Chapter Seventy-Four

Chapter Seventy-Four

Sephie

Adrik was still laying on top of me when his phone interrupted us for the third time that afternoon. He seemed to be increasingly frustrated with the interruptions, but I understood. There was a lot going on. I was just happy to have a few hours alone with him right now. I needed it. I didn't realize how much I needed it.

He groaned as he got up to go check his phone that he had left in the bathroom. It was Viktor. I could tell by the way he answered the phone. He was quiet for a minute, then he told him we'd be down in half an hour. Viktor must've had news that Adrik needed to hear.

I propped myself up on my elbows, waiting for him to come back. When he walked out of the bathroom, he cursed under his breath as he looked at me. "Don't do that," he said, a smirk on his face.

"Do what?" I asked, legitimately confused.

"Be that sexy. We only have time to shower and get dressed or have sex again. I'm very torn about whether I want you going downstairs smelling like sex when I know you're going to be in a room full of men." He sighed as he ran his hand through his hair. "You make life very complicated sometimes, solnishko." He looked at me, grinning when he saw I was trying not to laugh at him.

I stood up, putting my hand on his shoulder as I stood on my toes to whisper in his ear, "You know we can combine those options, right?" I walked toward the bathroom, looking over my shoulder just in time to see him smile and run to me. He scooped me up and continued into the bathroom as I laughed at him. I definitely needed this.

On the elevator ride down to his office, I could tell he felt much better. I caught him looking down at me, a curious look on his face. I raised an eyebrow, wondering what he was thinking. "You look like you feel better?" He phrased it like a question, like he wasn't totally sure.

I nodded my head, laughing. "I was just thinking the same thing about you. I think we both needed a few hours away." He pulled me to him, holding me tightly against him.

"I definitely did, solnishko. I don't think you fully realize just what you do for me," he said, kissing my forehead as I looked up at him. Before I could say anything, the doors pinged, signaling our arrival. He wrapped his arms around my waist, picking me up, as he walked off the elevator. He stopped, just outside. "Kiss me," he said sweetly. I leaned down and pressed my lips to his, still feeling the euphoria from our break time activities.

"I love you, A …" I said, quietly. I started to say his name, but I forgot to check to see who was around first. He set me down, smiling down at me. I glanced around quickly, relieved no one was around.

"I love you, solnishko," he said, grabbing my hand, lacing his fingers through mine.

All the guys were in his office when we walked in. Ivan said, "Armando should be here shortly."

"Uh oh, is it serious?" I asked.

Ivan smiled at me. "Depends on your definition of serious, princess."

"Sarcastic answer equals not that serious," I said, winking at him.

Armando and Giana walked in the office, followed by Chris and Keith. Her arm was through his. I was surprised to see her. She was usually shy about coming to Adrik's office. I was glad to see her finally gaining some confidence. She looked relieved to see me. I smiled at her, greeting her in my broken Italian. She smiled at me, answering in Italian as well.

Misha, who knew that he could make her all hot and bothered without much effort, looked to me and said in Russian, "I don't like this, gazelle. You're only allowed to speak foreign languages to us. Otherwise, you could be talking about how adorable I am and I wouldn't know it."

I laughed, making Giana nervous. I told her, again in my broken Italian, that Misha was jealous. Her cheeks flushed, but she smiled as Armando wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her to one of the chairs by Adrik's desk.

I walked by Misha on my way to my usual spot on the cabinets behind Adrik's desk. I said quietly, "Don't scare her." I tried to look at him sternly, but failed miserably. I caught myself wondering how his mother ever disciplined him as a child. He must've gotten away with murder because he was so adorable. It was physically impossible to be mad at that face.

I walked around Adrik's desk, but he caught my arm as I walked by, pulling me to him. He pushed his chair back and pulled me into his lap, so I was leaned back against him. He put his lips close to my ear and said, "I still need you close, solnishko." I felt the goosebumps rise over my whole body. I pulled his arms around me, secretly happy when he slid his hand under my shirt.

"What have you found?" Adrik asked.

Viktor and Ivan proceeded to tell us, mostly Armando who had been kept in the dark, what we knew about the warehouse so far. They'd been unable to get into any surrounding warehouses, as those were all owned by one of Sal's companies. There would be no legitimate reason for someone outside of Sal's network to be moving into one of those warehouses.

