CHAPTER 30

"I guess we should try it slow now," Kieran suggested.

Carina, who was lying next to her on the bed facing the ceiling, laughed wildly. Kieran rolled onto her side to face her and raked her eyes over Carina's naked body. She'd never seen a woman naked up close before. Not being one to have a gym membership, where women, according to TV shows and movies, stripped down naked in the open and walked into showers where they talked to each other throughout, and not being one to change in front of the other girls before high school PE class, she hadn't paid much attention when the few other girls removed their bras carefully under their shirts and slid on sports bras or quickly yanked off pants and skirts to replace those with their required shorts. And even if everyone in that locker room had gotten naked, it wasn't like any of them would've stared. No teenager wanted to have other bodies to compare their own to, but they also didn't want to get picked on or made fun of for staring when they shouldn't. Kieran hadn't ever felt the need to look before, but she stared now, and today, it was even better than just looking because she could touch Carina. She had touched Carina.

"So romantic," Carina teased as her laughter calmed down.

Kieran smiled at her and grazed Carina's skin with her fingertips. Carina's eyes closed as she let Kieran touch her. Kieran didn't want to compare, but she'd only had sex with one other person, so it was too hard to avoid, and thoughts of being with Diego entered her mind. He wasn't the worst lover in the world, or so she assumed, but he'd never let her do anything like this after sex. Not that Kieran had wanted to, she realized as she encircled Carina's nipple with her index finger. The male body wasn't particularly one that made her want to slowly touch and gaze at, take in, kiss everywhere, and revel in. Diego was an attractive man, but he wasn't beautiful how Carina was beautiful, and after sex, he'd usually been impatient and ready for sleep when she'd been ready to try again because even if she'd had an orgasm, it had probably been a small one and her body could have used another. Other times, he'd be wired, but not for more time with his wife. He'd want to go to work.

"What are you thinking about?" Carina asked.

Kieran turned to see that Carina's eyes were open and staring into hers now. She'd been caught.

"Honestly?"

"Well, I don't want you to lie to me, so, yes, please."

"Diego."

"Oh," Carina let out, taken aback a little. "That was unexpected."

"Not like that," she replied and kissed Carina's nipple. "That this was… better."

Carina still looked hesitant.

"I've only ever been with him, so my mind went there. I'm sorry. I don't mean to take you out of the mood."

"You didn't. Just keep talking."

"You want me to keep talking about my ex-husband?"

"The part where this is better, yeah." Carina winked. "But the rest of it, too."

"Maybe not now," Kieran suggested. "I still want to touch you more."

"You will," Carina said as her hand moved into Kieran's hair. "I love your hair. It's so soft."

"Really? Diego hated it."

"How could he hate this hair?"

"He hated that I got it cut short," she explained. "It's a whole thing. None of the other partners' wives have short hair. Honestly, they all have hair like yours." She laughed a little. "That's long and perfect and goes up into a clip that, I assume, their husbands like taking out and letting the hair flow like a waterfall cascading over perfect shoulders."

Carina laughed and said, "Okay. I'm going to take that as a compliment."

"You should," Kieran replied. "And I suppose I was thinking about something else, really. It just masked itself with the Diego thing."

"I'm all ears."

"Well, this is better," Kieran said. "Not just the sex, which was definitely better."

"We're just getting started. Wait until I learn every spot on your body that makes you scream."

Kieran swallowed and asked, "Are you a fast learner? Like, steep learning curve or–"

Carina laughed and moved them until she was on top of Kieran, smiling down at her.

"All of this is better. I thought Diego was the perfect guy when I was younger. He wanted me when no one else did – or, at least, I thought that no one else could . When he came back to me after law school, I thought I'd had it all. I thought love was finding a man who loved you . I don't think I ever really explored my feelings for him beyond the fact that he made me feel good about myself. Compliments about my gaming skills and how smart I was were just too good to pass up."

