulled me there. That's how I pulled Ivan there."

I shut my eyes, nodding my head. I felt her fingers lightly running through my facial hair. She leaned down, her lips lightly brushed mine. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I did wonder how you pulled me there, especially after I did it for Ivan and found out he goes to the same place."

"I was a kid the first time someone tried to get to my father through me. They ran the car we were in off the road. It killed the driver instantly and the bodyguard that was with me had severe injuries. I was small enough that I somehow survived, although I still don't know how. I heard them walk up to the car to see if there was anyone still alive. I knew enough to play dead. They thought they had succeeded, so they left. They wanted our bodies found, thankfully. I climbed out of the car and ran for help. My father was a cold man, but I distinctly remember him picking me up when he got there. He held me all the way to the hospital. It's one of the only times I saw him worried. I passed out on the way to the hospital. I remember feeling relief that my father was there and I felt safe, so I let go. It took me three days to wake up. Those three days were the first time I remember the darkness. I was scared at first. I cried. I screamed. I fought. Nothing worked. I finally gave in and got quiet. When I did, I realized I could vaguely see and I could barely hear voices. I was hearing my father's voice. He never left the hospital room those three days. The man who I barely saw when I was awake wouldn't leave me when I was out. It was his voice that I followed to find my way out. His face was the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes. It was one of the few times he told me he loved me and that he was proud of me." I had opened my eyes when I started to tell the story. I'm glad I did. Sephie's expression was all I needed to see to keep going. She was always so curious. I loved her interest in anything I wanted to tell her, but I also loved that she didn't want to pry.

"See, even your father has some good in him. It might not have been very much, but it was there for those three days," she said, smiling sweetly at me. "And he taught you how to save me, so I'm grateful for that, if nothing else."

"I never knew it was a skill I would need to use. It never crossed my mind with Ivan. We've been in the hospital plenty of times with him and never once did I think about it with him."

"Because you were never meant to pull Ivan out. You're not the only one that doesn't want to share in this lifetime," she said, grinning at me.

"Sometimes you surprise me, solnishko. You constantly find new ways to make me love you even more," I said, laughing.

She looked at me, a smile still on her lips, but her eyes were serious. "Thank you. For knowing what I need before I do, for reminding me of what I needed to hear, for trusting me enough to tell me that, and for not thinking I'm crazy. Although that last one might still be up for debate," she said laughing. She was trying not to worry, but I could tell she was legitimately worried. I held her gaze as long as she needed, letting her search for what she wasn't going to find. She finally satisfied herself, her wide smile stretching across her face once more.

"I love you, Sephie. Plus infinity. Plus one," I said, pulling her to me.

"I love you, Adrik," she said, smiling against my lips.

I woke the next morning with Sephie laying across my chest. I ran my hand through her hair, causing her to snuggle closer to me. I loved her close to me, even more so after our long conversation last night. She never failed to make me feel like I was even more in love with her anytime we had a serious conversation, but last night was even more than usual.

She's had quite possibly the roughest week since I've known her, which is saying quite a lot. Her light was starting to dim again, but not because she was physically hurt this time. After she gave the description of the doctor to the police, I could tell she was struggling to close the door once again on that part of her life. It might've been easier had she not had to also deal with the Mike situation and trying to close the door on that part of her life at the same time, on top of dealing with Max unexpectedly showing up.

She was dealing with more than most people would be able to handle and yet she was still concerned about Misha and Andrei. When I finally woke her up out of her nightmare last night, she almost immediately went to Misha to comfort him. I never minded her going to the guys, but my patience was short last night. I knew the forced procedure had affected her, but hearing her scream and plead for it not to happen made it more real. She was devastated. We could all plainly hear the despair in her voice as she pleaded for them not to do it. I wanted to help her, to make her feel better. But not even one minute after she wakes up, she's consoling him.

That's who she is and that's one of many things I love about her, but I do find myself wishing she would be a little more selfish sometimes. Maybe I'm being selfish for wanting that, as her light is brighter after she takes care of herself. I need her light. I need her.

I inhaled deeply, pulling her close to me. She started to stir as I ran my hand lightly over her back. She lifted her head, resting her chin on my chest as she smiled at me. "Good morning," she said, sleepily. I would never tire of how sexy she looked in the mornings. Her hair was always even more out of control than usual, which gave her a wild look that made it hard to control myself. "Have you been awake long?" she asked, rubbing her eyes.

I pulled her to me and rolled us both over so she was on her back and I was on top of her. "Not long. I could watch you sleep for days anyway," I said, gently pressing my lips to hers. She smiled at me, reaching for my face. I closed my eyes as she lightly ran her fingers through my short stubble. I remembered something else Ms. Jackson had said to me that night that I had asked her to move here. I smiled thinking back to that conversation.

"What are you thinking about?" Sephie asked. I opened my eyes to find her looking at me, a curious smile on her face.

"The night I went to ask Ms. Jackson if she would move here. I asked her to keep it a secret so I could surprise you. I think she said something like ‘you're in deep, boy. Hope you know how to swim,'" I said, in my best impression.

Sephie laughed. "That sounds just like her. I think she even said something like that to me when she was trying to convince me you were in love with me."

I ran my fingers lightly over her face, taking in how she looked this morning. Her light was brighter. She felt better after our long conversation last night. She caught me staring at her and raised an eyebrow, still wondering what was going on in my mind. "Your light is brighter again. You feel better after our talk last night, no?"

She smiled sweetly at me, nodding her head. "I feel lighter again."

I leaned down, kissing her quickly. "Good. Now, will you make me a promise?"

"Depends on the promise?" she asked, curious.

"Promise me you'll talk to me. Or Ivan, if you're worried that I'm too busy. We will always be able to handle it, but you have to start being selfish more and taking care of you before you take care of everyone else."

Her smile faded slightly, but her eyes were still happy. "That's why you pulled me out of the office so quickly last night. Because I went to try and make Misha feel better."

I nodded. "We all heard the despair in your voice when you were sleeping, then I finally got you awake and within one minute you were trying to make him feel better. Not that I mind you making them feel better. It's not that. But you need the same, Sephie. I need you."

"I still didn't know I was talking in my sleep last night, but I promise I will talk to you and Ivan more about what I'm dealing with." She looked at me sincerely. I squinted my eyes at her, not believing her fully yet. She smiled as she raised her pinky for me to grab. I couldn't help but grin at her as I grabbed her pinky, knowing she was serious. She leaned up and kissed my gently. "Does Ivan know what you just volunteered him for?" She had a mischievous grin on her face.

"I can't imagine he'll mind. He loves you, Sephie. Almost as much as I do," I said, smiling at her. "Besides, it's his job to protect you. In all the realms. And in all lifetimes."

I felt my heart threaten to stop as her gorgeous smile crept across her face. She giggled and wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me down to her. "I love you, Adrik. More and more each day," she said as she pressed her lips to mine.