Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

Trey

T he sun is high but an eastern breeze has dropped the temperature to a beautiful seventy-five degrees. We held all the lessons outside today and now Kat is working one of the young geldings in the outdoor arena. I stand by her side in the center of the ring as she lunges him, the chestnut horse trotting in large circles around us.

Kat's using two long lines, one attached to each side of the horse's bit, which allows her to have more precise control over his movements. She holds a lunge whip in her hand, occasionally flicking it lightly behind the horse without making contact to encourage him to keep moving.

"Easy, boy," Kat says in a soothing tone, her eyes focused on the gelding. "That's it, keep it steady."

The horse responds to her commands, moving in a smooth, controlled trot. Kat expertly handles the lines, adjusting them to guide the horse's head and neck position while maintaining his forward movement. The double lunge lines allow her to work the horse on both sides evenly, promoting balance and coordination.

"He's looking good," I say.

Kat doesn't take her eyes off the horse, giving a slight tug on the left rein to guide him into a larger circle. "He tends to be a little stiff on the left side." She flicks the lunge whip. "Do you see it?"

"Yeah."

"But he's been getting better each session."

Kat nods and commands the horse down to a walk.

"You knuckleheads about done with work?" Wade calls out as he enters the arena by climbing over the white rails rather than using the gate. He waits for the gelding to pass and then joins us in the center as Kat lets him cool down in a continued walk.

"I've got a few more horses to lunge," Kat replies. "Gabe's out of state on business, so it's the perfect time to put some extra hours in."

Wade nudges me with his elbow. "Want to go out for some beers with me, Cory and Jake?"

I think about the text Holland sent me a couple of hours ago. Want to go fishing again tonight?

My reply was straightforward: Fuck yes, I do.

Last night on the dock, she made me see stars that were brighter than the ones in the sky and somehow, we've settled into an easy truce. Her teasing text, an invitation to hook up again, is evidence of that.

"I've got plans," I say with a shake of my head. "But I figured you'd be going out again with that waitress from Smokey's you hooked up with last night."

I caught her doing the walk of shame out of our house early this morning as I was drinking my coffee at the kitchen table.

Wade snorts. "No way. She came on way too strong."

"As if a girl could do that to you." Kat laughs.

"Okay," I drawl. "I'll bite. How did she come on too strong?"

"When we were done fu—" His neck turns red, and he grins impishly at our sister. "When we were done, um…"

Kat rolls her eyes. "I get what you were doing. Go on."

"When we were done, um, doing what we were doing, she started talking about how she was ready to settle down and wants at least four kids."

I almost choke I laugh so hard. "You're kidding?"

Wade chuckles. "I mean… she didn't say it like she wanted it with me. It was one of those cuddling conversations, you know. She asked me what my dreams and aspirations were, and well… I felt compelled to ask the same, and then I got the low down on her dream of being Betty Homemaker before she reaches the ripe old age of twenty-five. And I'm like thinking… I'm far too young for that kind of talk."

Kat snickers and shakes her head. "Boys just want to have their fun until they're ready to grow up." She glances over her shoulder at him. "And you, my dear sweet brother, aren't even close to growing up."

"Yeah, well," Wade retorts with a faux glare, "you're a stupid face."

We bust out laughing, because clearly, he was going for the most immature insult he could muster to highlight her point that he's not ready to grow up.

Kat calls the horse to halt and moves toward him to take off one of the lunge lines. "Well, I can't wait to have kids with Gabe one day. He'll make a great dad."

I can't help the slightly sour feeling in my gut at the mention of Gabe, but I keep it to myself. My sister's happiness is what matters. "Have to get married first," I point out.

She laughs, confident as ever. "I bet I'm engaged before the end of the year."

Wade raises an eyebrow. "Does Gabe know this?"

Kat's grin widens. "Deep in his heart, yes, he does."

We continue to tease and banter as Kat leads the horse back to his stall, enjoying the easy sibling camaraderie that comes from a lifetime spent together. Trey and I watch as she washes down the gelding before drying him off.

"I talked to Abby this morning," she says as she releases the gelding from the cross ties before backing out of the stall. "She's coming for a visit this weekend. I thought we could all get together with Holland and do something fun."

