Chapter 9

DONOVAN

I was seething as I glared down at my PA. I barely noticed the sharp sting of my fingernails cutting into my palms as my hands fisted at my sides. My jaw clenched tight, and my nostrils flared as I tried to rein in my harsh breaths.

I'd arrived late to the swap party, as usual. I didn't give a shit about socializing with any of the people there or sharing a meal with them. I attended those parties for one reason and one reason only. To fuck.

Helen Rathchild had been passing the bowl of keys around when I got there—an idea that was a bit outdated, but some guests seemed to get a kick out of the tradition, so it continued.

I'd barely slept the night before thanks to Trevor Reed and the thoughts of him that plagued me, no matter how hard I tried to push them away. I ended up tossing and turning most of the night only to fall into a fitful sleep where I dreamed of him—his full, pouty lips that just begged to be kissed and eyes the color of the bluest sky that sparkled whenever he smiled.

In my dream, I had him backed against the door of my office, my hands on either side of his head, caging him in. He stared up at me as I towered over him, his tongue darting out to wet his lips in invitation.

I bent my head to kiss him but movement to my right stopped me before I could and when I turned my head, I came face to face with many of the people who worked for me, the vice president of the company, board members, shareholders, Kelly, and even Dan the security guard. They shook their heads in unison, disapproval radiating off them in waves.

I'd woken with a start, my heart racing and a thin sheen of sweat coating my body causing the sheets to stick to me uncomfortably. I couldn't help that I was attracted to Trevor, but the dream had served as a reminder of why no one could ever know about it.

As owner of the company, I had obligations, responsibilities. Thousands of people were counting on me for their own livelihood. I had to act my best, be my best at all times. They trusted me to make sound business decisions, not to behave like some perverted boss in the 80s, chasing his secretary around the desk.

Giving up hope of getting any restful sleep, I'd finally climbed out of bed, taken a shower then padded down to my home office, figuring I might as well get some work done. The lack of sleep had left me in a foul mood and the last thing I wanted was to be cornered by someone who wanted to talk business, which was why I chose to stay out of sight until most of the guests had selected their keys and dispersed with their partners for the evening.

I stood in a small alcove, watching the pairings trickle out of the room, some inviting a third to go with them, others not taking a key at all because they preferred to watch instead of partaking in the randy activities. There were no set rules—apart from safety matters—at swap parties. Guests were free to explore their deepest desires in whatever way they wanted.

Most nights, I didn't take a key. I preferred to choose my own partner, which helped avoid those awkward situations when a woman happened to select my keys. Most seemed disappointed, but understood when I explained that I was gay, a couple of them even convincing me to fuck their husbands while they watched.

Those had been fun nights, but overall, I preferred selecting my own partner. Especially tonight. I was tired of Trevor Reed screwing with my head, and was determined to fuck him out of my system, once and for all. I just needed to find someone who looked enough like him.

And then I spotted him. A man who looked so much like Trevor that he could be his twin. Dirty-blond hair, plush lips, slender yet firm body, this man checked off all the boxes. My cock jumped eagerly at the sight of him, obviously agreeing that this man was the one.

My attention was diverted when Helen sauntered over to talk to me. We'd known each other for years and took part in many of the same social and charitable functions. I liked her and appreciated her discretion when it came to the parties she threw, so I swallowed my frustrated sigh and spent several minutes talking with her.

Unfortunately, by the time she moved on, so had the man who looked like Trevor. I scanned the room one more time to be sure then hurried up to the rooftop, hoping he was there and that he wasn't already occupied with someone else. My heart sunk when he wasn't there either, but I was determined to find him. He looked so much like Trevor that surely, fucking him would help exorcise my PA from my system.

Returning to the main floor, I began checking each room that had an open door. There were several people loitering in the hallways, watching the erotic scenes playing out inside the rooms and I sighed with relief when I spotted a dirty-blond head at the far end.

I moved quickly, not wanting to lose sight of him again, but the closer I got, the easier it was to take in his features. Ice ran through my veins as my eyes zeroed in on him and I realized he didn't just look like Trevor, he was Trevor. What the fucking hell?

Fury and an overwhelming feeling of betrayal coursed through me as I moved in behind him. I stood there, trying to rein in my anger, but before I could get it under control, he stepped back, bumping into me. He started to apologize, but his words died off when he realized he'd been caught.

His blue eyes widened with fear when I wrapped my fingers around his bicep. I glanced around. Several people had turned to look at us. "Mr. Marshall, I can?—"

"Not here," I hissed.

I dragged him over to a nearby janitor's closet and shoved him inside, following behind. The room was cramped, the sparse floor space storage to a couple of vacuums and a big yellow mop bucket. The scent of harsh chemicals hung in the air, making my nose twitch.

Trevor turned to face me, flinching when he heard me lock the door. My arms crossed over my chest as I glowered at him. He was visibly shaking as I fired off a round of questions. "What the hell are you doing here? How did you even get in here? Did you follow me?"

"No! It wasn't anything like that. I came here to help my friend. Remember me telling you about him? He's the one that made the muffins I brought in to work. And the triple chocolate brownies, and the gooey caramel cookies."

"I remember. What does he have to do with any of this?" I snapped.

