Chapter 20

20

It was nice to come Home on an off-night. The weekends were crowded, but during the week, you could sit and have a conversation. You could hear yourself think. You could take your boy out onto the dance floor and spin him around.

It was a plan.

He and Kacey hung back a little while everyone greeted Noel and Tyson, who were definitely the men of the hour. Though if you asked River, his boy in his sturdy leather bulldog harness, cuffs, and blindfold deserved just as much attention.

He kept a tight hold of Kacey’s hand and rested the other on Kacey’s shoulder to steer his boy along, very aware of how much trust it took for anyone to be led blindly, but also what it meant that Kacey was allowing it.

Kacey was tense, but he did as he’d promised, and kept moving with him. He hadn’t said a word in the car, and he could tell that Tyson had been desperate to comment on Kacey’s outfit, but Noel had a tight hold on his boy.

“You’re doing so well, boy,” he said close to Kacey’s ear. “Noel, I’m going to grab a table.” He gave Noel’s shoulder a tap, then cut around them and headed for an out-of-the-way table with enough chairs for a few extra people. Clint would probably want to join them at some point.

“It’s quieter than it was before. Either time.” Kacey squeezed his hand, holding on, palm damp.

“It is. It’s nice when it’s quiet here.” He led his boy to a table. “Kneel, boy. Right here. I’ll help.”

“Okay…” Kacey found the edge of the table, easing himself down to the floor, chin ducked, head down.

“There you go. My good boy. I’m going to sit right here with you.” He took his seat and rested a hand on Kacey’s shoulder. “Are you okay?”

“I think so. This is a little unusual, but not scary, and you’re here.”

“I know. But I have a reason, and we’ll talk about it later. It’s not random torture, I promise.” He played with one sparkling curl, stretching it and letting it go.

“No. No, I know that. The dark is safe. I told you that, and you believed me.”

“I did. I believe you because you always tell me the truth. Ah. Master Noel and Tyson are on their way over. You can lean on me if you want to. I’m not going anywhere.”

Kacey did lean in, heavy and warm against him, and Tyson bounced up with his Master. “What does everyone want to drink, Masters?”

Tyson looked hot in his little leather shorts and full torso harness. Noel was a lucky bastard. “A water for Kacey and a Diet Coke for me, boy.”

Noel nodded to him and then glanced at Tyson. “Same for me, boy. Get a water for yourself.”

“Yes, Sir!” Tyson floated off, chattering with other subs and having a ball socializing.

He shook his head and wondered if Kacey would be like that once he got comfortable here. “How does it feel to be Home?”

“Amazing. I miss it. I miss having a safe space to be ourselves with our boys.”

“You don’t have anything like this in Santa Fe, huh?” He assumed not. There was really no place like this anywhere.

“No. No, this is special. I may start something up, but something small. I don’t know.” Noel chuckled softly, eyes dancing. “I never say never.”

“I think that would be great. We’d come visit, check it out.” He made sure to keep one eye on Kacey, and one hand too, touching, stroking, letting his boy know he was right here.

“Well, you’re welcome whether I do or not, but seriously, if I start something, I’ll want your opinion.” Noel winked at him, then nodded toward Kacey and smiled.

He nodded back. They’d stay here and talk for a little, but then he wanted to get Kacey alone. They both needed it. “Have you ever been to Santa Fe, Kacey?”

“Yessir. I rode there quite a bit, believe it or not. Rodeo de Santa Fe is a great little arena.”

“See! I told you we should have gone!” Tyson set their drinks down on the table. “Uh. Sir. Sorry, we should have gone, Sir.”

“Kneel here next to Kacey.” Tyson looked contrite and did as he was told. “We had an invitation once, but we didn’t go. We will now, though.”

“We’ll have to come out as well. I would love to see a rodeo with an expert.” He gave Kacey’s shoulder a squeeze. “You could show us around, right, boy?”

“Yessir. I love Santa Fe. It’s a great town. Amazing food.”

“Thank you for the drinks, Tyson.” He picked up a water and handed it to Kacey, then sipped his Diet Coke.