Immediately, I'm transported back to the summer of secrets. One of the biggest reasons Holland and I didn't tell my family was so that we could have time alone with each other. My first inclination is to decline such an idea, but I know it would seem suspicious and well, Holland wants to keep this thing we have right now secret as well.

Wade jumps all over it, throwing a thumb my way. "I was just telling Trey yesterday we should all go camping. Pack up some horses, hit the trails and go rough it for a few days."

"Not a few days," I say, thankful we have demanding jobs. "We have lessons on Saturday so we wouldn't be able to leave until at least noon."

"So we'll go just for Saturday night," Kat says. "It will be fun. We don't even have to go far. We can ride out to the pond."

My and Holland's pond.

"I'm in," Wade says eagerly.

"Holland might not want to," I hedge.

"Let's find out," Kat says, fishing her phone from her back pocket. Her fingers fly over the screen and before I know it, my own phone chimes, as does Wade's. We both look to see that Kat sent a group text to me, Wade, Abby and Holland. Camping Saturday night. Leaving around two p.m. Who's in?

Immediately, Abby responds. Me. Kellan's going to stay in Pittsburgh though. Work issues. I'll be in Friday night.

Even though Wade is standing right there with me and Kat, and we know he's in, he replies, This will be epic. Just like old times.

My heart pounds as I hope Holland considers this as bad an idea as I do, but damn if her text doesn't come through right on the heels of Wade's. Sounds fun.

Fuck.

I pull up the text exchange I'd had with Holland about fishing tonight. You do realize this cuts into our time together.

We're not exclusive, remember? she replies, adding a smiling emoji, meaning she's going to share time with my siblings. It's the exact opposite of how we used to be when we were together and I don't like it, but there's nothing I can do.

Except… there is something I can do because I don't have to abide by her rules. I reply, Oh, I remember. Be ready to go at 6. I'll pick you up at your mom's.

Her reply is quick: I can just meet you at the pond.

We're not going to the pond. I smirk inwardly as I pocket my phone.

Her reply chimes and I ignore it. I can only imagine what it says. I'm sure she's demanding to know where we're going.

I'll let her in on it later tonight.

"What's that smile for?" Kat asks, eyes twinkling with curiosity.

I force my face to relax. "Just a running joke I have with a friend."

"Gotcha. I'm off to do another lunge lesson. Catch you dorks later."

"Later," Wade and I echo as we turn toward the office.

Wade bumps his fist into my arm. "Sure you don't want to come have beers with us tonight?"

"I'll pass," I reassure him.

Wade smirks. "Got a hot date, Trey?"

I shrug, trying to play it cool. "Something like that."

Looping his arm over my shoulders, he says, "We're two peas in a pod, bro. We like our women loose and fast. And not ready to settle down with four kids."

Laughing, I nod along with him, letting him think that we're just alike. And maybe we were a week and a half ago, but things have changed now that Holland's back.

At least for me.

Wade seems unaffected in all ways and that's good. I wouldn't want to have to compete with my brother for Holland's affection.

Because I've already been down that road once.

Wade and I sat on hay bales in one of the quieter barns, each nursing our third beer. It was a Saturday night, and the dim light from a single bulb cast long shadows around us.

"Can't believe Holland's leaving for college on Monday," Wade said, taking a swig of his beer.

"Yeah, it's going to be weird without her around," I replied, trying to keep my tone neutral. Internally, my heart cramped at the thought of her leaving, but I consoled myself with our plan. We were going to spill our secret to the family as we had planned to do. Tomorrow night… Sunday dinner… meatloaf, rice casserole and a serving of truth.

Wade stared at his beer, swirling the liquid around. "I'm really going to miss her."

"Me too," I said, my voice betraying more emotion than I intended. I quickly took a drink to cover it up.

Wade's eyes flicked up to meet mine, a glimmer of something I couldn't quite place. "She's special, you know? Not just because she's like family, but… she's sweet, smart and so damn pretty."

Oh, did I know. I knew because I felt all those things about Holland, but I couldn't share that with Wade. Not yet. Not until tomorrow when we did it together. So I played it off. "Yup. Smart and pretty."