Trevor's throat bobbed as he swallowed nervously. "He…uh…he was working here tonight, and I offered to help him out. He just got hired to cater all of Ms. Rathchild's parties."

I took a step back, rubbing a hand over the back of my neck as I tried to make sense out of what he was telling me. My eyes narrowed. "Fine. Let's assume for a minute that this all really was some weird coincidence and you and I just happened to end up at the same party. That still doesn't explain why you're here. Helen never starts the after party until the staff are gone, for obvious reasons. So, why didn't you go home with your friend?"

"There was an accident in the kitchen and Doug needed to help one of his employees, so I told him I'd finish up for him, and then…"

"Then?" I demanded.

Trevor's face paled, and he glanced around the room, avoiding my eyes. "I knew you'd be here," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "I saw you at the last party. You didn't see me, but I saw you."

"You knew I'd be here?" I repeated, incredulous. "And you decided to what? Spy on me? To what end? Were you hoping to sell photos or a story or something? Do I not pay you enough? Had to go for the bigger money by stabbing me in the back?"

I knew I probably sounded like an ass, but I couldn't help it. All I could focus on was the betrayal standing right in front of me. A part of me had begun to trust the younger man, but now I wasn't so sure, and that hurt more than I was willing to admit.

"I wasn't trying to spy on you, I swear. I just...I needed to see," Trevor said, his voice shaking.

"See what?" I echoed, my voice rising. "Do you have any idea how inappropriate this is?" I hissed, keeping my voice low but fierce. "I keep my work life and personal life separate for a reason. I don't need my assistant lurking around, invading my privacy."

He looked up, his eyes wide and desperate. "Mr. Marshall, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to invade your privacy. I just...I saw you at the last party, with that man, and it...it confused me."

My anger faltered for a moment, replaced by surprise. "You saw that?" I asked, my voice softer.

He nodded, his face flushed. "Yeah, I did. And it made me realize some things about myself. Things I'm not sure about."

"What kind of things?"

I watched as color bloomed across his cheeks, turning them pink. "Things like…I might not be as…straight…as I thought I was. I thought coming back here might help me make sense of things."

I took a step back, my anger dissipating as I processed his words. It sounded almost as if…he'd liked what he saw. My pulse leaped with excitement as I thought back to that night, wondering how much of it he had seen.

Had he watched the other man on his knees, his lips shiny with spit as they stretched around my cock? Had he seen my hands tangled in the other man's hair, urging him to take me deeper into his throat? What would he think if he knew I'd wished that man had been him, that I'd imagined it was him on his knees instead, that I'd only gone to that party to try and exorcise my growing desire for him?

"So, you came here tonight to what? To figure things out by…watching men fucking each other?"

His eyes shifted away, like he suddenly found it hard to look directly at me. "Um…yeah. Sort of. I didn't mean any harm, Mr. Marshall. I just...I needed to see y…to try and understand what I'm feeling. I'm sorry."

The urge to lean forward, to taste those succulent lips was overwhelming, but I knew I couldn't. Not only because I was his boss, but also because of what he'd told me. He was confused. Everything he'd thought he'd known about himself had just been turned upside down.

I had known from an early age that I was gay, so I could only imagine how unsettling it must be for him to discover that who he'd thought he was, sexually, for all these years, could be wrong. He needed time. Time to figure things out for himself. Any move I might want to make would only confuse him more and put our professional relationship in jeopardy. I couldn't risk that.

I took another step back, needing the extra space between us to keep me from doing something stupid. "I'm sorry that what you saw confused you, but you never should have seen it to begin with. I know it wasn't intentional the first time, but coming back here was highly inappropriate."

Trevor's face was red as he lowered his head, staring down at his shoes. "I'm sorry."

"Yes, well. I think it would be best if you left now," I replied gruffly.

His eyes darted up to mine before skittering away just as fast. "Am I…should I still come to work on Monday?" he asked quietly.

"Of course. You're too much of an asset for me to let you go. Besides, nothing happened. On Monday, we'll just pretend none of this ever happened."

I wasn't sure if I was talking to him or to myself, but he looked marginally relieved as he nodded. "Thank you, sir. I guess I'll see you Monday then. And again, I'm sorry."

He looked so vulnerable and surprisingly, I found myself wanting to comfort him, to take him in my arms and tell him that everything would be okay, but it wasn't my place. Instead, I stood there rigidly as he opened the door and slipped out.

My body slumped as I closed my eyes and softly thumped the back of my head against the concrete wall. I am his boss. It would be wrong. I am his boss. It would be wrong. I repeated those phrases in my head, like a mantra as I forced myself to stay still when all I really wanted to do was go after him, to chase him down and demand answers. Like what was it he'd felt when he saw me with that other man? Was it simply seeing two men together that had made him question himself or was it something more?

I waited until I was sure he must be gone and then I slid out of the closet. The smell of sex permeated the air, and I could hear low, sensual groans coming from a couple of the bedrooms as I made my way down the hallway, but I didn't bother to stop. I was no longer in the mood. At least not for anyone there.

Feeling grumpy and frustrated, I decided to head home. I had no idea what work would be like on Monday, but it was bound to test my patience.