Chapter 30

"You've got this," Gina said as we pulled into the parking lot of the baseball field on Saturday night.

I didn't want to be there. I couldn't think of a worse place to be. But Blythe told me I needed to keep living. I couldn't hide or the panic attacks could intensify. I also couldn't let Gina down; she wanted me by her side for the championship game. I hadn't seen Crew since our talk in the field house, and I dreaded the moment our eyes locked. But it was inevitable. Whether it happened on the Cape or in Alabama, I knew we'd see each other again.

We parked and walked out to our spot on the first base line, opening our chairs and sitting down amongst more fans than we'd seen all season. I looked out at the field. Crew played catch with Sam. He smiled at something Sam said, and it was good to know he was no longer worried about telling me the truth. I knew that had weighed on him. But I couldn't help but wonder if he was feeling like me or if he was already over me given that our fate was decided for us.

Sam caught sight of me, and he waved before throwing the ball to Crew. Crew turned to look and when he saw me, he shot me a sad smile. I gave him a quick wave and looked to Gina, releasing the breath I'd been holding.

"You're good," Gina assured me.

I closed my eyes, keeping the tears at bay. This was not going to be easy. There'd be no little leaguer bringing me baseballs. There'd be no home runs hit on my account. There would be girls trying to catch his eye. But he was no longer a guy I had any right to be jealous over.

By the bottom of the fifth inning, the Sharks and Stone Crabs were tied at two. Crew walked up to the batter's box. The girls behind us screamed his name, and he glanced in our direction. I quickly averted my gaze so not to catch his eyes.

In the batter's box, Crew got into his stance. The Stone Crabs' pitcher wound up, delivering a perfect fastball. Crew swung and connected, sending the ball flying high to left field and right over the fence.

The crowd around me jumped up, cheering his home run as the Sharks took the lead.

Crew kept his head down as he circled the bases, only to be bombarded by his teammates once he stepped on home plate. I caught a smile on his face as his teammates walked him back to the dugout.

By the bottom of the ninth, they were tied again. Cody was first up to bat.

"Let's go, Cody!" Gina yelled, taking me by surprise.

"Look at you getting into the game," I said.

"It's more like letting all these girls know he's taken," she whispered.

I laughed as Cody stepped into the batter's box. The Stone Crabs' pitcher wound up and delivered a high fastball. Cody ignored it. He stepped out of the box and took a minute then stepped back in. The pitcher shook off his catcher's sign and nodded at the next. He wound up and delivered a sinker. Cody again ignored it and the crowd cheered at the 2 and 0 count. The pitcher again shook off his catcher's sign, nodding at the next. He wound up and released the pitch. Cody swung. The bat connected. The ball soared. Everyone jumped to their feet watching as the ball sailed over the right fielder's head and over the fence.

Gina jumped up and down as the crowd around us went wild. Cody circled the bases to the applause of hundreds. When he approached home plate, his teammates were surrounding it. He jumped into the air and landed with both feet on the plate. His teammates celebrated around him, banging his helmet and hugging each other—the perfect end to an ideal summer for them.

At the brief trophy ceremony, Cody was awarded the game's MVP trophy. He stood at home plate and lifted it above his head. I clapped while Gina recorded the whole ceremony on her phone.

Once the ceremony ended and the crowd began to disperse, I stayed at my seat as Gina ran down to the fence, waiting for Cody to walk off the field. As soon as he did, she launched herself into his arms. A tinge of jealousy swirled in my gut, knowing that would have been Crew and me just a week ago.

Breathe.

I stood up and closed our chairs, reminding myself that it wasn't my reality anymore.

Breathe.

I scooped up the chairs and made my way toward the exit. I did a good job sitting through the whole game when I didn't think I'd be able to.

Small victories.

I waited in the car for Gina, scanning my newsfeed on my phone. Gina eventually slipped into the driver's seat.

"Was he happy?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"He was on cloud nine. We're gonna continue the party at Monty's."

"Would you mind dropping me at home?" I asked.

"I'm not gonna beg you to go. But please know I want to celebrate with you too. You've been there since Cody and I first met. This is a big night for him, and I want both of us to be there for him."

I inhaled a deep breath.

"But I'm your best friend," she continued, "and I would never force you to do something you didn't want to do."

We both burst out in laughter.

"Okay. Okay," she said. "I always force you to do things you don't want to do, but I want you by my side. And I don't want you to regret missing out on fun things because you expect them to suck."

"How long do you plan on staying?" I asked.

"Is that a yes?"

"I'll make an appearance," I said, earning myself a giant smile from Gina.

We arrived at Monty's and, between tourists, Sharks fans, and players, the place was packed. The music's bass pumped through the room like its very own heartbeat as we weaved our way through groups of people to the bar.

Gina grabbed us each a beer, and we maneuvered ourselves through the crowd until we reached the back patio. As soon as we stepped outside, we spotted Cody doing shots at the tiki bar with some of his teammates. His arms lifted into the air, and he howled when he spotted Gina. She glanced to me with wide eyes knowing this was going to be a sloppy night for Cody. Still, she made her way to him, and he wrapped her in a giant hug.

"There she is!"

I turned toward the voice. Sam was standing there. "Congratulations," I said.

"Thanks," he said.

"The season's over. Does that mean our summer bromance is over too?" I asked, sipping my beer.

He smirked. "It doesn't have to be."

"We'll always have the Cape, Sam," I said dramatically.

He laughed.

I spotted Gina who was looking behind me with wide eyes. I glanced over my shoulder, immediately locking eyes with Crew. My heart started racing. It sucked being attracted to a guy I could never have. But, I couldn't just shut off my feelings for him. They didn't just disappear now that I wasn't allowed to be attracted to him.

But what were we to each other now?

Friends? Acquaintances? Siblings?

A pretty girl stepped up to him, pulling his attention away from me.

Knots twisted in my stomach as I watched him smile at her the same way he used to smile at me. The imaginary weight pressed against my chest. The suffocating feeling sucked away my air. I clutched a nearby table as I gasped for air.

"Peyton?" Sam said moving to my side.

Breathe.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

Breathe.

I nodded.

"I don't believe you."

"I need to go home," I managed.

"I'm taking you," he said, linking his arm through mine.

"I don't want you to leave your celebration," I said as we moved away from the patio.

"I'll come back," he assured me.

Sam had me home within minutes, and thankfully my attack subsided, leaving me with a dull ache in my chest and a splitting headache. And, though I argued, Sam walked me to my front door.

"Thanks for everything," I said before hugging him.

"You make it easy."

"Said no person ever," I said as I stepped out of the hug.

"Do you want me to help you get inside?" he asked.

"I'm fine." I opened the door and stepped inside, turning back to him. "Don't even think about forgetting me once you're rich and famous."

He smiled. "How could I ever?"

I smiled and closed the door, grateful to have met people like Sam this summer. I guess not all ball players were trouble.