"I'm not sure love is just giving someone compliments," Carina shared.

"I know. But I was young and insecure. When we got married, I just settled into the life that he wanted and what I thought normal meant. I think I was more frozen than anything, numb to the reality that I was unhappy because that was what I thought happiness was supposed to be. It took me years to wise up and longer to actually leave him. When he and I did this, there was nothing romantic about it, and I can't think of a single time when he tried to do something different than what he wanted."

"Missionary on repeat?" Carina teased.

"Yes," Kieran said with a laugh. "But nothing before or after. Foreplay was kissing my neck for about thirty seconds. Can we talk about this? It feels weird. You're naked and on top of me."

"If I'm being honest with you , hearing about you being with someone else hurts, but I know it shouldn't. You had a life before you met me. I had one before you. Neither of us is a virgin, so it was bound to come up, but I want you to feel comfortable talking to me about anything you need to talk about, Kieran. I get the impression, from what I know of Diego already, that he wasn't the best at this part of the relationship, either."

"Talking about feelings? No," Kieran said with a little laugh. "But how much of that was his fault, and how much was mine? Don't get me wrong; he's an adult. He owns his actions. But I'd never called him on them until I was ready to leave. He's gone years thinking we were fine, but then we're in counseling, and he's finding out we're not, and I'm gone after that."

"I think you both own your parts, whatever they are, but he also had to be open to picking up on the fact that you weren't happy, and I'm doubtful there. I want you to always talk to me like this, okay? I don't care if it's before sex, after, or when we're at dinner or even just walking on a beach somewhere. That's what being in a relationship is to me, Kieran. I told you before that I want this with you. I had this feeling deep down somewhere that you and I were just… We were going to work like this."

"I'd say we work and then some ," Kieran joked and wrapped her arms around Carina's neck.

"Then, let's have that slow, romantic lovemaking now. I have to start learning all those spots sooner than later, right?"

"I think you've already learned a couple of them."

"Yes, but there are way more than a couple, and I'm going to be incredibly dedicated to locating each one, memorizing them and how they make you come, and then spend the next few dozen years or so doing that over and over, if that's okay with you."

Carina lowered her lips to Kieran's and kissed her, but all Kieran could think about were those few dozen years. Carina was in this. She'd given Kieran a garage door opener and was going to give her a house key, too. Kieran, having no experience, had no idea if this was really a normal thing two women did together or if it was just Carina who had liked Kieran for a while before Kieran was ready to say the same and be like this with her. Even if this wasn't normal, and even if it was moving way too fast, Kieran didn't care. She wanted this. She wanted the few dozen years. Hell, she wanted all the years and wished they'd met when they were younger. Maybe if Carina had been in law school where Kieran had gone to undergrad, they would have, and they'd have been together this whole time.

At the same time, back then, Kieran hadn't been who she was now, and being terrified of life outside the walls of her dorm probably wouldn't have allowed her to trek over to the law school building and meet the future love of her life. She wasn't sure if Carina was that yet. There was still so much to learn about each other and experience together. For example, these pillows behind Kieran's head and the one under her back in an awkward position were a little much. They'd knocked a few off the bed while they'd been busy, but it was still full of them, and some of them, at least, would have to go.

As Carina kissed Kieran's body slowly everywhere, leaving not an inch of skin untouched by her lips, she moved her hands over the flesh she'd just kissed. Kieran hadn't ever been touched like this before. Her body was hot. Her skin was flushed. Her brain was trying to think and process, but it was having a hard time keeping up because Carina really was trying to find all her spots, including the sensitive one on Kieran's right hip that, if touched just right, turned her on like crazy, but if the graze was too gentle, it made her ticklish all over. When Kieran laughed, Carina looked up at her and smiled, and God, it was a perfect smile.

"Tickles?"

"Yes," she said.

"I love that laugh. Will you do it again for me?"

Kieran placed her hand between Carina's ready lips and her hip.

