Chapter 9

9

Kacey texted Sam at five a.m. after a sleepless night, figuring no one would see it until after dawn.

Kacey

I’m sorry, man. I suck. I hope you and your man are okay and happy.

Then he turned his phone off, because what else did he have to say? He went to the window and sat there, thinking about all the shit River had said. It was a hard lesson, that the folks he’d thought of as family wanted him dead and gone, but he was gonna learn it.

Again.

This time, it was going to stick, dammit. He wasn’t going to keep being the world’s biggest fool. He was going to find a space where he could lie low, get a job doing something mindless, and…

Fuck, he didn’t know.

Get an apartment, a truck, and a dog.

“Kacey?” River pounded twice on his door, then let himself in. “Kacey.”

He blinked over from the window, his heart jumping from pure shock. “Hey. You okay? What’s wrong?”

River was wide-eyed and seemed very much like he’d been awakened from a deep sleep. “Uh. Nothing. I just… you’re okay? I mean you look okay, but I’m just checking. Sam was… or, rather, I was… concerned. That’s all.” River leaned in the doorway in his boxers, hair sticking up everywhere and took a deep breath.

“I can’t sleep, but that’s all. I was trying to be quiet.” What did Sam have to do with that? “I apologized to Sam. He deserved the apology, even if we don’t stay friends.”

“You’re going to stay friends.” River walked up to him and slipped an arm around his hips. “He was worried when you didn’t answer your phone, and Thomas called me. What you need to do is have a conversation with Sam.”

He didn’t know about that, but that was status quo. He was damn good at not knowing shit these days. “I didn’t mean to scare nobody. I didn’t think he’d even see it ’til morning.”

He hadn’t been ugly. Pre-dawn hurting texts were like drunk texts, without the typos and the emojis.

“I believe in your good intentions, boy.” River said that slowly, like it was supposed to be important. Super deep.

River was solid, and the hand against him was so warm that his eyes wanted to close.

“What do you see out there? You think you might want to make this your city?” River’s voice was warm too, rolling over him like waves.

How? How could he not just be taken in and crushed? Just crunched up. He’d been pretending he was this big deal, this ball of wild energy cowboy, and the world had proved to him he was tiny. “I was watching how it just goes and goes. There’s always folks moving around. It’s wild, imagining where all they’re going.”

“It’s a busy place. It’s a great place to feel like you’re part of something. I can take you out tomorrow to look around if you want. See some sights.”

“Did you move here? I mean, did you pick it, or was it picked for you?”

“I moved here. I wasn’t pushed out like you were, but I did make my own decision that I shouldn’t stay. I wasn’t well understood by anyone. It took a little while, but eventually I found like-minded people and made friends.”

Okay, that was cool. That was something he could understand, hold onto.

God, River was so warm.

“That’s amazing. I saw Times Square. I want to see things that are normal life things. A grocery store. Your favorite place to eat lunch.”

“I think I understand what you need, boy. We can do just that. We’ll have lunch there, and then I’ll show you real life. We can do the touristy stuff later. Of course, some of real life in this city is a little out there too. Maybe I’ll take you to my men’s club.”

“Yeah? Is it a gay bar type thing? I been to one or two of them, but it’s hard, because… well, it’s complicated.” For a lot of reasons. What if he got caught? What if he came onto someone taken? What about dancing? It was too open, and trouble was his middle name.

“Mostly gay, I would say. Members have to identify as male. It is a bar with a nice dance floor, and there are some areas in the back for… more private fun.” River pulled him a little closer, circling both arms around him and swaying them slightly. “It’s not complicated here. Do you like to dance?”

“I love dancing.” It was better than sex, because no one had to be worried about getting caught with their jeans down.

“Me too.” River swayed a little harder to some music that only River could hear. “Are you feeling sleepy yet?”

“A little, yeah.” But he didn’t want this to stop. This made his soul settled.

River kept swaying, arms firmly around his middle, looking out at the dark city over his shoulder. “We would dance well together. You fit well in my arms.”

“You have a good rhythm.” He could match it, move nice and easy and breathe.

“Good thing because there’s no music.” River took a step back, took him by the hand, and twirled him, nice and slow.

Oh, that was so romantic…

He couldn’t have stopped his smile if he tried.

“Look at that smile. It’s lovely.” River pulled him back in, still moving to music he could feel but not hear.

He took a deep breath, and when he let it out, River pulled him in closer. He rested his cheek on River’s chest.

“Mmm.” River hummed, the sound loud in his ear, then kissed the top of his head. Just gently. Affectionate.

It was sweet and made him feel like he was safe here, protected.

“I’ll take you dancing at the club. It’ll be fun.” River moved them in a circle, then back to the window where they rocked together where he could watch the lights and the cars.

“Okay. I’d like that.” He was feeling heavier and heavier, and he trusted that River had him.

“Do you want to lie down for a bit? I’ll stay with you. We can talk until you fall asleep.” River was already moving him toward the bed.

“I’d like that.” Was that weird? That he wanted it?

Shit, he didn’t care.

He felt better right now than he had in weeks.

River let him climb into bed and then slipped in beside him and spooned right up behind him, tucking one arm over his middle. “Is this okay?”

“Yes, sir. It’s just right.” And he thought he could just… float and know it was okay.