32. Chapter 32

Alec is constantly on my mind. His smile with those seductive dimples. His tattoos that I've begun to memorize and see in my dreams. His enormous heart and how he cares for his friends.

Thankfully, I've finished most of my sculptures for my art show so I can afford the luxury of my fascination with him.

Alec has turned me into either a sex addict or an Alec addict.

He teased me about being a stalker, but it's not a joke. My body craves his and resents that we can't always be in the same room.

I don't know how long I can hold out before I tell him I love him. It's so big inside me I'm going to burst with it. I've told partners I've loved them but none held my heart as he does. My feelings for them were tender, ordinary, and easy to get over. Being with Alec is extraordinary and without him the color and light would drain from the world.

Swedes aren't big believers in soulmates. The concept is ridiculous since there are billions of people in the world and so much potential for different love matches. To think there is only one person meant for you is a product of pop culture, movies, and songs. I've viewed love as a steady comfort like my parents. A quiet affection that will strengthen over time.

Alec decimated that idea. My feelings for him are not quiet or steady or comforting. They're wild, unpredictable, ever-changing, and all-consuming. A love so big, eternity is near long enough. I'm starting to feel insane. Maybe it's not love, maybe I'm going insane.

I pour all my pent-up emotions into a gift for Alec. A sculpture. The material alone for my vision is way more money than I could ever sell the finished product for. But it's for Alec and cost isn't an issue. I bought a giant piece of titanium from a wholesaler since I couldn't find this much from recyclers.

Originally, I created a mold of a man lying on his side. A man without a head or legs below the knee. It could be anyone's chest, back, and butt. Anonymous, but Alec will know it's me.

The original idea was supposed to be an inside joke because he said I could make money sculpting my ass. My art will show him the future I see for us. I redesigned it, forging indestructible metal into a sculpture of us intertwined. Linked together for eternity. Our heads are in each other's necks, so our features aren't distinguishable.

Alec said he could tell when artists put their hearts and souls into their work. This is my expression of love for him, and I'm desperate for him to see it.

The mold sets and I run my hands over our twisted bodies. The smooth metal is cool in contrast to the intimate pose. Visually, it's sensual and evokes heat. It's my best work. The men look as if they can come to life and you'll hear their moans of pleasure for each other.

I'm moving the tattoo on my hip to the shoulder on my sculpture. And carving the Nordic symbol for male love on my ass. For Alec.

Alec has too many tattoos to display on the metal, so I'm recreating the one that means the most to him, the wolf for his found family, encompassing his back.

The sculpture is private, carnal, and a physical representation of our deepest connection. Only for us.

I can't display my love for him for other people's consumption, to judge or offer commentary.

When I finish the sculpture tonight, I'll give it to him and we can spend tomorrow in bed. I cancel our dinner plans with a text and think of a spectacular way to unveil it to him and profess my love.

"Honey, I'm home," Alec sings as he bangs open my apartment door. The irony of hearing the first words I heard him speak guts me. "Viking, let's go. You need to eat and I'm not taking no for an answer."

I'm afraid to move, as if moving will make the contents of the certified letter in my hands real. But the phone call I received and the ten phone calls from Madyson that I sent to voicemail made it real before the letter arrived an hour ago.

No one thought this could happen. It's unheard of since the proper channels were paid to avoid this very thing.

"Viking?" Alec kneels in front of me with concern. "What happened? Are you okay?"

I let out a breath, deciding it's not a disaster. We'll figure it out. Everything will be fine. I lift my head to meet Alec's gorgeous brown eyes.

"They revoked my visa on a technicality. I have to leave the country."

Alec shoots up from the floor. "You're leaving me!"

"I'm not leaving you. I can't stay here while this gets straightened out. It may be a clerical error," I lie.

I entered the US on a tourist visa and applied for the O1 visa, which requires prior approval. Madyson purposely didn't pay me until we filed the paperwork with the United States Citizenship and Immigration Service and they provisionally approved my visa. Artist and entertainers enter on tourist visas all the time—it never gets flagged. It's an unspoken perk of being famous, getting around the rules and requirements of living in the US.

I used my fame to my benefit, and now Alec is paying the price for me having to follow the rules like a regular person.

"I thought you lived here," Alec accuses.

"My visa should have been valid for three years." I reach to take his hands, but he pulls away.

All the plans I've made to tell him I love him shatter.

"This was always temporary for you?" His voice rises with panic, and it's killing me to know I've hurt him.

"No. We're not temporary." I bite back telling him I love him because I don't think he'll believe me and it isn't fair. "Until this is resolved we'll have to get creative on how to see each other." I'm pleading, horrified my worst fears will come true. That he only ever wanted something temporary. He never said out loud he wants a real relationship.

Alec's spine is stiff, and he's staring at me mutely. Alec is only silent when things are too much. I've become too much for him.

"Alec, please talk to me. We can work this out. It will be fine." Alec is the sun in my life. He changed me and I will never be the same.

"What was your plan when the three years were up? ‘It's been fun, Alec, gotta jet'?" His voice cracks, giving away his hurt under his angry words.

Doesn't he see my heart cracked wide open? Doesn't he notice the blood spilling?

For him. My heart is useless without him.