"You should know that if you tickle me there too much, my entire body gets too sensitive, and I can't handle anything."

"Ah," Carina said. "Well, we don't want that right now because I have plans for you."

"But," she added and went to remove her hand. "If you touch it just right, it's not ticklish. In fact, it's kind of like this little button."

"A button, you say?"

"Over the years of touching myself, I've discovered that if I touch it hard enough but not too hard, it really turns me on."

"Really?"

Kieran nodded and said, "You'll be able to tell."

"How?"

"Put your hand there." She nodded downward.

"As you wish," Carina said and moved her hand between Kieran's legs.

"Move inside."

"I was going slow."

"Just watch," Kieran told her.

"Oh, I don't know that I can agree to that," Carina replied as she slipped her fingers inside. "Show me."

Kieran rubbed her hand hard against the spot above her hipbone and downward until it hit her thigh. She did this a few times and closed her eyes, picturing Carina's hand doing this.

"If it's too soft, I'll just laugh. But hard enough, and…"

"Oh, my God," Carina let out. "I can feel you contracting."

"Yeah. And your fingers feel really good in there. Like, perfect, actually."

"Can you come just from that?"

"I might need a little help." She smirked.

"Really not a problem. Just tell me what you need."

Kieran did, and minutes later, when she came, it was with Carina inside her, slowly curling her fingers just right and driving Kieran wild. Carina then moved back up her body and kissed her hard, her fingers still inside but not moving.

"That was the hottest thing I've ever done. You have to teach me how to touch you there. God, so sexy, Kieran." Carina kissed her neck. "I need you."

Kieran opened her eyes and let out a small smile. No one, including Diego, had ever said those words to her in this context.

"Tell me where," she requested.

"On top of me. Inside me. Just… all over me."

So, Kieran gave Carina what she wanted, and before they fell asleep that night, after several more rounds and a shared shower in Carina's very nice bathroom, Kieran tossed the pillows on the floor one by one as she teased Carina by asking her where she'd gotten each one and why. They'd laughed about it and compromised that if they were ever going to permanently share a bed, Carina could have three decorative pillows, but that was her limit.

The next morning, Kieran woke up to find Carina not in bed. She checked if the bathroom was occupied first, but then she heard sounds coming from downstairs. Throwing on her clothes from the bag she'd brought with her, she followed those sounds and found Carina at her kitchen table, with her laptop open and a cup of coffee beside it. Carina looked different. Her face was a stone, and Kieran worried that in the light of day, Carina was regretting what they'd done.

"Morning," she said. "Can I have some coffee?"

"Of course, you can have coffee." Carina forced a smile. "You're up early. I thought you'd sleep in a bit, and I'd wake you before I have to go."

"I woke up, and you weren't there. I didn't even get to see the robot alarm, so I'm very disappointed."

"I left Carl in the closet last night. I kind of forgot all about it when you told me to take you to bed."

"Are you okay?" Kieran asked as she moved to sit down next to her, skipping coffee for now. "You look like you're not okay. Was what happened last night–"

"No, babe. This has nothing to do with last night. I am very happy about last night, and I'm hoping you'll stay here tonight, too, or I'll go to your place, but we do need to talk."

"About?"

"That foster brother who said Marin burned him with cigarettes," Carina began. "He's made another, even more damning statement. I guess Kevin took it yesterday. He emailed it to me."

"He's allowed to do that? You were–"

"I'd hear about it anyway, but I asked him to keep me informed. I can't use any of this since I'm not on the case. I won't help him, either, which would be against the rules of recusal in this case, especially now that we're dating."

"Okay. Well, it can't get worse than her killing two men. So, what else is he saying she did?"

"He's saying she killed a woman, too," Carina replied and turned her laptop to her. "In a sworn statement, he says he's been too scared to come forward, but there was a girl whom they both knew. She was homeless after aging out of the system, and Marin, allegedly, killed her."