31. Bullshit and Fighting This

THIRTY-ONE

BULLSHIT AND FIGHTING THIS

Love Lies, Khalid Ft. Normani

Saint

“When did you move to Baker?” the girl who has been babbling for the past five minutes next to me asks. How someone can be so clueless is beyond me. There’s nothing about my demeanor that should be an indicator to her that I’m interested. If anything, my eyes haven’t left Roe, dancing in the middle of the dance floor, having the time of her life.

She’s smiling big and moving around, taking all the space she deserves. I can practically hear her laughter too; it’s probably in my head because it would be impossible to hear her over the music. But my soul hums with the way she’s smiling, like it’s recognizing her laugh the same way my brain does with music. I get the instant urge to find out all the ways I can be the one to make her smile that way. To make her laugh that way. I want to be the reason for the joy she’s showing right now and I would do whatever it takes to make it happen. As soon as I get rid of this person.

“What was that?” I ask.

“I said,” she says louder and slower, like the reason I didn’t answer the first time was because of the music drowning out her voice and not because I’m not interested in even a polite conversation with this woman. “How long have you been in Baker Oaks?”

“Not long,” I say politely but short, sipping on my whiskey and trying to avoid more conversation. I notice the song stopped so I look for the beautiful girl that has a hold on my heart. No matter how much I want to deny it, I’m falling for Roe. I’m falling fast and hard, and I’m scared of what might happen if I let her know.

Roe’s walking toward me with purpose. Her brows furrowed and her arms crossed. Her hair is in that high ponytail she loves that shows off her neckline. Her. Fucking. Neckline. It’s sexy as hell, especially the way she holds her head up high and carries herself with confidence, paired with the low-cut tank top and the ready-to-bite neck have me rock hard just by looking at her. Thoughts of wrapping her hair around my fist while she sucks my dick invade me and my body is on high alert just thinking about it.

I think she will make it to me but instead, she goes around the bar and to the back, coming out a minute later with a seltzer in her hand and a mischievous smile. Co?o. Shit.

“Hi, can I get you guys anything?” she asks nonchalantly, as if she’s not annoyed by this girl like I am.

“I’ll have whatever Handsome here is having. I never got your name,” the girl next to me says.

“You’re right, I never gave it to you,” I say. I sound rude as fuck but I don’t know how else to get this girl to get the memo.

“Ooooh, mysterious. I don’t need to know your name, Handsome,” she says, touching my shoulder with a finger and dragging it to my elbow.

I pull my arm back and stand up. She does the same and says, “I just need to know what your plans are to get out of here and if you’re taking me with you.” She winks and I hear Roe act like she’s gagging, so I scoff.

“Oh, I do have plans tonight, miss,” I say, training my eyes to Roe, who is currently standing there looking like she’s ready to kill little Miss Forward here. “I have plans with the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. So, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve wasted enough time tonight not being near her.”

I walk past her and around the bar, grabbing Roe’s hand and pulling her to my chest. “Is this okay with you, princesa? Your eyes and your body are telling me that you want to claim me, right here, right now.” I tangle my fingers with hers while my other hand caresses her arm, all the way to her neck, touching her chin. “But I need you to say it, Roe. You know I’m yours, but are you ready to let everyone know? Because I sure as hell am and I’m hoping you are, too.”

She closes her eyes delicately, her long dark lashes brushing against her cherry pink cheeks and she nods, tilting her head toward my hand. “Why are you determined to make me lie to you?” she says like an assassin, stabbing my heart and killing every hope.

“Why are you fighting this, princesa? Why are you fighting us?”

“There’s no fighting something that isn’t real,” she replies, and I hope she doesn’t mean that. I hope that’s just the fear talking, because I know deep down, she feels this too.

I bring a hand to her chest. “Bullshit. This, right here—” I say, pointing at her chest “—tells me otherwise. The way your heart’s racing right now is calling your bluff.” I look at her intensely so she knows that I’m not pulling back, that this time I’m not letting her push me away. “I bet it started racing the minute you saw her talking to me. Did you think I sought her out? Were you hoping to use that as another excuse? Another barrier between us?”

Her eyes darken and her cheeks grow brighter. I can see every emotion in those ocean blue eyes. Right now, they’re telling me she’s mad and I’ll take it, because any emotion is better than numbness. She could mask them for annoyance or indifference but instead she’s letting me see the fury irradiating from her. The anger rising from her pores. The confusion swimming between her eyes.