"We've got guys trying to run surveillance, but it's difficult. Sal has people everywhere around that warehouse," Ivan said. He was clearly frustrated with the situation. "From what we can tell so far, it's going to be next to impossible to get into the building. It's going to be difficult to get access to the outside of the building without drawing attention."

I leaned my head back and whispered to Adrik, "Trino's idea might be the way to go. Nothing wrong with dramatic flair occasionally." He laughed, catching everyone else by surprise. They all looked to us, but Adrik said nothing, so I also kept my mouth shut. Once everyone's attention was elsewhere once again, he kissed my cheek, smiling at me.

"Do we have any idea of when this is happening yet?" Armando asked.

Viktor shook his head no. "Not yet, but Sephie's friend has a way to give us a heads-up potentially."

"We haven't heard from him in a couple of days," Ivan said, looking somewhat worried.

"No, it's okay. Trino called earlier. Chen's alive. He dropped my name to Trino's guy and told him to check it, so he did. Trino called right away. Chen found one of his top guys, so he can get the word out quickly," I said. Ivan looked relieved. "From what Andy said earlier, if the dealers know what's going on, they're not going to go along with the plan. They're the ones that stopped it before."

Armando looked to me, puzzled. Adrik said, "Sal has been behind brawn from the beginning. He's the one that paid to have it created, he's the one that distributed it originally. The dealers are the ones that stopped selling it because it was killing too many people. The other story was a lie."

"How do you know this?" Armando asked, clearly surprised.

"We found the doctor that created it," Viktor said. He paused, then added, "We found him for other reasons, but Andy recognized him and told us everything."

"Do I want to know the other reasons?" Armando asked.

"No," we all said in unison. Armando simply nodded his head, crossing his leg as he shifted positions in his chair. He glanced at Giana, who seemed less nervous than usual. He reached over and grabbed her hand, his thumb lightly rubbing the back of her hand.

I suddenly had a thought, about the doctor and the warehouse. I looked to Misha, who had that faraway look in his eye that meant he was thinking about possibilities too. I said, in Russian, "We need to grab the doctor and take care of the warehouse at the same time."

As soon as I said it, Misha looked to me, grinning. "How do you do that, gazelle? I was just about to say that. I have a bad feeling about grabbing the doctor too far ahead of taking care of the warehouse. Sal is going to know it's us on both, but if we do them at the same time, he won't be able to strike back as quickly." He then said in English, "See? You were made for this shit." His broad smile stretched across his face, giving him an extra dose of boyish charm.

I couldn't help but grin at him. I glanced at the other guys, who were in agreement. I happened to glance at Giana, who was trying to not stare at Misha. I couldn't help but smile. Yep, he got away with murder as a kid.

We continued talking for another hour or so, running through possibilities on how to handle the situation. We went through every what-if scenario we could think of for what would happen if the shipment did get out. We were going to have to trust that the dealers wouldn't sell it if they were successful in getting the shipments switched.

"Of course, that brings up another problem," I said, as we were discussing their success at switching the shipments. They all looked to me, waiting for me to elaborate. "Withdrawals," I said.

The guys caught on quickly, but Armando and Giana were still confused. "What do you mean?" Giana asked.

"When you're a regular drug user, your body needs that drug to function. When you don't give it that drug, your body revolts and makes it painful until you give it that drug. Depending on the drug you've been using, the withdrawals can be, well, dramatic," I said.

"How do you know so much about this?" she asked, her tone had a hint of accusation behind it.

Adrik caught it. I felt him tense. Before I could answer, Ivan said, "Everyone knows this." His tone was harsh, but it was exactly what was needed to end that conversation. He continued, "So, we're going to need to give the police and the hospitals a heads-up as well, should they be successful with switching the shipments. That's going to create its own chaos in the city." He rubbed his face with his hands. "Fuck," he said. "It might be worth having a conversation with a few doctors to find out what's needed to be able to handle that scenario."

"I know a guy. He should be able to keep his mouth shut," I said, winking at Ivan. I turned to look at Adrik. "But can we bring him here this time?" He smiled softly at me, nodding his head. "I'll make a call in the morning," he said. I glanced back to Ivan, who was clearly relieved.

We finally ran through all the possibilities that we could think of for the evening. It was beginning to get late, so Armando and Giana took their leave. Chris and Keith got up to go with them, but Keith asked Viktor if they could come back once Armando and Giana were safely in for the night. Viktor nodded his head. I caught the small smile that crept up one side of his face as they walked out.

