33. Chapter 33

Ghost Townby Benson Boone

"Iwill never leave you by choice. This isn't my choice. Read the letter." Von shoves a letter at me like I'm calling him a liar.

Maybe I am.

I don't understand why he didn't tell me he's leaving in three years. That we weren't building a future, only time.

I scan the letter and my heart that had been beating its way out of my chest leaves my body. My heart is gone and I can't see straight.

"Two fucking days. You're leaving forever in two days." I throw the letter to get away from it, but in defiance, it floats to the floor at my feet. I clasp my hands behind my head and blow out several breaths, but they're too fast.

I concentrate on not hyperventilating.

This is impossible. We"re impossible. Every thought I had for our future blows up.

"I'm not leaving forever," he says, but that sounds like a lie. "The process might take a long time to straighten out. But I will fix it. I'm coming back to you and you can come to me."

"I can't up and leave my job to follow you to Sweden," I whisper. Once he leaves, he won't look back. He can sculpt in Sweden. He doesn't need to be here. Words are easy. Words lie.

I expected this was a relationship, and that's my downfall. I knew better.

"I'm not asking you to drop your life or move to Sweden. I'm asking you to come visit me so we can see each other. I can go to Toronto. We can see each other there." Von's pleading and reaching for me, but I sidestep his grasp.

"Move to Sweden." Those words tumble around my head, shattering my vision of our life together.

"I said I'm NOT asking you to do that." Von stands and wraps me in a hug. "Alec, I…"

My body aches for his and my heart's desperate to hear impossible words.

"Alec, you are mitt liv, mitt allt."

I stumble out of his hold and stagger for the loft door. "You can't say that to me. Not now." I know what that means. I've been googling Swedish phrases. This one is too much. It can't be true.

"I mean every word I say." He stalks me to the door. "Every single word."

"If I'm your life, your everything, you wouldn't leave me." I rally my anger to protect myself from the pain and slam his door behind me. The world is spinning as I try to reorient myself to this new truth. I thought he saw me, the real me, and I meant something to him.

I'm hurtling down the stairs because I can't wait for the elevator.

He made me believe. He made me believe that I'm more than a good time—a satisfying fuck. That I could be someone's person. But I guess the joke's on me. If I were his person, he wouldn't hide when he was leaving.

I'm not sure what it says that I go straight to Unframed Art. It's home, as sad as that might be. Cole's office is empty, so I close the door behind me, hoping for some privacy.

The walk helped ease the tightness in my chest, so I'm not light-headed anymore.

I know Von doesn't want to leave right now. I know that.

But he is leaving, and even if he comes back, he'll leave again. Those are indisputable facts. He's upset, but there's no use in prolonging this pain. He accomplished what he wanted here—becoming an in-demand artist. Now he's leaving.

I gotta rip the Band-Aid off and get over it. Otherwise, our feelings will wither and die a slow and painful death. A shot to the heart is a quicker, less dramatic ending. Better for both of us.

Von's number scrolls across my screen with his incoming call. If I talk to him, I'll break. I'll agree to the fantasy that we can work things out. Pretend that an ocean between us won't matter. That when he gets back to his old life, he won't forget me.

I'll be the loud American who charmed my way into his bed. He's had serious relationships in the past. Will Von think of us as a relationship or great sex that time he went to America?

Von knows things from my past that no one else on this planet knows. I trusted him and let him inside my body. But he didn't bother to tell me the truth about how long he planned to stay. No matter what he says, we are temporary, and someone—no, Von—put my heart in a blender.

Of course, he's too good to be true.

A possessive Viking god with an artist's soul.

In real life, the perfect man does not appear from Sweden to make me feel safe and loved with an unspoken promise we could live happily ever after. Real life sucks.

Only the chosen few get the fairy-tale ending. Cole who found love twice. A month or two ago I would've said that Cole could take all the chances at love because I didn't want one. But now…but now…

It doesn't matter. Von is leaving in two days and I'm not good at goodbyes. Even if we don't want it to end, we have to face reality.

It's over.

The door swings open, startling me. Cole and Shane stop abruptly halfway between Cole's desk and the door.

"What happened? Is everything okay?" Shane's wide-eyed and concerned.

I let my head fall back on the chair's headrest, closing my eyes. I haven't wrapped my head around this, so telling my friends feels surreal, but I can't hide it.

"Von's going back to Sweden. We're done." My voice is flat and even with my eyes closed, I know they're shocked.

"When?" Shane chokes out.

"Day after tomorrow."

I hear them take the seat across from me, most likely having a conversation without words.

"Why so soon? His show is after that. Will he be back?" Cole's tone is calm.

"Nope." I don't bother answering his first question.

"Alec." Shane says my name with such emotion that I open my eyes. His face is broken-hearted and anxious. Cole's features are smooth and patient.

"Do you want to talk?" Cole asks.

"Nope." I can't handle Shane's emotions and Cole's concern. Cole will be concerned if I tell him what happened. I can't explain how I let my guard down and he's taking all my trust with him. Prolonging the agony is pointless. I pat my pockets and realize I don't have any of my antacids with me.

"Are you going to Sweden with him?" Shane presses.

"Did you not hear when I said it's over?" My voice is harsh and accusing.

"But—"

Cole stops what Shane was going to say with a light touch to his arm. Shane glares at Cole in response.

"What are you doing tonight? Have you eaten dinner?" Cole ignores Shane's death stare.

"Not hungry." Food has zero appeal for me.

"Are we—"

"Pretty boy, will you grab me a cup of coffee?" Cole cuts Shane off again with his request.

Shane's entire body flushes and goes rigid. He's furious. The nonverbal conversation is a full dialogue at this point.

"He wants you out of the room," I add to Shane's irritation.

"I know," Shane says, not taking his eyes off of Cole. "I'm trying to understand why."

Neither of us speaks.

"Cup of coffee, my ass." Shane pushes back his chair and stalks out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

"It's going to be a rough night at your place." I watch the door, waiting for Shane to burst back in with a tirade Cole can't interrupt.

"He wants to push you to talk about it. He's a therapy guy. Wants everyone to admit their feelings." Cole shrugs in response to my raised eyebrow. I'm a hundred percent sure Shane has done the same to him. "But I know you. If you aren't ready to talk, you won't. I'll be here when you're ready."

"Thanks, man. I'm not in the mood to be therapized." I'm staring at the ceiling, too numb to move.

"For what it's worth, I believe he loves you."

"He doesn't and we're not having this conversation." I can't believe Cole is going to push this after I let him grieve for five fucking years.

Blessedly, Cole remains silent.

I should've known I'd be thrown away. Again. Actions speak louder than pretty Swedish words. I should've known better than to believe.

I probably don't deserve love––that's why I've never had it.

It makes sense now. I don't deserve love. Von is better off without me anyway.

I know my friends want to fix this for me, but Mads was right. I should never have pursued something with Von. She knew, but I didn't listen. In her weird, meddling way, she wants the best for me and tried to warn me about this heartbreak.

I can't undo all these feelings.

I know for sure when Von leaves he'll see things differently and I won't be able to handle that.