Chapter 17

The ‘hut’ in front of Eloise was an A-frame version of Nate’s log cabin with a stone chimney and dark roof. The light from her torch bounced around the area, illuminating the small, attached jetty that stretched out over the Wattle River. The water flowed slowly through the shadows of night.

“This is … wow.”

It was so much better than how Charlie had described it when he was building it for Nate, who stood on the verandah, his shoulder leaning against the front post as he watched her. She imagined snapping a picture of him here, mentally adding it to the wall of black-and-white shots in his lounge room. The relaxed slope of his shoulders, the casual way his ankles were crossed, his face bathed in moonlight.

Yes.

He could call it whatever he wanted, but this was clearly Nate’s space.

A gentle wind swirled cool, crisp air with a hint of earthiness around her. Eloise could get used to this. “It’s so peaceful here.”

“Probably not as exciting as living with Joanie.”

She offered him a small smile. “You could talk about town gossip a bit more.”

Nate’s lopsided grin appeared. And that. That was the shot he needed on his wall. Nate in his natural environment. “Do you want to see inside?” he asked, his voice rougher than normal. Without waiting for her reply, very un-Nate-like behaviour which made Eloise wonder if he was currently suffering from a sharing hangover, he opened the front door.

Light spilled across all the surfaces before Nate adjusted the dimmer, giving the room a softer, cosier feel.

Eloise spun in a slow circle drinking in all the details. The old-fashioned drafting desk. The easels. The jars filled with paintbrushes. “It reminds me of the art room,” she whispered like it was all a mirage and if she was any louder, it would shatter, disappear. “Is this your art room, Nate?”

He swallowed deeply and just when she thought he wasn’t going to answer, he did. “It is.”

A vulnerability she’d never expected crossed his face, and she ached to lean forward, take his hand in hers and remind him of something … Two things, actually. He could tell her anything and that he’d been so brave before, outside the pub. He hadn’t totally let her in, but he’d opened the door and shown her a hard and painful part of his history.

“I knew you liked to paint, but I had no idea you were so good.” A gorgeous landscape of a mountain range shrouded in fog was sitting on an old easel covered in paint splatters. Three more canvases were propped against the wall next to it. “Can I?” she asked, her fingers itching to touch them. Devour all the details of this place, from the rough, unfinished walls and the uneven slate tiles that made up the small splash back in the kitchenette. Hell, she’d run her hands across Echo’s fluffy bed in the corner if he let her. All the different textures called to her because this place? It was part of his secret life, which was much bigger than she’d ever imagined, and he was showing her.

Nate was trying. Just like he’d said he would.

Unfortunately for her still-there-even-though-she-knew-it-was-impossible crush, it was damn sexy.

Nate nodded, his Adam’s apple reappearing as she carefully lifted the first canvas. It was a quaint sheriff’s station with big columns out the front made up of grey boulders, misty skies curling around the mountains in the background. Buffeted around the building were spruce trees, their leaves a multitude of greens. It was beautiful and layered with rich details. Eloise knew she’d see something different every time she looked at it. Find a little bit more of the truth about Nate James each time.

“I painted them so I could visualise the setting properly.”

That wasn’t what she had been expecting at all. The second painting was equally detailed: a hole-in-the-wall diner with cracked linoleum seats, the tabletop dotted with plates of apple pie and steaming cups of coffee. The third depicted an open field of wildflowers with a large fir tree wrapped in crime scene tape in the foreground. “No one else has ever seen these paintings,” Nate said.

When Eloise glanced over her shoulder, he was standing with his arms folded across his body. His defensive posture didn’t bother her because, yeah, they’d shared a few kisses, but this was far more intimate.

This is real.

She held his gaze until some of the tension in his posture lessened, hands falling to his sides. This special place had been painstakingly designed to look like it was part of the deep green and earthy brown nature that surrounded it, but also so it could stay hidden.

Suddenly she understood, the realisation crystalising like Nate had painted it on a canvas in front of her.

This big, strong guy—if she had a dollar for every time Nate had been described that way—had tried to make himself small, burnt out from too much attention, too many opinions.

And Eloise knew exactly what to say. “They’re perfect, Nate. Everything in here is perfect.”