"They're eager to learn," he said. "They'll be back once Armando and Giana are taken care of."

Ivan said, in Russian, just in case, "I did not like her tone." He was clearly still angry about Giana thinking my knowledge of drugs was because I was a user.

"I did not like her tone either," Adrik said.

"It's okay. Normal people don't know these things. She's likely led a very sheltered life up until she met Armando. It's not necessarily her fault," I said. I looked to Ivan, grinning, "But I'm very grateful you shut that conversation down as quickly as you did. I'm starting to love your demons, Super Squish." His handsome smile stretched across his face.

"They're useful," he said, winking at me.

Keith and Chris walked back into the office. "What did we miss?" Chris asked.

"Oh, we changed subjects and we're talking about demons now," Stephen said, completely straight-faced. While it wasn't a lie, his delivery made it seem like he was joking. Chris and Keith just stared at him, not knowing how to respond.

I couldn't help but laugh. Once I started laughing, I couldn't stop, which made all the guys laugh as well. I wiped the tears from my eyes, saying, "Yoden for the win, ladies and gentlemen." A few more laughs made it out before I finally gained my composure. "Ah, shit. I don't know why that was so funny, but holy hell it was hilarious."

Stephen spoke in his usual calm and quiet manner, "We're all a bit stressed, Seph. It was needed."

Keith looked at me, his face suddenly very serious. "Sephie, is it okay if I ask you a personal question?"

The guys all straightened up, curious as to what he was going to ask. "Sure," I said.

"You've clearly been through some shit in your life. Armando and Giana don't know about that, do they?" he asked timidly. He glanced around at the guys, making sure he wasn't overstepping his bounds.

"No, they don't know. Very few people outside this room have seen my back and I'd like to keep it that way. Why do you ask?"

"I noticed the tension it brought up when she kind of implied your knowledge of withdrawals was because you'd been a user," he said. He was trying to be careful and choose his words wisely as he spoke, as he could tell it was a sensitive subject.

"I wasn't a user. I was forced to live with one for a few years though. I have a feeling that Giana has led a sheltered, mostly privileged life. Her brain struggles to comprehend that everyone doesn't live like she does. She has her own set of problems that come with that though. It's neither better nor worse than what I've dealt with. In her mind, her problems are just as bad as what I've had to deal with. Doesn't make her a bad person. Life will eventually find a way of opening her eyes to other possibilities. Or it won't and she'll become even more close-minded and judgmental. It could go either way, really," I said, shrugging my shoulders.

Keith was quietly contemplating my answer. Stephen looked at Keith. "You'll come to find that Sephie's assessment of people is always spot-on. It's why we rely on her to tell us if we can trust someone or not," he said. His cheeks flushed slightly when Keith looked at him as he was talking.

"That's why Mike hated her," he said. I could see him putting pieces together in his mind.

"People who carefully craft a persona only want the world to see what they want the world to see. People like Sephie and, to a lesser extent me, can see past that persona and see people for who they really are. It generally angers them because they know they've been caught and their whole house of cards is in danger of crashing down," Ivan said.

"Don't sell yourself short, Super Squish," I said, grinning at him.

We spent a little while longer in the office, talking through more possibilities. Keith and Chris were full of questions that they didn't want to ask in front of Armando. I couldn't blame them for wanting to appear completely competent in front of Armando, but I had to laugh to myself. Armando was so relaxed about his security that he likely wouldn't have known the difference.

I had gotten up and pulled Adrik to one of the couches at one point, so I could lay down. I was starting to get tired, but didn't want to interrupt the discussion until it was done. They continued to talk as Adrik ran his hands through my hair, my head in his lap. I found myself drifting between being awake and asleep. I would still catch parts of the conversation, here and there, but I eventually gave in and fell asleep.

Sometime later, I felt Adrik gently, but urgently, shaking me to see if he could wake me up. He had a worried look on his face when I opened my eyes. I looked at him, confused. "What's wrong?" I asked, sitting up.

"You were talking in your sleep, solnishko. You don't remember?" he asked, now clearly worried.

I thought for a moment. "I don't remember anything. What did I say?"

"You were pleading with the doctor, trying to convince him not to do the procedure," he said. His face looked almost haunted.

"Shit. I'm sorry," I said, glancing around the room. Chris and Keith were gone, but the guys were still there.

"Why would you ever apologize for that, princess?" Ivan asked.

