Chapter 3

My hands shake like leaves in a hurricane as I try to pretend I'm strong and don't give a damn about seeing Jaxon again. Oh, God. All that therapy and the first time he's in front of me again I can't deny I'm a mess. I thought if I ever saw him again I'd be able to handle it.

How wrong I was. One look at him and it was like all the time apart meant nothing and I was back in my old apartment where he broke up with me.

That's right. I need to remember that detail. He broke up with me. He left me for another woman, so whatever he's doing here means nothing.

I can't deal with him right now. How dare he come to my apartment like nothing ever happened? Like he didn't shatter my heart when he left me.

Feeling myself slip into a place I swore I wouldn't visit ever again, I hurry to my room and lock the door behind me. I need to not see him. If I don't see him when he talks to me, I'll be able to hold strong and not crumble to pieces.

"Tia, come out here. I need to talk to you."

Why is he acting like he has any right to be standing in my living room right now ordering me to do what he wants? Who the hell does he think he is?

"Go away! I don't want to see you. You aren't welcome here, Jaxon!"

Ah, there's that fire my therapist told me to never let go of. I wasn't sure it still existed, especially when I saw him at my door and all I wanted to do was throw my arms around him. As Dr. Atkins always tells me, it's okay to care about someone. That doesn't mean they get to be a part of my life.

Now if I can just remember that when Jaxon refuses to leave.

I hear his footsteps as he walks down the hall toward my room. They stop just outside my door, and then a second later, he tries to turn the handle.

He really does think he has some right to be here. He needs to see he's mistaken.

"Tia, please come out. I need to talk to you. It's important."

The hint of sadness in his voice makes my willpower falter ever so slightly, but then I remember the reason he said he needed to leave me. "Just go. I want you to leave me be."

"I can't."

My stomach twists into a tight knot when I hear that. He said that the night he came to see me after that terrible week I spent out at his house. He said he couldn't get me out of his mind then. Now what's his reason why he has to come here and bother me?

"Why? Did your girlfriend leave you?"

I don't care that my voice sounds like I'm gloating. I hope she did leave him. Maybe he finally understands what it felt like when he broke up with me.

"No."

"Then go back to her and leave me alone," I say through the door, not caring that I may be hurting his feelings.

He ripped my heart out when he left me. Turnabout's fair play.

"Let me in, Tia."

The way he always sounds like he's in the right and I must listen to him still comes through loud and clear in every word he says. The difference now is I'm not the same girl he left behind in a pool of her own tears. That Tia is long gone.

"No. I spent all those months trying to get over you. I finally did, so I won't let you do this to me again."

He's quiet after my defiant little speech, and I begin to wonder if he's thinking about leaving. He should. It would be better for both of us.

I listen for the sound of his footsteps to let me know he's walking away, but I hear nothing. That means I'm still in danger of letting him back in. I have to remember that.

"Do what to you again?" he asks, as if he doesn't know his own crimes when it comes to me.

As much as I want to stay angry, that question makes my chest hurt. My answer comes out in quiet voice as I try not to cry.

"Break my heart."

He sighs against the door before saying, "I never wanted to do that."

"Well, you did," I say as I will those damn tears of mine to go the hell away. "Just go. Let me live my life. I was finally happy. After months of feeling like I'd never smile again, I'm okay now. If you ever cared for me, you'll leave and never come back, Jaxon."

"Tia, I'm here because I care for you. You have to let me in."

I notice he doesn't use the past tense and instead says care, like it's something he still feels. No! I can't let myself get sucked into dissecting his words and wondering what they mean. He told me loud and clear that he didn't want to see me anymore that night in my old apartment. Nothing's changed.

He's still the same bad man he always was.

"Go away, Jaxon. I moved on. I found someone who cares about me. I hope you can find the same."

Every word of that is a lie. I've never been able to move on. Oh, I thought I did, but as soon as I saw him standing in front of me tonight, that became a lie I'd told myself during all those months alone. None of the men I've dated could make me forget Jaxon. Even the thought of him happy with someone makes my heart hurt to this moment.

"Who? Who is he?" he asks, and I hear real sadness in his voice.

Why?

Even more importantly, who does he think he is asking me that?

I throw the door open and stare at him in disbelief. "I can't believe you have the nerve to ask me that."

He smiles, even though my question wasn't anything nice or funny. "I just said that hoping you'd get angry enough to open the door. I know I have no right to even be here."

I hate that he knew just asking me that question would work. He's right about one thing. He has no right being here or expecting me to be kind of him after what he did.

As he looks into my eyes, he says, "I missed you, Tia. Not a day has gone by that I didn't think of you."

So now he misses me? Where was he all those nights I laid in bed crying?

I push past him to walk out to the living room. "So you were a terrible boyfriend to another woman. How nice."

Behind me, he says in a low voice, "There was no girlfriend, Tia."

Spinning around to face him, I snap, "Don't insult my intelligence. I remember you saying there was someone else."

His face is expressionless when he answers, "I lied."

"What? Why?" I ask, my head swimming with so many other questions.

When he doesn't answer, I ask, "Why would you tell me that? You broke my heart. I wanted to die when you dumped me. Now you stand here telling me you lied? Why? Did you just want to be away from me?"

Still, he refuses to answer me, so I pound on his chest, needing to make him hurt like I hurt right now. Like I hurt when he left me.

"How could you do that to me? I loved you, Jaxon."

He grabs my wrists to stop me from hitting him, so I turn my back to him. "Don't. You deserve whatever I do to you," I sob, unable to hold back my tears any longer.

Jaxon rests his chin on my shoulder and quietly says, "I loved you. I still do. I've never stopped, Tia."

I can't listen to this.

Turning in his hold, I try to yank my arms from him but he won't let go. "Well, I have."

"No, you haven't. A love like the kind we have doesn't go away."

"Maybe not for you, but I got over it," I lie, but it's no use.

He has no idea how much I wish I could have moved on. It's all I wanted for months, but it never happened.

"I don't believe you. You couldn't get over me any more than I could get over you."

I shake my head, desperate to not let him see how much he affects me. "I don't care if you believe me! I want you to leave. Now!"

He pulls me to him and kisses me, and in a flash, it's like he never left. Like always, his kiss takes my breath away. I've missed him so much, and I can't fight that truth anymore.

When I begin to cry harder, he holds me tightly to him and whispers against the top of my head, "I'm sorry, Tia. I left because I wanted to keep you safe."

I don't understand and look up at him, confused. "You broke my heart, Jaxon. Is that the kind of safety you meant?"

He dries my tears by gently dragging the pad of his thumb across the tops of my cheeks. "I stayed away, even though it killed me not to be near you."

"Every night for months, I cried myself to sleep. I didn't want to miss you, but I couldn't help it."

Leaning down, he presses a kiss to my forehead and whispers, "I'm sorry. Forgive me."

I want to say I can't forgive him. I can't lie, though. I've never stopped loving him.