* * *

Artsy wasNate’s favourite look on Eloise. Her make-up was smudged, her oversized shirt was covered in paint splatters and her black leggings highlighted all of her delicious curves. One leg was tucked under her body, the other stretched out in front of her on the chaise. He was sitting at the opposite end of the couch, his socked feet resting on the coffee table. Two empty bottles, one beer, one cider, were on the coffee table in front of them, and Echo’s gentle snores and the scratch of charcoal across paper provided the soundtrack to their evening. He loved that Eloise was more relaxed now, her shoulders and torso swallowed by the comfy couch, a new cider tucked against her hip.

“I’ve been thinking about something,” Eloise ventured. Nate stopped playing with different shading techniques and waited for her to continue.

Ah.

Here it was. He’d been waiting for it.

“What?”

“Small towns really are a blessing and a curse.”

He slid his gaze towards her, picking up his drink. “They can be.”

“Several women asked me about your penis earlier.”

Nate coughed, beer fizzing in his mouth. Those women were a menace. Although … maybe he should be thanking them. This jokey, casual banter was a much more familiar place to be with Eloise. It was exactly what he needed tonight after telling her about his time in the States, even if he hadn’t told her about Cobie. “Which women?”

Eloise rewarded him with the grin he’d been hoping for. The one that started out as a scowl, her lips puckered, eyes serious before her resolve cracked. “Why? You looking for a date?”

“With one of the Old Girls? They’d eat me alive.”

Eloise chuckled and took a big swallow of her drink. “Can I ask you something?”

“You already have.” He teased her with one of Teddy’s favourite childhood comebacks. That grin appeared again, his own immediately mimicking hers.

“I’ve never seen you date anyone. Not in the whole time you’ve been back. I can understand being hesitant about getting serious with someone, but it’s not like you’re short on offers for something simple and fun. Joanie says you’re ‘the whole package’ and anyone would be lucky to have you.” A dark expression flittered across her face, and he’d bet she was thinking about Bianca. Or all the Bianca’s he’d met over the years.

“Been keeping tabs on me?”

“Hello. I literally just reminded you who I normally live with. I get a debrief every morning over breakfast. Sometimes, there’s an agenda if she’s worried she’ll forget something.”

Nate snorted. Between Joan and his mother, it was impossible to keep a secret in this town.

“But, yeah, maybe a little.”

Now would be the perfect time to tell her everything about Cobie. But that would transport them back to a heavy conversation. Lead to more questions. More exposure when he was already emotionally exhausted. “I just haven’t.”

“Huh.”

“Oh?”

“I thought maybe it was because it was hard to trust people like you were saying? I mean, you’re…”

“I’m …” The need to know how Eloise would describe him was so swift that Nate had to sit on his hands.

An impish expression lit up her face, and she stretched forward, her braid slipping over her shoulder as she placed her bottle next to the others on the coffee table. “You’re a man of mystery.”

Nate tapped his foot against her leg gently, as if touching her would be a tangible reminder that he was right here with her, trying to share more about himself. He could count on one hand the number of people who knew what Cobie had done to him. And even they didn’t know his deepest, darkest secret.

“I’m not that mysterious.”

She ignored his reply. “You’re young, super successful and hot. Kind and loyal. You try to do the best for everyone and give so much of yourself, expecting nothing in return.”

Nate’s mouth reacted before his brain could catch up. “You think I’m hot?”

The blush staining Eloise’s cheeks was the most adorable thing he’d ever seen. So was the way her gaze dipped from his face to the bottles in front of them, like she was blaming the drink for loosening her tongue.

Eloise fiddled with the collar of her shirt. “That’s what you got out of that? You’ve seen yourself in a mirror. I’m not going to say it again.”

She didn’t need to. Nate would never forget the time they were spending together.

“You have everything going for you. I bet anyone would be thrilled to be with you. Even someone super famous like, I don’t know, Jemima Jenkins.”

Well, here was an opening that he could share. Just with Eloise.

“Do you want to know a secret?”

Eloise leant forward, her head tilted in question, and Nate loved the idea of sharing this with her. It was another little nugget of trust that was just theirs and only theirs. “Jemima Jenkins wants to turn my books into a television show.”

Her eyes widened, and her hand landed on his knee. Knowing the need to touch each other went both ways was more thrilling than running onto the field while thousands of people screamed his name. “Holy crap, that’s awesome.”

“Yeah, it is …” Nate scratched at the stubble that lined his jaw.

“… but?”

Another thing he loved about Eloise? How she knew there was something holding him back.

“It’s hard to let go of control. They’ll change things. I don’t always love change.”

Nate ignored her soft snort.

“I think you should go for it. Take some of your own advice for once,” Eloise said.