"But it's more than just that, right?" Wade leaned back against the wooden post and sighed.

"Mmm," I agreed, hoping we could move on as this felt awkward. The more he talked about Holland, the guiltier I felt about my withholding the relationship.

Wade sat up straighter and angled toward me. "Okay, man… I need to have a serious talk with you. And I want you to just listen and please don't make fun of me or dismiss what I'm about to say."

Dread filled me, his words putting me on edge. "Okay," I reluctantly agreed.

Wade took a long pull from the bottle, swallowed and with the courage it gave, said, "I've been crushing on Holland for the past year. And it's bad. I think about her all the time. I want to ask her out, but I haven't been able to get up the guts and well… I was hoping maybe you could give me a pep talk."

I almost choked on my beer. "What?"

"Yeah, man. I know it's stupid. She probably doesn't see me that way, but I can't help it." Wade's voice was raw, his vulnerability laid bare. His expression told me that this was serious, not a passing fancy.

I felt a whirlwind of conflicting reactions. I wanted to protect my brother's feelings, but Holland was mine. We had plans. We were going to tell everyone tomorrow. "Wade, you're not stupid. Holland's amazing. Anyone would be lucky to have her. But are you sure this is the real deal? You've been her friend since we were kids."

I know how hypocritical it sounded since I was in the same position and yet I made my move on her, but I was in self-preservation mode. It made me a horrible brother, but I needed to turn him away from this idea.

Wade gave a bitter laugh. "It's real, Trey. Like I'm sick to my stomach with my inability to tell her how I feel. I can't sleep. I can't think straight. It's like I'm stuck in quicksand and I'm slowly drowning."

Jesus Christ. My world tilted as I took in the misery on Wade's face and his words… his feelings… there was no doubt in my mind he was as genuine as anyone could be. I should've just told him the truth about me and Holland right then, but as I looked into those pain-filled green eyes, I couldn't bring myself to do it.

"What should I do?" he implored.

I set my beer down, suddenly not interested in drinking anymore. "I guess the only thing you can do is tell her how you feel."

And then get your heart crushed when she can't reciprocate. The thought of that made me sick to my stomach too. The fact we kept this hidden for two months is going to make things worse when Wade finds out.

The fact I let him spill his guts and didn't tell him the truth will probably damage our relationship.

Wade looked at me, his eyes pleading. "But what if she rejects me? What if it ruins everything? I can't stand the thought of losing her completely."

I was blindsided. I never expected this. "Wade, you can't live your life wondering what if. If you have feelings for her, you owe it to yourself to tell her. But you also have to respect her feelings, whatever they might be."

Wade nodded, his face a mix of determination and fear. "You're right. I need to tell her. But… Trey, it's more than just a crush. I think I love her."

My heart plummeted. Wade wasn't just infatuated; he was genuinely in love with Holland. An oppressive sense of doom fell over me. Guilt and responsibility warred within me. How could I support my brother without betraying Holland? How could I reconcile my love for her with Wade's feelings?

Wade's voice broke through my thoughts. "Thanks for listening and supporting me on this. You're my best friend in the world and I don't know what I'd do without you."

I tried to lighten the mood by punching him in the shoulder. "Stop being a sap."

"It's true," he said, eyes pinning me in place. "You're always the one I can count on, no matter what. I think I'll see if she wants to go for a ride tomorrow after dinner and I'll tell her then."

I managed to smile at him, but I couldn't say anything because of the lump in my throat. I didn't know what to do. I needed to talk to Holland, to prepare her for this. I'd go see her tomorrow morning while her mom was out to church and her dad would be passed out from the night before. We'd have to figure out what to do. How to minimize the hurt to Wade.

But right then, I was lost in a sea of conflict, unsure of the path ahead.

"Last chance to come out for beers with me and the guys," Wade says, lurching me out of my memories.

I look at my brother and he's nothing like the unsure eighteen-year-old of eleven years ago who crushed on Holland. I smile and shake my head. "I'm sure. You guys have fun."

Wade's eyes gleam mischievously. "We always do."