Chapter 32

"Ohmigod!"

Crew and I jumped up, blinded by the sunlight filling my room.

Gina stood in the doorway glaring at us. "What's this?" she said, her hand shooting out at us in my bed.

I pressed my palms to my eyes, pushing sleep away. "It's nothing."

Crew's eyes cut to mine. "Nothing?"

"You shouldn't be here like…this," Gina said.

"You told her?" he asked me.

"I had to tell someone."

Crew threw off the covers and sat on the edge of my bed.

"And since Peyton's too nice to send you away, I think I need to do it for her," Gina said.

"I said he could stay," I explained. "We had a lot to talk about."

"Then why's he shirtless?" she asked.

"I'm shirtless," Crew began, "because I was sleeping."

She crossed her arms. "Exes shouldn't be sleeping shirtless or in the same bed."

The word exes turned my stomach. We were so much more than that. And it hurt. It hurt like fucking hell. "We slept in bed together when we hated each other," I explained. "This was no big deal."

Crew stood up and grabbed his shirt from my chair a little more aggressively than necessary making me think calling it no big deal hurt him. He pulled the shirt over his head then slipped on his shoes. His eyes locked on mine. "I meant every word I said last night."

My eyes lowered, unable to look at him.

"You know where I'm staying," he said as he walked to the door.

I glanced up in time to see him stop. I thought he'd turn and say something else, but he didn't. He walked out.

Gina rushed over and sat beside me. "Why did he come over?"

"Because we're the only ones who know how it feels."

"I wish I could make it all better," she said.

"Me too." I fell back onto my bed. "It'd help if my feelings for him would just go away."

"Oh, honey. How can you be expected to just switch off feelings?"

"Especially when he says he wants us to stay together because we don't have the same mother."

"Wow," Gina said. "He's got it bad."

"It can't happen," I said.

"I'll support whatever you choose to do," Gina said.

"There's no choice," I said. "It's over."

* * *

"I'd finally let down my guard with someone. I finally trusted a ball player. And what did it get me? The rug ripped out from under me and a broken heart," I said, playing with the squishy ball I'd grabbed from the fidget basket.

"Tell me how you felt when he was saying all of those things to you," Blythe said.

"Hopeful. Which I know is crazy."

"There's nothing wrong with feeling hopeful. But I will say I'm concerned with what you'll do with your feelings when hope runs out."

I said nothing, knowing the hope I felt was momentary and reality had quickly set in.

"Let's talk about your father," she said, switching gears.

"Let's not."

"I think we can both agree he is the root of all the issues you're facing."

I didn't respond because it was the truth.

"Correct me if I'm wrong," she continued. "Your panic attacks began when the truth about his infidelity came to light."

I nodded.

"And they intensified being around him this summer."

I nodded.

"We need to address these unresolved feelings you have toward him."

"I hate him."

"But you didn't always. It's why your mom wanted you both under the same roof. She knew that you'd both have to finally address the issues. She couldn't have planned on his presence eliciting a physical reaction in you. But her intentions were good."

"All we do is fight," I said.

"Yes, but have you gotten the opportunity to say anything you were holding inside?"

I thought back to our interactions. I had definitely made my hate clear.

"If he were in front of you right now, what would you say to him?" she asked.

"You destroyed my life."

"That's a start. Anything else?"

"You're deceitful."

"Good."

"You don't care about anyone but yourself."

"Stop there. Can you think of a time when he did care about you?"

"Up until last summer, I felt it my entire life."

"Could all of that been deception?" she asked.

I shrugged, not wanting to admit there had been many good times with him.

"Might he have shielded you from his other life because when he was with you, it was all about you and not other women?"

I shrugged.

"If you don't mind me asking, up until last summer, how did he treat your mother?"

"The same way he treated me. Like she was the center of his universe. That's the hardest part. He never let on that he was this cheater living a whole other life."

"That would be hard to wrap your head around. So, what else would you say to him?"

"You need to be better for Crew."

She narrowed her eyes. "Better for Crew?"

"He can't keep running away from his mistakes. He needs to face them head on." I'd been so swept up in how his infidelity affected Crew and me as a couple, I hadn't considered that Crew was dealing with a separate issue when it came to knowing he had a father. My father couldn't just walk away from Crew like he had his other child. Crew deserved better.

"Maybe you need to tell him that."