“Oh yeah? Which bit?”

Eloise sat up and their gazes locked together. “Never be afraid to bet on yourself, Nate.”

* * *

The clockon his phone said it was after two in the morning when Nate stood and stretched, walking over to his desk. Echo blinked sleepily at him before she tucked her nose under the pillow on her bed. Eloise was stretched out on the couch, eyes closed, sketchbook resting on her chest, fingers smudged with charcoal. A streak of black crested over one of her cheekbones.

An overwhelming urge hit him. To press his own charcoal-covered finger onto her skin and leave his mark on her when no one was watching.

It’d just be for him.

And it would be real.

No wonder she was such a good social worker. She’d managed to draw him out of his shell and get him talking. Sharing things he’d only ever told his family.

But you didn’t tell her everything,a nasty voice whispered in his mind.

It was cruel, really, to keep it to himself. He blinked rapidly and tried to stop the memories, but it was pointless. They avalanched all over him, his chest tightening as the room tilted under his feet.

He’d never forget how the hard lines of Cobie’s face became sharper and more angular when she’d laughed at him. Her expression twisting into a cruel sneer, poison he’d never expected spewing from her mouth. That it was his fault. He’d made her cheat because he’d failed to get her pregnant. For two years, she lied about taking the pill, trying to secure a meal ticket for the next eighteen years.

When Nate had gone to see the team doctor afterwards for a standard medical evaluation, he’d asked for a full fertility workup. Just to put the nagging voice in the back of his mind to bed once and for all.

He leant back, letting the desk behind him take most of his weight. With another blink, he was back in that cold room, a medical cart covered in sealed, sterilised equipment next to him, his knees bouncing as he waited for his results. Never had the desire to move and not stop until he was back home, away from everything, been stronger.

Nate had been so sure Cobie was lying. He’d spent most of his life following strict, healthy diets designed to support and sculpt his body into a weapon of peak performance. He’d made it from a small town in a foreign country to being recruited to one of the top teams in the NFL.

But it didn’t change what the doctor had said. The chance he’d ever father a child was zero. His sperm count wasn’t low; it was non-existent.

The future he’d always assumed was guaranteed had evaporated immediately.

An owl hooted outside, dragging Nate out of his memories and back to the present.

Carefully, he crossed the room and slid the sketchbook out of Eloise’s grip. A soft murmur escaped her lips. Lips begging to be kissed that made him want to forget all the promises he’d made to himself. To her.

Nate leant forward until their faces were only centimetres apart. Eloise was always gorgeous, but right now, with her profile sprinkled with a mixture of moonlight and shadows from the skylights he’d had installed in the roof, she was achingly so.

But he wouldn’t kiss her. Not now. Never without her permission.

As if she’d heard his thoughts, Eloise’s eyelids fluttered open.

“Sorry.” Her voice was husky and deep and dangerous. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

Unable to stop himself, Nate brushed loose tendrils of hair off her face. “Do you want to go back to the house?”

“Are you still drawing?”

Nate glanced at where his laptop was sitting on his desk. If he couldn’t have her, he’d go back into the pretend world where his hero didn’t miss out on the love of his life. The words were already solidifying, calling out to him, ready to grace the page. It had been like this ever since he started working on his secret project. “I’m going to write.”

“I want to stay with you.”

If only.

“Then we’ll stay here.”

Eloise’s eyes drifted shut, and her chest rose and fell.

This was Nate’s reward, he realised. He’d finally let someone in, and now he’d have a little company while he worked on the project that was giving him a new hope. A reminder that he had more stories inside him. That his future wasn’t going to be what he wanted but he still had things to look forward to, professionally at least.

“Hey,” Eloise murmured once he was comfortable on the couch next to her.

Their eyes met again.

“Thanks for telling me all that stuff earlier. It means a lot to me.”

Maybe Teddy was right and he was overthinking this. Owen would tell Nate not to repeat his mistakes and assume he knew what was best for someone else. And Raff? He wouldn’t say anything, but he didn’t need to. The sadness that had lingered around his oldest brother ever since his relationship with Cassie imploded spoke volumes. Nate was sure Raff had regrets, even if he couldn’t admit them.

Eloise murmured something in her sleep and burrowed closer, her foot sliding over Nate’s thigh.

Once she’d been on her exchange and had her big adventure, maybe things could be different. Nate could work on himself while she was away.

And maybe one day, he could earn that kiss.

Earn her.