"Because I saw what hearing me on the plane did to all of you. You guys don't need to carry the burden of all my trauma." I glanced at Misha, who was clearly struggling. It suddenly hit me why he was struggling. "Especially Misha, who's still beating himself up for teasing me about being pregnant, even though he had no idea when he said it." His face turned red as he tried to control his emotions. He was staring at the floor, his elbows on his knees, trying to maintain control. I quietly got off the couch and leaned over his back. "Don't make me bring back the emotional support sloth," I said, as I draped myself over his upper body. I whispered to him, so only he could hear, "I still love you, my adorable Russian guardian. You didn't know. I can't be mad at you. I couldn't be mad at that face anyway. Like it's physically impossible you're so adorable."

He reached up and held onto my arms that were around his neck as he laughed. I kissed his cheek. "Promise you'll stop beating yourself up?" He nodded. "Good. Because my hands still hurt, so I don't want to beat you up for real over this."

Adrik stood up from the couch, holding his hand out for me, "Come, we should go soak your hands again." He still had a look of worry on his face, but he was trying to mask it. I walked back to him, still feeling guilty for what I'd clearly just put them all through. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me, almost urgently, toward the door.

"Sorry for the unplanned and completely unnecessary entertainment everyone," I said as we walked quickly out of his office. I was a little taken aback by Adrik's behavior. Once we were on the elevator, I looked up at him. "Is everything okay?" He was silent for the short ride up to the penthouse, his jaw clenched. He still hadn't said a word as we walked into the penthouse. I followed him to the kitchen. "Adrik?"

He finally sighed and looked at me. He looked hurt. "It's not okay, Sephie. How long have you been struggling with these memories?"

"I mean, since it happened? What do you mean?" I asked.

"You try to carry all of this … this hurt by yourself. It's not fair that you only share the best parts of yourself with me, but shut me out when you're hurting. I love you, Sephie. All of you. The best parts of you, the worst parts of you, the parts of you that like to be bratty just to get a reaction. I love all of you. You can't keep shutting me out except when you're happy," he said. He was tense. He was leaning on the counter, gripping the edge of it with both hands like he was trying to crush the granite.

"I didn't know I was talking in my sleep. I don't remember anything. I didn't intentionally shut you out," I said quietly. I was confused by his reaction, which meant I didn't know how to react. I just stood there, for once not having the slightest clue on what to do. I didn't realize that I had completely zoned out until Adrik was standing in front of me.

"You're doing it again," he said. His voice was softer, but there was still a look of concern in his eyes.

"Doing what?" I asked, completely confused.

"Where was your mind just then?" he asked, looking more concerned.

"I don't know. It was blank. I told you I didn't intentionally shut you out, then I had no clue what to do, then you were standing in front of me," I said. I was starting to feel anxious. I could feel myself getting more upset by the second.

He cursed under his breath. "Sephie, it's been five minutes. You completely zoned out. I had to touch you to get you to snap out of it."

I suddenly felt like he was mad at me, like he thought I was doing this on purpose. I took a step back from him. "I didn't know!" I said, the tears started to fall. "I'm not doing it on purpose." I crossed my arms across my chest, shutting my eyes to try and keep the tears from falling.

I felt his arms around me, his lips on my forehead. "Sephie, has this ever happened before? Can you remember ever losing time before?" I nodded my head. "Did it happen after that night in the basement with your uncle?" His voice was much softer now. His hands running lightly over my back, trying to comfort me. I nodded my head again. "Did it happen after the forced procedure?"

"I don't remember. Maybe. That's when things got really bad at my uncle's house. I don't remember a ton of extra details," I said quietly.

"Makes sense," he said as he pulled me further into the kitchen.

"What makes sense?" I asked. I was still completely lost. He glanced at me as he turned the hot water on, pouring Epsom salt into the bowl. His face softening completely as he looked down at me.

"You're extra cute when you're confused, just so you know. You get this doe-eyed look that practically makes you irresistible," he said, his sexy smirk on his face.

"I don't know about that, but I'm definitely confused," I said. He walked to the other side of the island and grabbed one of the chairs and brought it back to where I was standing.

"Sit," he said, as he grabbed the bowl and set it in front of me. He remained in front of me, his fingers playing with my curls while I looked at my hands in the bowl of hot water. "Your brain zones out because it's trying to protect you from reliving those memories. I've caught you doing it several times since Monday, but I didn't think you were truly zoning out until just now. Your brain rarely stops, so I just assumed you were deep in thought."