“You know I’m right. Don’t lie to me; but most importantly, don’t lie to yourself. Let me kiss you in front of everyone here, let everyone see that you belong to me.” I want to kiss her senseless and maybe even spank her for not letting me kiss her sooner in public, but I’m waiting for her consent. As much as I know her heart, or hope to, she has to be the one to say yes. I can want us enough for the two of us but she still has to wave a white flag.

“Why are you so impossible?” she asks, grabbing my neck with her hands and pulling me down to her. “You’re giving me the matches with that request, Saint.”

“I already told you -- maybe I like playing with fire.”

“You can kiss me, Santiago . Show me how much you want me,” she says, licking her lips and closing her eyes. But before she can kiss me, she whispers, “Show them you mean it when you said I’m yours.”

I don’t hesitate this time and pull her to me, kissing her just the way I’ve wanted. Her lips caress mine; her hands grab my neck and her head tilts to give me better access to her tongue. My tongue swipes against hers eagerly but without taking it to the point of no return. I’ve never liked kissing the way I like kissing Roe. I’ve never thought about stripping someone naked just after one kiss until Roe. Nobody has driven me insane more than her and I think I fucking love it.

I think I love her.

Roe breaks the kiss, jolting back at the same time the other bartender, whose name I always forget, finishes saying something about PDA.

“You’re fired,” Roe yells, rolling her eyes just as the girl hits her ass with the bar towel.

“Like you could ever survive without me,” she snarks, folding the towel and shoving it into her back pocket. “I’m glad you finally found someone to deal with your crazy ass, but keep the PDA away from the bar. We don’t need a citation for contamination due to the two of you exchanging saliva here.”

I laugh and Roe just shrugs, telling me to go back to the other side of the bar, where I wait until Roe’s ready to go to her house and she takes me with her.

“Buenos dias, mijo,” Good morning son, my mom says on the other line. Like every Sunday, I wake up to a call from her so we can catch up. She talks to her children one-on-one on a specific day of the week since Ana died. She says that her only regret in life was putting other things first. The house, cooking, working, and all other adult responsibilities that she had that stopped her from spending more time with us. No matter how many times we try to let her know that she’s incredible and that she did spend quality time with us, she never believes it. She says that time is the only thing that you don’t get back, so she wants to spend it showing the people she loves that she truly loves them.

“Bendición mamá,” Blessings mom.

“?Cómo te amanece?” How ’ s your morning?

“Bien, bien. Salí a celebrar a un amigo anoche y estoy cansado pero bien. ?Y tu? ?Tienes planes hoy?” Good, good. I went out last night to celebrate a friend so I ’ m tired. What about you? Do you have any plans today?

“Vamos a la iglesia pero tu papá tiene que trabajar así que solo tus hermanas y yo vamos a ir. Dani tiene unos dibujos en la escuela y creo que vamos a pasar a verlos. Mi peque?a artista. Ustedes todos me enorgullecen tanto, Santiaguito.” We ’ re going to church but your dad isn ’ t coming, he has to work. Dani also has an art showcase at school that we might stop by to see. She ’ s my little artist. I ’ m proud of all of you, Santiaguito.

She stops and takes a deep breath and I can hear the sadness in her voice before she says, “Espero que lo sepas, mijo.” I hope you know that, son. I know what she’s trying to say. She’s hoping Ana knew. I can’t imagine what her pain is like, constantly worrying if Ana knew how much she loved her.

We keep talking while Roe tosses in bed and eventually drapes an arm around under her blanket. I’m surprised she slept in until 7:00am again today. I wonder if she’s comfortable with me. I wonder if she feels safe, so her brain takes the time to settle when I’m with her and she sleeps. She’s heard me talking on the phone so she stays quiet and just looks up and smiles at me. Her beautiful smile, just for me.

“Santiago?” I hear my mom say on the phone, forgetting for a second I was still talking to her.

“Digame,” Tell me, I say.

“Santi, ?Tienes a alguien ahí contigo?” Is there someone there with you?

“Si, mamá. Creo que tengo en mis brazos a la mujer con la que quiero pasar el resto de mis dias.” Yes, mom, I think I have in my arms the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. I look down at Roe and pull her so her head rests on my chest, while I stroke her soft hair.

“?De casualidad tiene el nombre de Ru?” By any chance is her name Roo? I laugh at her attempt at saying her name, but it’s still cute enough. It means the world to me that she’s taking the time to learn her name, to ask about her, to worry if it’s her that I’m spending my time with.

“Roe, mama, Roe. No Rooo.”