“Of course, Master! Oh, it’s so nice to be Home. I mean, I love New Mexico, but this is amazing. Thank you so much for bringing me, Master!” Tyson was glowing.

Tyson just made him smile. “My pleasure, boy.”

“I thought I heard a celebrity was visiting us tonight.” Clint went right to Noel who stood to skip the handshake and went right in for a hug.

“You mean River, of course,” Noel joked.

“Oh, I have missed you. You’re well? I read your last novel. Very imaginative.”

“You did?” Noel blinked at Clint, looking genuinely touched. “Really? Thank you. That means a lot.”

“I did. I quite enjoyed the relationship between the demon hunter and his pretty pet.” Butter wouldn’t melt in Clint’s mouth.

Noel gestured for Clint to join them. “Art imitates life, my friend. Tyson, stand up and say hello to Master Clint.”

Tyson stood carefully and even River could see how hard the boy was trying to rein himself in. “It’s really good to see you, Master Clint.”

Clint smiled and opened his arms. “Come here, pretty boy. It’s so good to see you.”

“Oh yay!” Tyson ran right over, and he and Noel laughed.

Clint hugged Tyson, and the usually taciturn Dom was all smiles. “Have you been good for your Master, boy?”

“Of course not, Sir. What’s the point of that?”

Noel just shook his head, still chuckling softly. “It’s a constant struggle.”

“And are you teaching Kacey naughty things?” Clint let Tyson go and Noel pointed to the spot he’d been kneeling.

“Kacey is the sweetest. He’d never be naughty.” Tyson drew out the word never, the sarcasm clear.

Kacey leaned harder into his legs, away from Tyson, but he didn’t respond otherwise. He recalled that Kacey had said he’d “messed up with Tyson,” though that seemed practically impossible. Still, he filed it away for later.

“Hello, Kacey.” Clint leaned over the table to get a better view.

“Say hello, boy.”

“Evenin’, sir. How are you doing?”

“Fine, fine. That’s a very nice blindfold. How do you like it?” Anyone else might be joking around, but for Clint, that was a serious question.

“It’s soft and s-safe. I needed it.” River knew how hard it was for Kacey to say that.

Clint gave him an approving look. “You’re a good boy, Kacey. Master River should be proud.”

“I am. No sub works harder than my boy.” He bent and slid a hand over Kacey’s bare lower back.

That made Kacey’s abs ripple, and those exposed nipples tightened.

Clint sat with them, and the conversation turned to New Mexico, and food. For some reason, they always came back around to food. Kacey stayed so still the whole time, but when Tyson started shifting around, Noel made the call.

“I would really like to take Tyson back to the room we reserved.”

“Of course. Will you be back around before you go back to Santa Fe?” Clint stood first, allowing them all to get up as well.

“Oh yeah. We can’t just come once.”

“Once would be so boring.” He couldn’t help himself.

“Go play. Give me a wave on your way out.” Clint nodded and left them.

Kacey stood there, head cocked, listening, and River took a second to admire that flat belly.

“We’ll get an Uber back to your place.” Noel fist-bumped him.

“Sure. You’ve got your key. See you later.”

He watched Noel lead Tyson off. “And there they go. Which means, it’s just you and me now, boy.” He took Kacey’s hand and led his boy more slowly toward the back rooms. “I have a room for us as well. We’ll stay there a little while, and then I have a reward for you.”

“A reward? Really?” Kacey squeezed his hand, straightened a little taller. “Thank you, sir.”

“Don’t thank me yet, we have some work to do first.” He swung by the bar and got his key, and he led Kacey right to the St. Andrew’s Cross against the back wall.

“Why do you think I’ve kept you blindfolded all evening?” He lifted one of Kacey’s arms and hooked his cuff to one of the the D-rings on the cross.

“Because the dark is safe.” Kacey tested the cuff, obviously curious.

“Partly, yes.” He raised the other arm to match and locked it in place. “And it was also about trust. What do you think it says about you and I that you let me take you out of the house without being able to see where we were going? Or even see what you are wearing?”