"You have?" I asked, surprised.

He nodded. "Earlier today, even. When we were soaking your hands the last time. Then when you fell asleep in my office, you started talking. You only ever talk in your sleep when something's wrong. You started to struggle and I was worried you were back in the same nightmare loop, but you started pleading for them not to take your uterus. You were screaming at one point."

I felt the tears falling. I kept looking at my hands. "I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to." I could remember being in the clinic, begging for the doctor not to do the procedure. He was completely indifferent to my pleas. He acted like he didn't even hear me.

"Don't apologize, Sephie. I want to be here for you. If you're struggling with your past because you're being forced to relive it right now, I want to be here to help you through it. You don't have to go through it alone this time. The guys too. They also want to help." He lifted my chin so I would look at him. "You're not alone anymore, Sephie."

The tears were streaming down my face at this point. I still didn't know what to do. He already had so much on his shoulders, they all did, that I didn't want to bother them with what had happened in the past. I'd become accustomed to keeping my past locked up tight. When it came down to it, I was still worried he was going to look at me differently.

"I won't look at you differently, Sephie. You're never going to find what it is that you're constantly searching for. Don't get me wrong, I kinda love when you search, but it's pointless. What you're searching for doesn't exist. It will never exist," he said.

I squinted my eyes at him. "How did you do that?"

He laughed. He leaned down and kissed my lips. "You were searching, love. It was easy to guess what you were thinking." The timer on his phone went off. He leaned down and kissed me once more, then walked to the freezer and grabbed ice. He didn't bother trying to get me to put my hands in the ice water this time. He just soaked a towel and wrapped my hands up.

"Still hate it, for the record," I said, trying to make myself not pull my hands away from the cold towel.

He laughed, but he wouldn't let me take my hands away, either. He stood in front of me, his arms crossed across his chest, watching to make sure I kept them in the towel until he was satisfied. "Sephie, do you know how reliant I'm becoming on having you around?" he asked.

I shook my head no. "What do you mean?"

"You're what's kept me from ordering the destruction of half the city in the pursuit of destroying the other bosses."

"Maybe that's not a good thing. It would be over with by now that way," I said.

"Not necessarily. I would've unleashed my own chaos on the city. Chaos is loud. It's disordered. There's always collateral damage. Usually more than necessary. You don't want chaos in these kinds of situations. Chaos is unpredictable too." He unwrapped my hands from the cold towel, pulling me down from the chair. He kept my hand in his as he led me to the bathroom. "Violence, on the other hand. Violence is quiet. It's effective. Because it's quiet. No one sees it coming until it's too late. You can control the collateral damage with effective violence. You can predict the outcome when you use calculated violence. Without you, there would've been chaos. With you, there's going to be calculated violence. See the difference?" he asked as he grabbed my hips and lifted me onto the counter in the bathroom.

"I think so," I said. I was still somewhat puzzled.

He started to rub the arnica cream on the knuckles of one hand as he continued. "When I was younger, my anger couldn't be controlled. I left a path of destruction wherever I went. Viktor helped me rein it in, but it's never been truly controlled until you came into my life." I was watching his face as he was talking. He was watching what he was doing, but he would glance at me periodically. "You don't even realize what a savage monster you've tamed, without even trying." He chuckled. "Hell, you don't even need to see me or be near me to know that I'm about to lose control now. When you were in the ring with Mike? As soon as those words came out of his mouth, I was ready to kill him. There would've been no stopping me either, and I knew it. I wanted it. I've gotten to that point before and it took all five guys to pull me off the guy. Ivan was still an arm down, so they had no chance. I knew that. I was basically salivating at knowing I was going to beat him to death for saying that to you. Then you turned and looked at me." He paused to switch hands. He stole a glance and couldn't help but smile when he saw I was still looking at him. "That's all it took. I was still angry, sure. But that bloodlust that has never been controllable before, it just disappears when you look at me. I have no idea how you do it, but I know that I will die trying to protect you because of it." He looked in my eyes for a moment. A faint smile on his face as he lightly pushed a few curls back from my face. "Part of protecting you, Sephie, is helping to keep you safe from your own darkness and the demons you think live there. You've taught all of us how to be friends with our demons. Let me help you learn to be friends with yours."

I couldn't help but remember Ms. Jackson's words from so many months ago. You offer him something that he's never had before. He'll die to protect it. To protect you.