“Eso, eso. Bueno pues te dejo, mijo, disfruta tu dia con tu Roe no Roo. Espero que nunca olvides que tu papá y yo te amamos mucho. Ven a visitarnos pronto.”

Same thing, same thing. Let me let you go, my son. Enjoy your day with your Roe and not Roo. I hope you never forget that your father and I love you so much, and I hope you can come visit us soon.

“Te amo ma, pasa un buen dia.” I love you mom, have a great day. I hang up the phone and set it on the nightstand, kissing Roe on the head while I say, “Buenos dias, princesa.”

“You’re so fucking hot when you speak Spanish, Santiago,” she says, adding a sassy tone when she says my full name.

“You’re always hot, but you saying my name in that tone makes you sexy as hell,” I say, stroking her hair again.

She moves her body so she can straddle me, placing her hands on either side of my face, and looking at me with a devious smile. I can see her hard nipples through her tank top and in this position, her ass is rubbing perfectly on my dick, which is hard as fuck right now.

“Tell me something in Spanish,” she says and rubs against me again.

“I can’t think when you move like that,” I add and close my eyes to keep me from bending her over and fucking her raw.

“Tell me,” she says, lifting a hand from beside my head and running a trail from my throat to my navel.

“Eres perfecta,” I say. She continues lowering her hand until it touches the band of my boxers.

“Más,” she says. I lift my eyebrow at her at her sudden use of Spanish and she just adds, “I did pay attention a little bit in Spanish class.” She traces the band, touching the sensitive skin underneath it.

“Si me sigues tocando así, no me hago responsable de lo que va a pasar, mu?eca.? 1 ”

“Whatever that means, I like it.”

“It means doll ,” I say, smiling at her when she realizes that I’ve been calling her that name she told me she hated.

“You’ve been calling me doll this whole time?”

“I usually just call you princess, but mu?eca works sometimes.” I smile at her and she rolls her eyes at me. “One of these days I’m going to grab you, bend you over, and spank you so hard you’ll think about me for days after rolling your eyes at me.” She immediately rolls her hips at those words.

“Is that a threat?” she asks, lifting an eyebrow.

“No. A promise.”

“Are you a man of your word, Saint?” she asks, pulling my boxers down and biting her lips at the sight of my cock springing free.

“Try me and find out,” I say, my voice betraying me, showing that I’m about to lose control.

She lowers her head, hovering above my dick, taunting me. She doesn’t move to touch me, she just looks. But the sight of her on all fours, her ass up and her mouth inches away from my dick, makes me even harder. She sticks her tongue out and swirls it around the head, giving me a taste of what’s about to come but not enough. She does it again, her eyes on me and her ass rolling every time she twirls her tongue around me.

“Roe,” I hiss.

“No talking, Saint, just feeling,” she says before she opens her mouth and slides it over my dick, sucking hard and twirling back up to the head. She does that a few more times. All the way down and slowly back up, swirling, twisting and sucking. She sits on her knees and grabs a hair tie from her wrist, quickly putting her hair in a ponytail. Her eyes are pure flame and fire, burning me from the inside out.

She then stands up and walks toward the bathroom. What in the actual fuck?!

“Roe!” I shout and she turns around, eyeing me deviously.

“I have a feeling that you’re holding out on me, Saint. I know that you like to demand and take control, yet you’re letting me do whatever I want with you. And fuck I like making you feel good, but I know the way you look at my hair every time it’s up like this. I know you want to spank me every time I sass you. I have a feeling deep down you would rather see me sucking your dick on my knees. Tell me I’m wrong,” she demands, putting her hands on her hips and tilting her head sideways, challenging me to call her on her shit.

“You’re the caretaker, I know. Everyone around you knows it. You’re not the only one paying attention, pretty boy. But I’m actually asking you to take care of yourself for once. Take what you want, how you want it. Show me how bad you can be, Saint ,” she adds, putting emphasis on the name Saint like I don’t know what she’s trying to do. The worst part? She’s not wrong, I do put everyone else first, including her. Can I really be a little selfish and let go in front of her?

“Come on, babe,” she pleads, and if I didn’t know I was already lost in her, this did it. “I’m trying to let you in, but you have to do the same. I’m safe with you, so let yourself go a little. Live a little with me.” She twirls her hair one more time and bites the inside of her cheek, before touching her neck and closing her eyes. A silent invitation if I’ve ever seen one.

1 ? Si me sigues tocando así, no me hago responsable de lo que va a pasar, mu?eca: If you keep touching me like that, I’m not responsible for what will happen, doll.