“That I believe in you. That we got something together. It’s a good thing.” Another wiggle, another little test of the cuffs.

“Mhm. That you trust me to take care of you. Feet wider please.” He waited for Kacey to move, then locked down one foot. “To see to your needs.” He slid Kacey’s other ankle into the cuff and tightened it.

“No one cares about me like you do.” Kacey stiffened, frowning. “I—that’s new, huh?”

He placed his hands on Kacey’s hips, leaning a little, pinning his boy’s hips against the cross. “I’m your Dom. Other people will care about you if you let them, but not like I do.” He kissed Kacey’s nape, enjoying his boy’s soft groan, then moved a few steps away. “Speaking of other people… what happened with Tyson?”

“I snapped at him. I apologized, but I’d already done it.” Kacey turned his head, trying to follow his voice.

“Why did you snap at him?” He’d already learned if he wanted the whole story he had to ask, and ask again.

“He touched a sore spot. It wasn’t nice, and I was sorry.”

He sighed and reached for the clasps on Kacey’s harness to remove it. This was going to take more than talk. “Boy. I want to know what it was about. Specifically.”

He sighed. “He said something about how you’d like me to dress up more, and I felt like he was saying you were slumming a little, so I snapped and said I didn’t have fancy shirts right now.”

He stopped what he was doing. Tyson had been giving twenty-dollar BJs in a bar bathroom in London when Noel found him. He’d never talk to Kacey that way. “Tyson isn’t like that. He meant dress up like this.” He tugged lightly on the harness. “Leather and cuffs.”

“That’s why I apologized. I knew I’d hurt his feelings. I even said that it was a sore spot. I didn’t mean to be a shit. I was just feeling low.”

“Feeling low? That’s hard to do in Tyson’s company, he’s always so positive. Was it about the rodeo?” He was guessing not, but he had to start this discussion somewhere.

“I don’t know. There was just a lot to think about. A lot to worry about and sort out, and I felt like I was being so stupid in my heart!” Poor Kacey sounded so overwhelmed.

“What could you possibly need to sort out?” He was going to let Kacey lose it if that’s what it took to get some of this emotion and worry off the boy’s shoulders.

“It’s hard to explain. I’m not being a bitch. There’s just so much, and about the time I thought I understood what Tyson was telling me, there was more. People aren’t supposed to feel that many things.” Kacey sighed and shook his head. “Or at least I’m not supposed to.”

“People feel everything, boy, and often all at once. That’s what being human is. Feeling the emotions, talking them through, understanding them so the next time they’re not so big.”

He finished removing Kacey’s harness, leaving a smooth, still somewhat tanned expanse of perfect skin for him to mark. Then he checked Kacey’s pockets in case he wanted to paddle the boy through his jeans. “Let’s roll this back to the things you haven’t talked about as long as I’ve known you… what you left behind. Bull riding? Were you good? Did you love it?” Sam had told him once that some guys loved it, but some guys didn’t know what else they could do so they just rode. He wanted to know where Kacey fell on that line.

“I wasn’t ever going to make a million dollars, but I won some purses. Enough to pay my way, contribute.”

“Contribute to what?” He pulled a nice heavy flogger from the cabinet, one that would make more noise than pain and swung it through the air so Kacey could hear it.

“What?” Kacey frowned. “Like house stuff. Money, you know.”

“Okay. Do you miss it?” He swung it again, getting used to the weight and thinking about his next move. “Riding, I mean? If you could safely go back to it right now, would you?”

“There’s a lot of answers to that question, man, and it doesn’t matter anymore, does it?” Kacey shook his head and huffed out a sigh. “It’s never going to be safe.”

“I want to make something clear, boy.” He dropped the flogger, stepped up right behind Kacey and leaned against him, further pinning his boy to the cross with his own weight, hands wrapping around Kacey’s forearms. “You don’t get to decide what matters anymore. If I ask a question, I expect an answer.”

Kacey’s lips parted, and his boy actually stopped breathing for a second, as if time had stopped, then he whispered, “I—I don’t know. No, but I’m nothing else. I wasn’t anything else. I think I’m someone else now. I just don’t know. I don’t want to think about all that. It hurts.”

He didn’t dare move. He could hardly breathe himself at the depth of his boy’s honesty. “You are someone else. You’re mine. You’re valued for who you are, for the gifts you give to me, like your honesty. Thank you for that, but I think you understand that not wanting to look at something painful doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. You have to acknowledge it, understand that pain so it can’t keep hold of you.”

“I still don’t want to. God, you’re everywhere. Fucking everywhere.” It wasn’t a complaint. That sound was awe, and it belonged to him.

“Tell me. Tell me what hurts. Tell me why. You’re not going to fall, you’re not going to shatter, I’ve got you.” He felt good. He felt powerful, not at Kacey’s expense but because he knew he could help his boy through this. Through anything. “You’re safe.”

“I had a life—a home, a truck, a job, sponsors. He watched them hurt me. Screamed at me. Spit on me. The whole thing didn’t take a whole day. I—” Kacey shook his head. “Can’t you just let it go?”

“I’m not going to let it go.” He hadn’t heard a safeword. Some piece of Kacey had to understand this process was important. “Tell me.”

“Tell you what? That I’m not even worth killing? That after years—almost five years—he told everyone I’d raped him and no one believed me. They beat me until I couldn’t get back up, and no one cared. They made me hurt, pissed on me, set my truck on fire, and they liked it. I’d been friends with these men for a decade, and I wasn’t worth a second thought.” Kacey swallowed a hard sob, chewing on his bottom lip hard enough to draw blood. “Are you happy? Did you need to know that? How easy it is to throw me away?”

That was it. That was enough. “I did need to know that. Now, there are no more secrets between us. Now, when you look at me and tell me something is hard for you or something hurts, I will understand why. Now, we can put that behind us and move forward. We don’t ever have to speak about it again.” He released Kacey’s feet. “That understanding is a gift, boy. For both of us.”

“I don’t understand anything anymore. Can you hold me again?”

That was the plan. “You do understand.” He opened the cuffs keeping Kacey’s wrists in place. His boy moved into his arms without needing to be told and he held on tight. “You understand you’re mine, I know you do. That means you don’t need to worry about anything. I will take care of you. And I will never throw you away.” He couldn’t predict the future, but he could promise that much.

Kacey rested against him, heavy and hot like they’d been through a storm, which they had, and his boy had done so well.

“That was so hard. I know. You’re my good boy, Kacey. You did everything I asked. I’m so proud of you.” He spoke softly, slowly. It was important that Kacey leave this room feeling like he’d done something right.

Kacey sniffled but stood a little taller. “Thank you. I’m glad.”

“I hope you are. I hope you’re proud of yourself too. That was brave. Are you ready to take off your blindfold?”

“Yes, Sir. It’s a little hot and muggy in here now.” That little quirked smile made him chuckle.

“I bet.” He took it off, noting how soggy it was, but not calling attention to it. “Blink a little. It might take a bit to adjust.” He was happy to stand here and hold his boy. He wasn’t surprised to find he felt settled now, in control, and that the restless feeling from earlier was gone.

“Yeah, it’s a little heavy, but not bad.” Kacey took a deep breath and hugged him tight. “Are you thirsty?”

Suddenly, he realized he was. How had not noticed that before? “I am. You?”

“Yes, Sir. Very much.” Kacey met his eyes, grinning at him.

“There’s water in the cooler over there. Grab us each a bottle and we’ll get you back into your harness.” It seemed like a good time to playfully mention that little detail.

“I can’t believe I left the house without a shirt on. My nipples and bellybutton were out, and I didn’t even say anything about it!”

“You trusted me, and I’m glad you did because you looked amazing. Everyone said so. Wait until you see.”

“I guess it goes with the glitter.”

That little smirk proved that his boy was feeling more solid as well. River couldn’t wait to see what that meant for his future.